


Famous Last Words

by My_Trex_has_fleas



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Durincest, Dysfunctional Family, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, M/M, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-11
Updated: 2015-06-29
Packaged: 2018-03-22 08:33:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 98
Words: 158,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3722200
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/My_Trex_has_fleas/pseuds/My_Trex_has_fleas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>My first foray into Fiki inspired by Famous Last Words by My Chemical Romance.</p><p>Fili had been living with Frerin for the last seven years, with no contact with his family after being forced to leave. Out of the blue, he receives an invitation that he didn't expect.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Invitation

**Author's Note:**

> I've reduced the age difference to two years between Fili and Kil. Fili and Frerin both live in Dundee and work on the same oil rig. Dis. Thorin and Kili live down on the Erebor estate in Somerset.
> 
> Anyone want to chat or generally hang out? I am over on tumblr at mytrexhasfleas. Come on over and say hi :) I only bite if I'm asked to...

Fílí stared at the envelope in his hand. It had been in amongst the usual pile of crap left in their post box when Frérin had gone to get the post from the box in the entrance hall of their flat, and he’d been acting shifty as fuck when he came back. After living in such close quarters with his uncle for seven years Fílí was wise to his tells, and one look at Frérin’s face had told him something big was up. When he’d first arrived there’d been physical fights between them as Fílí worked out his anger and pain, and he’d quickly learned that Frérin was freakishly strong, pinning him down until the screaming and kicking and biting stopped. And now, even though Frérin might be twenty years older he was still built like an oak tree.

Fílí had also matured, and so he resisted the urge to simply rip the clutch of envelopes from Frérin’s hand, holding his own out instead in a wordless demand. Frérin frowned, his dark gold eyebrows drawn close together in an expression Fílí had always thought he’d inherited from his nameless father, but had realised he’d gotten from Frérin when they’d finally met. To be honest almost everything about him was Frérin, from the dark blond hair and clear blue eyes to the quicksilver temper. It had made things a lot easier with people simply assuming they were father and son, instead of uncle and nephew.

‘Kid,’ Frérin started, his voice full of concern, ‘I really don’t think you want to see this.’

‘Give it to me.’ Fílí said flatly.

‘It’s going to cause nothing but pain. You’ve come a long way and I think…’

‘Fuck what you think, give me the fucking letter.’ Fílí spat, a little more venomous than he’d intended. He was chastised by the hurt look Frérin gave him.

Frérin’s internal conflict played out on his face, clear for Fílí to read. Another bloody thing they had in common, both wearing their hearts on their sleeve for everyone to see. Reluctantly he fished an envelope from the back pocket of his jeans. It was folded in half, but it sprang back as he handed it to Fili. The envelope was thick and creamy white and Fílí could feel the quality of the paper.

‘Only the best for the Durin family.’ he said, resentment colouring his voice.

‘Fee.’ Frérin said gently, ‘You really don’t have to do this. I should have just thrown the fucking thing away. Give it back and we can do that, hell we can burn it and pretend it never arrived in the first place.’

‘Too late for that.’ Fílí muttered, still holding the letter. He swallowed noisily, the sick feeling in his stomach threatening to make him nauseous. This was the first communication in seven years, and he was pretty goddamned sure he knew what it was. Dis probably sent it, she’d always had a twisted sadistic side, which was not a sentiment he should have had for his own mother but there it was. He wanted to open it, but his hands were shaking so badly he eventually handed it back to Frérin.

‘You do it.’ he said, then walked to the sofa that took up most their tiny living room and sat down, elbows on knees and head in hands. He heard the ripping sound as Frérin opened the envelope, and chanced a look. Frérin held a single card, the same creamy white as the envelope. He was staring at it, and the look on his face turned the sick feeling into full on stomach cramps of fear and anticipation. Fílí honestly thought if he moved he would puke on the carpet, so he extended one hand and gestured for Frérin to give him the card. Frérin sighed in resignation and closed the distance, coming to sit next to Fílí on the sofa. He handed the card to him, then put his arm around Fili’s shoulders. Fílí leaned into the strong arm that had given him so much over the last seven years and looked at the card. He had to re-read the message several times before it finally sank in.

_Dís Durin and Thorin Durin request the honour of your presence at the marriage of their son and nephew Kílí Durin to Tauriel Woods, on Saturday the 10th May, at 6pm at the Erebor Estate._

That’s when Fílí lost it. He barely made it to the bathroom, falling to his knees and vomiting everything he’d eaten that morning into the toilet bowl with a violence that wrung spasms from his body. When he was done, he manage to reach up and flush the toilet, then collapsed back against the wall next to it. He ran a hand across his sweaty face and looked up at Frérin who was standing in the doorway, arms folded and nothing but empathy and sadness on his face.

‘So what are you going to do?’ he eventually asked, and Fílí gave a weak, mirthless laugh.

‘I’m fucking going, of course. And you’re coming with me, old man. If I’m going to vanquish my demons, I’m taking you down with me.’ 

‘Well, fuck.’ Frérin said, looking utterly defeated now, ‘I guess we better get packing.’


	2. Arrival

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something happens at Erebor and Fili is thrown out of the house and is sent to live with Frerin.

Seven years earlier.

Frérin parked his battered Land Rover and made a dash for the Pay and Display machine at the far end of the parking lot. He got a ticket and then raced back to the car, hood of his heavy parka pulled up over his fair hair. The cold Scottish rain was just heavy enough to be a nuisance, but not so heavy it needed an umbrella. Not that he owned one anyway. He checked the time scrawled in blue ballpoint on his palm. Fílí’s train was due in twenty minutes. He had wanted to be early, not wanting his nephew to arrive and be left to wait by himself on the platform.

He walked in through the glass fronted wall at the front that declared this to be Dundee Station in massive red letters. He was sure some twat at the planning office had thought it looked welcoming. He just thought it jarred slightly desperately against the persistently grey sky. He walked through the waiting hall, work boots squeaking slightly against the cream linoleum floor to a bank of red plastic chairs and took a seat and considered the events of the last week that had brought him to this point. Thorin was lucky that he was just coming off a three month shift, which meant a month at home at least. Frérin wasn’t even sure how the hell he had gotten his mobile number. But the second day of being back in Dundee he’d received a text from an unknown number.

_It’s happening again. Sending Fili to you. Arrives Saturday 11:30am. Thorin._

And that was it. Against his better judgement he’d tried calling the number back once. It had gone straight to voicemail and he didn’t bother leaving a message or calling it again. He knew well enough what the text message meant, so he’d cleared out the spare room, bought a single pine bed, mattress and bed linen from Ikea, and waited to meet his nephew for the first time. Unsure of what to expect he’d done some mental calculations. He had been nineteen when he’d left Erebor, run out of his own home the same way Fílí had apparently been. Fílí had been born a year later, the child of a one night stand that had been a less than happy situation for his father and mother. He of course only knew about this because his cousin Dwalin still kept in touch and had told him the news.

‘You should have seen the old man’s face.’ Dwalin had chuckled. Frérin could just imagine. His perfect little sister, with her dark Durin looks just like Thorin, had only been sixteen at the time. Dwalin has sent him a photo of the kid when he was five and Frerin had been shocked at what he saw. The kid was the fucking spitting image of him at that age with the Durin blue eyes, but blond and freckled. He looked like a cute little shit and Frérin had felt sad that he hadn’t even been able to meet him, although he was by now so well versed in suppressing his feelings where his family was concerned that this feeling was gone soon enough. Then, two years later, Dis had eloped with a junior partner from Thror’s firm and produced heir number two. This kid was more Durin than Fílí was, with their dark hair and Thror’s dark eyes. Dís had lumbered the unfortunate child with a matching moniker and called him Kílí.

The sound of a train pulling up to the platform jerked Frérin back to the present. He stood up, wincing a little at the stiffness in his knees. He waited as a trickle of people came through the ticket barrier, keeping a lookout for Fílí. He had asked Dwalin to send him a photo so he could identify him and Dwalin had obliged, sending a couple of a fairly average looking teenager in jeans, Converse and a blue hoodie. He seemed a little on the short side to Frérin, but Dwalin had mentioned the kid played rugby so he was obviously a lot tougher than he looked. The blond hair was short and neat, and Fílí had a friendly open face with a killer pair of dimples in the one picture where he was smiling. If it wasn’t for the current circumstances, Frérin would have bet that his nephew was a bit of a ladykiller.

The trickle of people came and went and Frérin was about to go in search of a train attendant to go look for the kid, when a slouching figure came through with a black duffle bag slung over one shoulder. It looked the same, jeans, Converse and hoodie. But this kid looked very different to the one in the picture. He was unhappy looking, no sign of those gorgeous dimples anywhere. He cast a quick look around the waiting area, his face wearing a scared, wary look that pulled at Frérin’s heart.

_Jesus kid, what did they put you through?_

Fílí’s eyes met his, a little flash of recognition in them. They moved towards each other, both equally uncertain. When they were a foot or so away they stopped and looked at each other. Frérin had to admit he was shocked at just how much like him Fílí looked, and knew that feeling was being reciprocated by the mirroring expression on Fílí’s face. The kid had deep shadows under his eyes, so dark they looked like bruises and his colour was wan under the sprinkle of light freckles across his nose.

‘You look like shit.’ Frérin said without thinking and then mentally kicked himself for his thoughtless words. To his surprise though, there was a little flicker of movement at the corner of Fílí’s mouth, a hint of dimple.

‘Thanks,’ he replied, ‘I feel like shit.’

‘Then I think we should get the fuck out of here and get you home.’ Frérin said, reaching out for the duffle bag. ‘Is this it?’

‘That’s all he would let me bring.’ Fílí said, his voice breaking a little. Frérin felt a surge of rage so powerful that he knew that if Thorin had been standing in front of him at that moment he would have knocked the fucker’s teeth clear down his throat. He put the duffle bag on the floor and pulled the kid into a hug, holding him tightly. Fílí stiffened at first, but then Frérin felt him relax into the hug, tentative arms coming up to return it as the boy began to shake. Frérin held on to him and let him cry, dry broken sobs, into his shoulder.


	3. Run

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The start of the events that lead up to Fili being thrown out of the house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmmmmm, I appear to have had a bit of a day. Sibling incest warning here, even though it should be blatantly obvious by now.

Eight years ago.

It started with a look. That was all it took, one look of the wrong kind at the wrong time. Later, once he had the endless hours on the rig to analyse everything, Fílí wasn’t even sure who had made the first move. All he knew was it had started with that damn look. He’d come out of the shower of his en-suite bathroom at home and been irritated because he’d forgotten to grab a clean towel from the linen cupboard on the landing. His old one was still hanging on the end of his bed, so he’d padded naked and wet from the shower into his bedroom to retrieve it. He hadn’t been expecting his seventeen year old brother to be lying on his bed on his stomach flipping through one of his Walking Dead graphic novels. He also hadn’t expected to see said brother look up in shock and then almost immediately drop his gaze to the vicinity of Fílí’s cock. And he sure as fuck hadn’t expected the look of pure unbridled heat he’d gotten when Kílí had looked back up at him. The shock must have shown on his face because, even as he was grabbing the towel off the footboard and yelling at Kílí for invading his privacy, Kílí had practically fallen off the bed in his hurry to escape. 

But neither of them forgot that look. 

Things started to become uncomfortable between them. They’d always been close enough in age to be friends as well as brothers, even if Kílí was blatantly the favourite. But now everything was painfully obvious to them, as if even simple little expressions and their normal closeness had been thrown into sharp relief. They started avoiding each other’s gaze, knowing that if their eyes locked for too long that look might find its way back again. They stopped interacting physically, flinching even at the accidental bump of shoulders at the kitchen counter or brush of hands if they both reached for the salt at the same, something they were inclined to do. It was a weird little leftover from their childhood, where Kílí had adored Fílí to the extent that he had taken to copying everything he did. 

Fílí was a healthy nineteen year old male, and no stranger to wet dreams. But now those dreams had taken a sinister turn, full of thick dark hair and brown eyes that looked at him the same way they had done on that fateful evening. The hands and mouth he felt on his body and on his cock in those secret nocturnal yearnings morphed into his brother’s, and it was driving him to madness under the emotional strain. And he knew it was happening to Kílí as well. There were one too many mornings where they ran into each other as they were coming out of their respective bedrooms only to catch each other’s eye and then blush furiously. But they never discussed it with each other, never mind anyone else. Perhaps, Fílí thought, if they had the tension between them would have dispersed. But they didn’t and it festered and grew until it reached breaking point. And then of course, the inevitable happened.

He had taken to hiding from his brother. There was an old Victorian potting shed right down at the limits of the formal gardens on the estate, just before the Durin property became woodland. It was a red brick building with a line of beautifully intricate windows set into cast iron. Fílí had set up camp inside. There was still a weird little potbellied stove inside that he cleared out, and he’d found some long abandoned pool furniture including an old canvas and aluminium tubing recliner from the eighties. He’d dragged it off, along with a cool box for his cans of Coke or beers. He’d also hidden his stash of cigarettes down there, something that Dís and Thorin disproved of most vehemently. Down here he could smoke and think in peace and quiet, read what Kílí called his weird-ass sci-fi shit. It was also the place where he would come and jerk off while thinking about his brother, indulging in every twisted fantasy he could think of while he moaned and grunted, sometimes sprawled out on the recliner and sometimes standing, resting his back against the wall. His shed stash soon included a bottle of lube and box of tissues for clean up, but he hid these in a shoe box, too mortified to keep them where he could see them. It took the edge off though and he was able to interact with Kílí again with a degree of normalcy. He should have known it wouldn’t last. Kílí had always been a curious little shit, and as persistent as hell when he wanted something. Fílí wasn’t sure how long he’d been watching him, or even how he’d found out about the shed. He’d never seen him following him, and Kílí wasn’t exactly sneaky. 

It was a spring afternoon, one of those when the rain just kept coming on and off, drenching everything and making it smell heady and lush. Fílí couldn’t stand it anymore. The rain had been on and off for three days. He was on half term from university and desperately needed some space. Too much of Kílí had made him ratty and snappish. This was mostly because, since he came back at the beginning of the week, it felt like something had changed. Kílí seemed to be taking every opportunity to be in his space, leaning over him at the table, or crowding him on the sofa. 

So Fílí had escaped during a break in the weather, almost running down to the shed, but the rain caught him. He was pretty much wet through by the time he got there, so he stripped off his hoodie and t-shirt off, chucking them down on the recliner before grabbing the lube. He’d undone his jeans and practically yanked them down around his hips, freeing his already hard cock. He’d leaned back heavily against the wall, enjoying the coolness of the brick against his seemingly overheated body. The first touch of his cool, slick hand against himself had been beyond heavenly and he’d closed his eyes, setting a leisurely pace, not bothering to stifle the noises he made. It had been a complete and utter surprise to feel another hand wrap over his. His eyes had flown open to see Kílí standing right in front of him, black t-shirt soaked and clinging to his lanky body, highlighting every dip and curve of those broad shoulders and strong arms he’d gotten from archery. His thick dark hair was wet, hanging in haphazard ringlets around his face and, oh yes, there was the look. His dark eyes were almost glowing with heat. 

Fílí had gasped audibly and tried to pull his hand away, but Kílí’s grip on his hand and his cock was like iron. He met Fílí’s eyes and then started moving his hand with Fílí’s, slowly at first but then faster, until Fílí lost control and abandoned himself to the act. He wanted to close his eyes, look away but that gaze held him captive. He could hear them both breathing heavily now, and Kílí crowded in close enough for them to be panting into each other’s mouths. Fílí hadn’t had much experience but he was far from virginal. This though, this superceded everything he had done before, effectively erasing every other partner he’d ever had from his mind. It didn’t take long but it felt like forever, the dual heat and pressure of both their hands bringing Fílí to the most intense climax he had ever had before. After the shaking of his body had calmed, Kílí leaned in and kissed him on the mouth. In that moment Fílí had realised that they were both irretrievably, irrevocably and, if he said so himself, royally fucked.


	4. Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Three weeks after Fili arrives, he and Frerin have a talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everybody who has given kudos and comments. They are greatly appreciated :)

Frérin left Fílí alone for three weeks. He let him settle in and relax into a domestic routine that was distinctly average. He helped Fílí sort out his transfer to Dundee University, got him a new laptop while having to shush the kid’s fervent promises to pay him back and took him shopping for stuff that made the kid’s bedroom look a little more homely. It had been weird, he had never had to look after anyone but himself and this new domesticity was awkward. Fílí for his part was quiet and polite, not making any demands except a meek request for Frérin to buy fruit and chocolate Weetabix when they went to the supermarket. He ate every shitty thing Frérin cooked and put in front of him without complaint, Frérin’s repertoire being pretty much limited to pasta and sauce out of a jar. At night he would retreat to his room, where Frérin would often find him asleep with his earbuds still in and the book he was reading open on his lap. 

It was clear the kid was emotionhally exhausted, even if he was starting to look like himself again. Fílí was a bottler, just like he was, and he knew from long experience what keeping all the emotion inside would eventually do to him. When Frérin had first come to Dundee, it had been because he wanted to get as far away from Erebor as possible after being given the shove by his family. He’d found it comfortingly anonymous here, a place where an nineteen year old student could go out and get drunk beyond standing, pick fights and get his tension out that way. But that had not been healthy for both his body and his mind. When he’d had his wrist broken, and ended up in A & E only for the attending nurse to look at him and say ‘Oh, you again.’, he’d known it was time to stop.

He wouldn’t let Fílí get to the same stage if he could help it. So he knew that if they were going to make any kind of progress, he would have to broach the subject and deal with the emotional fallout that would invariably follow. He waited for Friday night, coming home with a case of Carlsberg and two Tescos pizzas. He was pleased to see that Fílí had cleaned the flat without prompting, and was grateful. He was a self-confessed pig, but his nephew was almost obsessive about keeping things clean. He knew part of it was a nervous tic created by the current situation, but he wasn’t going to complain and it seemed to soothe the kid.

At dinner he’d offered Fílí a beer. Fílí had taken it, but nursed it through the meal and beyond until it was warm. Frérin noticed that he wasn’t exactly comfortable drinking around him, and wondered if alcohol had played a part in the events that had led to him being here. But tonight he needed Fílí to loosen up enough for him to do what he needed him to do. It wasn’t going to be pleasant breaking him down, and the alcohol would make it easier.So he replaced Fílí’s beer with a cold one, then another and another. He could see the alcohol starting to take effect, with Fílí starting to finally relax and prayed that his next actions wouldn’t blow the tentative trust that he’d built up all week.

They were both on the sofa and the telly was on, but neither of them was really paying attention. Frérin gave his nephew a sidelong glance, took a deep breath and jumped straight in the deep end.

‘I know why you’re here.’ he said. The gulp of breath next to him was audible, but he resisted to urge to look at Fílí’s face. There was an uncomfortably long silence, then he finally spoke.

‘Thorin told you.’ Frérin looked at him. Fílí was the picture of guilt, shame and defeat all rolled up into one dysfunctional package, head down and shoulders bowed. 

‘No,’ he replied, ‘he didn’t need to.’ He fished his mobile out of his pocket, scrolling to the text Thorin had sent him, and then passed the phone to Fílí, who read the message, confusion on his face.

‘What does he mean by ‘it’s happening again’?’ he asked. Frérin didn’t reply, just took a pull on his beer and took out a packet of cigarettes from his pocket. He lit two and passed one to Fílí, who hesitated, then took it, dragging long and letting the smoke blow out with a deep sigh. Frérin knew a secret smoker when he saw one, but this was the first time they had both acknowledged their dirty little habit. God knew it was not the only one they would be divulging tonight. He waited until the realisation slowly began to dawn on Fílí’s face.

‘You and Thorin?’ he asked, disbelief in his voice.

‘Yes, me and Thorin.’ Frérin replied, suddenly aware of how tired he felt saying those words. It was something he had never really dealt with, and the burden he had carried for so long was a heavy one.

‘Motherfucker.’ Fílí breathed, and Frérin wasn’t sure if he was talking about Thorin or the situation in general.

‘Not quite accurate,’ he said, letting the sarcasm out, ‘I think you’ll find brother fucker is what you’re looking for.’ The shocked look on Fílí’s face made him hold his breath, not sure what to anticipate. He waited, preparing for Fílí to lash out, scream, swear or do anything. However, the reaction he got was not the one he’d been expecting.

Fílí started laughing. It was a beautiful laugh, joyous and light and heart felt. It blew Frérin away completely and his look of utter surprise only made Fílí laugh harder. The dimples in his cheeks sprang to life, and he bent over with the effort, trying to stifle it a little but only ending up snorting. This was so ridiculous, that Frérin found himself responding. He hadn’t laughed so openly in years, but now found that he couldn’t stop. He laughed with Fílí until they were both incoherent, tears running down their faces. Every time they would get it under control, one of them would crack and it would start all over again, until they were practically howling. 

‘Enough.’ Frérin said eventually, holding his side where a stitch had developed from the unfamiliar pull, ‘You’re going to give me a fucking coronary.’ They quietened down, laughs subduing.

‘Jesus Christ on a fucking bicycle.’ Fílí said, wiping his eyes on his sleeve, ‘Our family is so fucked up.’ 

‘Kid,’ Frérin replied still snickering a little, ‘you really have no fucking idea.’

He went to bed a little cheered that night, feeling the strange feeling of the emotionally isolated when they finally have someone who gets all the shit they are dealing with. He slept well, not tossing and turning like he normally did. In the morning when he got up, awoken by delicious smells, he found Fílí in the kitchen making bacon and scrambled eggs. Fílí gave him a smile as he sat down, dishing up food onto two plates, sticking toast on the side and bringing them to the table. He handed one to Frérin, before putting his own down and sitting opposite. He pushed a glass and the orange juice across once he’d poured some for himself, and Frérin took it. They ate in silence for a while, until Frérin spoke.

‘This is good.’ he said, ‘I didn’t know you could cook.’

‘Hidden talent.’ Fílí said, ‘I appreciate your efforts, but your food is shit.’ Frérin raised his glass and gave him a mock toast.

‘Consider yourself nominated chief cook and bottle washer then.’ He replied, and Fílí snorted. A few more minutes passed, and Frérin could feel something starting to hang in the air between them. 

‘Ask.’ he said, and Fílí looked at him.

‘How long?’ he asked.

‘How long what?’ Frérin asked back, feigning ignorance. Fílí’s eyes narrowed defiantly and that made Frérin’s heart soar. They hadn’t cowed him completely, this kid was a lot stronger than they had given him credit for.

‘How long were you and Thorin fucking?’ he asked and there was a sharp little bite in his voice. 

‘About a year.’ Frérin replied, not giving any quarter, ‘How long were you and Kílí fucking?’

‘About the same.’ Fílí replied. They stared at each other across the table, two mirror images separated only by time. 

‘Do you know about the Erebor curse?’ Frérin asked, and Fílí shook his head. ‘You’d better get comfortable then, we have a shitload to talk about.’


	5. Plan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All of this has been pretty Fili-centric so far, so here's what Kili is getting up to in the run up to the wedding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the reads and kudos guys! 
> 
> Not beta'd so any mistakes are mine.
> 
> These characters are not mine, I'm just borrowing them.

Two weeks before the wedding

Gimli and Kílí stood down at the edge of the ornamental lake in the formal gardens of Erebor. Gimli was rolling the blunt quickly and expertly, his fingers used to doing this. Kílí had always envied him this simple talent. His own slender fingers were adept at pulling a bow and nocking an arrow, but when he tried to roll the weed went everywhere. This usually meant Gimli started bitching so they had long ago decided that Kílí would buy the weed and Gimli would roll it. Finally done, Gimli stuck the blunt in his mouth and Kílí leant over, flicking his battered brass Zippo open and lighting it for him. His cousin took a deep drag, holding it and then exhaling twin plumes of smoke from his nose. It made him look a little like a dragon. Gimli took another hit, then handed it across. 

They were all starting to assemble at Erebor, the whole damn Durin clan plus assorted cousins and family friends. And if he was honest, Kílí was starting to shit himself just a little bit. Having the wedding at Erebor had been Thorin’s idea, although Thranduil had been more than happy to go along with this, possibly anticipating the staggering expense his adopted daughter’s wedding might incur if they held it at an outside venue. The merger (ha ha) of two of England’s biggest business dynasties was not something that could be done with a simple trip to the registry office, oh no. So for the last month there had been a daily assault by Dís, Thorin and Thranduil with regards to who was coming, what was going to be eaten, drunk, played and worn until Kílí felt his head was going to explode. Tauriel took it all in her stride, serene expression firmly in place. But he couldn’t. This was why he was down at the lake with Gimli, smoking weed like a couple of teenagers and whining about their family. Tauriel would have been appalled if she’d seen him. She was a total health nut - he wasn’t even allowed to smoke regular cigarettes around her, never mind this. 

He ran one hand through his thick dark hair. It was cut a little shorter than he liked, allowing it to curl in a way that he hated but which his mother and future wife apparently found adorable. He looked across at Gimli’s long red plait enviously. Gimli caught the look and chuckled. He could read Kílí so well, he didn’t even need to ask. They had been close before Kílí had found himself with a great big Fílí shaped hole in his life, and best friends after. Gimli knew everything about him, even why his brother was no longer around, and had never judged him. 

‘You do realise in two weeks she’s going to own your arse legally as well as your hair.’ he said, grinning in that infuriating way of his.

‘Fuck off.’ Kílí said, flicking ash at him. He was depressed enough as it was. They smoked in silence, bouncing the blunt back and forth between them. In spite of the weed, Kílí was still as uptight as fuck. He’d been yelled at by his mother and Tauriel both that day, firstly for turning up to the suit fitting that morning still a little drunk and secondly for not being able to decide on the first dance. He hadn’t realised just how similar they were until they’d been together in the same place this last month. Now he saw it everywhere he looked and it terrified the shit out of him. He sighed, digging the toe of his trainer into the ground, flipping up the loose soil. 

‘So everyone should be here by Friday.’ Gimli said, and he nodded.

‘Yeah, the whole three ring circus will be in town.’ Gimli gave him a look.

‘Is Fílí coming?’

‘I don’t think he’s been invited. Can you imagine? Hey Tauriel, this is my big brother Fílí who you’ve never met or even heard about. Oh, by the way we used to fuck before you came on the scene. Jesus, Thorin and Dís would have a conniption.’ 

‘Well you can’t exactly blame them.’ Gimli said mildly, ‘I think most people in the world would have a problem with the fact that you were having sex with your brother.’ 

‘You didn’t.’

‘True, but not everyone is live and let live like I am. And believe me, if I had known what the two of you were up to at the time I would probably have done my best to stop it before it got out of hand.’

Kílí killed the blunt under the heel of his trainer, reaching into his back pocket and pulling out the small plastic bag and chucking it to Gimli, who obediently began rolling another one. 

‘It wasn’t just fucking, you know.’ he said, ‘I was too young to know it then, but I know it now. I was in love with him. I still am.’

‘Then why in the ever loving fuck are you marrying Tauriel?’

‘Lots of reasons. She’s gorgeous, she’s pretty cool and she gets me. She’s the best second choice I could ever have. I’d be stupid not to take it.’ 

‘Even if you never love her the way you love him?’ Gimli asked, his face sceptical. They had had this conversation before though, and he knew the pat answers Kílí was going to give him. 

‘It’ll just have to be enough.’ Kílí said, and his voice was small and sad. ‘It’s not like I’m ever going to get him back.’ He stuck his hands in his pocket running his fingers over the Zippo, finger tracing the engraved date on the back, his birthday. The Zippo had been his eighteenth birthday present from Fílí, and later that night when their family was asleep they had snuck down to the shed and Fílí had given him his other present. 

Across from him Gimli watched him thoughtfully, a plan hatching in his slightly drugged up mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh, Gimli you sneaky little bugger. What are you thinking?


	6. Child

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The events leading up to Kili's eighteenth birthday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it has been established that this is not just hijinks, they actually both really love each other. I had to promise WetheRebelSkies that I wouldn't torture them too much, so this is for you and your wonderful optimism Rebel :)

Eight years ago

‘No.’ Fílí said, not even bothering to look up from his book.

‘Come on Fee.’ Kílí wheedled, putting on his best puppy dog expression, the one usually guaranteed to get Fílí eating out of his hand. ‘I’m like the last virgin in my class. It's embarrassing.’ 

‘Nobody ever died of embarrassment Kee. I very much doubt you will be the first.’

‘How about dying of sexual frustration. I bet that is possible.’ Kílí grumbled, pulling his hood over his head and slumping down on the bed next to Fílí. They were in his room, while he was trying to study for an exam he was writing the following week and which was making him extremely crabby. First year Engineering was officially kicking his arse. It had been nine months since the incident in the shed, as Fílí referred to it, and he’d managed to get him to extend their repertoire to handjobs at the same time, rubbing up against each other and even blowjobs in the last two months, but Fílí was still refusing to go all the way with him. He’d begged, pleaded, bribed and threatened but nada. 

‘Can’t you go watch porn and have a wank or something.’ Fílí said, shoving Kílí’s hands away as they started to wander. ‘I’m busy studying.’

‘You could study me. I’d make a much more interesting subject.’ Kílí said, plucking the text book from his hands and straddling his hips. The problem with being almost eighteen was that he was horny pretty much all the fucking time. He ground down against Fílí, hoping he would notice his hard-on and do something about it. Fílí heaved a long suffering sigh and looked up at him, a look of fond indulgence on his face. ‘Come on Fee, all the adults are out.’ 

‘That doesn’t automatically mean you get to play.’ he replied, shivering a little as Kílí worked his hands under his t-shirt and ran them over his stomach. He knew he was fighting a losing battle but he was just too bloody stubborn to admit it. Kílí grinned and made his fingers into claws, scraping his nails over Fílí’s chest and getting a little gasp in return. He could feel Fílí starting to get hard under him, and upped the ante, rocking his hips once, twice until Fílí’s hands went to his waist, pulling him down as he thrust up to meet him. Jackpot. He dropped his head, licking once at Fílí’s mouth before kissing him hard, pushing his mouth open with his tongue. They’d had a lot of practise at this in the last nine months and he knew just how to get Fílí going. 

‘You little fucker.’ Fílí moaned when he let him come up for air. ‘I really can’t do this now.’

‘So make me a better offer and I’ll go away.’ Kílí said sweetly, falling to one side and shoving his hand down the front of Fílí’s sweatpants, wrapping it around his cock. He watched in fascination as his normally controlled big brother started to writhe helplessly, almost drunk on the rush it gave him. Watching Fílí get off because of him was almost better than getting off himself. Almost. He kept his hand slow, watching as Fílí’s pupils dilated noticeably. He started rubbing his own erection against Fílí’s hip, his breath starting to come hard and fast.

‘All right, you fucking win.’ Fílí hissed as Kílí swept his thumb over the head of his cock. ‘Next week.’

‘On my birthday?’ Kílí asked, delighted. ‘Do you want to fuck me or do I fuck you?’ He moved his hand faster now, loving the way Fílí was thrusting up into his hand.

‘Either.’ Fílí managed, ‘It’s your fucking birthday so we can do whatever you want, however you want. Now fucking finish me or I’m taking it all back.’ Kílí laughed and did as he was told.

It seemed to take forever to get to his birthday. Thorin and Dís had gone overboard as usual, throwing him a massive party with their whole family invited. Honestly, all he wanted was to spend the day with Fílí, eat junk food and watch crappy movies until it got dark enough to drag his brother down to the shed and fuck the living daylights out of him. Instead he was stuck with a fucking formal party for Christ’s sakes with a bunch of people he really didn’t want to see, including the adopted daughter of Thorin’s business associate who he kept trying to make meaningful introductions to. 

‘I’m not wearing a fucking suit.’ he stated mutinously at breakfast the day before.

‘Fine,’ said Thorin from behind his broadsheet. He was far too used to Kílí’s dramatic assertions, and was now completely immune to them.

‘And I’m not dancing with fucking Tauriel.’

‘But she’s lovely.’ Dís protested, buttering toast. Kílí exchanged glances with Fílí, who was giving him a smug grin. Thorin and Dís might have ignored him most of the time, but that also meant he wasn’t subjected to their matchmaking. 

‘I don’t care. It’s my eighteenth, I’m getting drunk with Fee and Gimli and then passing out in a pool of my own sick. Everyone else can just find their own fun.’

‘Charming.’ Thorin said, lowering the newspaper enough to raise one elegantly arched eyebrow at him. 

The morning of his birthday was cold and crisp. Being a December baby had its advantages, like being able to have cool winter themed parties in the enormous listed greenhouse. He woke up early for a change, practically leaping out of bed and then opening the door. The house was completely quiet. Kílí tiptoed down the hallway to Fílí’s room, cracking open the door and spying the shock of unruly blond hair that stuck up over the top of the duvet. Unlike his hair, which was wavy but silky in texture, Fee’s hair was thick like animal fur. Kílí loved to run his fingers through it, grab and tug it lightly. He approached the bed, stifling giggles like a small child. When he got close enough he crouched down next to Fílí, and blew in the ear that was exposed. There was muttering and shifting, and Kílí waited for it to stop before he did it again, dodging the half-hearted swipe easily. He leaned in, licking the ear and Fílí yelped in surprise, one hand shooting out and grabbing Kílí’s wrist, practically dragging him into the bed with him. 

‘Morning Fee.’ Kílí said, grinning as he got nose to nose with him. 

‘Ratbag.’ Fílí grumbled, but he wrapped his arms around Kílí, snuggling into him. ‘If it wasn’t your birthday I’d kick your arse.’ 

‘Now, now.’ Kílí chided, ‘I think the fact that it is my birthday means you have to be nice to me all day.’ 

‘Maybe.’ They lay together, Fílí a warm, dead weight next to him. Kílí decided to chance his arm, and gave him a dig in the ribs.

‘Sooooo, present?’ he asked meaningfully. 

‘Check under the pillow, dickhead.’ Kílí shoved his hand under it, ignoring Fílí’s protest at having his head jostled. He withdrew a small box wrapped in silver paper and smiled eagerly. Their presents were usually small things, leaving the extravagance to Dís and Thorin. He scratched at it, ripping the paper and extracting the box. He opened it to find a shiny brass Zippo inside and grinned like a maniac. He had greatly coveted Fílí’s own, but had not bought one himself because he knew his brother would. 

‘Turn it over.’ Fílí said, sleepy blue eyes watching his every move. Kílí did, noting the engraved date and the intertwined F and K on the back. 

‘It’s beautiful, Fee.’ he breathed. 

‘Yeah, well milestones are important and should be commemorated.’ Fílí said, and Kílí knew he wasn’t just talking about his birthday. He leaned in and kissed Kílí gently, making them both shudder. 

‘I love you Fee.’ Kílí said, when they parted.

‘I love you too, Kee.’ he answered, and Kílí thought it was a good thing his heart was confined to his chest because it felt like it was about to fly away from him forever.


	7. Conspiritors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gimli starts to put his master plan into action with the help of a familiar pair of faces.

13 days before the Wedding

Dwalin, awoke to the sound of his mobile vibrating. He stretched and moaned loudly at the pull in his lower back. The brat he was stepping out with (seeing? fucking? – who knew what the kids called it these days), had managed to convince him that bottoming from the top would be an excellent idea and allow him to rest his quote “poor old bones”. Dwalin could, of course, not let that one go, so he’d done his best to pound the shit out of the little minx. But he was most definitely paying the price for that folly this morning. He could hear the sound of the shower and a horribly high pitched and off key rendition of Dancing Queen and snorted with laughter. The kid could be an absolute cliché some days.   
He reached for the mobile, taking a moment to focus, before giving in and grabbing the reading glasses lying on the bedside table. He saw the incoming call was from Gimli and answered with a grunt.

‘I’m sorry, ‘came the snappy reply, ‘could you say that again in English?’

‘What do you want G?’ Dwalin asked, extending his feet as far as they could go and attempting to wrap his toes around the iron bars of the footboard. In fairness Ori’s room looked like a cheap bordello. 

‘You at Ori’s?’

‘Maybe.’

‘Of course you are. You sound like you had seven shades of shit fucked out of you.’

‘Your father must be so proud of your vocabulary.’

‘Bollocks. His language is worse than mine, and Mum’s got both of us beaten.’

‘Your mother is a queen amongst women,’ he replied, rolling over onto his side and swinging his legs over the side of the bed, ‘I’ll not hear a word said against her.’ He heard the shower switch off, and the object of his attentions came out a few minutes later, naked except for a towel turban of magnificent proportions. Dwalin ogled him shamelessly and was treated to a rendition of the Dance of the Seven Veils, if it could be done with a cotton bath sheet from Sainsburys. 

‘Stay there. I’m on my way. I need a favour.’ Before Dwalin could reply the phone went dead. He gave it an affronted glare. Ori grinned and drooped down on the bed next to him.

‘What did he want?’ he asked and Dwalin had to resist the urge to roll back onto the bed and kiss every last freckle on that gorgeous pale skin. 

‘A favour.’ he said, giving Ori an affectionate swat on the arse. ‘Get up and get dressed. He’s on his way over.’

Gimli arrived with three coffees and a box of Krispy Kremes. Ori made loud noises of appreciation and immediately stuffed a donut in his face. Dwaling accepted his coffee and donut with the sober expression of a king accepting a courtier’s favour and gestured for Gimli to sit down. Ori snuggled up against Dwalin, feet tucked under him like a child, and Dwalin found himself wondering for the hundredth time how a grizzly old bear like him had ended up with such an adorable creature. He was a lucky man. 

‘So,’ Ori said, licking sugar off his fingers, ‘what dastardly scheme are you hatching this time. Drag strippers for Kílí’s stag party?’

‘Actually I was thinking of paintball and an excessive amount of drinking.’ Gimli said.

‘Jesus Christ,’ Dwalin grumbled, ‘didn’t we learn our lesson the last time? I don’t think people my age are supposed to get hit in the cock that many times. It’ll fuck up my urinary tract.’

And we certainly couldn’t have that.’ Ori smirked. Gimli rolled his eyes at them, and then surprised them both by becoming alarmingly serious. 

‘That’s not what I wanted to talk to you about. You both know this is going to be a total fuck up, right?’

‘What do you mean?’ Ori asked.

‘I mean the fact that we have a situation where one of the two people getting married is not completely emotionally invested in the decision.’ Gimli said, giving Dwalin a meaningful look. He knew Dwalin talked to Ori about their family. It was one of the things that had bought them together in the first place, playing the game of my-family-is-more-screwed-up-than-your-family. He wasn’t exactly sure of just how much of the Fílí/Kílí saga Ori was privy to. He was a fairly recent addition to their circle, having been in the year as Kílí at university. He’d been far from home, and Kílí had done what he so often did and dragged him home with him on weekends. Ori had been pretty overwhelmed by the whole really wealthy family thing. His own was only a step above working class. He had two brothers, one of whom was a small business owner and the other a confirmed criminal with enough petty crime to his name to fill a very interesting book, with Ori the first one to go to university. So, Gimli was pretty sure that he would be down with the whole brothers not speaking thing, it was the brothers having sex thing that worried him. He decided to take a chance.

‘How much does he know?’ he said to Dwalin directly. Dwalin frowned.

‘Nothing actually. I didn’t think it was a topic of conversation that was for public consumption.’ Ori looked from one to the other.

‘What the fuck are you two talking about?’ he asked. Gimli gave Dwalin a look. Dwalin gave a resigned sigh and leaned back against the sofa.

‘He’s talking about Fílí.’ He said to Ori.

‘Who’s Fílí?’ he asked. 

‘Kílí’s brother.’ Dwalin said, his eyes not leaving Gimli’s, ‘He’s also the reason Kílí’s not emotionally invested in this marriage.’ 

‘Why? That doesn’t make any sense.’

‘It does when you know that the reason Kílí doesn’t actually love Tauriel is because he’s in love with his brother.’ Gimli said and waited for the look of shock, disgust or something else on Ori’s face. To his astonishment it never came. Instead there was a look of someone who had just had things fall into place and suddenly understood everything a little better. 

‘I’ll explain it all later.’ Dwalin said, and Ori nodded. ‘So how do we fit into this?’

‘Well I need some help with some things. This can’t go forward. It’s going to fuck Kee up forever if we don’t do something. I can’t just stand by and watch that happen.’ Dwalin considered this. 

‘All right.’ he said eventually, ‘What do you need G?’ Gimli gave him a grateful smile.

‘First, I need an address.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't get over how cute Dwalin and Ori would be together. AAArrrggghh!!!


	8. Homecoming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The trip to Erebor.

10 Days before the wedding

Fílí leaned back against the Land Rover and lit his cigarette, flicking the silver Zippo closed and shoving it in his front pocket. He scanned the parking lot at the services, watching for Frérin to come back with lunch. They had stopped about halfway on their trip from Dundees down to Somerset, having been on the road for a good six hours already. They’d been alternating the driving duties with him taking the first three hour shift because Frérin was completely insensible in the mornings which was why he was frequently on the night shift when they were on the rig. He’d help Fílí pack the car at four am then happily snoozed alongside him all the way from Dundee to Carlisle, before waking up abruptly and demanding food, coffee and a cigarette. They’d found a place to stop, and eaten bacon rolls and drank cheap tasting service stop coffee while they sat on a bench at the side of the parking lot and watched the sun come up. There had been very little conversation between them, they lived together too long to be intimidated by silence. Then Frérin had taken the next shift which had gotten them as far as the outskirts of Manchester which is where they were now. 

There had been extensive debate the day before about whether to take one or two days to drive, what route to take, whose music to listen to and whether they should even fucking go in the first place. He and Frérin had bounced from mania to morbid depression at least twenty different times, driving each other crazy and hurling more even foul language than was usually heard in their flat. Fílí was so stressed at one point that he’d chain smoked all three packs of cigarettes he had and had to go out for more in the middle of the night. He’d woken up with a cough like an eighteenth century miner that morning, but started smoking again almost immediately. 

A familiar figure caught his eye, and he saw Frérin coming back, brown paper bags in hand. Fílí ground out the cigarette and waited for him to get to the car. Frérin handed him the bag.

‘Big Mac and Coke as requested. I can’t believe you eat that shit.’

‘Better than yours.’ Fílí retorted, taking the food and getting in the car. 

‘Oh, contraire Grasshopper. I’ll have you know bacon and sausage baps are the nectar of the gods.’

‘You had bacon for breakfast, old man.’

‘And I’ll probably have it again for supper when Thorin takes one look at us and banishes us to the fucking Premier Inn.’ They ate their food in silence, before putting the windows down and lighting up. Fílí lifted his arms above his head, stretching his shoulders, before rolling his head and listening to the satisfying noise of his neck clicking. 

‘You going to get some sleep?’ Frérin asked, and he shook his head.

‘I’m awake now, might as well stay that way. I’m too keyed up to sleep.’

‘You nervous?’ Frérin asked.

‘Shit scared is more like it.’ he answered. 

‘Yeah, me too.’

The next shift was from Manchester to Birmingham down the M6. They stopped once more just outside Manchester to fill up the Landie and get a four pack of Red Bull and more cigarettes. Then the big push down on to the M5 and into Somerset. Frérin had started to flag around Worcester, so Fílí had bullied him into letting him drive the rest of the way. The closer they were getting, the more freaked out he was becoming and driving allowed him not to think about the reception they would get when they arrived. It was just starting to get dark, so he pushed his sunglasses up on his head and focused on the road. Next to him Frérin was looking distractedly out the window, one knee jogging up and down with nerves and Fílí suppressed a smile at yet another shared habit. He wondered at the mystery of genetics that had allowed him to turn out so much like a man he had never met when he was a child. He gave Frérin a sidelong glance, feeling an overwhelming surge of love for the man next to him who had been the truest version of a father he’d ever had. 

The road to Erebor took them through the countryside north of Bath, around on the M4 and then into the woodlands on the A46 as far as Hawkesbury. Then it was a series of single lane roads that led through overhanging bowers of trees, with glimpses of fields and paddocks behind them, everything turned golden in the dying light. Fílí found himself surprised at how nothing at all seemed to have changed, as if this part of the English countryside had been trapped in amber. The road started to bend and wind. Next to him Frérin had dropped off again and was snoring softly. 

They eventually reached the estate. Fílí knew they were there when he spied the low crumbling brick wall running along the left side of the road. A memory flashed in his mind of him and Kílí crouching together by that wall, looking for bugs and tiny lizards that lived in the crack. The wall eventually led to a monumentally large pair of iron gates, surmounted by a pedestal that bore the stone likenesses of ravens and lions. He slowed the car and indicated, not sure why he was doing so as there was no-one else on the road behind him. It was dark now, and there were no lights on the drive up to the house, but he didn’t need any. He followed the avenue of gracefully inclined oak trees, seeing pin pricks of light ahead that came from Erebor itself.

And then, there it was. A Georgian manor house, magnificently constructed in light stone and glass. The façade was classical, with a set of four columns in the middle, and two wings stretching out behind. It was three storeys high, with a blaze of light coming from the three lines of seven windows. 

Fílí pulled the Land Rover into the right side of the gravel turning circle in front of the house that went around the fountain which was topped with a bronze dragon spouting water. There were already a multitude of cars parked, and he guessed that most of the family had probably already arrived. Fílí parked and then gently shook Frérin awake.  
‘We’re here.’ he said. Frérin looked around him blearily, rubbing his eyes. They got out of the car and took a moment to look up at the house.

‘Jesus, it looks exactly the same.’ Fílí said, wiping his already sweaty palms on his jeans.

‘The more things change, the more they stay the same kid.’ Frérin said, ‘You ready to go in and say hello to your demons.’

‘Fuck no.’ Fílí replied, ‘But it’s starting to get chilly and I don’t feel like freezing my arse off in the car.’ They looked at each other, then by mutual unspoken agreement went to the front door. Fílí rang the bell and they waited. After what seemed like an eternity the door opened and light and noise spilled out, and they stepped inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I need a dramatic chipmunk moment here :)


	9. Holiday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little snapshot of Fili and Frerin's life together, along with their mutual obsessions.

Two years ago 

Frérin stretched and pulled his arm from under the man next to him. He checked to see if he was still sleeping then got out of bed quietly, padding to the bathroom and closing the door behind him. He had a shower, brushed his teeth to get rid of the taste of tequila and semen and then threw on a pair of red board shorts that he’d hung on the towel rail to dry after he and Fílí had gone swimming the day before. He caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror as he passed, and gave himself a cursory once over. Not bad for forty-five. He was still ripped, a legacy of living on a rig for most of his adult life where there wasn’t much else to do except work out or watch porn, and he doubted the kind of porn he was into would have gotten a positive response from some of the homophobic morons he worked with. So he worked out, at least two or three hours every off shift. When Fílí had joined him, he’d shown him the calm and meditative mind space that came with the focus on nothing but pushing your body until it hurt with a purity that was almost spiritual. His dark blond hair didn’t show grey all that well, although Frérin knew they were lurking in there, the little fuckers. And while there were considerably more lines around his striking blue eyes, they only seemed to add to his looks. He was, if he did say so himself, a catch.

_So why does the one person you’ve ever loved not want you back?_

It was a traitorous little thought deep in the back of his mind. Frérin was used to it by now, after all it had been twenty seven years, but he’d never been able to banish it completely.

‘You’re a sad bastard.’ He told his reflection and left the bathroom, taking care not to wake the sleeping man in his bed. He went out into the shared living room between his room and Fílí’s. They made enough money that they could afford a suite for the two of them to share, and he’d been coming to this hotel on the north coast of Ibiza for long enough that the hotel staff didn’t concern themselves with their comings and goings. It was expensive enough to ensure discretion, something that Frérin had always valued highly. It was also good for the two of them to come to a place nobody knew them and really kick back and enjoy themselves, get some sun and pick up a few guys. Not that they ever went overboard. Frérin found it funny in a really depressing way that both he and Fílí seemed to be built for monogamy considering their circumstances. It was the same for both of them. They came for a month, usually found someone in the first week and kept it going until it was time to go home, playing at being the rich considerate boyfriend with someone who was happy to accept the attention and return it, but who they could leave without so much as a backwards glance.

He came out onto the balcony. Fílí was already up, shirtless and sprawled in a chair at the table on the balcony. Frérin admired his nephew in an abstract way. Fílí was all toned muscles, sun-bronzed skin and tattoos. Considering their family’s penchant for crossing boundaries of physical intimacy, he’d initially been worried he might find him attractive, but it had never even been a matter for consideration. Fílí was like the son he’d never had. And he was proud of how he’d turned out. The thin frightened boy that had come to him had grown into a confident, good looking man. He had done well at university, getting a First on his Engineering degree before accepting a position with the company Frérin worked for, who was more than a little delighted to have two Durins on board. He’d never corrected the assumption that Fílí was his son, which had made it easy to get him on the same rig and into the same quarters. Frérin moved to take the chair opposite Fílí, grabbing a croissant from the basket of pastries on the table. Fílí poured him a cup of coffee and handed it over. His black Wayfarers remained firmly in place and Frérin chuckled, recognising the signs of a hungover nephew all too well.

‘You feeling a bit delicate this morning?’ he asked. Fílí made a face at him.

‘Long night.’ he replied.

‘I know. Your boy’s a bit loud. What the fuck were you doing to him?’

‘Nothing you haven’t done before, old man.’ Fílí retorted grinning broadly, ‘Is your “friend” awake?’

‘Nope.’ 

‘You find out his name yet?’

‘Raphael.’

‘How very renaissance.’ Fílí said, the grin morphing into a full on smile. It was lethal. That poor kid he’d worn out the night before hadn’t stood a chance against it, Frérin thought to himself. Fílí had given him one of those smiles across the bar of the club they’d been in and the kid had been eating out of his hand not twenty minutes later. ‘Is he Spanish?’

‘Brazilian. And with not a lot of English.’ Frérin said, ‘Not that there was much talking involved.’

They sat in their habitual comfortable silence after that, eating and sipping coffee. A noise caught Frérin’s attention, as a tall, athletic young man with thick dark brown hair and eyes came out onto the balcony. He was dressed and his hair hung in thick curls, obviously still wet from the shower. He came over, grabbing a croissant and saying something to Fílí in Spanish. Fílí answered fluently, and Frérin felt that little sting of pride again. He’d never managed to pick up the language, even after coming here for the last ten years, and yet Fílí had picked it up in less than a year. Whatever Fílí had said was obviously good, because the young man gave him a dazzling smile of his own before leaning down and giving Fílí a very intimate kiss. He left, and they watched him go.

‘He seems nice.’ Frérin said and Fílí laughed.

‘I didn’t exactly pick him for his personality, but yes he’s nice.’ Frérin didn’t say anything else, not mentioning that the Spanish boy was a dead ringer for Kílí, just as when Raphael finally emerged Fílí would let his very obvious resemblance to Thorin go unsaid. It was one of the things that was made unnecessary by their understanding of each other.

‘Swim later?’ he asked.

‘Cool.’ Fílí replied, and went back to staring out at the sea.


	10. Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The EREBOR CURSE is revealed. It's not that dramatic...or is it?????

Seven years ago, two months after arrival

They sat across from each other in the café, plates empty and their second round of coffees on the go. 

‘A stone is the reason for all of this?’ Fílí asked, his voice laced with disbelief.

‘Not just any stone. The Arkenstone. The largest and most valuable gem quality opal in private hands. And it was found here so it’s a complete geological anomaly which shouldn’t exist in the first place which also makes it rarer than any other opal on the planet.’ Frérin said. ‘But it’s under a terrible curse which has effectively fucked the Durin line ever since the first Thrain got hold of it which would have been about ten generations back.’ 

‘I don’t think curses are actually real, Frérin. Maybe you want to lay off the alcohol for a bit.’

‘Sarcasm all you want.’ Frérin retorted, ‘But if you go back and have a look at how things have turned out for the sons of the line of Durin, you’re going to find shit that would make King Lear look like a fucking kiddies story.’ Seeing Fílí was still unconvinced, he starting ticking things off on his fingers. ‘The first Thrain was a landowner, up to his ears in debt. He was rebuilding Eerbor into the grand monstrosity it is today, and while the foundations were being dug a worker stumbles across the Arkenstone. He tries to conceal it and keep it for himself, Thrain gets wind of this and has the guy executed. Turns out the guy was married to a gypsy woman who turns up at the hanging and boy is she pissed off. So pissed off, she publically curses all heirs of the Durin line as long as the Arkenstone is in our hands. Thrain laughs this off and boom, he gets rich and famous but ten years later he is killed by an angry mob while out riding, led by none other than the labourer’s wife. And since then every single male heir of the Durin line has been beset by tragedy of some kind or another. For the most part it’s been madness or death, but I think that’s because, up until me and Thorin, there hadn’t been any brothers in our family, just only children.’ He noticed that Fílí was looking a lot more sober. ‘This is starting to make sense isn’t it.’ 

‘So Thrain?’

'I just told you.'

'No, I mean your grandfather.'

‘Went nuts, almost destroyed the entire company and eventually put a gun in his mouth and blew his head off.’

‘Our grandfather?’

‘He wasn’t the same after what happened with me and Thorin. I think that and his father’s death tipped him over the edge. He’s been in that rehabilitation home since then but he lost who he was long before. I remember the last time I went to visit him, it must have been about ten years ago. He didn’t even know who I was, which is probably a blessing in disguise.’

‘And us?’ 

‘Well, if you think about it, what better way to wipe out the Durin line than for the male heirs to fall in love with each other. The fact that incest is probably one of the biggest social taboos out there, and illegal to boot, just puts the cherry on the cake. I should probably point out that Dís hasn’t exactly escaped unscathed either. Your father was a one night fling who she never saw again and then she married Kílí’s father only to have him die in a car crash not even two months after Kílí was born. And even though you’re half-brothers and not full brothers, you’re technically still heirs and so subject to the curse. And, the worst part is that even if you and I could go back in time we would still end up loving them, because for us they are it. Trust me I know. You can fuck a million guys that look like him, but he will be the only one that makes your heart sing.’

'Jesus, that was almost fucking poetic.’ Fílí said, moodily picking his sugar sachet packets into tiny bits. ‘So you’re saying I’m doomed to love him.’

‘For ever and fucking ever.’ Frérin replied, ‘Can you picture yourself being with anyone else?’

‘Honestly, no. But maybe that’s because I’m only twenty.’

‘It’s not going to get any better.’ Frérin said, ‘I’m still not over Thorin and I’m never going to be. It will be the same for you and Kílí.’

‘So what the fuck do I do? Spend the rest of my life like a fucking monk?’

‘No, there are options. You can either go into denial which is what Thorin did and be miserable or you can acknowledge your circumstances, realise you’re never going to love anyone else and get on with it. You’re not going to be happy every day but you’re not going to be suicidal either. And if you happen to run into somebody that you can pretend with for a while, well that’s going to make things a little easier. And if you feel like you’re falling and it’s all getting to much for you them you come and tell me and we work through it together.‘ Frérin said, looking at him. He could have been talking to himself twenty years ago, and in a way it felt like that was what he was doing, finally giving himself permission for all the things he had done to cope. Fílí considered this, then nodded slowly.

‘OK.’ he said, ‘I think I can do that.’

‘Course you can, kid. You’re tough, you’re going to make it. What you have to do now is focus on getting through university and then you can decide what to do with your life. If you want to do anything with it, that is.’

‘Well, I’m not technically a Durin anymore so it’s not like I can afford to take it easy.’ Fílí grumbled.

‘Thorin might have taken away your inheritance, but he didn’t take away mine. I got my trust when I turned eighteen and there wasn’t a damn thing he or Thrór could do about it. And what’s mine is yours, right?’ Not getting an answer Frérin looked up at Fílí to see he was crying. Not noticeably, but enough to make Frérin want to get up and throw his arms around him, keep the kid safe from anything and everything. He did just that, getting up from his side of the booth and squeezing in next to Fílí, hugging him tightly and musing that he’d had more hugs in the last two months than in his whole life. It was something he could get used to. 

‘We’re going to be ok Fee.’ he whispered into the thick blonde hair, ‘We’ve got each other now.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, this was a sniffly one. Well at least for me. I love these guys.


	11. Confrontation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The moment when Thorin confronts Fili.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not beta'd so mistakes are all miiiine!
> 
> These characters do not belong to me, I just borrow them for my amusement, and yours hopefully :)
> 
> Huge thanks to all the people who gave kudos and comments. That's what makes it for those of use who write :)))

Three months after Kílí's birthday.

Fílí knew something was up the moment he stepped into the dining room that morning. He had a well-developed sense of his family’s moods, from Kílí’s irrepressible, almost manic energy to Dís’ constant distance and quiet disdain. Thorin was actually the easiest of the three to read. Unlike Kílí who worshipped the ground their uncle walked on, Fílí had always been kept at arm’s length by Thorin. He didn’t know why, didn’t care to ask if he was being honest with himself. He had long ago learned to live without the approval of Thorin and Dís, knowing that the way Kílí looked at him, like he was the most brilliant person in the world, would always be more than enough for him. So, when Thorin summoned him to the study after breakfast, he was a little concerned. He saw Kílí off to school and then went down the hallway to the immense double doors. When he entered the study, seeing Thorin standing where he normally did when in full on brood, staring out the window. He didn’t turn around as Fílí approached.

‘Sit down.’ he instructed. Fílí held his ground, knowing the worst thing you could do was show weakness.

‘No thank you.’ he replied, keeping his tone firm but polite. He folded his arms defensively. ‘You wanted to speak to me.’ 

‘You have an hour.’ Thorin announced, turning to him, his dark blue eyes impossibly cold. ‘You will pack a bag and get on a train to Dundee. You will leave behind everything that you could possibly use to contact your brother and this family, and you will never come back here. If you do I will have you arrested for rape and incest and make damn sure you are never released from whatever facility they decide to put you in. The same goes for if you should try in any way to let Kílí know where you have gone or why you have left.’ 

Fílí stared at him, completely aghast. He knew the look on his face pretty much gave him away, so he simply asked, ‘How?’

‘I am not as oblivious to what you and your brother get up to as your mother is.’ Thorin said. His voice was completely emotionless. ‘I suspected and I followed you. I know about the shed, about what you two do when you think we’re out, all of it.’ 

‘You’ll never get Kílí to agree to this.’ Fílí said, ‘It was never rape. Both of us consented.’

‘Maybe not, but I won’t need to. Because if you don’t do as I say, I will make this public and the whole world will find out. And I do know that the last thing you would want to do is hurt your brother.’

‘But it would harm you just as much!’ Fílí protested. It felt like it was getting hard for him to breathe. ‘You’re reputation..’

‘Would be just fine.’ Thorin snapped. ‘Erebor has seen its fair share of scandals, this would be no more difficult to overcome, especially after I denounce you both publically and cut you off from this family.’

‘You can’t! Kílí thinks the world of you. It would kill him if you did that to him!’

‘Precisely.’ Thorin said, his lips curling in a smile. Fílí suddenly realised just how cruel his uncle was capable of looking. ‘You know what your options are. I suggest you choose wisely.’ He turned back to the window. ‘We will tell your mother and Kílí that you and I have had a falling out with regards to you role in the company, how I’ve been pressuring you to follow in my footsteps and that you decided to leave and cut yourself off.’ He shifted, before straightening up. ‘It will be for the best. Now, get out of my sight. It makes me sick to look at you.’ Fílí flinched at the venom in those last words, before turning and fleeing from the room.

An hour was not much to pack a lifetime. He grabbed his rugby bag from the top shelf of his wardrobe, emptied it out and started trying to take what he thought he might need. His glance fell on the rugby jersey he’d worn on the weekend before that he’d forgotten to wash. He half considered taking it with him, then quickly picked it up and ran down the hall to Kílí’s room, chucking it in the bottom of his wardrobe, where Kílí tended to leave his clothes in a pile. From the pile he grabbed Kílí’s favourite black hoodie, and put it on. It hung a little loose on his shorter frame, but Kílí had worn it recently and it still held his smell. He then returned just as quickly, hoping Thorin hadn’t noticed.

An hour later he was packed. The duffle held mostly clothes, books and some personal items, including the framed picture of them at Kílí’s birthday party. There wasn’t room and he hadn’t time to take anything else. He shoved his Ipod in his pocket. He threw a quick look around the room, just as Thorin appeared at the door.

‘Leave you mobile and laptop on the bed.’ he said, and Fílí complied. ‘I will also have someone shut down everything you have online, and you will be monitored. The same rules apply if there is any attempt made at contact.’ 

Thorin then drove him to the station, still giving instructions in that same monotone voice. Fílí was going to Dundee to meet Frérin, who he would stay with. He was to transfer his university course to Dundee University, which also did Electronic Engineering, and the rest of his fees would continue to be paid until he graduated, but he would receive no other financial support. He would also be officially disinherited. 

Fílí was feeling horribly confused and more than a little frightened, as his world collapsed in on him. Everything had happened so fast. He didn’t even know his other uncle, other than a few hushed references to him by other members of the family when they thought he and Kílí weren’t listening. But the threat of harm that having their relationship waved around in public would do to Kílí was more than enough to make him leave. He would anything in the world to protect him, even if it meant leaving forever. Fílí just hoped like hell that Kílí would see though whatever Thorin planned to tell him to justify his departure. 

Thorin dumped him at Bath station without so much as a goodbye. Fílí watched him drive off, still in shock at how his whole life had gone from zero to fucked in less than two hours. Thorin had given him a pay-as-you-go mobile with a number preloaded into it. It was Frérin’s number. There was nothing else. In a moment of defiance and before he forgot it, he loaded Kílí’s number into the mobile. It was a stupid little gesture, and Thorin would undoubtedly change Kílí’s number, but it made him feel a little better. Then he turned and walked into the station.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmmmm, not so sure about this chapter and how it fits in. Feedback would be greatly appreciated :)


	12. Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just before Kili's birthday party.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, thanks for all the kudos, comments and the feedback. It has been very useful!!! You guys are great :)
> 
> Mistakes.  
> Characters not mine.  
> Etc.

Eight Years Ago, Kílí’s Eighteenth Birthday Party

‘So which one?’ Kílí asked, holding up both the shirts Dis had given him for Gimli’s approval.

‘For someone who’s just interested in getting pissed, throwing up and passing out, you’re putting an awful lot of effort into what you’re wearing.’ Gimli remarked from where he was sprawled on Kílí’s bed leafing through a comic, giving him a slightly suspicious look. ‘Who exactly are you trying to impress?’ 

‘No one.’ Kílí said, turning quickly away, but not quite quickly enough to hide the blush from Gimli, who grinned and sat up. 

‘I knew it.’ he stated triumphantly, ‘You have someone. Are they coming tonight?’

‘What? No, I don’t!’ Kílí protested, backpedalling furiously. 

‘I’m going to find out who it is eventually.’ Gimli said, grinning wickedly, ‘I always do. You will succumb to my expert interrogation techniques and tell me everything.’

‘I bloody well will not!’

‘You will!’ Kílí had had enough, and launched himself at Gimli after the last assertion. Gimli, however, was like Fílí - short but built like a brick shithouse which was why they played rugby on the same team, even though Gimli was three years younger. He caught Kílí easily, and the two of them tumbled off the other side of the bed, wrestling until Gimli got Kílí in a headlock, shaking him a little and laughing hysterically as he tried to escape.

‘You fucking bastard!’ Kílí yelled, wriggling frantically, ‘It’s my bloody birthday, you’re supposed to be nice to me!’ 

‘Nice is for losers.’ Gimli said, refusing to let him go. There was a chuckle from the doorway and they both looked up. Fílí was leaning in the doorway, already dressed and ready. He was wearing jeans and a black t-shirt tight enough to outline the muscles in his arms and shoulders, his blond hair still damp from the shower. He looked so damn hot, Kílí had to bite his lip to keep himself in check. Fílí caught the look however, and there was aslight narrowing of his eyes before his face took on its normal cheerful expression.

‘You two are fucking idiots.’ he said. ‘I could hear you yelling down the hall.’ 

‘Kílí has a secret girlfriend and he won’t tell me who she is.’ Gimli said, finally releasing Kílí so he dropped onto the carpet, and getting to his feet. 

‘Oh, really.’ Fílí said, moving forward and extending his hand to Kílí, hauling him easily to his feet. There was a brief moment when their eyes locked, and Kílí felt a whoosh in his stomach at the undefinable look in Fílí’s eyes. ‘This is the first I’ve heard of it. So, who is this mystery woman?’ 

‘There is no bloody woman.’ Kílí muttered giving Gimli a death glare.

‘Are you sure?’ Fílí persisted, ‘You know they invited Tauriel just for you right. Like some sort of fucking birthday present.’ There was a bite in these last words that gave Kílí an unprecedented thrill as he realised Fílí was jealous. He gave his brother his most dazzling smile. 

‘She’d have to be really fucking special to beat the person I’m interested in.’ he replied, gratified when Fílí flushed slightly. 

‘Ah ha!’ Gimli exclaimed, pointing a finger at him.

**********

He eventually kicked them both out of his room and got dressed. Dís had completely ignored what he’d said the day before and had indeed turned up with a suit that morning. She’d gone on and on about how he needed to look nice and presentable and would he please wear it, she’d gone to so much trouble, yada yada yada. He had eventually decided the white dress shirt was doable, if he paired it with his black jeans, chucking it over a white vest. He pulled his hair back, tying it up into its usual scruffy ponytail then pulled on the well-worn army boots he’d gotten from the surplus shop in Bath last month. Dís would have fits when she saw them, considering anything second hand to be unsanitary in the extreme, but that was part of the reason he had bought them. It was so much fun winding his mother up. He slipped the Zippo into his back pocket and headed downstairs. Gimli was already there, all scruffed jeans, biker boots and a Metallica t-shirt. His thick red hair was longer than Kílí’s, a source of great annoyance to him as his hair was abundant but grew incredibly slowly unlike Gimli and Fílí whose hair grew like grass, and it was pulled into a thick plait that hung to midway down his back. Kílí ran and jumped the last three stairs of the grand staircase down into the hall, knocking into him. Gimli had fortunately braced for impact, catching him and bear hugging the crap out of him. Giggling frantically they straightened up, Kílí giving Gimli’s plait an affectionate tug. Fílí came in from the kitchen, pulling on a red and black plaid flannel shirt on over his t-shirt. 

‘You two brats ready?’ he asked.

‘Fuck you!’ Gimli said amiably, catching Kílí in a piggy back as he jumped on him, ‘We were born fucking ready.’ Kílí nodded enthusiastically, giving Gimli a kick.

‘Onward noble steed!’ he cried, and Gimli did his best to gallop from the hall through into the drawing room and out the open terrace door. Fílí followed, shaking his head and laughing at them.

The greenhouse did look beautiful, Kílí had to admit. It was a huge space, filled with white cast iron tables and chairs. Fairy lights hung in thick clusters from the roof and there were chimineas dotted around to heat the space. Dís certainly knew how to throw a party. There was no-one else there besides catering staff setting the tables and the DJ who had bought enough equipment with him to form a small barricading wall.

‘Jesus, it looks like an elf threw up in here.’ Gimli said. The three of them looked at each other, and then escaped outside. It was cold enough to make their breath steam and they took the pathway down to the ornamental lake on the other side of the formal gardens. Once there Gimli pulled out a plastic bag filled with pre rolled joints and handed them to Kílí.

‘Happy Birthday.’ he said, smiling at the delighted look on Kílí’s face, ‘Don’t smoke them all at once.’ Kílí immediately started to take one out, but Fílí stopped him.

‘Wait, Thorin will smell it on you when we go back. You know what he’s like.’ He pulled out his cigarettes and handed one to both Kílí and Gimli. ‘Smoke those first.’ Kílí wasted no time in pulling out his new lighter, showing off to Gimli in a way that made Fílí grin. He was such a child when it came to new presents, and he knew it. The smoked the cigarettes in companiable silence, then switched to one of the joints Gimli had brought him. The night was clear, and moonlight sparkled off the lake. 

‘It’s pretty out here.’ Gimli said, ‘You guys are lucky to live in such a beautiful place.’

‘I don’t know.’ Kílí replied, ‘I would love to live in London.’ 

‘You could always come live with me when you go to uni.’

‘Maybe. I haven’t really decided what I want to do yet.’ Kílí said with a shrug.

‘Really? I thought Thorin wanted you to go to LSE like he did.’ Gimli handed him the last bit of the joint and he took the last hit, before chucking it in the lake, hearing the faint hiss as it was extinguished. 

‘I don’t really want to study business. I was thinking about doing something more artistic, like photography maybe.’ Kílí said. Next to him, Fílí snorted.

‘You’ll do what he tells you. You always do.’

‘No.’ Kílí replied, picking up on his tone of voice ‘That’s you. Not me. Come on, Fee it’s my birthday. I don’t want to argue.’ Fílí sighed.

‘Fine.’ he said, giving him a shove, nearly knocking him over, ‘Let’s go get this family shit over with, and then we can have some fun.’ Catching the double meaning in his words, Kílí smiled at him. They went back slowly, and if the two of them walked a little closer to each other than normal, Gimli didn’t seem to notice.


	13. Youth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A reminiscence of how this all started.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No notes here. Too sad.

Summer, twenty nine years ago

The two young men in t-shirts and cutoff jeans ran barefoot across the open lawn and down to the lake side. They were as opposite in colouring to one another as it was possible to be, one golden haired, the other dark. The only thing they shared was the same deep stormy blue eyes. They skirted around to the far edge of the lake, heading for the timber dock that extended out into the water, a favourite place of theirs to go when they wanted to swim. 

The dark haired one arrived first, pulling his t-shirt over his head and diving into the water. The other followed suit laughing. They swam well, twisting around each other in an attempt to push each other under the water. Eventually they were worn out and floated lazily, before pulling themselves out onto the dock and lying side by side in the sun, close enough to touch. 

Who knew how it started. Maybe one hand brushed the other by accident, maybe by design. But it was followed by turn of the head, a movement onto one elbow until the golden haired young man was leaning over his dark haired brother. Then it was a simple matter of stroking back a strand of hair turned black by water before leaning down to cross the distance and bring their mouths together. There was no fear or recrimination when they parted, simply a realisation that this was what they had both longed for but never voiced.

From there it developed a life of its own. They found themselves unable to be without each other, swept away by a need that seemed so deep seated it was in their very bones. The first time they made love was a revelation to them, neither aware that they could be capable of such passion. 

Such happiness could only be shortlived, and it wasn’t long before they became careless of the way they conducted themselves, and others began talking. They were being watched, but they were oblivious to everything but each other. Then came the inevitable discovery of them in a moment of intimacy so apparent there was no way they could deny what had been seen. There was anger and tears, as their parents alternately shouted and cried at their sons’ betrayal of them and the family name. 

The older got the worst of it, subjected to their father’s awful rage. He was berated, threatened and cowed by a man on the brink of madness at it all, and through it all he tried to hold strong, but he could not protect them both from what was happening. The younger tried to give comfort when he saw his proud dark haired brother return to his room, almost broken by their father’s words but he was pushed away by him. Eventually the awful words were uttered – separation, therapy, sickness. The younger saw his brother starting to disappear, a victim of guilt and shame bought on by what he was being told to believe about himself. The golden haired young man became overwhelmed by anger at how they were being treated, and more importantly by how much his brother was being hurt. 

That’s when he broke and went to their father, screaming and fighting to make him see that what they had wasn’t sick, wasn’t evil, but was simply love. His father turned stony eyes on him and called the other before him, asking if what the younger said was true, if it was indeed love. He had turned his eyes on his dark haired brother, every bit of youthful love and hope resting on his answer. And that was when the final threat came – disinheritance, no longer a Durin. Deny thy father and refuse thy name, as Shakespeare said. And he did, he looked at his brother and declared that as long as they had each other, they would have everything. But his dark haired brother did not answer. So he stood there, with his heart breaking as the choice was made and simply said that he could not live a lie. When his father gave him the ultimatum he took it, unable to bear the fact that his brother had chosen a name over what they had together. He left that same day, taking nothing but what he could fit into a bag and all the pain and regret he could carry. 

His brother came to speak to him, tried to convince him that their love was not worth the fight and he was so filled with grief that, for the first time in their lives, he hit him in anger. He left without a backwards glance, headed into his exile on a train that took him as far away from that cursed house and his brother as he could get. 

He never knew how, after he left, his proud dark haired brother fell to his knees and sobbed in anguish at his own weakness. How he would turn all that pain in on himself, until he turned as cold and immovable as the stone that house was built from. That eventually he would see it happening all over again in front of his eyes and the guilt and remorse he felt all those years ago would resurface like pus in a wound, oozing and corrupting him until all he could see was sickness and evil, just as his father had seen all those years before. That he would perpetuate the same cruelty upon his nephews, condemning them to the same hell he had been condemned to endure. The worst part of it would be his complete and utter failure to see how closely his actions mirrored those of his father, and how much pain they caused. 

And so they lived separated, neither knowing how much the other longed to be reunited. Instead they dealt with it in their own ways, one learning to bend but not break under his pain and the other burying it so deep that he eventually became something that was barely human anymore.


	14. Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At the birthday party, Fili watches Kili and Kili watches Fili.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just go with it, it'll all be alright...

At the Party

The party was in full swing. Fílí was shored up in one corner with a bottle of dark rum, an ice bucket and six cans of Coke to keep him company. He’d been getting dirty looks from his mother and Thorin every time he lit up a cigarette but felt he was a little bit justified. True to form, the whole family was here with all the cousins and cousins of cousins. Thorin’s business associate had arrived with his son and adopted daughter in tow. He knew of Legolas vaguely, he’d been three years above him at school, but he was now off doing some incredibly complicated language degree at the Sorbonne. They’d never really moved in the same circles. Tauriel was about the same age as Kílí but she attended a very exclusive school in Switzerland and this was the first time she would be meeting the Durin family. Kílí had seemed friendly enough with her when they arrived. He had to admit she was stunningly beautiful, with her long legs, red hair and green eyes, and he’d been so gripped by jealously at the effortless way she’d moved into his brother’s space. It seemed that the set up was approved of, at least on her side. Fílí had done what he did best when threatened, and retreated into the background, not even waiting to introduce himself when Thorin hadn’t bothered to do it. It was a trick he’d learned early on, and he was very good at being inconspicuous. It had also allowed him to get a glimpse of Gimli’s face when he saw Legolas for the first time. Now that had been interesting. 

He knew that Gimli was gay, so did Kílí. He’d come out to them three years ago, absolutely terrified about what they would say and completely stunned when they had really not given a shit. That had in turn given him the confidence to tell Gloín and Nara, and they’d been equally unbothered by the whole scenario. Not for the first time Fílí envied Gimli his family. Gloín and Nara were such wonderful, warm accepting people it often crossed his mind how they could be related to Thorin and Dís. So now, he looked at his cousin staring in awe at the admittedly gorgeous young man at Thranduil’s side. Like his father, he had perfectly straight silky white blond hair, so light it seemed to be silvery. It was perfectly matched by ice blue eyes, and a rather haughty expression. He was slender and wearing the kind of expensive casual clothes that screamed old money. 

‘He is pretty hot.’ he murmured to his cousin, and Gimli shut his mouth with a snap, starting to blush furiously, ‘You should go say hello.’ 

‘No fucking way.’ Gimli muttered, ‘You are joking right? I wouldn’t stand a chance.’

‘I don’t know. Maybe he likes the rough biker look. You won’t know if you don’t try.’ Gimli just shook his head and fled into the crowd. That left Fílí alone to watch how Tauriel was apparently charming his stupid little brother out of the trees. Annoyed he went to the bar, got enough alcohol to make sure he wouldn’t have to be sociable for a while, and headed for a table in the back corner.

Of course, it wasn’t Kílí’s fault he was a social butterfly. It was just his nature. But as he watched his brother’s time being monopolised by everyone in the room except him, Fílí felt the old insecurity pull at his heart. It had always been there, a direct result of always searching for the approval that was never freely given to him, but showered on his brother. Funnily enough, even though it should have soured his relationship with Kílí, there’d never been any sense of sibling rivalry between them. It had simply been a driving motivation to do better – get top marks at school, play for the first team. And Kílí, well Kílí had always been his, from the time he could toddle. Dís was an indifferent mother at best, and the never ending stream of nannies and au pairs had been no substitute for family. Thorin had always been too busy, so it had been left to him to be everything for the adorable little boy with the big brown eyes and a smile that could light up a room. When he took time to analyse things like this, Fílí didn’t need to ask why he’d progressed from loving Kílí to being in love with him so easily. It had simply been a natural progression, an extension of their relationship that felt so completely right, he wondered how he’d ever managed without it. And he was so very much in love him, that much was blatantly obvious to himself. So, he sat and waited for his beautiful dark haired brother to get bored with what he was doing and return to the one person who had been there all along.

*******

Across the room, Kílí felt his eyes on him. Unbeknownst to his big brother, Kílí was always aware of where he was, how he was feeling. He knew now that Fílí was annoyed and a little jealous of all the attention he was giving to other people. But Kílí also knew that Fílí was aware of how contrary he could be, and would patiently wait until Kílí was ready to come back to him. And he would aways go back to him, that bright golden sun at the centre of his orbit that held him in place. He allowed himself a quick glimpse, but Fílí wasn’t looking at him. If he was truthful with himself, a teeny bit of him liked making Fílí jealous. It gave him a sharp little edge, made his kisses harder and more forceful, taking Kílí’s breath away. 

He was, of course, also a bundle of nerves and anticipation at what they would be doing later. He’d been banned from the shed for two days, and Fílí had pretty much not touched him for the whole day since they got up. He was practically exploding. And, of course, there had been the expression in those cool blue eyes when they had been talking about Tauriel earlier in his room. So he played his little games, hoping for they reaction he so desperately craved when they finally managed to be alone together. 

He came back to himself abruptly, having completely missed what Tauriel was saying to him.

‘Sorry?’ he asked, and she laughed at him, silvery and light.

‘I said, who do you keep looking at?’ 

Of course, Kílí thought, she didn’t know Fílí. He doubted Legolas even remembered him from school. Now that he thought about it, Fílí hadn’t even hung around at the beginning of the party to be introduced to her. Did she even know he had a brother? 

‘Just a guy I know.’ he said, wishful thinking at work, ‘He’s a friend from school, but I think he’s a little bit lonely. Do you mind if I go check if he’s OK?’

‘Sure.’ she said, ‘I’ll catch up with you later.’ Then she headed off in search of Legolas. Kílí waited until she was out of sight amongst the group of people. Really, it seemed like Thorin had invited every damn person he could think of. He headed over to Fílí, who was smoking moodily in the corner right at the back of the greenhouse. He flopped down in the chair opposite him.

‘What you doing?’ he asked, smiling at him. Fílí glared at him.

‘For someone who wasn’t, I repeat wasn’t going to even dance with Tauriel, you’ve spent pretty much the whole evening with her.’ he said, looking away from Kílí. 

‘She’s ok, and at least this way I’ll get Thorin off my back, which means we can get away a little bit easier tonight. Honestly, Fee you have no idea how to forward plan. And, how clever am I, I told her you were a friend from school. That way if she ever runs into us together she’ll never be suspicious.’

‘How the fuck does your brain work? That sounds like a really bad scenario for a film with a shitload of plot holes. Just how much have you had to drink?’

‘Enough.’ Kílí said, a little hurt at Fílí’s reaction. ‘It’s cool, you know Thorin didn’t even tell her about you being my brother either.’

‘That’s because the only time he acknowledges me in public is if he’s forced to.’ Fílí replied, ‘And it’s how I like it. You can be the Durin golden boy, I like a quiet life thanks.’ 

‘Well, you’re my golden boy if that helps.’ Kílí said, and that made Fílí laugh, that wonderful light laugh that sounded like his whole soul was in it. 

‘You’re such a wanker, Kee. ‘ he said, ‘Please don’t ever attempt to write me poetry, because you pretty much suck at romantic sentiment.’ Kílí pulled his chair over a little closer, dropping his head onto Fílí’s shoulder.

‘How about I just say I love you then.’

‘That,’ Fílí said, dropping a kiss on the top of his head, ‘is the best thing I’ve heard all night.’


	15. You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So here we go. Are we all strapped in, this is the start of our bumpy ride :) Wheeeeee!

Ten days before the Wedding

Kílí was bored. Absofuckinglutely, out of his tree, oh-god-please-kill-me-now bored. It had been a fairly long day, punctuated with a couple of interesting things. Dwalin and Ori had finally shown up, two days late. There’d been an awful lot of whispering between them and Gimli, which had made him feel a little suspicious. Then, there was Thranduil and Legolas, who had arrived in a stately looking Rolls just after lunch and with enough luggage to satisfy any diva. Gimli had taken one look at the young man he’d been effectively carrying a torch for since Kílí’s birthday party nine years ago and gone a spectacular shade of red before hiding for the rest of the afternoon. It was a little bit tragic actually. So, all in all they were eight for dinner that night – him, Tauriel, Thorin, Thranduil, Legolas, Gimli, Dwalin and Ori. Dís was in London for the final fitting of her wedding outfit and she was staying with Nara and Gloin, and they would all be coming down in a couple of days.

This wasn’t a rehearsal dinner per se. Bofur and Bombur had come over that day with their cousin Bifur to do a dry run of the food they were making for the wedding. They had started their events company, Triple B catering, with a loan from Thorin and so had given him a really good deal on the food. Anyway, it would be very hard to find a better chef than Bombur so the wedding was in safe hands. The food had been excellent, and Kílí was looking forward to wrapping things up so he could grab Gimli and Ori (maybe even get old man Dwalin in tow) and head out to the lake for some recreational smoking.

But then Thorin had started giving speeches about the unification of two great families, blah, blah, blah. Thranduil wasn’t one to be outdone, so he’d then got in on the act. Kílí noticed how Tauriel and Legolas had exchanged a little look, before going back to their serene poker faces. When Thranduil had finally finished, Kílí had expected that to be the end of it, but Thorin had immediately stood up again and on it went. They were on speech number four at this point, and judging by the glazed expressions at the table everyone was losing the will to live. When the door bell went, everyone jumped. There was a shocked look on Gimli’s face, and he exchanged a lightning fast look with Dwalin and Ori before practically leaping up from the table with an assertion of ‘I’ll get it!’ Then he bolted for the hall. That got Kílí’s attention. Gimli was not given to sudden bursts of movement if he could help it. Thorin looked particularly put out at having his monologue interrupted. Kílí took the opportunity to give Dwalin and Ori a questioning look, and noticed with some alarm that they both looked nervous. He didn’t think he’d ever seen Dwalin look nervous before. Ori, yes. Dwalin, no. There was definitely something very strange afoot. Making a decision, he pushed his chair back from the table. Ori immediately started to protest, but Dwalin shushed him. Ignoring Thorin's demands as to where he was going, Kílí walked into the front hall. Gimli was at the front door, which was now closed, talking to two blond men, one taller than the other. Kílí frowned, coming closer and then stopped dead.

_Ohgodohgodohgodohgod._

It was Fílí.

********

Gimli was the one who opened the door. It was like Fílí had jumped back in time seven years, because other than a little more sharpness in his face, Gimli looked exactly the same - a younger version of Gloin. He looked shocked and yet not shocked all at the same time. It was fucking confusing.

‘You came.’ he said.

‘We were invited.’ Fílí replied, feeling a little thrown. This was not how he expected the first conversation to go. Gimli stood aside and they stepped inside. Gimli gave Frerin a quizzical look, and got one in return. Fílí had forgotten that Frerin had left before Gimli was born.

‘G, this is Frerin, Thorin’s brother. Frer this is Gimli, Gloin and Nara’s son.’ he said, and watched as they looked at each other in amazement. It was quite touching really, seeing the pieces fall into place.

‘I was at your parent’s wedding.’ Frerin said, holding out his hand, ‘It was one hell of a party.’

‘That sounds about right.’ Gimli said, offering his own in return and shaking Frerin’s. ‘It’s good to finally meet you.’ He turned to Fílí, and his eyes were shiny. Fílí had to swallow back his feelings, which were starting to bubble up. Leaving seven years ago had meant not just leaving Kílí, but leaving his whole family behind, Gimli included and he’d missed him just as much.

‘Jesus, Fee.’ Gimli breathed, ‘Seven fucking years.’

‘I know.’ he replied, ‘I am sorrier than you will ever believe.’ They stood looking at each other, before Gimli reached out and grabbed him, pulling him into a hug that felt like it was cracking his ribs. Fílí closed his eyes and hugged back with everything he had. Gimli finally let him go, both of them teary eyed.

‘I am so glad you’re here.’ he said, voice shaking.

‘Me too.’ Fílí said, ‘but I think everyone else won’t necessarily agree with you.’ And, as if he was waiting for a cue, Kílí came hurtling into the hall.

************

The first thought that went through Kílí’s head, and one he would kick himself for later, was that Fílí looked good. Not just good in fact, but fucking gorgeous. Kílí remembered him from his memories and the snapshots he still had, but that had been barely adult Fílí. His face was sharper now, the features fully matured. His hair was longer, sitting just above his collar and falling in waves around his face. He was also tanned, more so than Kílí ever remembered him being. He looked like a surfer, not Kílí’s rugby playing big brother who had hated the sun and the beach. There were other changes, like the toned body and full sleeve grayscale tattoo on his left arm. That was wrong, Fílí had never shown any interest in tattoos. But he was dressed the same, jeans and black t-shirt, although the safety boots were also a new addition. Kílí could see Fílí in there, but it was like someone had superimposed a stranger over him at the same time. But when he looked at him, he could see the clear blue eyes were exactly the same, looking at him with such a mix of emotions – fear, love, anxiety and nervousness. Kílí could feel the same emotions racing across his own face. His overwhelming response was a sudden and urgent need to walk over and kiss Fílí’s gorgeous mouth, make him smile so he could lose himself in those dimples, throw his arms around him and feel the body that he’d known as intimately as his own. Would he smell the same, feel the same, make the same noises?

Instead, he walked over and punched him square in the mouth.

‘You motherfucking bastard!’ he spat.

*************

His little brother had grown up. His glossy dark hair was shorter, and hung in untamed curls around a sharply contoured face. His dark hazel eyes were defined by fierce eyebrows and his cheeks shaded with dark stubble that he’d still been struggling a bit to grow when he was eighteen. The gangly form was gone, replaced by a graceful athletic body. He was so beautiful, he took Fílí’s breath away. But when he looked at him, saw the shock fly across that open, expressive face that he could still read so well, followed by those fierce eyebrows drawing down and the dark eyes flashing angrily, he knew what was coming.

The punch really wasn’t that much of a surprise. What was, was the physical strength behind it.

‘You motherfucking bastard!’ Kílí spat at him, face a vision of pure unadulterated fury. Fílí straightened up, wiping blood from his split lip with the back of his hand, and looked at his angry little brother.

‘Hey, Kee.’ he said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DUN,DUN,DUUUUUUUN!!!! Oh my stars and garters!


	16. First

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so this bit is a bit epic in length. It was also very frustrating to write because I kept getting interrupted at inopportune times. Coitus interruptus is NOT a good thing.
> 
> But here it is, so without further ado I give you the night of Kili's eighteenth birthday party AFTER everyone has gone to bed.
> 
> There is pron in this. In fact it's almost all pron. If that's not your thing, you're seriously reading the wrong story :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, that is a Spideypool reference. I REGRET NOTHING!!!! 
> 
> I also find it amusing that the smut chapter is also the longest one :D

First

The party headed into the small hours of the morning. Most of the people still standing were pretty drunk. But not Kílí. He’d stopped drinking a while ago, knowing what was coming and wanting to remember every moment of it. Fílí had headed off about a half an hour ago. No-one had missed him. Eventually things wound themselves up and Kílí hauled an inebriated Gimli back to the house and herded him into bed. Tauriel and Legolas had long since left with Thranduil. Thorin had been pleased with Kílí and his attentiveness to Tauriel, telling him this as he swayed gently in the hall, before going to bed. Kílí went back to his room, waiting until everyone had gone to bed. He was a ball of nervous tension, pacing in his room as he listened to people moving backwards and forwards to guest rooms. Eventually he couldn’t wait anymore, and stuck his head out the door. The corridor was in darkness and the entire house was quiet. He did a quick scan of the corridor and then left his room.

He snuck down the passage, footsteps thankfully muffled by the plush carpet. Once downstairs he used the kitchen door that led into the little walled garden just off of it, going through the timber gate at the end and heading down to the formal gardens. It was cold now, and he wrapped hia arms around himself as he practically down the pathway that led to the shed. As he got a little closer he stopped. There was a stretch of pathway ahead of him that was lit by a dual line of tea lights in jam jars, almost like a landing strip in miniature. He grinned and slowed, walking down the pathway to the shed. The same soft flickering light illuminated its windows. The anticipation was making him dizzy. He put the flat of his hand against the door and pushed it open.

Now he knew what Fílí had been doing when he left the party. The stove in the corner was lit, and the inside of the shed was gloriously warm. Every spare surface was covered in jars holding tea lights, like the pathway outside. This made the whole place glow, the light and shadows dancing as the flames flickered in the gust of ait that his entrance caused. The main floor space had been cleared and there was a bed set up. Not some crappy blow up mattress on the floor, but a proper futon and mattress sitting on a rug, dressed in proper sheets and a duvet. Fílí had even remembered pillows. It looked like the strangest, most beautiful hotel room he’d ever seem. And sitting on the edge of it, knees bent into a half cross legged position and with his hands clasped in front of him like a suitor waiting for his paramour was Fílí. He looked up as Kílí came in with an apprehensive look on his face, which melted into a smile as he saw the look of pure astonished delight on his little brother’s face. 

‘You like it?” he asked, and his voice shook slightly.

‘I love it.’ Kílí breathed, ‘Oh Fee, it’s fucking perfect.’ He looked around him, and when he turned back Fílí had gotten up from the bed and was standing in front of him. He got in close, his hands on Kílí’s waist and kissed him, one slow sweet kiss.

‘Happy birthday baby boy. I love you.’ he whispered when he pulled back from him. Kílí couldn’t speak, couldn’t do anything but feel. He wrapped his arms around Fílí’s neck and kissed him back, leaning down a little to compensate for their slightly mismatched heights. They were gentle unhurried kisses, and Kílí felt like he was floating away. It was usually so hurried and frantic, what they did together. Slowing everything down like this made everything seem so intense, so vivid. He could smell the cigarette smoke that clung to Fílí’s clothing, taste the rum and coke on his tongue as it moved lazily against his own. And underneath it all, the smell of his brother, a deep almost salty smell that he knew so well and which always made feel safe and loved. Eventually Fílí pulled back from him and took Kílí’s face in his hands, looking into his eyes. Kílí was overwhelmed by the emotion he saw in his eyes. 

‘It is all for you.’ he said softly, ‘everything I do and will ever do. You are my whole life, Kee.’

‘Promise?’ he managed to whisper back, and Fílí smiled and pulled his face down to kiss him on the forehead.

‘Promise. You and me forever, right?’ Kílí nodded and kissed him as hard as he could. He didn’t and to hold back now, he just wanted to be with Fílí, every way he could. He used his mouth, his tongue, his hands to make Fílí see how much he wanted him. Fílí responded, opening his mouth willingly to let him in and kissing back with a passion that surprised Kílí for a moment, until it caught him and carried him up with it. He grabbed at the shoulders of Fílí’s shirt pushing it off his shoulders, then the hem of his t-shirt, pulling it up and over his head, dropping it and running his hands over his brother’s chest feeling the rough brush of hair under his palms. His hands went to Fílí’s waist, unbuckling the belt and undoing his jeans, all the time not allowing their mouths to separate. He felt Fílí moan into his mouth as he reached down, putting his hand over his cock and squeezing gently. He opened his eyes and looked at the ecstasy on his brother’s face and took that as his cue. He stood back from him, Fílí making a little whine of disappointment that went straight through him at the loss of contact. Kílí moved and sat on the edge of the futon, shifting a little uncomfortably because he was hard now as well. Fílí looked at him questioningly.

‘It’s my birthday.’ Kílí said, feeling a thrill go through him at was he was about to do. ‘You have to do what I say right. Anything I want, however I want. That’s what you said.’ There was a sharp intake of breath from Fílí, and his blue eyes seemed to turn almost indigo. His chest heaved as his breathing sped up noticeably. Their eyes locked, and Kílí knew he had never seen his brother look so incredibly turned on before. He moaned at the sight, completely subconsciously and Fílí smiled, a feral wicked thing. Very deliberately he put his hand on his own cock under his jeans, rubbing it slowly and stepping towards Kílí, whose mouth dropped open at what he was seeing. Fílí was never this forward, ever. He couldn’t even jack off with his eyes open. He got to within reaching distance of Kílí, whose eyes were glued to his hand working his cock, and stopped.

‘And what exactly,’ he said, his voice low and rough, ‘do you want me to do Kee?’ It took Kílí a moment to register the question, and then another to drag his eyes up to Fílí’s.

‘Take off your clothes,’ he said, voice breaking just a little, ‘all of them.’

‘Ok.’ Fílí stepped back, still holding his gaze. He toed his shoes, then balanced on each foot in turn as he got rid of the socks he was wearing. It shouldn’t have been hot, but to Kílí’s eyes he couldn’t have looked any more erotic. Then his hands dropped to the waistband of his jeans and the boxers underneath, pushing them down and off, before chucking them in the corner and straightening up. Kílí got his first look at his brother and his eyes widened. The candlelight played off his body, creating planes of shadow and light along the lines of his muscles, the golden body hair reflecting in tiny flecks of gold. He was unbelievably beautiful. 

‘Ok god, Fee you’re perfect.’ He trailed off after that unable to say anything else. He held out his hands to him, and Fílí walked to him, erect cock moving slightly with each step. Kílí was vaguely aware that he was breathing like he’d been running a marathon, open mouthed and harsh, and shut his mouth trying to contain it. Fílí smiled, reaching out and taking Kílí’s chin in his hand, tilting his face up to look at him.

‘Don’t, Kee.’ He said, ‘I love hearing what I do to you.’ He took one of Kílí’s hands, wrapping it around his cock. ‘This is what you do to me.’ Kílí looked at him, almost stupidly. 

‘I want you.’ He stammered, ‘I want you to fuck me Fee.’

‘Alright you randy little bastard.’ Fílí said grinning, ‘Get on the bed.’ Kílí let him go and wriggled back on the bed, until he was all the way up. Fílí had turned away from him, moving to the wooden table at the side of the room, where Kílí could now see he’d put a black duffle bag, obviously with all the stuff he’d brought with him. He took the opportu nity to get undressed, pulling off his boots and hurling them into the corner, then frantically squirming to get out of his shirt, vest, jeans and boxers as quickly as possible. He was so focused on what he was doing, he didn’t notice he had an audience until he was naked and panting slightly from the exertion. He looked up to see Fílí standing there, unopened bottle of lube in one hand and a look of pure lust on his face. 

‘Fuck, you are so hot Kee.’ he breathed, ‘I want to fuck you so badly.’ He moved to the bed, kneeling down on the edge and chucking the lube at him, before crawling over until he was hovering on hands and knees over Kílí. He smiled down at him, and then kissed him, another soft slow kiss that made Kílí melt.

‘Anything I do that you don’t like or that you want to stop, you just have to tell me.’ He said, gently nudging Kílí’s nose with his, ‘If I’m going to fast, tell me to slow down.’

‘Ok.’ Kílí whispered back. Another smile and then a deep open mouthed kiss, Fílí’s tongue tracing his lower lip, his teeth before licking into his mouth with a slowness that made Kílí groan impatiently. That got a quit laugh out of Fílí, the vibrations of it running into Kílí’s mouth. He pulled back, pushing Kílí’s loosened hair out of his eyes. 

‘Just relax.’ he said, ‘I’ll do everything.’ He started kissing along Kílí’s jaw, taking his time moving down his neck, stopping to run his tongue along the collar bone. His on hand supported him, the other rested lightly on Kílí’s stomach. Kílí closed his eyes, feeling every touch as if it was being amplified, trails of fire following Fílí’s mouth and collecting under his hand. 

Fílí moved down, mouth stopping at his chest to flick his nipples with the tip of his tongue, soft and wet and sending electric shocks through him. Kílí wanted to scream, to thrash underneath him at the slow torture, but settled for reaching under the pillow and finding the edge of the futon and holding on with both hands as he arched into Fílí’s mouth. Fílí responded by licking his left nipple with a slow flat movement of his tongue, then sucking on it just hard enough to make him gasp and bite his lip. 

‘Fuck Fee,’ Kílí, ground out ’you’re fucking killing me here.’ The soft laugh again and then Fílí switched to the right one. The whole damn time his hand never left Kílí’s stomach, and he had to resist the urge to grab it and get him to do something useful with it. But he would be damned if he begged on his birthday. Fortunately Fílí took pity on him and his helpless writhing, moving his mouth away from his nipples and down his stomach, mouthing at the hair and running his tongue down his garden path. Once he reached his destination he moved onto one elbow and looked at Kílí, eyes sparkling.

‘Hand or mouth?’ he asked, the mischief clear in his voice.

‘Mouth, you fucker. You owe me for that.’ Kílí snapped, his self-control quickly becoming a thing of the past.

‘Whatever the birthday boy wants.’ Fílí said, smiling crookedly at him. He moved the hand on Kílí’s stomach to the base of his cock, holding it still before licking up the length of it in one slow movement. It was so indescribably filthy to see his big brother doing that to him, that Kílí couldn’t help himself and moaned loudly. It made Fílí’s eyes flash, and then he moved and took Kílí all the way into his mouth, setting up a steady rhythm, gold head moving up and down with his eyes locked on Kílí’s. Kílí couldn’t do anything but writhe underneath him, moans escalating in volume, until he had to stuff the knuckles of one hand into his mouth and bite down because he was sure he was going to start screaming. He felt himself on the edge, and it had never been this intense before. Then Fílí flicked his tongue against him and Kílí came violently, arching up off the bed and crying out, in spite of his best intentions not to. Fílí kept going until his shaking subsided then got up quickly, going to the door, pulling it open and spitting noisily. It made Kílí giggle, even through the post orgasmic fog he was currently in. Fílí absolutely refused to swallow and made no bones about it. He relaxed back onto the bed, and watched his brother coma back, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

‘Good?’ he asked, a smile playing around the corners of his mouth, bringing the dimples out to play.

‘Fucking amazing.’ Kílí said, ‘I think you have a definite talent for sucking my cock. We could make it into a show, you know? Take it on the road?’’

‘My brother the pervert.’ Fílí retorted, coming back and getting on the futon next to him again. ‘I needed to get you relaxed before we do anything serious.’

‘Oh, I’m relaxed. I think I’m about to go through the fucking floor I’m so relaxed.’ Kílí said. He opened one eye and gave Fílí’s cock a speculative look. ‘You want some help with that?’

Nope.’ Fílí said grinning at him. ‘We’re not done yet. You sure you want me in you, not the other way round.’ 

‘Hell yes.’ Kílí said. ‘I’ve been watching porn all week in anticipation, and it’s all I’ve been thinking about.’ 

‘Jesus Christ on a bicycle.’ Fílí laughed. ‘Fine. Do you need a moment or are you good to go?’ 

‘I’m good.’ Kílí said, sitting up. His breathing had returned to normal, and now he was revved and ready to go. ‘How do you want me?’

‘On your stomach.’ Fili said, grabbing the discarded lube and ripping off the protective plastic with his teeth then spitting it out on the floor. He stopped when he caught Kílí looking at him. ‘What?’

‘That’s fucking hot.’

‘Oh for fuck’s sake, just do it will you.’ Kílí obeyed him, wriggling to get comfortable. There was the snap of the bottle lid, then the sound of liquid on fingers. He tensed a little, and then felt Fílí’s hand on his back, stroking soothingly.

‘Relax, Kee. I’m not going to hurt you. We take this as slowly as we need to, ok?’

‘Ok.’ he replied, pushing his face down into the pillow. He felt Fílí’s fingers against him and hissed at the cold touch.

‘Sorry.’ Fee said, ‘You want to stop?’

‘Fuck no, it’s just cold.’ He took a deep breath, focusing on his breathing and trying to relax as he felt the first finger breach him, moving very slowly. It felt really good, the slick slide of the lube making it easy. He’d certainly experimented enough on himself for this to not be a surprise, and he pushed back a little until it slid all the way in. He heard Fílí’s breath catch behind him, and that was a massive turn on. 

‘You can do more.’ He said, wriggling a little, and Fílí gave him the second one, moving just as carefully. This was better, stretching him slightly and he started panting. He was getting hard again and the feeling of the friction underneath and the penetration of his brother’s fingers was really good. Fili moved his hand steadily, working his fingers in and out.

‘Fuck, Kee,’ he said in a voice that was almost a moan, ‘you feel so fucking good.’ 

‘Wait till you’ve got your cock in me.’ Kílí said over his shoulder. That got him an actual moan, and the fingers started moving a little harder, a little faster. 

‘Next one.’ he demanded.

‘You sure?’

‘Now Fee! Stop fucking around and do it!’ he snapped, and then made a noise he’d never made before as he was given what he asked for. He couldn’t stop moving, alternating pushing back and thrusting down into the bed. 

‘Hang on.’ Fílí said, and the fingers slowed, moving tentatively. Annoyed Kílí twisted around to glare at him, and saw a look of intense concentration on his face.

‘What the fuck are you doing?’

‘You’ll see. Now lie the fuck down, I think I’ve almost..’ He didn’t get to finish the sentence as his fingers hit something inside Kílí that made him shout and grab frantically at the edge of the futon again, slamming back into Fílí’s hand. 

‘Motherfucking Christ, what was that?’ he managed to say. 

‘I think I may have found your prostate.’ Fílí said in an insufferably smug voice. He pressed against it again and Kílí had to grit his teeth.

‘Jesus fucking Christ that’s good.’ 

‘Just wait till I have my cock in you.’ Fílí laughed, and if he hadn’t been so occupied with feeling incredible, Kílí was sure he would have swung around and smacked him in his smug little mouth. By the time Fílí finally pulled his fingers out and got up to grab a condom, he was largely incoherent. He lay there listening to the sound of foil being ripped, and idly wondered if Fílí was using his teeth again. Then the sound of it going on and more lube being applied, first to his brother than, after feeling Fílí get back on the futon, to himself. He was so far gone he didn’t even register the cold this time round. Then Fílí positioned himself over him, and the soothing hand was back.

‘You ready Kee?’

‘Yes.’ he replied, ‘Do it.’

There was a moment of contact, then the first push. He was amazed at Fílí’s self-control, how he could be so methodical about what he was doing, but then he’d always been the more controlled of the two. Kílí just hadn’t realised up to that point how controlled he could be. It hurt, that much was true, but not nearly as much as he’d expected. And whatever pain there was faded quickly as Fílí made it all the way in, until they were flat against each other. He braced himself on his hands either side of Kílí and lifted, sliding a little bit deeper and making Kílí clench around him. There were no noises from him, nothing. A little worried, Kílí raised his head, trying to look back at him.

‘Hey, you ok back there?’ he asked, trying to make his tone light. He really didn’t want Fílí freaking out right at this precise moment. 

‘I love you.’ Fílí said, his voice choked with emotion, and that shut Kílí right up. He felt him drop his forehead to his back, and then realised that Fílí’s body was shaking uncontrollably. 

‘I love you too.’ he said, the momentousness of what they were doing suddenly hitting him like a freight train. ‘I’ll love you forever. But if you don’t fucking move in the next two seconds I will not be responsible for what I’ll do.’ He felt the breath Fílí was holding being released in a sharp puff of air on his back, and then Fílí started moving. And if Kílí thought that what they’d been doing before was good, this blew his mind. Every thrust was a flare of white heat through his chest, every sound they made vibrated through him. He felt Fílí wrap his arms around his chest and found his hands, twining their fingers together and hanging on for dear life as Fílí picked up the pace, eventually driving into him so hard the sheet under them started to drag and bunch. 

There was nothing else for him, just the feel of Fílí on him and inside him, breath hot on his neck and fingers squeezing his tight enough to bruise. He felt like he was flying up, up, up, until eventually he hit the edge and fell screaming over it. He felt nothing else, and it was only once he started to come down, that he realised that Fílí must have come too, judging from the way he had collapsed on top of him, breathing harsh erratic breaths. 

They lay that way for what seemed like hours, but which could only have been a few minutes. The he felt Fílí gripping the base of the condom and pulling out as gently as he could, before getting up and going back to the bag on the table. Kílí had no idea how he could even stand, let alone walk. He watched Fílí take the condom off and tie it up, then dispose of it in the bag. He then took out a towel and came back. He cleaned himself off first then did Kílí, lying down next to him afterwards. Kílí rolled towards him and snuggled into his arms, kissing him once against the damp skin of his neck.

‘Thank you, Fee.’ he whispered, and saw his brother smile in the candlelight, ‘That was the best birthday present ever.’


	17. Returned

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Soooo, after lulling you into a false sense of security with a smooshy love bit, it's time to return to the action. Confrontation scene Take 2!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, over 100 kudos :) Thanks so much guys for all the kudos and comments - they are fantastic!!!!

Ten days Before the Wedding

Kílí retreated as quickly as he’d attacked, staring in horrified fascination at the blood that ran down Fílí’s lip from where he’d hit him. Fílí raised a hand, wiping the blood away on the back of it, and looked at him. His blue eyes were remarkably calm, as was his voice when he spoke.

‘Hello Kee.’ he said. For some reason those two words just made Kílí see red and he threw himself at his brother, keen to get another hit in. Gimli, who had gotten in between the two of them, caught him head on, wrapping both arms around him and holding him still. Kílí went nuts, raging and struggling to get free. It was like wrestling with a bear, and this only made him angrier.

‘Let me go!’ he shouted, ‘I’m going to fucking kill him!’

‘Kili! Enough! Calm the fuck down!’ the other blond man shouted, holding one hand out at him. The strangely familiar tone of authority made Kílí back off as if a bucket of cold water had been thrown over him and he abruptly stopped struggling, something Gimli was very thankful for. He watched in astonishment as the man went to his brother, cupping his face in his hands in an unexpectedly tender gesture, tilting Fílí’s head to get a look at his injured mouth. ‘You ok, kid?’ he asked, his voice full of concern and what sounded like love.

It hit Kílí like a punch in the stomach. In all his anger at his brother and all the possible scenarios he’d played out in his head, this was one he’d never considered. Did his brother leave because of another man? Was this him? Did Thorin not approve because of the obvious age difference? Jealousy flooded through him, leaving an ugly taste in his mouth, like bile after vomiting.

‘So who is this?’ he snarled, and they looked at him, surprise on both their faces at his venomous tone. ‘Is he your fucking boyfriend?’ Then Fílí’s eyes flashed back at him, just as angry as his own.

‘No, you bloody idiot! He’s is not my boyfriend, he’s our fucking uncle! He’s Frérin!’ Taken aback, Kílí looked at the older man. Jesus, how had he not seen it? The man was the spitting image of his brother. As much as people often remarked that he and Thorin looked enough alike to be father and son, so it was with Fílí and the man he was looking at. He was taller, closer to Thorin in height, but the hair was the same shade of dark gold with red highlights like a lion’s mane. The skin was the same dark tan and his eyes, oh God, he had the Durin eyes that Kílí had missed out on, the same deep stormy blue as Thorin and his brother. So it was true. He thought back to when Fílí had first left, the whisper he’d heard from other people in the family.

_Well, that was only a matter of time. He is so much like Frérin. Looks like him, acts like him._

Now it made sense. All at once the fight went out of him and he sagged in Gimli’s arms, suddenly feeling more tired than he ever had in his life.

‘You left.’ he said to Fílí, and Christ if he didn’t sound like a sad, frightened child. ‘You just left. You didn’t even say goodbye.’ Tears threatened, making his eyes burn with the effort of holding them back.

‘I know Kee. I’m so sorry.’ Fílí replied and he sounded as close to tears as Kílí was. ‘I will never be able to say how sorry I am.’

‘You lied to me.’ Kílí said, voice dropping in volume, ‘You said forever and you lied.’

‘I know. But there were reasons. And I’m back now.’ Fílí said, and now he was fucking crying, tears running down his face and his voice choking up. He took a hesitant step towards Kílí, holding out his hands as if to a child. Kílí couldn’t stop himself. He took the step, jumped over the edge and walked into his brother’s arms. He breathed in that wonderful smell that had never left his heart and memories, felt the body against him that had made his heart leap so many times. He put his arms around him and held on and cried.

**********

Frérin watched the two young men crash into each other’s arms, both crying a little hysterically now. Kílí had his arms around Fílí’s waist, face buried in his shoulder while Fílí held onto his upper arm with one hand, the other stroking the dark hair as if soothing a skittish animal. It hurt him so badly to see it and at the same time made him bubble over with hope and happiness. God, Kílí was so like Thorin had been when he was young, all fire and passion. Were it not for the hazel eyes, he could have been his brother when he was in his twenties. He remembered the last time he saw Thorin, and a feeling of fear like he’d not had in years came unbidden and threatening to strangle all his courage. He was back in his house, the Durin house. That meant that Thorin was here. It was enough to make his stomach lurch and gorge sit in his throat.

And judging from the noises coming from the dining room, the people in there (and that group must surely contain his brother) had heard the commotion and were spilling through the doorway into the hall in an attempt to find out what was going on. It would have been comical were it not for the context. He saw Dwalin and gave him a smile. Dwalin’s face was a picture and he turned and muttered to a shorter pale young man with dark auburn hair. There were also three others he didn’t recognise, a beautiful young woman with straight copper hair, and two men who were obviously father and son judging by their almost identical appearances with light blond hair and pale haughty faces.

But it was the last figure he wanted to see. He stepped out from around his nephews who were still holding onto each other like drowning men, and took in the tall man who came through the doorway last. He was older, that much could be seen from the fine lines around the dark blue eyes and the grey streaks in the almost black hair. But what struck him most was the deep seated sadness in Thorin’s face and bearing, like a stone statue that had been chipped away at over time by the elements until all it’s fine features had been stripped away. And yet, in spite of all these things, he was still so beautiful to Frérin and he felt his heart speed up in a way it hadn’t done for twenty-seven years. 

Thorin finally saw him and the impassive expression he wore slipped away as if taking off a mask. It was replaced by a look he would wager no-one had seen for over twenty-years: the true face of Thorin, his brother. Not Thorin Durin, the heir to the Erebor Mining fortune, not the company CEO or the charming host of a thousand society parties. Just the man he had fallen in love with when he was still a teenager, and still loved now even though he wished like hell he didn’t. So he did the only thing he could, unconsciously echoing his nephew.

‘Hello Thor.’ he said.


	18. Discovery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thorin discovers what the boys have been up to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little bit of Thorin POV. 
> 
> Huge thanks to the readers who have left commnets, you know who you are. You're all wonderful and have made writing this so gratifying :) Thanks as well to all those who left kudos, and to all those who are just reading.

Seven Years Ago

Thorin Durin had a secret. A deep dark secret, a secret so well kept nobody knew it, not even the person he shared his other more twisted secret with. It was a secret that consisted of late night sneaking, quietly closed doors and detergent. Thorin Durin liked to do laundry.

It had started when he was a young teenager, just turned fourteen. That’s when those confusing dreams had started, the ones filled with blond hair and blue eyes that made him breathless and sticky in the night. The ones he was so horribly ashamed of, so ashamed in fact that he would get up and strip his bed, sneak down to the linen cupboard on the landing and get fresh sheets. Then he would take the soiled ones downstairs into the cellars, where the laundry room was and wash them, dry them and fold them up neatly to be replaced without anyone noticing. Erebor had close to twenty bedrooms, and when the whole family was in residence all of them were used, and this meant a lot if sheets being washed, ironed and folded. It was not including the huge amount of regular household linen. This had prompted Thror to put in two industrial sized washers and dryers, sitting in a bank along the back wall. When they were on the go, the heat produced gave the laundry room an almost tropical feel, steamy and warm. This combined with the smell of the lavender fabric softener Abra, Thorin and Frérin’s mother, preferred made it a surprisingly relaxing place.

So Thorin came to enjoy his strange nocturnal visits, and even when he got the dreams under control he still retreated to the laundry room whenever he felt stressed and closed in on. Which he felt a lot, not that he could ever tell anyone, not even Frérin. And when his mother died, and he had to put his father in a rehabilitative home that catered for people ‘with his condition’ as the doctor had so delicately put it, Thorin had bought in an outside company to do all the household laundry, and kept the big room downstairs for himself. It was his refuge from his sister, from his nephews (especially the one that looked so much like his brother it took everything in his power not to hate the boy for the inadvertent pain he caused him) and from Erebor itself. He kept his own laundry aside and spent many hours in solitude and as close to happy as he was able to get, quietly feeding the big top loading machines, measuring out soap powder and fabric softener (the same brand his mother had used) and then sitting in a deck chair he’d brought down from the lake house to wait while he read crime novels of the cheapest variety, yet another secret he had. Then the transfer of wet clothing and bedding to the dryer and the warm clouds of steam that turned his hair a little frizzy and damp. Once that was done, the endlessly soothing motions of folding and the satisfaction of a stack of clean items that he packed into the plastic basket and carried upstairs. And all this done in the small hours of the morning, when he couldn’t sleep for fear of those blue eyes popping up in a dream and that now always looked at him in accusation, and had done so for twenty-seven years.

He shouldn’t have been surprised that the boys had discovered the laundry room, even though they had been forbidden to run around the extensive network of cellars and passages under Erebor by their mother when they were both just children. Dís had always been terrified of the dark, after she’d been accidently (or maybe not so accidentally) forgotten down there in a game of hide and seek. He and Frérin had had their backsides royally tanned for that one. So when he came down at around three in the morning about a month after Kílí’s birthday party with a basket of shirts and heard sounds he hadn’t been as surprised as he should have been. Those two had always been where they shouldn’t have been, getting into mischief. He quietened his step, hoping to give them a good fright followed by a lecture on what the hell were they doing running around the house at this time. They were probably smoking pot. Oh yes, he knew about that one, had smelt it on them even at Kílí’s birthday party. But he tried not to be heavy handed about it, quite frankly he was more concerned with the cigarettes that Fílí seemed to go through by the dozen these days. He got closer to the door, smiling to himself at the thought of their faces when he jumped in on them and then he stopped dead in his tracks.

He recognised the quality of those noises and it made his blood run like ice.

_No, it couldn’t be. Not again. Not them._

He hesitated, standing outside the door they hadn't even bothered to close properly. He hated himself for listening in on what was obviously a very intimate moment, but he couldn’t help himself. He had to know. It took only the gentlest push for the door to open enough for him to see what has happening inside. The sight before him made his stomach lurch in its familiarity, until he was sick from it. The room was not completely dark, there was enough light from the pilot flames of the immense boilers on the opposite wall for him to see Fílí was leaning back against the washer, both hands on the edge to brace himself. Kílí was on his knees in front of him, hands on Fílí’s hips and his dark head moving in a steady rhythm that left no doubt as to what he was doing to his brother. Their shirts were discarded on the floor, and Thorin could see a small plastic bottle balanced on the dryer next to Fílí. But it was the look on his elder nephew’s face that did it, head thrown back, eyes closed and mouth open as he moaned and gasped in pleasure at the movement of Kílí’s mouth. It was the same look Frérin had worn, when it was Thorin on his knees in front of him. He’d loved doing that, making Frérin incoherent just from the feel of his mouth on him, the shaking of his body under his hands and the explosion of semen on his tongue when Frérin came. He’d done it at every opportunity afforded him. And judging by the noises Kílí was making, the apple didn’t fall far from the tree.

He’d retreated so quietly they never even realised he was there. He had his suspicions that even if he had been a little louder, they would have been so wrapped up in each they still wouldn’t have noticed. After all that was how he and Frérin had been, and also how they had been caught, just as he had now caught Fílí and Kílí. When he made it back to his room, he’d locked himself in his bathroom and punched the mirror above the sink, shattering it into pieces and cutting his knuckles. Then he’d packed a suitcase and left the house for a week under the pretence of a business trip. He had a lot of thinking to do.


	19. Consequences

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The ongoing saga continues, but who will be last man standing? And why did no-one bring any popcorn?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have completely lost the plot at this point and this story is basically writing itself, so if you see any errors blame the Durins, bloody unruly bunch that they are :)
> 
> I also claim no ownership or mineral rights :D
> 
> Oh, and I love sweary Thorin.

Ten days before the Wedding

Dwalin heard the shouting from the hall and locked eyes with Ori who was sitting across from him. He raised his eyebrows in confusion. Dwalin been a little perturbed when Gimli had run off having been party to the plan to sneak an invitation to Fílí and Frérin although he had had serious doubts they would respond. But then the doorbell had rung when no-one else was expected and he’d looked at Gimli who’d looked back. Even Ori had looked mildly alarmed and he really had no idea of the potentially nuclear level fallout that was about to occur if the people at the door were who he thought they were. Then Kílí had followed, always unable to bear not knowing what was going on. Then there was the raised voice, followed by something that sounded like a scuffle and then Kílí shouting about killing someone. That had him up and heading for the doorway, with pretty much everyone else. When he got there what he saw absolutely floored him. He’d expected Fílí might show up, if Gimli’s little scheme worked, but he had most certainly expected the other man that stood next to the two of them. 

‘Fuck me.’ he muttered under his breath, and Ori gave him a questioning look. 

‘Who is he?’

‘Thorin’s brother, Frérin.’ He replied and Ori frowned.

‘Thorin has a brother?’ he asked, ‘How many other relatives are hiding in the woodwork?’ 

‘Only the dead and long buried ones I hope.’ Dwalin felt the movement behind him and turned to watch Thorin step past him. And, as if by magic, his face changed when he saw Frérin step around the boys and move towards him. It was if someone had stripped away twenty odd years of sadness and regret in one fell swoop when Thorin saw his brother.

‘Hello Thor.’ Frérin said, and his voice was unchanged. Although there had been clandestine texts and emails, Dwaling had not actually spoken to him since his exile and it was very strange to hear his voice. Dwalin held his breath, watching Thorin. Then, just like that the mask was back, perfectly impassive. When he looked at Frérin, it actually physically hurt to see the disappointment on his face. 

*********

Tauriel watched in amazement as her fiancé stood crying like a child in the arms of a man she did not know. 

‘What the hell is going on?’ Legolas whispered to her, and she shrugged.

‘I have no idea.’ she whispered back. ‘I don’t even know who he is.’

‘Quiet, you two.’ Thranduil hissed, ‘There is something at work here, which we are not party to.’ Legolas caught her eye and they shared the look that had become second nature to them by now, after years of living with Thranduil and his talent for stating the bleeding obvious. Not that she would tell her adopted brother though, but he had also received a bit of that knack. Obviously a genetic quirk, like the hair. 

Then Thorin had stepped out from behind them and the tall blond man greeted him, using a nickname that suggested he and Thorin knew each other. There was a brief, very complicated exchange of facial expressions that Tauriel wasn’t even sure she could follow, let alone understand. And through all of this, Kílí continued to hug the living daylights out of some stranger. Then Thorin spoke. Well, not so much spoke as used every profane word in the dictionary in one sentence and all hell broke loose.

***********

Gimli looked backwards and forwards from his cousins to his sort-of-uncles. This was starting to get fucking intense. For one glorious minute, when Fee and Kee basically ran into each other’s arms, he’d had the crazy hope that it would all be okay. He was forgetting that these were Durins though, and nothing would stand in the way of a Durin complicating a situation. He saw Thorin's face change from one expression to another in a matter of seconds and then back again when Frérin spoke to him. The entire gathering basically held its breath, waiting for the response. Thorin didn’t disappoint. Gimli at first thought he wasn’t going to say anything, but then he took a breath like a dragon preparing to let loose enough fire to roast an entire army of knights alive. And when he opened his mouth, Gimli has convinced he’d never heard so many swear words in one go. Which was pretty impressive considering Thorin never said so much as ‘damn’ on a day to day basis. 

‘You motherfucking, son of a whore, cocksucking bastard cunt!’ he yelled, stepping forward as his expression changed again to one of blind fury, voice getting progressively louder until it was a roar. ‘What the fucking hell are you doing in my house?’ That stopped everything. It was as if someone had switched off time. Gimli snuck a look at the others around and saw expressions that ranged from mild to complete horror. He secretly felt quite elated to see that Thranduil and Legolas looked as if they had been slapped. Then he looked back at Frérin, only to see the human equivalent of a lion putting his ears back and getting ready to give as good as he got.

‘Fuck you Thor!’ he spat back, just as loudly, ‘The only reason this is your fucking house as you put it, you fucking wanker, is because you’ve chased away everyone in it!’ Then he threw himself at Thorin, catching him off guard and the two started going at it like it was Friday night in a pub. In Glasgow. As if a Celtic supporter had just called the Rangers a bunch of jessies. It was game on, and for one crazy moment everyone just stood and watched as two grown men tried their best to maim each other on the polished wood floor. 

‘Jesus Fucking Christ! You’re going to fucking murder each other!’ Dwalin roared, and dived into the fray. He could not separate them and ended up almost getting kicked in the teeth himself. It took him, Fílí and Kílí, who’d managed to disentangle themselves from each other, to finally pry them off each other, Fílí getting his arms around Frérin and hauling him off Thorin while Kílí and Dwalin dragged him to a safe distance. 

They were a mess, both injured, bleeding and breathing heavily. Thorin’s nose was spouting blood from a well-timed hit, and Frérin had a split lip and the beginnings of a black eye. Then, as if they were images in a mirror, they both bent double with their hands resting on their knees, giving each other death glares as their nephews checked them over. 

‘Right!’ Dwalin said, taking control of the situation. ‘You two in the study!’ he snarled at Thorin and Kílí. ‘And you two in the kitchen!’ This was directed at Fílí and Frérin. ‘If you’re going to behave like fucking animals, then you get to be separated until you calm the fuck down!’ 

‘But we weren’t the ones doing anything!’ Kílí protested, backing down immediately at the look he got from Dwalin.

‘You, shut it laddie! We will get to you and your brother later! Right now get your fucking uncle out of this room before I knock his lights out myself! And you do the fucking same!’ he shouted at Fílí, who glared back mutinously, but did as he was told. Gimli watched as they physically wrangled their uncles to their respective designated cooling off locations. 

‘Holy shit!’ Ori said to him, ‘This is better than Glasgow on a Friday night. You ok, love?’ he asked Dwalin, who shook his head.

‘I am too fucking old for this shit.’ he muttered. 

‘Excuse me?’ a feminine voice asked, and they swung round to see Thranduil, Legolas and Tauriel all staring at them and looking extremely confused. ‘Did you just say that was Kílí’s brother?’


	20. Secrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A conversation between Dwalin and Thorin prior to the Fili incident.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a vain attempt to inject some logic and order into what is fast degenerating into Mexican soap opera :D

Seven Years Ago

Dwalin looked at Thorin across the desk.

‘Are you sure this is the only way to do this?’ he asked, and watched Thorin’s normally impassive expression crack just a little and only for a spilt second. His cousin looked so unbelievably sad in that moment, as he contemplated what he was about to do. 

‘I can’t think of another solution. I have been over it again and again. What else is there?’

‘You could try talking to them. Get them to see what they are doing is wrong.’ Dwalin suggested, but Thorin snorted at that.

‘That won’t work. I know, trust me on this. If Thror had never found out, we would never have stopped. And I don’t think they will be able to stop either. Separating them is the only thing that will work, and getting Fílí away from his brother is only going to be possible if I hit him hard and fast, otherwise Kílí will just follow him wherever he goes and then we’ll be back at square one.’ 

‘It’s cruel, Thorin. It’s worse than what Thror did to you and Frérin. At least he allowed both of you the choice. Fílí will never forgive you for this, and neither will Kílí if he ever finds out what you did. You’ll be taking everything away from him.’

‘I take it to mean you won’t help me then?’ Thorin turned those blue eyes like lasers on Dwalin, but he held firm.

‘I won’t. But I won’t hinder you either. They’re your family Thorin, you have to make the hard decisions for them. But if it were me I would try to exhaust other options before I did this. It’s too drastic.’ He sighed, and looked at Thorin, who’d turned to look out the window, face a stony emotionless mask once again. It made Dwalin very sad. ‘You’re going to disinherit him as well?’

‘Having resources at his disposal could mean that he would take Kílí and go, so yes. With no money or connections he will be forced to stay away from this house and his brother.’

‘So what will you do with him? Leave him on the street to starve?’ Dwalin, couldn’t hide the angry tone in his voice.

‘No.’ Thorin replied, still not looking at him, ‘I’m sending him to Frérin.’ Dwalin’s mouth dropped open in shock. This was the last thing he’d expected. ‘That way he will still be with family. That’s why I need you. I know you’re still in contact with him Dwalin. I need his number.’ 

‘How do you know that? Are you spying on me too?’ Dwalin asked, genuinely hurt and getting angrier by the minute.

‘I have my ways of finding out information. How do you think I know where Frérin is? I’ve known since he left. I just need a way to contact him, and that is where you come in.’

‘But you never went after him? Never contacted him? Not even after your mother died and Thror was sent away?’ Dwalin asked, appalled at what he was hearing. He’d always assumed that Thorin had no clue where Frérin was, and that was what Frérin believed as well. ‘Jesus Thorin, that’s fucking cold. I had to be the one who gave Frérin the news. It should have been you.’ 

‘It was necessary.’ Thorin said, but Dwalin could swear he heard the tiniest bit of uncertainty in his voice. ‘It was for the good of the family, for the good of Erebor. Thror needed me to run things, not chase after my brother.’

‘Maybe, but at what cost? Have you ever asked yourself what this has done to you, what it did to Frérin?’

‘He has been just fine, Dwalin. He used our grandmother’s trust money to educate himself, has a good job and he no doubt lives a good life.’ Dwalin thought about this. It was he who initiated contact with Frérin after he’d left, not the other way around and as far as he knew, he was the only member of the family that Frérin was in contact with. Maybe it was true, that he really didn’t want any part of it, and hadn’t for the last twenty years. 

‘That may be. But now you’re just going to throw Fílí at him and hope for the best? What if all he gives him is a kick out the door.’ Dwalin asked.

‘He won’t.’ Thorin replied, ‘I know my brother. He wanted someone to be there for him, and there wasn’t anybody. I…’ here he trailed off and Dwalin waited for him to start speaking again, but Thorin seemed to be lost in thought.

‘You what?’ he prompted and Thorin started a little. 

‘Nothing.’ he said, ‘Frérin will look after him, I’m sure of it.’ Dwalin sighed, and ran a hand over his bald scalp, a gesture he often used to comfort himself.

‘When will you do it?’ 

‘Tomorrow. Kílí will be at archery all day and Dis has gone away so we will be alone.’ Dwalin shook his head sadly.

‘I really hope this doesn’t come back to bite you in the arse Thorin Durin. It’ll be a shit storm if it does.’ 

‘I’ll just have to deal with that if it comes up, when it comes up.’

‘Well, I don’t envy you one thing. Kílí is going to be hell to deal with when he founds out Fílí’s gone.’

‘Not if he thinks Fílí just left him behind. Which is precisely how I’m going to make it look. And there is a very pretty girl that he met at his birthday who’s going to be a wonderful distraction. Thranduil and I have already discussed it. He’s concerned she’s overly fond of Legolas and I want Kílí to be as far away from Fílí as possible. It couldn’t be more perfect.’ 

That was the final straw for Dwalin. He took out his mobile phone, scrolling through his address book until he found what he wanted, scrawling the number on the notepad on Thorin’s desk. 

‘There.’ he said. He hated himself for doing it but desperately hoped that Fílí would at least be okay if he was with Frérin. ‘But just so you know, I think what you’re doing is monstrous. And just because you now know that I’m in contact with Frérin doesn’t mean I will stop.’ He got up from the chair and headed to the door, stopping once to turn and look at Thorin. ‘I don’t think that I could forgive myself for doing what you’re about to do. You might want to contemplate that.’ And with that he left, slamming the study door behind him.

Thorin stood where he was, looking at the pathway that ran past the window. A pathway that two other boys used to run together until they were found out. If he looked through his mind’s eye, he could almost see him and Frérin chasing down that pathway to the lake where it all started.

‘I haven’t forgiven myself for the last time either.’ he said softly to no-one in particular, ‘Once more is not going to hurt any more than it already does.’


	21. Crash

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The uncles are separated and confessions are made.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so this is definitely a snowball effect in action. Hold onto your knickers and assume the crash position :)

10 days Before the Wedding

‘I told you Thorin. I said it would come back and bite you in the arse.’ Dwalin said. He’d come to the study with a bag of frozen peas in hand, pressing it to the back of Thorin’s neck. Thorin didn’t reply, just grunted from where he sat in one of the overstuffed armchairs, head bowed forward and blood still dripping from his nose into the plastic bowl Dwalin had also brought to try and salvage some of the study carpet. Kílí was pacing back and forth like a caged panther. 

‘What in the actual fuck was going on out there? Why is Fílí here? Why is your fucking brother here?’ he demanded, waving his hands wildly for emphasis. ‘Did you invite them as some kind of sick joke, because if you did I swear to fuck Thorin I will..’ The initial shock of seeing and reacting to seeing Fílí again had started to wear off a little and the anger was most definitely back with a vengeance. 

‘I didn’t invite them Kílí.’ Thorin interrupted him, his voice was thick and clogged. ‘I don’t know who did, but I am as unimpressed with this situation as you are.’ He managed to lift his head a little and gave Dwalin a pointed look. ‘Someone has some explaining to do.’ 

'Oh fuck you Thorin.’ Dwalin said, but there was no real anger in his voice, nor did he relinquish his hold on the frozen peas. ‘I didn’t do it. You might want to have a look around, there are other people who knew about this besides me.’ At that he glanced up at Kílí who was busy trying his best to chew all his nails down to the quick, something he hadn’t done since he was a teenager. 

‘What?’ he said, his eyes widening in the patented Kílí Durin look of mild alarm then narrowing dangerously in the equally patented Kílí Durin look of brooding rage, ‘I didn’t fucking invite them. As far as I’m concerned they can both go fuck themselves. They are the ones who fucking left.’ Dwalin gave Thorin a glare, which he studiously avoided.

‘You didn’t look like you were that upset with him earlier, laddie.’ he pointed out to Kílí, whose eyebrows practically united as he frowned angrily. 

‘Well, I fucking am now!’ he snapped, ‘He’s been gone for seven bloody years and if he thinks he can just come back and everything will be fine, he’s fucking wrong.’ He ran both hands through his thick hair, then shook his head violently. ‘This can’t be fucking happening, it’s like some sort of ridiculous soap opera plot!’ With that he collapsed in the chair opposite Thorin’s, folded his arms and immediately regressed to his fifteen year old self, who used to do the exact same thing when he was upset. It was almost funny, Dwalin thought to himself, and if the situation had been any other he would have pointed this out to Kili. Given their current circumstances, however, it was probably best to let that one go.

***********

In the kitchen, Fílí attended to Frérin. He sponged off his lip, which was considerably worse than his own, and handed him a bag of frozen corn that Gimli had gven him to put over his rapidly swelling eye. 

‘We have to do everything together don’t we?’ Frérin joked weakly, ‘We even have matching injuries.’ In spite of himself, Fílí snorted with laughter.

‘You’re an idiot, do you know that Frer? What were you fucking thinking?’ 

‘I don’t think I was. That’s was probably the trouble. It was back then and it is now.’ Frérin said, taking the bag off his eye and probing it gently. ‘This going to swell like a motherfucker, isn’t it?’

‘It already is.’ Fílí said, gently pushing his hand back into place. ‘Keep that on it and hopefully it won’t be so bad in the morning.’ He looked around at Gimli. ‘What the hell was that G?’ Gimli looked stricken and guilty all at once.

‘I am so sorry Fílí. I had no idea it would kick off like that.’ he said, hands shoved into pockets. ‘The truth is I’m the one who sent the invitation. Thorin and Kili kind of knew nothing about it.’ Fílí straightened up and looked at him.

‘Why would you do that?’ he asked, ‘If they haven’t been bothered to get in touch for seven years, why would you think that they wanted us here.’ Gimli looked around quickly, going to the kitchen door and closing it firmly. The three visitors had been shepherded into the living room by Ori who was no doubt keeping them contained.

‘I did it because this whole thing is a fucking joke Fee. Christ I know how fucked up this is, but I can’t watch Kee make the biggest mistake of his life.’ 

‘What the hell are you talking about Gimli.’ Fílí said, his voice now deadly serious and his face a picture of confusion. Gimli heaved a huge sigh, his inner conflict waging war on his usually stoic face.

‘Kílí is still loves you.’ he said eventually, ‘Not just you’re his brother and he loves you, but he is still in love with you. He’s never stopped being in love with you, no matter how wrong Thorin told him it was. And even though you abandoned him, he’s held true to that all this time.’ 

‘Now, hang on a damn minute.’ Frérin interjected, ‘Fílí did not abandon Kílí.’ He ignored Fílí’s frantically pleading look, gesturing in dismissal, ‘No Fee, I'm fucking sorry but if the truth is going to come out, it’s fucking coming out. Gimli, Fílí didn’t just leave, Thorin basically threw him out on the street with a fucking duffle bag and not much else. He threatened him and basically blackmailed him into leaving with destroying Kílí’s emotional well being if he was to so much as contacted him.’ Now it was Gimli’s turn to look confused. 

‘What? Why would he do that?’ he asked, looking from Fílí to Frérin. Fílí fixed his eyes on Frérin's.

‘You don’t have to do this.’ he said, putting one hand on Frérin’s arm. 

‘Yes I do, kid. Vanquish the demons like you said.’ He turned to Gimli, taking a deep breath and holding his gaze steady. ‘I assume you know all about your cousins?’

‘Yes I do.’ Gimli said, eyes starting to widen a little as he no doubt started to guess where Frérin was headed.

‘Well, they’re not the first pair of brothers to have committed incest in this house. That top honour would belong to Thorin and me.’ he said, watching Gimli’s expression carefully. When he didn’t see the inevitable judgement it was his turn to frown. ‘You don’t seem all that surprised.’

‘Right now a herd of pink velociraptors could come charging through here and I don’t think it would bother me.’ Gimli said, moving to one of the chairs at the kitchen table and sitting down heavily. He took out a pack of cigarettes and offered them to Fílí and Frérin who both took one, before they all simultaneously lit up, the sounds of three flicking Zippos making them smile. ‘Guess we’re all more alike than we like to admit. There’s also rum in the cupboard..’

‘Over the sink.’ Fili finished, a small smile on his face. He looked at Frérin.

‘Like I said, kid.’ Frérin grinned, ‘the more things change the more they stay the same.’ 

‘I’ll get the glasses.’ Gimli said, ‘We might be in for a long night.’

************

In the living room Ori smiled maniacally, and tried to make small talk with the three people that were all staring at him like he had two heads. Oh Christ, but Dwalin owed him fucking big for this. Like blowjobs-on-demand-for-a-week owed him. And he most certainly planned to collect when this cluster fuck they were calling a wedding was over. The only question was how it would end?


	22. Boys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some Thorin and Frerin before it all went tits up. Oh, boy these two...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song lyrics are from Love by Aztec Camera, a song called Somewhere in My Heart which is my Thorin/Frerin love song.
> 
> Thank you all for the wonderful comments and kudos. I am very grateful and hope you are all enjoying the wild ride!!!
> 
> Playlist available now: http://8tracks.com/8tracks-com-trex/fiki-famous-last-words

Twenty - Nine years ago

Frérin rolled down the window, then lit two cigarettes at once and blew the stream of smoke out, watching it disperse in the cool evening wind. The radio was on, and he listened to the words of the song that was playing.

_Who cares what people say_

_We walk down love's motorway_

He looked at Thorin, who was driving them into Bristol, watching the way his lips moved as he sang along under his breath. He loved to see his brother like this, carefree and released from being the heir of Erebor, even if it was for only one night.

_Somewhere in my heart_

_There is a star that shines for you_

_Silver splits the blue_

_Love will see it through_

_And somewhere in my heart_

_There is the will to set you free_

_All you've got to be is true_

He smiled, handing over one of the cigarettes prompted by Thorin’s impatient gesture. He studied his brother, taking in the stern profile and the thick straight dark hair cut a little long in the front so it fell over his dark blue eyes and felt his heart thump.

_And our hearts have been torn_

_Since the day we were born_

They did this, taking the long drive to Bristol to hit the gay clubs out from under the intense scrutiny of their parents and other family. It was bad enough to be gay, Frérin thought to himself. If it had just been him, that would have given Thror a heart attack, but he would have probably been able to cope with it. But to have the Erebor heir, the perfect Thorin also come out would have nailed every last nail in his father’s and grandfather’s coffin, after it had killed them of course. But it wasn’t just that. It had been almost eight months since that first heated kiss on the lake dock, and two months since he and Thorin had consummated their relationship. So now they headed out to Bristol, where no-one knew them and they could go clubbing, hold hands and kiss in corners without anyone making the connection that they were brothers. They certainly looked nothing alike to the casual observer, although once you studied them a little more closely the similarities were apparent. The shape of the nose, mouth and of course the deep, almost navy blue eyes.

_Somewhere in my heart_

_There is a star that shines for you_

_Silver splits the blue_

_Love will see it through_

_And somewhere in my heart_

_There is the will to set you free_

_All you've got to be is true_

Sometimes Frérin couldn’t contain it. The love he felt would bubble up inside of him, and he’d have to bite his lip to keep from smiling. Thorin was much better at that than he was, having developed an impressive poker face at a relatively young age. He looked over at him again, watching the dark hair flutter in the air currents moving around the car and marvelled again that Thorin, who could have had anyone with a snap of his fingers, had picked him to love. They arrived in Bristol, parked the car three streets down from the club and went inside. It was a dump, the black and white checked floor sticky and the air so thick with smoke from cigarettes and the smoke machine that you could hardly make out anyone else. That suited him just fine, and he and Thorin danced all night. Some were fast paced and they bounced around together energetically, and then there were the slow ones when Thorin wrapped those strong arms around his waist and pulled him close enough to breathe into his slightly parted mouth. They kissed like that on the dance floor, tongue moving lazily against tongue. He loved to slide his fingers into Thorin’s thick dark hair and pull gently, feeling the resulting shiver go through his brother’s body, his cock hardening in reponse. He teased him like that all night, until they eventually left the club around three in the morning.

Then the long drive home with Thorin driving like a maniac, taking the corners at speed, with one hand on Frérin’s thigh except for when he had to shift gears. Frérin just watched him drive, getting more and more turned on with every minute anticipating what was coming. There was a field about a mile down from the main gate of the house. There was a smaller bar gate there with a single lane track that down a smaller avenue of trees and then out into the field. Frérin jumped out, opened the gate and let Thorin drive through, then closed it and jumped back in. They got to the field, and Thorin cut the engine before twisting in his seat and pinning Frerin down, his mouth descending on his, making Frérin gasp with the want he felt. They kissed roughly, teeth and tongues moving without finesse or delicacy. He pulled Thorin’s hair hard enough to hurt, loving the way his brother moaned then reached for Thorin’s cock, working it through the thick fabric of his jeans.

‘Fuck, Frer.’ Thorin groaned, ‘I want you.’ He pushed himself off Frérin then got out the car, not bothering to close the door before he charged around to Frérin’s side, opening the passenger door and hauling him bodily out of the car. They stumbled against each other then, Thorin pressed Frérin up against the side of the car, hands under his t-shirt pulling it up and over his head. He did the same, gasping at the feel of Thorin’s bare skin against his own, arms going around his neck. Thorin’s hands found the buckle of his belt, undoing it and pulling them down around his hips, then turned him around so Frérin’s hands were braced against the roof of the car. There was a small interruption as Thorin ducked back into the car and scrabbled around in the glove compartment for the lube they kept there. Then the cold touch of his slick fingers and the ecstatic slide as they penetrated Frérin, making him push back and arch against his brother. He panted loudly as Thorin worked him open, crying out once as the fingers hit that place inside him. Then the sudden withdrawal and the sound of Thorin undoing his own belt and shoving his jeans down, the sound of his lubed hand on his own cock, wiping the excess off on his jeans before it hit his entrance and pushed inside him, all the way in until he felt he would explode from the feel of it. Then Thorin placed his hands over his, crowding him up against the car and began thrusting into him, slow and deep. It was hot and cold, still and loud, love and lust all at once. They knew each other well now, which buttons to push, and Frérin met every thrust of his brother’s hips with a push back of his own, their voices loud in the still night air as they panted and moaned together. Every touch burned and branded itself into their skin. Frérin came first, arching back against Thorin, feeling him tighten his grip as he followed. Then the slowing of breath, the soft kisses Thorin dropped on his bare shoulders, the back of his neck as he pulled out, and finally the deep ones to his mouth after he’d turned around. Thorin pulled back slightly, just enough for them to look into each other’s eyes, the blue mirrored in their gaze.

‘I love you, Frer.’ he murmured in his deep voice and Frérin’s heart almost hurt with the intensity of his feelings for his brother, feelings he knew he would never have for anyone else.

‘I love you Thor.’ He replied, and watched his brother’s eyes soften. ‘Forever.’

‘Forever.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want a visual, I suggest the film Freier Fall, the scene with the car and the rain, obviously minus the rain.


	23. Allies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is a conversation and the discovery of unexpected allies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really like Dwalin. He's completely and utterly done with all this shit.
> 
> So more comments and Kudos, all of which I am extremely appreciative of. Thank you all very much *has Sally Fields moment* 
> 
> If you are in the 'hood and want to stop by, come and visit on tumblr. I can't keep rambling to myself, the neighbours are starting to worry :)

Nine days before the wedding

Gimli looked at the clock on the wall. It was just after two in the morning. The level of the rum bottle had gone down almost to the point of emptiness, and Dwalin was still closeted with Thorin. They had heard Kili go to the drawing room at some point, about an hour after the initial incident and then the sound of people coming back into the hall, the murmur of voices and then footspes heading upstairs. That was when Ori had stuck his head around the kitchen door and looked in at them. 

‘Can I come in?’ he’d asked, a little tentatively and Gimli had nodded. He’d come in, curiosity clearly written on his sweet open face.

‘So you’re the brother?’ he’d said to Fili, who lifted his glass in acknowledgement.

‘That would be correct.’

‘And you’re Thorin’s brother?’ Ori had said to Frerin, who nodded. ‘Wow, I can’t see the Durin resemblance at all.’ 

‘Look at the eyes.’ Gimli said, and Ori had come over staring quite openly at Fili and then Frerin.

‘Oh, right. The hair colouring kind of throws you.’ He’d stuck out his hand. ‘I’m Ori. Kili,and I were at uni together and now I’m sleeping with your uncle.’ Fili and Frerin exchanged a look.

‘Which one?’ Fili had asked with a raised eyebrow.

‘The cute one with the tattoos.’ Ori had smirked, and giggled like a child when Frerin’s mouth fell open.

‘Fuck me,’ Fili said, ‘the old bugger has a toy boy?’

‘Oh he most certainly does.’

‘Good for him.’ Fili had grinned, and handed Ori a glass. ‘So just how much of this fucked up situation do you know?

**************

So that had been a few hours ago. Now all four of them were just this side of drunk, sprawled in their respective chairs around the table. And by now, Ori pretty much knew everything. He had been having a little bit of a hard time keeping track so was now busy listing things to Fili, who was confirming or denying as the question demanded.

‘So you and Kili were together.’

‘Yup.’

‘But you didn’t know that Frerin and Thorin had been together as well?’

‘Nope.’

‘But you do now, because Frerin told you when you arrived there.’

‘Yup.’

‘Fuck, this is getting complicated. And Frerin left because Thror gave him and Thorin an ultimatum to stay or go.’

‘Correctomundo, Ori my lad.’ said Frerin, who was now almost cross-eyed from drinking and smoking far more than he normally did.

‘But Thorin decided to stay which is why you two haven’t spoken for twenty-seven years.’

‘Yup.’

‘And Kili doesn’t know any of this at all. He just thinks you up and left without a word.’

‘Yup.’ That one sounded a little sad.

‘But you did it because Thorin basically said he’d fuck both of you over if you didn’t go.’

‘You’re doing damn well for someone who came into this about three hours ago.’ Gimli said, giving him a toast with his glass, ‘I salute your powers of logic and deduction sir.’

‘I’m a Journalism student, G. It’s kind of my job to follow intricate plots. Besides, you left out the whole Frerin/Thorin subplot.’

‘I didn’t fucking know, until about an hour before you did!’

‘Ignorance is no excuse for sloppy research.’ Ori said, wagging a finger at him, then looked sadly at his glass, ‘Damn, I seem to be out of rum.’ Fili dragged himself from his seat and retrieved a second bottle, cracking it open and handing it to him. ‘So now the sixty-four million dollar question is, what the fuck happens now?’ He looked at Gimli. ‘Did you even think it through this far?’

‘Honestly, no. You know me Ori, I just kind of jump into things.’ Gimli grumbled, hijacking the rum bottle. ‘It’s not like I even thought they’d show up. Fili maybe, but not Frerin. That was just fucking contrary of you two to do that.’ Fili and Frerin grinned at each other and clinked glasses.

‘We seem to have developed a reputation, Fee.’

‘Can’t think why?’

‘Actually I am curious as to why you are here.’ Ori said, ‘Why come back?’

‘Because young Fili here is still carrying a major jones for his baby brother.’ Frerin said, wincing when Fili backhanded him on the shoulder, ‘What? It’s fucking true!’

‘So it’s just me then? Maybe I’ll tell them how every man you’ve fucked in the last twenty-seven years has looked like Thorin’s twin.’ 

‘Pot!’

‘Kettle!’ They stopped as they realised that Gimli and Ori were watching them, their faces rapt.

‘It’s uncanny.’ Ori said.

‘It’s fucking weird is what it is.’ Gimli said, ‘They’re like twins that had a terrible space/time accident.’ 

****************

‘You can’t kick them out tonight. They have more than likely been drinking judging from what I heard when I went to send your prospective in-laws to bed.’ Dwalin said. He was in the armchair that Kili had previously occupied. Thorin’s nosebleed had long since dried up, and the frozen peas were now a soggy bag of mush. 

‘Well, they can’t stay in the house.’ Thorin said, ‘I can’t have them under this roof, even for one night.’

‘Afraid you’re going to do something you regret, like actually apologise for all the shit you’ve caused?’ Dwalin said, sarcasm sharp in his voice. Thorin ignored him.

‘The guest house is set up for Gloin, Oin and Nara. They can stay there and then leave first thing in the morning. They are not going to disrupt this wedding Dwalin. I won’t let them. Now I’m going to bed. You can go tell them.’ He heaved himself out of his chair, looking every bit of his forty-nine years in that instant and left the study without another word. Dwalin watched him go. He sat a little longer, then finally got up and followed, switching out of the light as he left the room. 

He went to the kitchen, opened the door and surveyed the four people sitting around the table. Then he went in and joined them. He got to the table and sat down next to Ori, who put a hand on his knee.

‘Your family is beyond fucked up.’ he said, ‘Compared to this, an older brother with a mother complex and another with criminal tendencies is small potatoes.’

‘I warned you.’ Dwalin replied, accepting a glass and the bottle from Gimli. He sighed loudly, running his hand over his head, then gave both Fili and Frerin a long look.

‘I can’t believe you’re both here.’ he said at last. ‘When Gimli told me about sending the invitation, I just thought you’d throw it in the bin.’ Frerin frowned.

‘You were the one that gave him the address.’ It was not quite a question and not quite a statement.

‘Yes. I didn’t want to at first, but…’ Dwalin trailed off and fixed Fili with an intent look. ‘You know why, right?’

‘Yup.’ 

‘So?’ 

‘So what?’ Fili’s tone was defensive.

‘So do you still love him back or has this all been a big fat waste of time and energy?’ Dwalin asked, grey eyes flinty over the rim of his glass. Fili gave Frerin a glance, who nodded slightly.

‘Yes, I still love him.’ Fili admitted, ‘But I have no idea how we’re going to repair the damage that’s been done. I think as much as Gimli says he still loves me, he pretty much hates me for leaving as well.’

‘That, ‘ Dwalin said, ‘is something we can work with. What we need to do first is get through tonight and make sure Thorin doesn’t go through with his plan to kick both of you off the estate first thing in the morning. Oh, and you’re sleeping in the guest house by the way.’

‘Good.’ Frerin retorted mutinously, ‘I wouldn’t want to sleep under the same roof as that fucker anyway.’ He drained his glass and motioned for Gimli to refill it.

‘Great.’ Dwalin said, ‘And once we’re done with Romeo and Juliet, then we can turn our attention to you two morons.’


	24. Her

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kili and Tauriel talk and Dis arrives back at the estate.

Nine days before the wedding – the morning after

When Kili woke up he had the weirdest feeling. He turned over to look at Tauriel lying next to him, and frowned at the wrongness of the situation. He’d never pretended with her, never given her the impression that this was some kind of grand romance and she’d always been okay with that. She didn’t exactly want to be with him either, he knew that, but the one person she did want had never given her any hope as to a future together. 

*********

It was kind of tragically funny when you thought about it. Tauriel knew he was gay, just as he knew she was. They’d fallen into this bizarre arrangement, which was so incredibly blatant, even if their respective guardians thought they were being oh so sneaky. He’d never revealed to her that the person in question had been his brother though. She’d always assumed that he was just a boyfriend and that Thorin had lost the plot because he was interested in guys. The truth was exactly as he said to Gimli. Tauriel was a great second option. She was a wonderful person, funny and sharp as a tack. He’d really liked her when he’d gotten to know her, and he knew that they had a lot in common. But, she would never be Fili. Just as he would never be the person she had fallen for. He didn’t know who it was, just that Thranduil had assumed it was Legolas, which is why they had been pushed together. 

Once they’d been sort of dating for a few months he’d confessed about his sexuality and she’d happily done the same. Then they’d just as unhappily confessed their feelings for their respective persons. 

So he shouldn’t have been surprised when they’d gone to bed the night before after the whole debacle in the hall, and she’d given him one of those cool perceptive looks of hers.

‘You have a brother.’ she’d said.

‘Yes, I do.’ He replied, sitting heavily on the edge of the bed and dropping his head into his hands.

‘Funny how he’s never come up in conversation in all the time we’ve known each other.’ 

‘Yeah, funny that.’ He looked up at her and she sighed.

‘It’s him isn’t it?’ Kili nodded slowly. He’d never been able to lie to her.

‘Yes.’

‘Christ.’ She said, coming to sit next to him and putting her arms around him, ‘You really don’t make things easy for yourself, do you?’

‘You’re not angry? That I never told you?’ Kili couldn’t even look at her. 

‘No, I’m not. At least I understand now.’ She pushed away at arms length and looked at him, her gaze direct, ‘But what the hell do we do now? We can’t get married.’

‘Why not? It’s not like I’m going running back to him. Just because he’s here doesn’t change anything. He left. He abandoned me Tauriel, without saying anything or contacting me to even let me know if he was still alive. That fucking killed me.’ He pulled away from her and got up, pacing the room as he always did when he was agitated.

‘I know it did.’ she said, trying to pacify him. ‘I know how you feel. But maybe you should hear him out at least. Things are not always what they seem and maybe there’s something missing from all this that you aren’t aware of.’

‘Would you listen to her if she came to you?’ Kili asked, folding his arms and glaring at her. 

‘I honestly don’t know what I would do. But I’m not the one in the situation here, you are. And being in love with your brother is a pretty big deal. You have to sort this out.’ Tauriel answered. 

‘I don’t have to do anything.’ he’d stubbornly declared and Tauriel knew better than to try and get him out of the state he was in, so they just went to bed.

************

Kili woke up late enough for the sun to be completely up. He lay there a while longer listening to Tauriel breathe evenly. Her face was perfectly serene and not a hair was out of place, even while she slept. It was so different to Fili, who could have gone to bed standing up and still looked like he’d been dragged through a bush backwards the next morning, blond hair sticking up all over the place and blue eyes misty with sleep. He had missed that terribly, the early morning sneaking into his brother’s bed. He’d missed all the closeness, not just the emotional but the physical. And not just sex, but touching. Fili had always been tactile with him, the only one in the family that was. Tauriel wasn’t one for physical contact, and she’d told him early on that the idea of physical intimacy turned her stomach. There were the occasional hugs or touches on the arm, and they’d even tried kissing a few times to see how it went. But nothing beyond that. Instead he’d sought relief for the last seven years in solitary circumstances, jacking off in the bathroom to snapshots of his brother and what was left of his memories. It was not a happy place to be.

He got up, going to the bathroom to shower and dress. Once done he left the bedroom quietly, not wanting to wake Tauriel. Then down the stairs and into the kitchen where he was more than a little surprised to find his mother and Thorin having one hell of an argument. It was so surreal that, for a moment, he’d thought he was still asleep and just dreaming that he was awake. For one thing, Dís was not one for arguments, preferring a sneak attack to all out combat. But there she was, blue eyes blazing and waving her finger in her much taller brother’s face.

‘Absolutely not!’ she shouted, ‘I will not have you do this again! I don’t care what the goddamned consequences are. They are staying!’ 

And that’s how Kili found out his mother knew about him and his brother.


	25. Mother

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, a little Dis POV :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have to say the comments over the last week have been incredible and have made me giggle like a crazy person. Thank you to each and everyone of you who has taken the time to say something. I am flinging out virtual hugs like confetti!!!

Seventeen years ago

Dis was never meant to be a mother, she was quite convinced of that. But she did like all the preamble very much, which was how she ended up pregnant in the first place after falling into the arms of a quite frankly gorgeous blond boy she met at a party and fell into bed with him. Well, technically it was a garden shed, and boy didn’t she giggle at the irony of that later. Mr Blonde (no relation to the film) went his way and she went hers, only to start throwing up like nobody’s business three months later. Her parents were appalled, she was only sixteen for Christ’s sake. But Dis had always prided herself on being precocious.

So, nine months after the shed encounter Fili had arrived, a cute little thing even when he was an infant. Alba had taken control, ordering an army of nannies to help Dis cope, which was probably a mistake because she’d basically just handed over to them and carried on as normal until she met a junior manager at Erebor with the dreamiest pair of hazel eyes and eloped with him to Mexico. That had gone down like a ton of bricks, but the boy was respectable and, more importantly, good in bed. He’d taken very little time impregnating her, and Dis found herself a mother yet again at the ripe old age of eighteen. Kili had been a difficult birth, in contrast to his brother, and then she’d sworn off children altogether. Not that there were any more in the picture, although Dis mused that it was probably best that her young husband died in a car crash not a month before Kili was born before she’d had time to get bored of him. After that she just couldn’t be bothered. Of course there was an extensive list of lovers, but none that she was faithful to. She liked it like this, independence and enough money to do what she wanted with her life, which was surprisingly charitable. But patronising major charities required time and the ability to travel at the drop of a hat, which meant she’d never really developed a relationship with her children.

Of course that had benefits as well. She really did appreciate the little time she spent with them, and indulged them happily. She was lucky they were fairly happy children, and she was extremely grateful for their close relationship. She’d always envied Thorin and Frerin that, being the third wheel as far as they were concerned, although they were always underestimating her. She was far more astute than people generally gave her credit for. To her family she was always just Dreamy Dis, her head in the clouds. So now she sat with her two boys, both far less like their fathers and so much more like her brothers than should have been possible. If people had been so inclined, they would have suspected her of incest. But no, that was Thorin and Frerin’s thing. Oh yes, she was far more astute than people thought.

So now she sat watching them, playing happily in a puddle of sunlight on the light blue carpet in her bedroom, Lego scattered everywhere, making walking from the chaise she was reclined on with a copy of Vogue to the doorway a suicide mission. They played in silence, communicating through a strange series of looks, gestures and sounds that meant absolutely nothing to her or to Thorin for that matter. Her boys were a mystery to everyone but each other. And a thought crossed her mind, gone as quickly as it came.

_Wouldn’t it be funny if they were the same._

She hadn’t been oblivious to what had happened with Thorin and Frerin. She’d found them fucking in the stables long before anyone else ever discovered them. But for some reason, she really didn’t care. They’d had the same weird relationship her boys now had, completely in synch with each other. She’d watched them once while they were watching television and noticed that after a few minutes of sitting alongside each other even their breathing had naturally fallen into an identical pattern. She also knew of the unspoken devastation that had come with the night Frerin left. Thorin had been broken by what he’d done, but couldn’t undo it, too proud and too stupid.

**************

And ten years later it really wouldn’t be a surprise when she did something very similar to what she’d done so many years before and stumbled across her sons doing the exact same thing her brothers had, although this time it was in the old potting shed. It would seem her little blond lion had the same predilections as his father. And, although any other mother would be horrified and accost them, she would simply smile and walk away. She would know then, as she had known with her brothers, that there was no other person that would complete them in the way that their brother would. She would watch them drifting towards each other and around each other, their love like a haze that made them lose themselves in each other. It would be pure and simple, and they would find it so effortlessly. And she should have been bothered by it, but because she’d never had that with anyone instead she would just make believe it wasn’t happening. Dreamy Dis at work, if you will.

But then she would go to London and come back to devastation once again. Thorin would tell her that Fili and he had fought terribly, about the direction of Fili’s life and his future at Erebor. That there had been harsh words and eventually Fili had left, forsaking everything and leaving it all behind him. She would be suspicious that Thorin knew about them, but at the same time a little relieved. If Fili had chosen to make the break between him and Kili then she wouldn’t interfere. It was the one time in her life her astuteness would fail her, something she would have no explanation for. And she would watch her younger son rage and fight and draw himself into himself. She wouldn’t ever feel as strongly about Tauriel and Thorin’s persistent matchmaking, although she would think it a good match. But after Fili left, she would be very glad there was someone to pick up the pieces.


	26. Bugger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So the Dis Show is back in town, and nobody is going to like what she has to say.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The amount of fun I had doing this is probably illegal. Dis is officially my kick-ass gal. *cackles maniacally*
> 
> Even more comments??? For me??? I am a very happy bunny :) I am going to answer them all tmoz, but right now I have to go. Sleepy tired after that :)

Nine days before the wedding

Dis pulled her huge Land Cruiser into the space next to the battered Land Rover, and switched off the engine. She’d left Gloin and Nara’s house in Notting Hill at around five o’clock that morning to make the approximately three hour drive. She preferred to drive early when the roads were pretty much deserted. It meant that she’d also made pretty good time, something that always pleased her. She got out the car, running an eye over the unfamiliar vehicle next to her, then went and peered in the window. The inside of the car was a mess, paper bags and empty coke cans and cigarette packs in the foot well on the passenger side. There was a small, articulated skeleton hanging from the rear view mirror. It was enough for her to identify the owner, who had received that skeleton as a little gift from her when he’d got his driver’s licence and a surge of strange emotion went through her. She’d wondered in her idle moments what she would do if her brother and son should ever return. Now, she turned and headed in the direction of the guest house, her famous intuition telling her that that was where they probably were. 

She enjoyed the walk, taking in the sights and smells of the spring garden, daffodils and tulips waving as she passed. The guest house was down the left side of the main house, a smaller stone building. Dis went straight to the front door and started hammering. Loudly. It seemed to take an age but eventually the door opened and there he was in all his gorgeous semi naked glory. Her beloved golden brother, older but still so beautiful. He squinted at her, brows drawn in close.

‘What the fuck Dis?’ he grumbled as if he’d only seen her yesterday, ‘You trying to break the fucking door down?’

‘Blow me, Frerin.’ she retorted, ‘Now shut the fuck up and give me a hug you miserable bastard.’ Then she threw herself into his arms and burst into tears.

*********

They managed to make it inside eventually. Dis had her normal face back on, but this pretty much dissolved again when her firstborn came into the living room, dressed in a pair of Batman boxer shorts and scratching the hair on his chest, sleepy blinks making him look like a lion cub. He’d rubbed his eyes a little then given her that smile, the same one with the killer dimples that had got his father into her knickers in the first place. 

‘Hey Mom.’ he said, ‘Long time no see.’ 

‘Hello cherub.’ she replied and hugged him. ‘It’s good to see you.’

‘You too.’ he replied. Frerin came back from the tiny kitchen, juggling three mugs of coffee and handed two of them out. They sat down, Frerin in the armchair and Dis and Fili on the sofa. 

‘So,’ she started, ‘you two wankers have finally got some sense into your heads and come back to where you should be.’ Frerin and Fili looked at each other. ‘Oh come, you don’t really expect me to buy the shit that you two have been too busy to visit, write even fucking call?’ 

‘We didn’t think it would be a good idea.’ Fili said warily. ‘Not with the way things were left.’ 

‘Really? And leaving your brother to almost have a nervous breakdown was?’ she said, giving him a look that was pure Durin. 

‘Dis, it’s not his fault. Thorin made him leave.’ Frerin said. That bought her up sharply.

‘What are you talking about?’ she asked. Fili gave Frerin a look.

‘Now you’ve fucking done it.’ he said, ‘Why don’t you think before you open your mouth, old man?’

‘Shut up, Fee.’ Frerin said, ‘She needs to know. They all fucking do.’

‘And you decided this when?’Fili snapped, ‘When you decided to have your big confessional last night?’ He folded his arms and dropped back into the sofa. 

‘If you are talking about you and Kili, I already know.’ Dis said, and then it was his turn to be floored.

‘What??’ Dis sighed and spoke slowly, as if explaining to a child.

‘You and Kili. Having sex. I know.’ Frerin couldn’t help but chuckle at the completely appalled look on the cheeky little bugger’s face. ‘And I wouldn’t smirk if I were you, Frerin. I know about you and Thorin too. You were every bit as indiscreet as your nephews. I honestly can’t imagine why all of you couldn’t just fuck in a bed like normal people.’ She giggled a little on the inside as she looked at their twin expressions of complete and utter horror as they put two and two together. ‘Now what’s this about Thorin making you leave, cherub?’

**********

In the end they had to tell her. Everything. Thror’s ultimatum, Thorin’s dismissal of their relationship, his blackmailing Fili using Kili as leverage. And as they told her, Dis’ expression got darker and darker, until they were tripping over their words in fear of the anger they saw on her face. Eventually they were both considering throwing in the towel and hiding behind the sofa, when she stood up. Her normally dreamy blue eyes were fierce, flashing angrily. Fili had never realised how truly beautiful she was until now. And the look she wore was his brother to a T. Fili had never realised that she was where he got it from.

‘That rat bastard!’ she said, voice venomous. ‘I’m going to rip his fucking balls off.’ And with that she stormed out of the guest house.

‘Oh, fuck.’ Fili said, running to the window and watching her heading up the path like a human hurricane. ‘Should we warn them?’

‘No, but I think we should definitely get dressed and go and watch.’ Frerin said. Oh, he was starting to enjoy himself now. Dis was the one person in the world Thorin was actually scared of. ‘We really don’t want to miss this.’

**********

Dwalin heard the front door open and slam shut from where he was in the kitchen nursing a sore head and a bad temper. He groaned and Ori grinned at him across the table.

‘You shouldn’t be drinking with the youngsters if you can’t take the pace. He grinned, looking as fresh as a fucking daisy. Dwalin gave him two fingers and Ori’s grin changed into a laugh. The sound of clicking heels interrupted them as Dis stormed into the kitchen with a face that promised mass murder.

‘Where is my brother?’ she demanded, not even bothering to greet them.

‘He’s probably still asleep.’ Dwalin said, visibly blanching at her obvious rage, ‘Why?’ 

‘Do me favour sweetheart.’ Dis said turning to Ori, ‘Get that sweet little arse of yours upstairs, knock on Thorin’s door and tell him he has exactly ten minutes to get his worthless behind downstairs and to the kitchen before I come up and drag it down here.’ Ori did as he was told, running off like a rabbit being chased like a fox. Dwalin opened his mouth to protest at the treatment of his boyfriend, but promptly shut it again when Dis glared at him.

‘You fucking knew didn’t you?’ she said, and Dwalin wanted to fall through the floor under the strength of that look. 

‘Dis..’

‘Don’t you Dis me!’ she hissed at him, ‘My own fucking son. How bloody dare the two of you!’ 

‘I wanted him to talk to them!’ Dwalin protested. ‘I thought I had talked him around at least a little then he just bloody went and did it.’ 

‘No!’ she said, ‘You don’t get absolved that easily. You could have told me.’ 

‘Could have told you what.’ Thorin asked from behind her. He came into the kitchen tying his dressing gown and looking bleary eyed. Dwalin did note with some satisfaction that Dis’ threat had got him up and out of bed in record time. He hadn’t even stopped to sort his hair out and it stuck up like straw in a scarecrow. And Thorin always made sure his hair looked good. Dis swung around towards him and he physically recoiled.

‘You have an awful lot of explaining to do Thorin Durin.’ she said, poison practically dripping from every word, ‘and if I’m not satisfied with your explanations they’ll be finding parts of your body all over this estate for months!’


	27. Last

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The final morning that Fili and Kili are together before the confrontation with Thorin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I needed some fluff, but then it turned into smut. So now it's smut-fluff. Enjoy :)

Three months after Kili’s birthday party, the morning

It was hot and sweaty under the duvet. But Fili liked it like this, the darkness and lack of air which meant the touches were magnified, the smells were stronger and it felt like there was no world outside his bed. And, more importantly it also meant that the noises Kili was currently making were at least a little muffled. Three months had made them good at what they were doing, but it had also made his brother louder and more demanding. 

‘Fuck, Fee, right fucking there!’ said brother moaned very loudly in his ear and he was forced to kiss him to shut him the fuck up. This had become a little bit of a Saturday morning ritual for them. It gave Fili fits of nerves that they were actually doing it in the house, but Dis was out and Thorin was a late sleeper on the weekend, and there was no way he would be awake to hear them at six fifteen on a Saturday morning. 

Fili shifted his position slightly, the bedding making it a little difficult to get enough traction to really thrust hard. The result of this was slow, deep fucking that had on several occasions gone on for at least an hour. It also drove Kili crazy, which was a wonderful side effect. This was without doubt Fili’s favourite way to do this, his brother on his back underneath him, long strong legs wrapped around his hips, pulling him in on every stroke. He shivered as Kili reached up and raked his nails down his back, as another thrust hit home.

‘Come on,’ Kili breathed in his ear, ‘fuck me so hard I fucking scream.’

‘No.’ he managed to whisper back, still feeling trails of fire from those nails. ‘This is all you’re getting.’ He would of course be lying if he said that teasing Kili to the point of madness wasn’t another one of those wonderful side effects. But, then Kili started chewing softly on one earlobe, and that sent him fucking wild. Without even thinking, he shoved the bedding off them, damp skin breaking out into goose bumps in the cool air of the room. He got himself up on his haunches, dragging Kili with him until his hips were off the bed and started pounding into him as hard as he could. Kili’s delighted laugh soon gave way to frantic panting and moaning and gasping and swearing. Jesus, he was so loud, but Fili really couldn’t give a fuck at this moment. He leaned forward a little, one hand still gripping his brother’s hip and shoved his fingers in Kili’s mouth, hopefully giving the little bastard something to occupy himself with. Kili locked eyes with him, and put on a display of finger sucking that would have put any porn actor to shame. It was so fucking hot, Fili came after only a few strokes, then grabbed his brother’s cock in retaliation and jacked him off hard and fast until Kili really was screaming. 

And that was how they spent their last morning together.

***********

Kili got up not long after and disappeared back to his room, leaving Fili lying in a state of semi-consciousness. He dozed, feeling completely and utterly relaxed until his brother reappeared. He cracked open one eye and looked at Kili who was dressed for his archery tournament he was going to that day. He looked surprisingly preppy in the pressed chinos and forest green polo shirt that bought out the matching flecks of colour in his hazel eyes. His thick dark hair hung straight and glossy. Fili grinned to himself. The little bugger hated to admit to stealing Dis industrial strength hair dryer, but he’d obviously done so that morning. He looked the picture of propriety and you’d never guess he’d had Fili’s cock up his arse not even an hour ago.

‘Here.’ Kili said imperiously, flopping down on the edge of the bed and waving a hairbrush at Fili. ‘Put it up for me.’

‘Do it yourself you lazy bastard.’ Fili said, managing to stretch in what he knew was the most alluring way possible. He smiled when Kili’s eyes narrowed a little and his face got that slightly vacant look it did when he was getting turned on. But then he shook it off and brandished the hairbrush like an exorcist brandishing a crucifix.

‘Now, Fee. The minibus will be here to pick me up at seven forty-five.’ Fili heaved a sigh of colossal proportions and dragged himself into a sitting position.

‘Fine.’ he said, ‘But then you have to blow me later.’ He started brushing Kili’s hair, winding it through his hands until it felt like heavy dark silk. Kili leaned into the touches like a cat. Finally done, Fili gathered it into one heavy bunch, carefully smoothing it and then extended one hand for the hairband Kili was holding. Kili handed it to him and he twisted it on one hand, pulling the ponytail through and around until it was secure, before finishing it off with a few strokes from the brush. 

‘There,’ he said, handing the brush back to Kili, ‘all done. Now leave me in fucking peace so I can recover. You fucking wrecked me this morning.’ The brilliant sunshine smile he got for that made his heart do a little jump. 

‘Thank you, Fee.’ Kili said, leaning down and kissing him with more tongue than the situation really called for. ‘I promise to blow you like a maniac when I get back.’ He bounced up, admiring his ponytail in the mirror behind Fili’s door, before saying ‘Later.’ and running off. 

************

Fili was still dreamy and relaxed when he went downstairs for breakfast but that changed the minute he saw Thorin. His uncle’s face was stonier than normal. They ate in silence, Fili getting more and more agitated, until Thorin finally spoke as he was getting up from the table.

‘When you are finished come and see me in the study. We have to talk.’ He said, and walked out leaving Fili with a dry mouth and a sick feeling in his stomach.


	28. Rage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happened before Kili got to the kitchen and what happened after...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Showdown part trois!!!! *screams and jumps into water* Everybody in the poooool!!!

Nine days before the wedding

When Ori got back down the stairs, he found the kitchen in what could best be described as a state of war. 

‘What did I miss?’ he hissed to Dwalin who frantically shushed him. 

‘Dis has just threatened him with dismemberment.’ he hissed back. Ori slid into a chair next to him, and they watched in fascination. Thorin was trying the route of the River Nile first.

‘I have no idea what you are referring to.’ he said, drawing himself up to his not insubstantial full height and still managing to be dwarfed by his baby sister. 

‘I’m talking about the fact that my brother and my son are in the guest house, Thorin.’ 

‘Ah.’ Thorin said, and Dwalin could swear he was beginning to see the first tiny cracks in the mask. “you know about that.’

‘I do.’ Dis said, voice still sweet and yet so very venomous at the same time, ‘I have just had quite the interesting conversation with the two of them.’ The cracks widened. 

‘What about exactly?’ Thorin said, voice still cool but eyes starting to avoid Dis’ gaze.

‘About how you used my youngest son as leverage to get his brother away from him. I am not best pleased. Even our fucking father didn’t stoop that low.’ Dis snapped. And now the cracks became abysses. Dwalin was sure this was as close to panic as he’d ever seen Thorin. 

‘You know.’ was all he could say. ‘Fili told you.’

‘Actually, no he didn’t. It was our brother. Turns out he’s been quite a good parent, and he’s become extremely protective of Fili. He’s not best pleased with you either.’ 

‘Well, it’s a good thing they’ll be leaving as soon as they’re up and out.’ Thorin bit back. 'They will not disrupt this wedding.’

‘Well, funnily enough, I think they should stay.’ Dis replied, ‘I think that they have as much to be here as anyone else. After all they are family.’ That last word had a dangerous edge to it. 

‘You don’t know what you are saying Dis.’ Now Thorin was trying reasoning, switching his voice to a more soothing tone. Dwalin shook his head. Soothing Dis was never a good idea, you’d have thought her brother would know this by now. 

Oh, fuck off you sanctimonious prick!’ Dis shrieked, voice managing to ascend several octaves in a matter of seconds and making all the men wince. It’s a good thing they didn’t have any dogs Dwalin thought, because the poor things would have been deafened. “You don’t get to tell me how I feel! Or what I know or don’t know! Which, for your information is a lot fucking more than you think!’ 

‘Oh, really? What on earth could you possibly know about those boys. I’m the one that was here bringing them up while you were gallivanting off on your last mercy mission!’ Thorin barked, and Dis went white with fury.

‘Bad move.’ Ori whispered, and Dwalin looked at him, horror dawning on his face at the impending shit storm he had so accurately predicted.

‘We might want to get out now, while we still have all our limbs laddie.’ he said to Ori.

‘And what a fine bloody job you did! I have one son who lives fuck knows where doing fuck knows what, who I haven’t seen for seven years, and another one you’ve practically shanghaied into a wedding he doesn’t want!’

‘I don’t seem to recall you objecting to this wedding!’ 

‘I didn’t at first, but now…I thought Fili had left of his own volition, not that you’d forced him to.’

‘I had my reasons! You don’t understand the situation! If you let them stay there will be consequences that you cannot imagine!’ Thorin bellowed, ‘They are leaving this morning and that will be the end of it!’ Dis took an involuntary step in the face of this, but quickly rallied. She squared up and got right in his face, waving her finger at him.

‘Absolutely not!’ she shouted, ‘I will not have you do this again! I don’t care what the goddamned consequences are. They are staying!’ She kept moving forward, and Thorin started to quail under her anger. ‘Sweet Zombie Jesus Thorin, if I didn’t have a problem with you and Frerin fucking why on earth would I have a problem with Fili and Kili doing the same thing.’ 

‘Oh Christ.’ Thorin said, all the colour draining out of his face. Dis stopped mid-stream, then turned around to see what her brother was looking at. Kili was standing in the doorway, mouth open and looking like someone had just kicked him in the nuts. Behind the table Dwalin and Ori huddled together, now in literal fear of every piece of crockery in the kitchen. 

‘Mom?’ Kili’s voice shook, ‘What the fuck are you talking about?’ Dis’ face fell when she saw how distressed he was. 

‘Oh cherub.’ she said, turning to face him. ‘I’ve always known. If you two had only come to me when your uncle found out.’ Kili’s eyes were wide in shock and fear.

‘He didn't find out.’ he stammered, ‘He doesn’t know about me and Fee.’

‘Yes he does, angel. That’s why Fili left.’ she said, voice now surprisingly gentle. 

‘No.’ Kili replied, shaking his head at her, ‘Fili left because he was angry about what Thorin wanted him to do, to be. He just fucked off without even giving me a second bloody thought because he’s a selfish fucking bastard who didn’t care!’ His voice got steadily louder until he was shouting, an edge of hysteria hovering just out of sight. Then he suddenly seemed to grasp the full impact of what he’d heard his mother, turning to Thorin now. ‘What does she mean by you and Frerin fucking?’ Thorin stared at Dis.

‘Are you happy now?’ he demanded. 

‘Don’t even think of blaming me for this!’ Dis spat, wildcat temper back with a vengeance. ‘You have fucked up and now all your chickens are coming home to kick you in the arse.’ 

‘Shut the fuck up both of you!’ The roar was so loud it stopped both of them in their tracks. Kili’s face was something else to behold. Dwalin was sure he’d never seen such an expression on incandescent rage ever before. He was practically vibrating in place he was so angry. Then he turned and charged out of the kitchen, and moments later they heard the front door slam. 

‘Holy shit.’ Ori breathed, still holding onto Dwalin’s arm hard enough to cut off circulation. Thorin and Dis both looked at each other, then headed off after him at the speed of light. ‘Now what?’ 

‘Come on,’ Dwalin said, grabbing his hand and yanking him along after him, ‘We’re going to need to keep them from killing each other.’ They ran into the hall, and out the front door that Thorin and Dis had left standing open. The two of them were a little ahead, jostling for space on the narrow path to the guest house, and Dwalin and Ori had to trot to catch up. When they got there, they found Kili had already gone inside, also leaving the door open. They couldn’t see him but they could hear him, presumably screaming at Frerin and Fili. All four of them got a little stuck in trying to get through the front door. Frerin was still in his boxers, but had pulled a t-shirt on. He was standing in the living room, face as white as a sheet. 

‘He’s in there.’ he said, pointing in the direction of one of the bedrooms, ‘I think he ambushed Fee in the shower.’ 

‘Oh for fuck’s sake.’ Thorin growled, starting to head forward. Frerin caught him by the arm, and he flinched as if he had been burnt. 

‘Leave them.’ he said, ‘let them work it out by themselves. You’ve interfered enough.’ He released Thorin’s arm and turned back to the others. ‘How about some coffee while we’re waiting?’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you caught the Futurama reference, I freaking love you :)


	29. Resistance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kili takes Fili to task, but gets more than he bargained for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, the lion cub has claws. Just because he doesn't shout loudly doesn't mean he won't fuck you up :)

Nine days Before the Wedding

Kili was seeing red. He always thought that was just a metaphor, but fuck if it wasn’t like the edges of his vision were blurred and misty, the only thing in his sights the door of the guest house. He stalked down the pathway, blood rushing in his ears and absolutely furious. It was like lava in his veins. And the focus of that anger was his brother, as a thousand questions and accusations flew through his brain. He got to the door, not bothering to check if it was unlocked or knocking. He threw it open, charging into the room and surprising the hell out of Frerin who had only just recovered from Dis’ onslaught. 

‘Where is he?’ Kili shouted, ‘Where the fuck is Fili?’ then stopped as he heard a noise from the bedroom on the left. He pushed past a protesting Frerin and stormed through, taking in the characteristic untidiness with a little pang as he realised that his brother was as messy as he’d always been. That little thing bought him up sharply, and he took a moment to look at the clothes flung over the armchair in the corner, boots kicked off and left on the floor and the ashtray full of cigarette butts next to the bed. The whole room already smelt like Fili, that characteristic sharp smell like cut grass and smoke. He felt his heart ache so strongly that he could only stand there a moment and try to catch his breath. He reached down, picking up the discarded t-shirt from the chair and brought it to his face inhaling the scent of Fili’s aftershave and skin. The anger wavered a moment as he was assaulted by memories – Fili’s sleepy blue eyes when he’d sneak into his bed, the way they’d walk side by side bumping shoulders and catching each other’s sidelong looks, the sound of his breathing when he was focused on his studying as they lay on his bed, Kili’s head in Fili’s lap and Fili’s fingers combing through his hair. The sudden silence brought him back to the present, and then the anger came back. He chucked the shirt on the chair and went to the bathroom door. He was reaching for the door handle, when it suddenly opened and, oh god, there was Fili. 

It took him a moment to register his brother was naked and still covered in a fine sheen of water from the shower, thick hair water dark and shaggy from where Fili had probably done his traditional wet dog shake after he got out the shower. Then the inevitable sweep of the hard, muscled body. Then the tattoos, so many more than Kili had expected. The full sleeve, a landscape of mountains, forests and a sleek dragon curled around his arm from wrist to shoulder. Then the perfectly realistic skull on his left hip, and finally the two ravens in flight slightly to the right and above of his right nipple, which was decorated with a single steel hoop. Kili was vaguely aware he was staring, but Fili did not seem to notice. He pushed past him, and as he turned Kili was confronted with the broad expanse of back, which was surprisingly bare. He couldn’t help himself, letting his gaze trace the elegantly curved spine and down to his backside. God, he’d always loved Fili’s arse. His scrutiny was interrupted as Fili grabbed a towel and wrapped it around his waist, turning to look at him, blue eyes narrowed and suspicious. 

‘If you’ve come to yell at me, you can save it.’ he said, defensively folding his arms and glaring at Kili, as if daring him to start something. It was a look that had never failed to get a rise out of him when they were children, then teenagers and then barely adults. And it didn’t fail to get a rise out of him now.

‘Thorin knows about us.’ Kili said, trying to control himself but feeling his hands starting to shake badly. He closed them into fists and shoved them in the pockets of his jeans, a childlike reflex he thought he’d long since grown out of.

‘Yeah, I know.’ Fili replied in that infuriatingly calm voice of his. ‘What else did he tell you?’ 

‘That this family apparently has a history of incest. That we weren’t the first. Did you know that too?’ Kili demanded, voice starting to rise. 

‘Only when I got to Frerin’s.’ Fili pulled a t-shirt over his head, and it stuck in places to his still damp skin. He grabbed the pack of cigarettes and knocked one out, lighting it and sitting down on the edge of the bed. ‘I told you there were reasons Kee.’ That set Kili off, anger coming in great rolling waves that crashed over him.

‘Reasons?’ he hissed, ‘Fuck you and your reasons. You had reasons for you walking out on me? What fucking reasons could there have been? Even if he’d found out about us, we could have talked about it and figured it out. You fucking left me you son of a bitch! I would have fucking gone anywhere with you if you’d asked me. But you just fucking ran away.’ Fili smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes.

‘Ah,’ he said, ‘so he hasn’t told you everything.’ he said, blowing the smoke out, and then stubbing out the cigarette. ‘And you can’t have been too torn up about me going if you’re marrying the first person that came your way.’ Kili drew a sharp breath at the tone. He’d forgotten that razor sharp edge his brother had, especially if he was cornered. Of the two of them, Fili had always been the more dangerous, his naturally sunny personality hiding that sharp tongued viciousness. He was a Scorpio through and through sometimes. 

‘It’s not like that.’ He replied, and Fili huffed a short humourless laugh.

‘No? What is it like then? Are you in love with her?’

‘That’s none of your fucking business.’ he retaliated, ‘You don’t get to ask me that after you left me and didn’t even bother to tell me if you were alive or dead.’ 

‘Reasons, Kee.’ Fili snapped, and stood up. Kili found himself stepping back. The cold aloofness in Fili’s face was all new, hard edges where there had been nothing but gentleness before. ‘I suggest that you go and find out the full story before you come in here and accuse me of things.’ He took another step towards Kili, getting in his space and fixing him with those dark blue eyes that were suddenly as cold as Thorin’s as they moved backwards towards the doorway. ‘Now get the fuck out of my room.’ And with that he closed the door in Kili’s face, leaving him staring at the closed door in bewilderment. 

He turned and saw the others all watching him with varying shades of concern and confusion on their faces. 

‘What the fuck was that?’ Frerin asked.

‘I don’t know.’ Kili said. He looked at Thorin. ‘He said he had reasons. What did he mean?’ There was a quick sharing of looks, and then Thorin sat down on the nearest sofa. He suddenly looked incredibly old.

‘You might want to sit down for this Kee.’ he said. ‘You’re not going to like what you hear.’


	30. Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So now we are at the main event so to speak, the alternate time points are going to be a little less frequent so we can focus on the main action. Show down part quartre! I have gone through too much rum by this point...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nothing, nil, zip, zilch, nada, zero etc etc.
> 
> Except to say that I have had some amazing comments, thank you guys!!!

Nine days before the Wedding

The suspense was going to kill Gimli. After Thorin’s big announcement of something that Kili was apparently not going to like (and of course he knew exactly what that was) Frerin was throwing thrown them out on their arses. 

‘Out. I mean it.’ Frerin said, and the tone of his voice left it no doubt that he wasn’t going to be swayed on this.

‘But..’ Gimli started to protest, and Frerin shook his head. 

‘Brothers only on this one Gimli. It’s how it must be done. You guys can catch the instant replay later.’ He looked over to Thorin who was still sitting on the sofa, and Kili who was now standing a little way from Fili’s door and they both nodded agreement. Dwalin put a hand on Gimli’s shoulder.

‘Come on laddie.’ he said, ‘Let’s leave them to it.’ He herded the still protesting Gimli and Ori out the guest house door, closing it behind them. Frerin watched them go, then turned back to Thorin and Kili.

‘Well now.’ he said, ‘This is uncomfortable.’ He went to the door of Fili’s room and knocked.

‘Fee.’ He called, ‘Come on kid. Get your arse out here. Family confessions time.’ There was a long moment, then the door cracked open. Fili leaned his forehead against the door frame, looking out at him. Frerin nodded, and he sighed opening the door all the way and came out. He was still barefoot, but now dressed in jeans and T-shirt. He came thought the door and Frerin put his hands on either side of his neck, dropping his forehead to his. ‘It’s going to be okay Fee.’ Frerin said, voice low and still holding him. Fili swallowed noisily and gave a little hitch of breath, a clear sign he was distressed. The Frerin pulled him into his arms, holding him tightly and Fili hugged him back. Thorin watched them, a little astonished at the clear intimacy between the two. Kili couldn’t help feeling a little jealous. It was clear that Frerin loved Fili very much and that the feelings were warmly reciprocated. There was no such physical closeness between him and Thorin. 

Frerin finally released Fili, sending him with a little push towards the armchair, where he went and sat down, tucking one foot up beneath him like he had when he was a child. One hand went to his mouth in that same gesture that Kili had, chewing on his nail in nervousness. Kili found himself unconsciously mirroring the gesture. Frerin went to the kitchenette counter and retrieved an ashtray and a packet of cigarettes. He went and sat down next to Thorin, keeping as much distance between them as he could. He offered the pack to Fili who took one and then lit it for him. Then he took out another two and lit them both off the single flame. Kili was confused until Frerin offered the second to Thorin. Thorin hesitated a moment, then took it and dragged on it deeply. Frerin did the same, and they blew out twin plumes of smoke. Kili watched them.

‘You smoke?’ he asked, voice a combination of disbelief and outrage. Thorin raised an eyebrow at him. ‘You hypocritical bastard. But I suppose it’s just one in a long line of things where it’s “do as I say and not as I do” with you isn’t it?’ Frerin chucked the packet at Kili, who caught it smartly.

‘If you want one, have one. Stop hiding behind what your uncle says as a way to get out of it.’ He said, and Kili recoiled a little at the stern tone. ‘He’s quite the brat isn’t he?’ This was to Fili, who huffed a laugh.

‘Yes he is.’ he said, looking straight at Kili. 

‘You were the same Frer.’ Thorin said. ‘Don’t blame the boy for who he is.’ Kili defiantly shook a cigarette out, lighting it and chucking the pack back at Frerin insolently.

‘I don’t recall you being around to make a judgement on my behaviour.’ he sniped back. There was nowhere left to sit so he went to the small dining table and grabbed one of the two chairs, dragging it back and turning it backwards before straddling it. ‘So,’ he said, ‘who wants to go first? Thorin? You said there was something I wouldn’t like that you had to tell me, although I think the fact that you’ve known about Fee and me all this time and never said anything is pretty much top of my list right now. Oh, wait. No, actually it’s the fact that you and Frerin used to fuck. I think that’s my new favourite fun fact for the day.’ The sarcasm in his voice cut through Thorin, who winced as Kili launched his diatribe at him. 

‘Kee.’ Fili’s voice was calm, but with an undercurrent of warning, ‘Watch it. Out of all of us, you’re the one who’s got off the lightest. And don’t judge until you’ve heard everything.’

‘Jesus, you’re defending him?’ The sarcasm turned back to outrage.

‘No.’ Fili said, ‘I’m saying that this isn’t all about you. Frerin and I have a claim on this that is bigger than yours.’ He turned to Thorin. ‘It’s taken me a long time to start getting to grips with what you did to me. But after living with Frerin and knowing what happened to both of you, I think I understand you a bit better now. But you need to come clean on this and tell Kee what you did.’ Thorin looked at him, eyes stormy with unspoken emotion.

‘When did you get so wise?’ he asked, and it was a sincere question.

‘Believe it or not, I am glad in a way that you sent me to Frerin. What you did hurt like a bitch, but I got to meet the person whose turned out to be the best parent I could have asked for.’ He looked at Frerin and smiled at him, a loving genuine smile. ‘He turned me into who I am now. And part of me knows that if I had stayed with you and Mom I wouldn’t have anything like what I have now. I got a good education, and I have a great job, friends and I’m probably the most settled in myself that I have ever been. I’ve learned to live with who I am, just like Frerin has. I still hurt, but it’s in a good way. Most of the time at least.’ As he said this last bit, his eyes flickered briefly across to Kili, then they were back on Thorin. ‘It’s time Thorin.’ Thorin took a deep breath, holding it for what seemed like forever before exhaling loudly. He looked up at Kili, who was floored to see the fear on his uncle’s face. 

‘I don’t know where to start.’ He said eventually, and Frerin reached over and put his hand on his shoulder. 

‘The beginning Thor. He needs to know all of it.’ Thorin turned his head and looked at him, their eyes locking. It seemed like a thousand things were said in that one look. He turned back to Kili. 

‘You’re right.’ He said, ‘I am a hypocrite and I’ve lied to you. But it was never with the intention of hurting you. I’ve only ever wanted what was best for you, you must understand that first and foremost. You are like a son to me, and I’ve tried to do what I thought was necessary to protect you from the same pain I felt when Frerin and I…’ he trailed off and his voice sounded like it was starting to break a little. He rallied, clearing his throat. ‘Thror told us that what we were doing was wrong. He said a lot of other things too, but that was the gist of it. He told us that we either stopped or we left. But that would mean being cut off from the family. Basically Frerin was able to leave and be the person his is, but I just couldn’t. I have asked myself why I just didn’t go with him and I have no answer other than I wasn’t strong enough to make that choice.’

‘But if you understood then why did you do it to me?’ Fili burst out, and Kili gave him a sharp look. 

‘I don’t know Fili. Maybe in the end I came to see how wrong what we were doing was and what you were doing as well. Thror was right about that. We could never have had anything resembling a normal relationship. I wanted that for both of you, marriage, children even. You would never have that with each other.’ Thorin replied, desperation starting to creep into his tone. ‘I never expected it to happen to you two. And when I found out what you were doing the only thing I had in my head was separating you so you wouldn’t have the same pain I felt when Frerin left.’

‘But that’s exactly what you caused.’ Fili said, his voice incredulous, ‘Don’t you see that? You sent me off to Frerin without letting either of us explain ourselves. You made me leave my brother without even saying goodbye to him and that probably fucked us up more than what we were actually doing. We were happy Thorin, even if you don’t believe that it’s the truth. I loved Kee more than anything and all that other shit never mattered to me.’ He looked imploringly at Kili as he said this, ‘It still doesn’t.’ Kili’s eyes, however, were trained on Thorin, his expression darkening. 

‘You sent Fee away?’ he asked, and the edge in his voice was back. 

‘Yes, I did.’ Thorin confessed, ‘I gave him an ultimatum and told him that if he tried to contact you again you were both on your own. He wanted to protect you from that and chose to leave. I gave him an hour to pack then I dropped him at the train station and sent him to Frerin.’ They all looked at Kili, who had gone white at this admission. His hands were clenching and unclenching at his sides and he was obviously battling to control himself. He lost the battle, and then moving as quickly as a striking snake he was up, crossing the room and dragging Thorin up by his shirt. He hurled him physical against the wall, knocking the wind out of Thorin, and then pinning him there.

‘You fucking bastard.’ he spat, and his voice was chilling, ‘You have no idea how much that made me hate Fili, and now I find out it was all you. I should knock your fucking teeth out for this.’ Fili was up now and got hold of Kili, dragging him off. Kili shook himself out of his brother’s grasp. 

‘I am done with all of you.’ he shouted, and stormed to the front door, nearly throwing it off its hinges as he left the guest house. Thorin sagged against the wall, catching his breath. Frerin went to him, helping him to stand up.

‘Well,’ he said, voice sarcastic, ‘that went well didn’t it?’


	31. Brother

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fili goes after Kili and the plans for the next three days are revealed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmmmmmm. There have been some interesting suggestions. There may be a side story :)

Nine days before the Wedding

Gimli was itching to run down back to the guest house and find out what the hell was going on. 

‘How the hell can you two be so fucking calm?’ he asked, bouncing up and down in his chair, ‘I’m freaking out over here.’ 

‘I think you’re confusing shell shock with calm.’ Ori said, giving Dwalin a sideways glance, ‘The big guy here hasn’t said a thing since we left.’

‘Hmmm?’ Dwalin looked at him, ‘Did you ask me something?’

‘Case in point.’ Ori said to Gimli. ‘No, love. G thinks we’re too calm.’

‘Christ I fucking wish.’ Dwalin said to Gimli, ‘I think I’ve lost ten years off my life in the last twenty-four hours. And we’ve still got eight days to go, not counting today.’ He suddenly seemed to come to a realisation, consternation dawning on his face. ‘Oh fuck, the stag party break starts tomorrow.’ 

‘Shit. I totally forgot.’ Ori said, ‘G?’ Gimli looked a little embarrassed. 

‘I might have used Gloin’s credit card to get Fili and Frerin a room at the hotel for the three days.’ he said, ‘And also to get them in on the activities.’ When Dwalin glared at him he threw his hands up. ‘What? It was the only way to do it and get it under Thorin’s radar. Besides Dad never checks his statements until month end. It’s an accountant thing. And by then I could have explained everything.’ 

‘Sorry,’ Ori asked, ‘what are we exactly doing? I thought it was going to be a one night thing.’ Gimli shrugged and made a face.

‘I thought that if they came, then three days somewhere else away from Tauriel would help the situation. Then they would have a proper chance to talk. I was hoping that this shit wouldn’t blow up till then.’

‘That’s your way of saying you have no idea what’s going on isn’t it?’ a voice from the doorway said. Dis stood there arms folded. She’d left them as soon as they got back, and ever the gracious hostess had managed to skilfully direct Thranduil, Tauriel and Legolas into the conservatory for breakfast where she was keeping them closeted and away from the action. ‘And what are you all doing for the three days?’ 

‘A good question.’ Dwalin said, ‘Hopefully nothing that involves any physical violence. I don’t think that would be a good idea at this point.’ Gimli looked guilty.

‘It’s not all like that.’ he said, and ducked away from Dwalin anticipating a clip around the ear. ‘Just paintball, orienteering and shooting.’ 

‘What?’ Dwalin moaned, ‘Even after the cock thing last time?’

‘I solemnly promise, on my honour as a Fundinson that no harm will come to your cock, Dwalin.’ Gimli grumbled, ‘Ori can kick me in the bollocks if it does.’

‘Why are you lot so obsessed with your genitals?’ Dis sighed, then caught sight of something out of the window. ‘I think they’re done.’ The other three swung around but what she’d seen was gone.

‘What was that?’ Gimli asked, and Dis raised her eyebrows.

‘That, cherub, was Kili. And he didn’t look happy.’

**************

Frerin handed Thorin the mug of coffee, then sat down next to him. Fili noticed with a strange amusement that they were sitting a lot closer than they were before.

‘He’s never going to speak to me again, is he?’ Thorin said. His voice was flat and sad. 

‘Should have thought about that Thor.’ Frerin replied. He looked across at Fili who was standing at the window looking out at where Kili had gone. ‘You okay kid?’ Fili turned, nail in his mouth again. Frerin was not convinced that he would even have fingers left after the day was over.

‘I’m okay. That was strangely cathartic.’ he said, around it. ‘I don’t think he is though.’ He looked pointedly at Thorin. Frerin leaned forward and looked at his brother, whose face was grey with strain. 

‘No you’re right. Listen you go talk to Kili and I’ll look after this arse here.’

‘You sure?’ Fili sounded concerned, but eager at the same time. Frerin smiled at him.

‘Go on kid. We’ll be fine.’ Frerin said, ‘Go get the adorable wanker. Frankly I have no idea what you see in him.’

‘Right back at you old man.’ Fili grinned, and then charged off to his room. He came out in record time, shoes on and pulling on a hoodie. ‘I’ll be quick.’

‘Don’t be.’ Frerin replied, ‘We’ve got twenty seven years to catch up on. Here.’ He chucked the cigarettes at Fili, who caught them and stuffed them in his pocket. ‘You’ll probably need those, knowing you.’ Fili smiled his thanks and left, heading off with a determined look on his face.

‘He still smokes a lot?’ Thorin asked, ‘That always worried me.’

‘It’s the life.’ Frerin replied. ‘And I wasn’t about to shit on him for something that helped him cope. Besides, I still smoke.’ 

‘Yes, but you’re an adult Frer.’

‘And so is he. He’s grown up Thor. He had to. The life’s not easy. You know, he was in the transport helicopter that went down two years ago. Damn scariest day of my life I’ll tell you now. But he got out in one piece and went right back to work. He’s strong. I don’t think Kili would have coped as well if he had been the one you sent to me.’ Thorin gave a little smile.

‘He takes after you then. I was never the strong one. I think I’ve more than proven that.’ There was a pause, heavy with tension, and when he spoke again it was just above a whisper. ‘I am sorry Frer. For everything.’ Frerin sighed, then reached out and put his hand on Thorin’s knee.

‘I know you are Thor. So am I.’

*********

Kili sat at the back of the potting shed looking down the little slope towards the gardens and the lake in the distance. He had a twig in his hands, methodically stripping the bark off piece by piece. He liked to come here, even after Thorin had had the door and windows bricked up. He couldn’t be seen if he sat on this side, and he’d come here often after Fili had left. 

He heard the footsteps, then a shadow fell across him before it moved and Fili dropped down to sit by his side. 

‘I see Thorin did a number on the shed.’ he remarked. 

‘About a week after you left.’ Kili replied, not looking at him. 

‘Why? What about the…’ Fili trailed off, not wanting to finish the sentence. Kili shrugged.

‘I may have burnt it.’

‘What?’

‘I was pissed off so I may have gone in there and covered the damn thing in petrol and set it alight.’ Kili said, head down. ‘That may have been the inadvertent cause of that.’ Here he jerked a thumb in the direction of the shed door. 

‘That was quite a symbolic thing to do. He must have been annoyed. This is a listed building.’ Fili said, and now he also reached for a twig, copying Kili’s actions without even thinking. 

‘Actually he took it really well. Guess I know why now.’ Kili rubbed his nose with the back of his hand. ‘Guilt is a motherfucker.’ Fili sighed.

‘There is so much I didn’t know when I left.’ he said, ‘But living with Frerin, it showed me how badly you can hurt if you’re separated from the person you’re meant to be with. He really loved Thorin and Thorin loved him. It just wasn’t enough to keep them together.’

‘It would have been enough for us.’ Kili said, bitterness tinging the words.

‘Maybe, maybe not. We were kids, Kee. And if he’d thrown us both out how could I have taken care of you? I was still at uni and you were still in school. We knew nothing about living on our own. When I went to Frerin I realised just how incredibly sheltered we were here.’ 

‘You could have done something. Let me know somehow.’ 

‘I couldn’t take the chance. I would have cut my own heart out to protect you.’ Fili chucked the stripped twig away and grabbed another one. ‘I felt like I had.’ There was silence between them. Eventually Kili spoke.

‘Why are you here Fee?’ 

‘It was time to put things to bed.’ Fili said, and now Kili gave him a look. ‘Sorry, bad choice of words.’ More silence. 

‘I’m still marrying her you know. I made a promise and I keep my promises.’ he said. Fili got up, dusting off his jeans.

‘Fine.’ He said, ‘Do what you want. But I needed to tell you the truth. So, I guess we’re even now.’ He walked off, not looking back once. Kili watched him go, his heart feeling like it was breaking all over again.


	32. Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, FiliKiliThorinForever requested this as a side story, much after much deliberation (ie. practically none at all) I decided to chuck it in with the rest. 
> 
> Fili and his helicopter crash. Oy vey. If you have any issies regarding drowning or water immersion you may want to skip this one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The usual malarky about mistakes and not owning a damn thing.
> 
> Wheeee I am having soooo much fun reading the comments you guys leave. You're a funny bunch and I appreciate it enormously :)

Two years ago

The night shift ended and Fili dragged himself back to the small room he shared with Frerin. He was bone tired after three weeks of twelve hour shifts and very much looking forward to his own bed back at their flat. He yawned expansively and opened the door, not bothering to turn on the light and treading as quietly as possible so as not to wake Frerin . An unexpected accident had left one of the senior electrical engineers with a broken ankle after he slipped on sea water and tumbled down flight of stairs. This meant that Frerin had been asked to stay on an extra shift and would be catching the next helicopter back to Dundee instead of the one arriving at midday that Fili would be on. 

Fili checked his watch, the luminous hands telling him it was five o’clock. That meant he could get at least four or five hours of sleep before heading to the helipad and catching his flight home. Once on board he could also snooze most of the way back and arrive relatively well rested. A couple of the boys offshore, who started their leave week a few days ago, wanted to catch up and drink the night away and he was looking forward to relaxing. He undressed down to his boxers and crawled into the lower bunk, snuggling into the bedding and was out like a light in minutes. 

*********

When Fili awoke to the buzzing of his phone alarm, it was with a strange sense of trepidation. He lay a while, trying to figure out what was bothering him but eventually he shook it off and got up. He showered and dressed, then packed what little still remained to be packed. Shouldering his duffle bag, he left the room. Frerin had long since woken up to be on shift so he wouldn’t get to say goodbye. He moved along the corridors and walkways until he got to the helicopter administration room and handed over his bag to be weighed and checked in. The woman in admin was new and young and she gave Fili an appreciative once over. 

‘You looking forward to going back?’ she asked, distinctive Dundee accent showing where she was from. ‘I’ll bet your girlfriend will be happy to see you.’ Her tone of voice was suggestive and Fili smiled back at her. He wasn’t immune to a bit of flirting, even if the poor girl was barking up the wrong tree. 

‘No girlfriend.’ he said, giving her the dimples, ‘Maybe I’ll get lucky and find one as pretty as you while I’m there.’ That made her blush to the roots of her hair, and she dropped her eyes and giggled. Fili left her and went to join the other people already gathered for the safety briefing. He’d been through it many times before, but always paid careful attention. He’d been lucky so far, but it could cost your life if you were complacent. There were sixteen of them in total, including two other engineers Fili usually worked with. He fell in with them and they chatted for a while until the safety video was started. The noise died down as they watched, then started up again afterwards as they were all getting into their neoprene immersion suits. Fili hated it, the feeling of constriction at wrists and neck but knew that it was better to be uncomfortable for a few hours than dead in a few minutes. He zipped up the front but left the hood off as did everyone else. They all looked like weird orange Teletubbies, himself included, and he grinned at the sight of Brian, one of the engineers next to him struggling with his. Brian was, politely put, a little on the heavy side.

‘Fuck,’ he muttered in a thick Irish accent, ‘I hate these fucking things.’

‘Here.’ Fili said, helping him get it on and then zipping it up for him, giving him a smack in the chest once he was done. ‘You seriously need to lose some weight, mate.’ Brian smiled and gave him two fingers. 

They went out onto the platform to wait for the Super Puma to come in and land with the returning shift. The helicopters ran two main flights a day, bringing crew in and ferrying crew out on the same trip. While they were waiting someone in the comms office put on some bad techno over the loud system and several of the waiting crew started gyrating to it, making Fili laugh. It was ridiculous to say the least. Then there was the sound they’d been waiting for, the steady whomp whomp of the helicopter rotors. The sky was cloudy and it was pretty damn cold judging by the wind in his face, but Fili could just make out the shape of the helicopter as it came into land. It came in close, the pilots manoeuvring it expertly and then touching down lightly enough to not even make the suspension bounce. Then the doors opened and the waiting passengers disembarked and came across the platform, stripping off their life vests and handing them over to the waiting crew. A Ukranian man called Geniia handed his to Fili with a grin and slap on the shoulder. Fili returned the greeting. He liked the Ukranian, a big serious man, and had been drinking with him on several occasions. Of course he’d always sworn off the next day. Drinking with Ukranians could damage your health. 

He hefted the life vest, pulling it over his head and strapping it tightly around his body. He automatically checked the rebreather and light, then dropped his head and moved forward with the others to board the helicopter. Once inside he made his way to an unoccupied seat, which brian was saving for him and dropped into it. He fastened his safety harness and shifted trying to get comfortable next to Brian’s bulk. He twisted a little, checking out the window behind him for how many poepl were left to board.

Everyone was finally on, the doors slid closed and the helicopter started to power up for take off. Fili took a deep breath, feeling the jolt as the wheels left the helipad. Then a slow rise vertically into the air before they moved forward and cleared the rig. He looked out the window again, watching the bright orange structure getting smaller and smaller. Next to him, Brian was already starting to drop off, head settling onto his chest. Fil wriggled until he was comfortably cushioned against his friend’s side and did the same.

He had no idea how far into the four hour flight they were when the jolt came. Fili was used to turbulence, and had no problem with the typical losses of altitude that came with riding over the North Sea. But this was different. This did not feel right or normal in any way. It was strong enough to jerk him instantly awake and he straightened up. Brian was also awake, and he turned to look at Fili, concern clearly written on his face.

‘What the fuck was that?’ he asked but then was cut suddenly cut off as the helicopter gave a tremendous lurch and flipped onto its left side, banking steeple and picking up speed. The whole sequence of events was so rapid, Fili didn’t even really have time to register what was happening before the whole fuselage shuddered violently and the helicopter began to fall out of the sky. Instinctively he braced himself against the seat and Brian. The fall seemed to go in slow motion, and the whole helicopter was eerily quiet, and Fili realised the engine had cut out completely. He tried to see out the window, but all he could make out was the dark expanse of the North Sea rushing up to meet them.  
The helicopter hit the surface of the ocean hard enough to shake them all around like rag dolls, and Fili was sure he felt himself black out for a minute or two. When he came to enough to realise what was happening around him, the water was already up to his chest, flooding in through two of the windows that had popped out on impact. There was noise now, the screams and cries of the other crew around him, but Fili blocked them out. 

All his training seemed to come back in an instant and he undid his safety harness, then turned to Brian. Brian had his rebreather out and waved Fili off, so he turned his attention to the window behind them. The water was now up to his chin, so he tooka couple of shallow breaths without exhaling then one deep one, holding it and ducking under the water, resisting the natural urge to gasp at how cold it was. He tested the window, noting the safety tag was gone, then caught hold of something above him. He hauled himself up and kicked hard at the window, water making his movements seem slow and sluggish. Once, twice and then on the third time the window popped out, drifting away from the helicopter and down into the water. Fili turned to look for Brian, but he had gone. With his lungs starting to ache from the lack of oxygen, he pulled himself through the window, and swam towards what he thought was up. The water was dim and he found it hard to see, skirting around the helicopter until his head broke the surface and he gasped for air. Then he tugged the pull on his life jacket and started to paddle away from the helicopter to where he could see a few people had bunched together. He didn’t know how long it took for them to be picked up, but it felt like forever. By then, one life raft had been deployed and they had pretty much managed to haul everybody in that was in the water. Brian hadn’t made it out, and that would almost killed him. Fili was shaking violently from cold and shock, barely registering the harness being strapped around him until he was winched into the Coast Guard helicopter. 

*************

He woke up two days later in hospital, Frerin at his bedside. He looked as if he had aged overnight, and when Fili opened his eyes he grabbed him and held on.

‘Never again kid.’ he whispered close to tears, ‘We go in the same one or not at all.’ And at that moment Fili realised just how much Frerin loved him and how much he loved him back. But, there were two more things he also realised. The first was that he wanted to live. The second was that he wanted Kili back.


	33. Bollocks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So a little intermediary chapter to get us up to speed. And Fili officially meets Tauriel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so I wasn't here nor there with Tauriel, but damn if she isn't starting to grow on me :)

Nine days before the wedding

Kili only went back to the house when the shadows of the sun shifted and he knew it was getting on for afternoon. He was vaguely aware of a dull ache in his stomach from not having anything to eat or drink for the past few hours, but that was nothing compared to what his heart felt.

_Why? Why am I such a fucking idiot?_

The comment about marrying Tauriel had come out of his mouth on instinct, his normal ‘hit back’ reflex. Years of living with Thorin and Dis and not having Fili to deflect the crap had made him overly defensive. Except this wasn’t Thorin he was dealing with, it was Fili. And the look on his brother’s face before he had walked away had gone straight through him.

_How on earth am I going to take it back? Do I even want to take it back? Would Fili even listen to me after I said that?_

He kicked angrily at the turf, then heard an amused noise. He looked up and saw Tauriel standing at the top of the slope. Her arms were folded and she was wearing that look she seemed to reserve only for him. It was a combination of exasperation and fondness. She was, in short, looking at him like he was her annoying little brother. He said as much when he reached her and she gave her silvery laugh.

‘Oh that’s brilliant Kee. You’re marrying someone who thinks of you as a brother and want to fuck the person who is your actual brother. You couldn’t make it up.’ She held out her hand and he took it, letting her drag him like a reluctant child. ‘Come on, the rest of your family has more or less arrived.’

‘What about yours?'

‘Elrond and the twins are here. Arwen and Aragorn are getting in sometime tonight I think. They’re flying in from Denmark.’ They walked up and along towards the house. ‘Did you speak to him?’

‘Yes.’

‘And? What happened?’ she asked. Kili shrugged.

‘He’s not interested.’

‘Did you ask him that or assume that? You’re very good at jumping to conclusions.’ Kili stopped, and she turned and looked at him.

‘It doesn’t matter, does it? We’re still getting married in eight days. Everything’s paid for and sorted. If we didn’t Thorin and Thranduil would have a fit.’ he said, not meeting her eyes. ‘We have to.’ Tauriel sighed and came closer to him.

‘The only thing we have to do is what is right for us. If you have second thoughts about what we’re doing then we don’t have to go through with this. I’m only doing it because we both agreed it would be a good arrangement. But that was before the love of your life came back.’ she said.

‘He’s not the love of my life.’ Kili grumbled mutinously and Tauriel laughed again.

‘Sure, he’s not.’ she said, ‘That’s why you look like someone just ran over your puppy.’

*************

The house was now a hive of activity or a den of iniquity depending on your world view, Gimli thought as he was ordered backwards and forwards hauling bags and suitcases to various rooms. Gloin and Nara were there and had bought Oin with them. Balin and his wife had also arrived, as had Dain and his son Thorin Jr. Elrond, Tauriel’s adopted uncle, was there with his twin sons Elrohir and Elladan, or Dan and Ro as Tauriel called them. Her cousin Arwen and Arwen’s husband Aragorn would be in another room. All in all it was a fairly full house. Dis was in the hall, directing Gimli and Fili who had been roped into the action. Everyone had been most surprised and delighted to see him and Frerin back, all having thought the reason for their leaving was a quarrel with Thror and Thorin respectively. There was a big show by Dis of how both uncles and nephew had kissed and made up, which seemed to satisfy most people.

So now he and Fili were staggering up the main staircase both wrestling an honest to god trunk that Nara had brought with her.

‘Well your mom hasn’t learned to travel any lighter.’ Fili grumbled as he hefted it to get a better grip.

‘Your mom travels lighter.’ Gimli retorted without thinking. Their eyes met over the trunk and they both giggled.

‘You’re such a wanker, G.’

‘Fuck you Fee.’ Gimli couldn’t help feeling happy. It was surprising how easily he and Fili had fallen back into the way they’d used to be with each other.

Fili was also glad, feeling light and at ease in spite of all the bloody angst of the morning. He’d avoided the guest house after seeing Kili, still feeling angry at what he’d said. So he’d come back to the house and had breakfast with Gimli, Dwalin and Ori. It had been fun. And while it was true that he and Frerin were a team of two, it felt really good to be back with family, something he had missed. They managed to make it to the room Gloin and Nara were sharing without breaking an arm or leg, thankfully. Before they were about to leave, Fili took a chance for some quiet time. He half shut the door.

‘So,’ he said, ‘what’s she like?’

‘She’s not you, if that’s what you’re asking.’ Gimli replied.

‘He said he’s still marrying her.’

‘That’s because he’s a stubborn arse who doesn’t want to disappoint anyone. He’s not like you or me Fee. Remember how shit scared he used to get if we got into trouble, and you and I would be like, yeah whatever.’ Fili huffed a laugh.

‘Yeah, I do G.’ Then his face sobered, ‘But he’s not a kid anymore Gimli. He can make his own decisions, and I want to know if he’s made the right one. I promise I won’t do anything to fuck things up, I just want to know if she’s a good person that I can trust with my little brother’s happiness.’

‘She’s great Fee. You'd really like her. They’re like brother and sister if you want to know the truth. Which is fucking weird considering the situation.’

‘No shit G.’

‘Boys!’ Dis screeched from downstairs, ‘These fucking suitcases won’t carry themselves.’ They both looked at each other.

‘Come on tough guy.’ Fili said, hitting Gimli in the stomach with the back of his hand and making him double over. ‘Let’s go.’

As they were coming down the stairs, laughing and pushing each other they saw Kili and Tauriel coming in the front door. Kili looked up and his eyes locked with Fili’s. There was an intense moment where they just looked at each other, the electricity between them almost palpable. Then Fili broke the look, jumping the last three steps just like they always used to.

‘Hey bro.’ he said, coming up to them, ‘So this is the lovely future Mrs Durin?’ He turned to Tauriel and smiled at her, all charm and dimples. ‘It’s very nice to meet you, Tauriel.’

‘Likewise.’ she said, and her brown eyes were cool and appraising. ‘Kili’s told me absolutely nothing about you.’

‘Funny, we seem to have that in common.’ Fili bowed slightly and offered her his arm. ‘Maybe we should rectify that.’

Tauriel smiled broadly and took it. ‘I think that’s an excellent idea.’ she said, and gave Kili a look that spoke volumes. ‘I think a walk in the garden should do it.’ They went through the doorway into the drawing room, leaving Kili with a look of complete and utter outrage on his face.

‘What the fuck do they think they’re doing?’ he hissed at Gimli, who was biting the insides of his cheeks to keep from laughing.

‘Christ I am so fucking happy I’m not you right now.’ he said, and Kili glared at him.

‘Really G? Maybe I should go in there and tell Legolas that you’re carrying a torch so fucking big for him, that if you wave it around enough it could be used to warn off passing ships.’

‘Oooh bitchy.’ Ori said walking past them. ‘I can’t wait to see what the next three days are going to be like.’


	34. Drive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More intermediary stuff, but we are getting to the main events so don't worry.

Eight days before the wedding – first day of stag party break

The morning of the first day of the stag party break was an interesting one, as far as Gimli could see. For one thing everyone was pretty hungover from what turned out to be an epic dinner the night before. And Thorin and Frerin were pussyfooting around each other like teenagers with a crush or a pair of circling dogs about to have a fight, he couldn’t decide which. Frerin had flat refused to answer any of Fili’s questions with regards to what he and Thorin had spoken about while he was out chasing Kili. Gimli knew they had been in there for about an hour before Thorin had come back with a very thoughtful expression on his face. He’d run into him when he’d gone to look for Fili and Tauriel and drag then away from their conversation which had been extremely interesting judging by the looks that had passed between the two. Then she’d been herded away by Kili who’d managed to keep her away from him and Frerin for the rest of the evening while simultaneously avoiding speaking to Thorin at all. It was a masterclass of passive aggressive behaviour.

So now he was outside the front of the house waiting for Frerin and Gimli to stop arguing. Gimli had organised a drive hire minibus for all of them to go to the hotel in. Frerin wasn’t so keen on this idea and was insisting that he drive himself. All in all there were fourteen of them, so space wasn’t an issue. But that still hadn’t made Frerin happy.

‘I don’t think it’s a good idea to have all of us cooped up together for three hours in the same vehicle Gimli. And who will be driving?’ he said, folding his arms. Gimli did a double take and flashed Fili a quick glance. Fili grinned. He knew how thrown Gimli was by their uncanny resemblance. 

‘Look if it bothers you, you can do the driving. Just so long as we don’t get lost.’

‘Well in that case Thorin definitely shouldn’t drive. He’s completely directionally challenged.’ Frerin said, ‘The only way we ever got anywhere was if I navigated.’ He held out his hand. ‘So hand over the keys kiddo.’ Grumbling Gimli did as requested, then went to herd the older members of their group into the minibus. Fili stepped over to Frerin.

‘You think this a good idea?’

‘Fuck no. I think it’s going to be a disaster.’ Frerin said. They could see the others starting to assemble. Gimli had drawn up a very complex seating plan the night before in consultation with the table, which had resulted in much arguing. He had proposed the following: Oin and Gloin directly behind the driver’s seat with Balin, then Elrond and Thranduil in the two seats behind them and Dwalin and Ori next. Dan and Ro got the last two seater, which left three single seats for Legolas, Kili and Thorin. He figured that would be the safest configuration with him and Fili in the front with Frerin. Of course, when the assembled party got to the point of actually getting into the minibus, the proposed seating plan got rapidly thrown out the window. Thorin was not happy about Frerin taking charge of the driving and fussed and fussed until Frerin rolled his eyes and agreed to let him sit in the front. That required reshuffling and Dwalin was chosen as a suitable buffer to put between the brothers. That meant Ori’s nose was out of joint, so he requisitioned one of the single seats to sulk and refused to move. Oin and Gloin decided they wanted to be at the back, so took the two seater next to Ori. Thranduil wanted a seat to himself, as did Elrond. Dan and Ro were the only ones who took their assigned seats happily. Balin didn’t want to be crowded so he took the last single seat. This left only the three seater. Gimli looked unhappily from Fili to Kili as he realised he was going to be stuck being piggy in the middle between them. They stood glaring at each other, arms folded. There had been no conversation between the two of them last night and it looked like that was the way things were going to go on. 

Finally everyone was packed in the minibus. Then unpacked as Oin discovered he’d left his hearing aid on his bedside table, only for it to be revealed that he’d actually left it at home. And then Balin had wanted to use the bathroom. The twins decided they needed to grab a snack for the road, and then the whole damn lot practically fell out the minibus and it took another thirty minutes to get everyone back in again. And this time round Kili basically dumped his bag on the seat between him and Fili as some kind of physical barrier. That meant that Gimli had no choice but to sit next to Legolas in the last two seater. Both pairs of brothers were basically doing their best to ignore each other. Frerin and Thorin were both poker faced and hiding behind their sunglasses, while Fili and Kili had stuck their earbuds in their ears and were playing competing tinny music at a volume that couldn’t have been good for their eardrums. Dwalin twisted in his seat and gave Gimli a look that very plainly said he would rather be anywhere else than in the position he was currently in. 

*************

In spite of all the drama getting into the damn vehicle, the actual drive itself turned out to be far more pleasant than anticipated. Frerin and Thorin communicated in monosyllables but were otherwise civil. Oin spent a lot of the time saying ‘WHAT?’ at people. Thranduil and Elrond spent the whole trip talking only to each other, although Dan and Ro turned out to be very friendly and more than happy to chatter away to Balin, who clearly only wanted to snooze. Gimli was getting more and more uncomfortable at Legolas’ close proximity. He was looking out the window, beautiful profile in contemplation. Gimli thought he looked like a marble statue he was so still and so perfect. Every strand of silvery blond hair was perfectly in place, tied back off his face and giving Gimli a stellar view of those cheekbones. The worst thing was the way he smelled though. He was wearing a light citrusy aftershave and it was making Gimli’s head spin. He swore he’d never encountered anyone who smelled so good before. 

They got to a service station in the Cotswolds and stopped for a comfort break and so Thorin and Frerin could argue about the route. The whole time Fili and Kili remained in their seats, glances directed in the opposite direction to each other, arms folded. Then it was back in the minibus and on to the hotel. 

The place Gimli had booked was set in its own woodland, and they followed a long drive up to an impressive looking stone building. Then it was all out and into the reception, where Gimli had to sort out room assignments. That bought on further arguments. Oin and Gloin would only share with each other, while Thranduil and Elrond both insisted on their own room. This meant that the poor manager on duty had to stand with Gimli and work out what could be done. The hotel was at capacity with three other stag and hen parties and there was no room to speak of. The rest of the party got bored and headed off to the bar to await the outcome. Finally Gimli reappeared with a slip of paper. He pulled Dwalin and Ori aside.

‘It’s going to be tight. Basically Thranduil and Elrond will have to buddy up whether they like it or not, there’s just not enough rooms. So we’ve got Oin and Gloin together in a triple with Balin because, let’s face it, he’s the only one who could go in with them. Then you two in one room, Dan and Ro in another, which leaves three double rooms for me, Legolas, Fili, Kili, Thorin and Frerin. So what the fuck do I do?’ Ori and Dwalin looked at each other and then both shrugged. 

‘Kili won’t go in with Thorin, so put him in with Legolas. Then you can go in with Thorin and Frerin and Fili can bunk up together.’ Dwalin said, ‘I think that way everyone’s going to not kill each other.’ Surprisingly it turned out to be acceptable to all parties, and they headed to their respective rooms to prepare for the afternoon’s activities.


	35. Afternoon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So this is the first afternoon of the stag party break. There are room issues and confessions :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah yes, the sneaky hotel room swappage :) Take that plot!!!

Eight days before the wedding

 

_‘He’s not in love with me, you know. He loves me but he's not in love with me.’_

_‘Really? Then why is he marrying you?’_

_‘Convenience for both of us. Get’s our families off our backs and we get on really well. It seemed like a solution at the time.’_

_Silence._

_‘You know about us don’t you?’_

_‘Yes.’_

_‘And yet you’re not freaking out?’_

_‘We don’t fuck. I have no claim on that side of him.’_

_Questioning look._

_‘I’m a lesbian Fili. I don’t like men.’_

_Surprised look._

_‘I’ll take that as a compliment.’_

_Smile._

_‘He is still in love with you.’_

_‘And I am still in love with him, but he’s dead set on marrying you.’_

_Sigh._

_‘You Durins and your ability to make a judgement based on two minutes of conversation. Remind me to not pick that up from you.’_

_‘You think I’m wrong.’_

_‘I know you are. And so is he. The good news is you have three days to change his mind.’_

_‘Hang on. You’re actively encouraging me to get my brother to call off your wedding and engage in an incestuous relationship with me?’_

_Big smile._

_‘I am. Maybe then he’ll finally be happy and stop the continuous mope he’s been in for the last seven years.’_

_Incredulous silence._

_‘You’re pretty fucking amazing Tauriel. If I wasn’t in love with my brother I’d fucking steal you for myself.’_

_Hair flick._

_‘I know.’_

Fili was jolted out of his thoughts by a knock at the door of the hotel room he would be sharing with Frerin. It was nice, although they had been a bit surprised to find there was only one double bed in the room. Frerin and he had exchanged a glance and then got a frantic case of the giggles.

‘I call right side.’ Frerin had said, dropping his bag on the floor and taking a running leap to claim it. He bounced around on the bed for a while. ‘It’s pretty comfy. Maybe we should give the uncle nephew incest thing a shot?’ He waggled his eyebrows suggestively at Fili, who snorted with laughter.

‘For fuck’s sakes, Frer. This is a serious situation.’

‘I know Grasshopper, I know.’ Frerin had sat up and held out his arms. Fili went and sat next to him, letting Frerin hug him.

‘This is all kinds of fucked up.’ he had muttered into Frerin’s shoulder.

‘Oh, don’t I know it kid.’

‘You still not going to tell me what went on yesterday?’

‘Nope. You going to tell me what you and the pretty lady talked about?’

‘Probably not.’

‘Then we’re even.’ Frerin had given him a shove and gotten up, heading to the bathroom. Fili had sat on the edge of the bed and let his mind drift back to his conversation with Tauriel the day before. 

Which brought him back to the moment at hand. He frowned and got up, going to the door and opening it. Outside he found a very uncomfortable looking Gimli.

‘There’s only one bed.’ he said.

‘I know.’ Fili said, standing aside to let him in. ‘We have the same problem.’

‘It’s not a biggie Gimli.’ Frerin called from the bathroom. ‘Fee and I don’t mind sharing. Just so long as he doesn’t fucking snore.’

‘I don’t snore!’ Fili shouted back rolling his eyes at Gimli. ‘He’s so fucking senile anyway how the fuck would he remember?’

‘I heard that Grasshopper and you will pay in many drinks for your lack of respect.’

‘Make me, old man.’ Fili shrugged at Gimli, ‘So, you have to share a bed with Thorin for a couple of nights.’

‘But its weird Fee. It’s Thorin. And after the revelations of the last couple of days, I’m can’t exactly look him in the face.’

‘Well, what do you want to do? You can crash on the floor here.’ Fili offered. There was a very put upon sigh from the bathroom, and Frerin came out.

‘You fucking children.’ he said, ‘I’ll go sleep in Thorin’s room. Gimli, you can share with Fili.’ He grabbed his bag and waved them off as they started to protest. ‘Someone has to be the adult here, so it might as well be me.’

**********

Kili and Legolas surveyed the double bed. Legolas arched one elegant blond eyebrow and looked at Kili.

‘Well this is cosy.’ he said and grinned. ‘I guess we’re bunkmates for the next three days Durin. Think Tauriel will be jealous when she finds out we were sharing a bed.’

‘I doubt it.’ Kili answered, dumping his bag on the armchair in the corner. ‘You know her as well as I do.’

‘Yes, I do.’ Legolas said, sitting on the bed. ‘You two are really going to do this hmmm?’

‘We know you think it’s a mistake. You don’t need to harp on about it.’

‘I just think it’s stupid. You should both just tell Thorin and Thranduil where to get off.’

‘Like you did? Remind me again how much your father knows about you being gay.’ Kili retorted. ‘Although I have to tell you that it’s pretty fucking funny that the campest man in your family is also the straightest.’

Legolas threw himself back on the bed and sighed. There was silence for a while as Kili unpacked. Then Legolas cleared his throat, sounding uncharacteristically hesitant.

‘So….’ he started.

‘So?’ When he didn’t get an answer, Kili turned and looked at him. ‘So what? You planning on finishing that question sometime this century Legs?’ Legolas sat up and Kili was astonished to see he was starting to blush a little.

‘So your cousin.’ he said eventually. ‘He’s single right?’

‘Who Gimli?’ Kili asked and then burst out laughing, ‘You’re interested in Gimli? He’s not exactly your usual type.’

‘I know. But he’s strangely hot, like in a Sons of Anarchy kind of way.’

‘You’ve known him for years and this is the first time you’ve realised that.’

‘I don’t know him know him. But I think I’d like to.’ Legolas smiled at the thought.

‘Oh Christ Almighty.’ Kili groaned ‘This just keeps getting better and better.’

*************

Thorin had finished unpacking when the door opened. He turned around to say something to Gimli and stopped dead when he saw it was Frerin. Not only that, but his brother was carrying what looked suspiciously like his own bag.

‘I know. It’s probably the worst solution in the history of terrible solutions.’ Frerin said, holding up a hand to silence him. ‘But Gimli is completely freaked at the thought of sharing a bed with you. So, here I am.’

He closed the door and dropped the bag on the chair. He gave a Thorin a querying look. ‘You don’t seem too pissed about it?’

‘I think we can probably manage to share a room for three nights without killing each other.’ Thorin said, ‘We managed to share a house for almost twenty years without doing so.’

‘You don’t think it’s going to be too weird? I was sure you’d have a fit.’

‘Nothing about this situation isn’t weird Frer.’ Thorin said, ‘At this point all we can do is go with it.’ He fished his wallet out from his jacket pocket. ‘All we need to do is drink enough and it will all go away.’

‘Amen brother.’ Frerin said, ‘Let’s go.’


	36. Drink

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, the stag party begins. Drop your linen and stop your grinnen'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What have Thorin and Frerin been up to, sneaky buggers ;)

First night of the stag party

There was a knock on Kili and Legolas’ door. Legolas went to open it, but it wasn’t unlocked and Dan and Ro barged in just as he got there, almost smacking him in the face. Kili shook his head at them. They looked so similar to each other they could have passed for triplets, although the twins were dark haired and dark eyed and very tanned from a recent three week holiday in Australia. They’d also bought back an annoying tendency to speak in an atrociously bad Aussie accent. 

‘G’day.’ Dan said, grinning and grabbing Legolas in a headlock before he could escape. ‘Me and Ro were wondering if you boys were up for a bit of recreational drinking, seeing as how this is supposed to be a stag party and all.’ 

‘Fucking hell! Dan! You utter bastard, let me go!’ Legolas got his cousin around the waist and grappled him to the floor. Ro stood and laughed but made no move to help either his cousin or his brother. 

‘So the big bro’s back.’ he said to Kili. ‘You don’t seem to be very happy to see him. What the hell is it with you two?’ 

‘It’s none of your fucking business Ro.’ Kili said. 

‘Okay. Play it that way Durin. But we will find out.’ Ro’s smile was evil. ‘Now no more stalling, there is serious drinking to be done and there are also two hen nights in attendance at this fine establishment. That means that even your uncle could manage to get laid.’ Kili sighed. It was the bane of having too many uncles to count, even if they weren’t all, strictly speaking, uncles.

‘Which fucking one?’ he asked, and the three of them all laughed at the look of resignation on his face.

**********

With Gimli now safely moved into his room, Fili dragged his cousin downstairs in search of his uncles. They ran into what Gimli called the three oldies on the stairs. 

‘Bet you’ve got a fun room.’ Gimli snickered, ‘One who can’t hear, one who snores like he can’t hear and Balin.’ Gloin reached out and cuffed him on the back of the head.

‘Watch it laddie, you’re not so big I can’t beat the daylights out of you.’ Gimli grinned and slung an arm around his father’s neck.

‘You’d have to catch me first, oh doddering father of mine.’ They walked into the downstairs bar area. It was pretty packed. Finally, they located Frerin and Thorin at a table out on the terrace, bottle of very expensive looking single malt on the table along with Frerin’s cigarettes. They were both smoking, and Gloin gave Thorin a look.

‘I thought you quit.’ he said, picking up the bottle and looking at it appraisingly. 

‘What? The smoking or drinking?’ Thorin replied, taking the bottle from him and putting it back on the table. 

‘Both.’ Gloin said, picking it up again. 

‘I seem to be picking up all sorts of old habits I thought I was done with.’ Thorin said, and Fili was convinced he saw a ghost of a smile flicker between him and Frerin. He was immediately suspicious. ’I’ve started a tab for us. Go get what you want.’

‘You sure?’ Balin said, grinning. ‘We have very expensive tastes.’

‘You’re my CFO Balin.’ Thorin said dryly, ‘Just make sure you don’t bankrupt Erebor and we’ll be fine.’ He gave Frerin a look, who raised his glass at him.

‘Well said, brother.’

‘Thank you, brother.’

Fili exchanged a confused look with Gimli. Something very strange was going on. They headed off to the bar with the older men, squeezing in past other stags and hens. 

‘Okay what the fuck was that?’ Gimli hissed in his ear once they were out of earshot.

‘Something happened yesterday morning.’ Fili replied, ‘And I’m damn well going to find out what it was.’ 

*************

Thorin grinned over the edge of his glass as he watched the younger Durins hissing at each other.

‘They look confused.’ he said. Frerin gave them a once over.

‘They probably are. I must confess to being a little in the dark myself. What are we doing again?’

‘Second chances Frer.’

‘I said maybe.’ 

‘Your mouth said maybe. Your body said, hell yes.’ 

‘Fuck off Thor.’ The grin turned into a smirk.

‘We’ll see.’

************

When Kili and the three Greenleaf boys made it downstairs he found that most of the others were already ensconced. The oldies were at the same table as Thorin and Frerin, Thranduil and Elrond were yet to make an appearance and Fili and Gimli had hijacked the end of another one from a very giggly group of hens who were all wearing cerise feather boas and tiaras. 

‘Ah, ladies.’ Dan said, exchanging grins with Ro. The twins were notorious womanisers, although Kili had heard some scurrilous rumours that their preferred method of seduction usually involved one girl shared between them. This was always strenuously denied by the twins. Now they headed for the table that Fili and Gimli were sitting at, eyes sparkling at the prospect of getting at least one or two girls on side, Dan grabbing his brother by the shirt and dragging him with him.

‘Legs!’ he called over one shoulder, ‘Get the drinks in. We need at least two. We’re going to play a game.’

‘Two drinks?’ Kili asked Legolas who’d gone a little pale.

‘Two bottles.’ he said, ‘They learned a new game in Australia. I hope you have your drinking shoes on.’ 

*********

By the time they got back, Dan and Ro had cleared most of the table of bottles and glasses and engaged the hen party in conversation. Gimli and Fili were watching, clearly amused by the admittedly very funny twins. Legolas approached and dumped the two bottles of Jagermeister on the table along with shot glasses, then handed out the round of beers they’d also bought. Fili looked at the bottles, and then at them.

‘Seriously?’

‘Dan says it gets you fucked up quicker.’ Legolas said, looking very unhappy at what was about to happen. 

‘Yes it does, but it could also give you alcohol poisoning.’ Fili replied. ‘And you should probably take it easy seeing as this is going on for three days.’ That was like a red rag to a bull, Gimli noted. Kili’s eyes narrowed angrily.

‘So now you’re telling me not to drink at my own stag party?’ he snapped. ‘It’s not like you have to play.’

‘Actually they do.’ Ro said, leaning back and snagging one of the bottles. ‘International rules. If you’re sitting at the table when the drinks arrive that’s taken as a sign you’re in.’

‘I swear to God you just made that up.’ Legolas grumbled. 

‘Where’s the tumbler, Legs?’ Dan asked. Legolas gave a huge sigh and got up to go get one.

‘What do you need that for?’ Gimli asked. 

‘For our game Gimli.’ Ro said. He cracked the top on the Jagermeister and poured out shots. ‘But first a toast to the unlucky bastard who’s getting married in eight days.’ He handed one to Kili, who was avoiding Fili’s eyes completely. Then Ro handed out the rest. He offered one to Fili who shook his head.

‘No thanks.’ he said, ‘I plan on remembering tonight’s events.’ 

‘Why?’ Kili asked, “so you can tell me all the things I do wrong? Report back to Tauriel seeing as you two are so close now?’ His tone was caustic, eyes flashing at Fili as he finally looked at him. The look between them burned the air. Then, very deliberately, Fili reached out and took the shot from Ro, downing it and slamming the glass upside down on the table. 

‘Fine, baby brother.’ he said, and the last two words were bitingly sharp. ‘You want to play, we’ll fucking play. But don’t cry when it gets too rough.’ 

‘Yes!’ Dan exclaimed, pulling his chair in and getting an overly competitive look in his eyes. ‘I think a brother challenge is in order.’

‘But we only have two pairs of brothers.’ Legolas pointed out.

‘It’s fine.’ Ro grinned, “you and Gimli can be on one team because cousins also count.’

‘So,’ Dan said, ‘I’m oldest..’

‘By three fucking minutes.’ Ro protested.

‘I’m still oldest, dickhead. So Fili and I will be on one team, you and Kili on the other and the kissing cousins over there on the third.’ He laughed as both Gimli and Legolas blushed furiously at his remark. 

‘So what’s the objective?’ Gimli asked, shifting his chair so Legolas could pull his in next to him. The others had also moved around to sit with their respective partners. 

‘To get the other teams fucked up as quickly as possible.’ Dan grinned, accepting a cigarette and light from Fili, who then lit his own. ‘The game goes like this.’ He indicated the tumbler on the table top. ‘That is the receptacle. You have to bounce this coin,’ and here he drew a ten pence piece from his pocket, ‘off the table top and into the glass. If it misses, you drink. If it goes in, you nominate someone on the other team to drink. Winners are last men standing.’

‘Got it.’ Gimli said, and then looked at Legolas. ‘You’ve done this before right?’

‘Oh God, yes.’ He replied, ‘But I seriously fucking wish I hadn’t.’

‘Fuck it.’ Kili said, ‘Are we going to talk or drink.’ Dan winked at him.

‘Groom goes first.’ He said, flipping the coin at Kili who caught it out the air. Kili studied it then looked at Ro. 

‘Is there a knack to it?’

‘You kind of just have to try and find a rhythm that suits you.’ Ro said, showing Kili how to hold the coin. Kili aimed and bounced the coin which flew spectacularly off the table surface and missed the glass entirely. 

‘Drink!’ said Dan, and he did grimacing a little at the taste of the Jagermeister. The coin went round the table, next to Gimli and Legolas who both missed. Dan took it next, missing completely and Ro crowed at him. 

‘You are so shit at this!’ Dan gave him the finger then played, missed and drank in quick succession, before he handed the coin to Fili, who rolled it between his fingers for a moment, then bounced it perfectly into the shot glass with a very satisfying clink. 

‘Gentlemen, all bets are officially off.’ he said, his smile feral. ‘You’re all going fucking down.’


	37. Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> BEHOLD THE MEGACHAPTER!!!!!
> 
> The stag party. Enough said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I haven't replied to comments yet, but I will tonight. We at Erebor Inc. thank you for your patience. I hope it was worth it :)
> 
> If you spot any mistooks please let me know. Like that one...
> 
> No money was made from the abuse of these characters, but a whole lot of fun was had :))))
> 
> All thanks to the lovely people who have commented - you guys are totally amazeballs and funny as fuck. I wish I knew all of you IRL. Thanks as well for those who left kudos, I am sending all of you a Vulcan salute.

Seven days before the wedding

Gimli was drunk. On his arse oh-Christ-what-have-I-done drunk. How else could he explain the fact that he was dancing with two equally drunk brunette sisters, was covered in glitter and had a cerise feather boa tied around his head. Or the fact that Legolas was dancing with them. In a fucking tiara. 

‘Hey Legs!’ he shouted at him over the music, ‘Say ‘I’m a pretty princess’.’ Legolas gave him the finger and grinned. 

‘I’m a motherfucking pretty princess bitch!’ he shouted back and they nearly collapsed laughing. Fucking Jagermeister. It was all the twins’ fault. Who fucking knew that all there was to do on a fucking oil rig was work out and practise Coinage. Because apparently that was what Fee had been doing for the last four years. The fucker had totally conned all of them. The first few rounds had been brushed off as luck, but then Kili had hit the edge of the tumbler with the coin and Fili had shouted ‘Challenge!’ in an unnecessarily loud voice and the twins had both stared open mouthed at him as they cottoned on to the fact the _he knew the fucking rules _. And then it had gotten serious. Dan and Ro had taken that as an open challenge to try and fuck Fili up as badly as they could, but they were sadly outclassed. He got them all, even-handedly handing out shots and double challenge shots as easily as falling off a fucking log. Which Gimli wouldn’t even be able to do right now because he was too fucking drunk to even find the log.__

And that had only been the beginning.

************

Kili glared at Fili across the table.

‘Fuck you Fee!’ he snapped, ‘That was not a fucking challenge!’ Fili leaned back in his chair and gave him a smile that was all danger and arrogance, blue eyes almost indigo in the light of the outside terrace and never leaving his brother’s. You could have cut the tension between them with a knife. 

‘It bloody was. We all heard the coin hit. Now fucking bounce or drink, Kee.’ His voice had an edge to it that would have rung alarm bells in Gimli’s head, if it hadn’t already been stuffed with cotton wool. Ro and Dan were watching fascinated, heads turning like they were at a tennis match as they looked from one to the other. The animosity between the two brothers was almost tangible but, now that he knew what to look for, there was a whole other undercurrent that made Gimli wonder idly in his drunken state whether, if the others weren’t there, they would get up and go at it on the fucking table. Legolas was sprawled next to him, light blue eyes wide as he also watched them. 

‘Wow.’ he stage whispered at Gimli, ‘They have really intense fights.’ Fili and Kili swung round to glare at him in tandem, expressions so similar it was almost comical.

‘Back away slowly and don’t look them in the eye.’ Gimli said to him out the side of his mouth, ‘They can fucking smell fear.’ 

Then Kili gave Fili a dirty look and drank his shot. By now the two bottles had been replaced by two more and several of the hens had joined the game. There was one particularly pretty blonde that has being shuttled backwards and forwards between the twins, and Legolas gave Gimli a knowing smile. A couple of the other women had tried to get into a suitable position to catch the Durin brother’s attention. But Fili and Kili were completely focused on each other. Gimli had another idle thought along the lines of how did he ever fucking miss what was going on between them the first time round. It was there in every look and sharp comment. He had no idea if they were aware of it, but even Legolas had picked something up if that comment was anything to go by. He’d discovered that Legolas was the king of the bleeding obvious, so it must have been pretty clear for him to notice the intensity between them.

*************

A couple of hours later and the coin did its rounds again, with Dan getting in a lucky shot and immediately nominating Fili to drink. Gimli estimated Fili must have been at least eight or nine shots down as well as having switched to a steady stream of rum and cokes, but he sure as hell wasn’t showing it. Gimli knew that was a sign of serious trouble. If Fili had reached the point where he had to act sober, then he wasn’t. Kili on the other hand seemed to have thrown caution to the wind, and was now openly taunting his brother, stealing his cigarettes and flirting terribly with the hen who had targeted him earlier.

A truce was finally called. The twins were almost insensibly drunk and getting pretty wild. They were taking turns snogging the blonde and then handing her off to the other one. Then one of the other girls who’d had her eye on Kili all night had suggested a round of ‘Never have I ever.’ 

That was a very bad idea.

‘Never have I ever partaken in an orgy.’ Ro said, wavering slightly in his chair. Nobody drank except for one the hens who they’d discovered was a bridesmaid. 

‘What?’ she said defensively when everyone looked at her, ‘It was in Marbella! Okay me now. Never have I ever had anal sex.’ There was a flurry of looks, then Fili, Kili, Legolas and himself all drank. 

‘You Durin boys are dirty bastards.’ Dan said approvingly, ‘How the fuck did you find all those girls to say yes. And you, Legolas are getting lumped in with them. Right, my turn.’ he declared lighting his umpteenth cigarette. ‘Never have I ever had sex in a moving vehicle whilst either driving or as a passenger.’ Everyone looked on in shock as Legolas drank and then realised everyone was looking at him and tried to hide behind his pint glass. ‘Kelly?’ the blonde on his lap giggled.

‘Okay,’ she said, ‘Never have I ever had sex against a washing machine.’ Gimli snorted at that, but then Fili and Kili both lifted their glasses and drank, eyes locked. Now that he really hadn’t needed to see. He was going to require so much eye bleach before the evening was done. It was the turn of another hen, one of a pair of dark haired sisters. 

‘Never have I ever had sex with someone of the same sex.’ she said. Gimli was torn. It wasn’t exactly a secret he was gay but he felt a little uncomfortable announcing it. That was until Fili, Kili and Legolas all lifted their glasses and drank. Comforted by safety in numbers, so did he. 

‘Holy shit.’ The other dark haired sister said looking at them. That little revelation pretty much ended the game. 

***********

Which bought him back to the dance floor, the feather boa and a very drunk blond in a tiara. The dark haired sisters, Janet and Emma, had turned out to be very nice and hauled them on to the dance floor after the end of the drinking games. Ro and Dan had disappeared into one of the corners with their blonde, and Kili was dancing with the flirty hen. Out of the corner of his eye Gimli could just see Fili watching from the sidelines, drink in hand and looking as pissed off as Gimli had ever seen him. 

***********

Fili watched his brother dance with the hen. They were pretty much all over each other. He knew Kili well enough to know what his little game was, and apparently making him jealous was something Kili had never grown out of. It didn’t help that the drunker Kili got, the fucking better he looked, dark hair all over the place and his hazel eyes sparkling. And he could fucking move, Fili would give him that. He’d never been a big one for dancing but Kili had natural rhythm in spades. 

He couldn’t deal with this, not now. He needed to clear his head and get some perspective. The alcohol was starting to make the decisions, and right now it was instructing him very loudly to go over to Kili, throw him over his shoulder, carry him upstairs and fuck his brains out. So, he threw back the last bit of his drink and turned and left the room, going back to the terrace. It was getting on for about one in the morning so he was quite surprised to see the oldies still drinking, and not looking too bad actually, although they were all a bit flushed. He did, however, notice that Thorin and Frerin were very much not in attendance. Balin spotted him and waved him over.

‘Fili, my lad.’ he said, smiling broadly at him, ‘How are the boys coping?’ 

‘Dead drunk and dancing like a bunch of idiots.’ he replied, ‘You all seem to be picking up steam though.’

‘Aye.’ Oin said, rasing his wine glass and winking at him, ‘But then we were doing this before you lot were even born.’ Fili shifted on his feet and tried to sound casual for the next bit.

‘So, I..uh..need to talk to Frerin. Do you know where he’s gone?’ 

‘Him and Thorin went up about an hour ago.’ Balin said, pouring more wine for him and Gloin. 

‘Thanks.’ Fili said, and left them to it. 

***************

He literally ran all the way to the room that Thorin and Frerin were sharing. When he got there, he listened carefully but there was nothing but silence. He had no choice but to knock, and after a short while the door opened a crack and he took his chance, pushing in past Ferin who was only wearing a bedsheet draped very artistically around him in the style of a Roman emperor. He squeaked in protest, and tried to get between Fili and the actual bedroom area, but Fili ducked around him and came face to arse with his other uncle who was laid out on his stomach on the bed facing away from him. He was very much naked and looking extremely pleased with himself and completely fucked out.

‘I hope you told whoever it was to bugger off.’ Thorin said, apparently not noticing that Fili was now also in the room, ‘You promised to fuck me all night and as far as I can tell it’s not even two o’clock yet.’ 

‘Thor.’ Frerin said, in a warning tone. Thorin turned looking over his shoulder and going bright red as he saw Fili. 

‘Fucking hell.’ he exclaimed, rolling off the bed and grabbing a nearby bath towel, wrapping it around him. There was a frantic exchange of glances between him and Frerin. Fili folded his arms and looked from one to the other.

‘So I take it you two have kissed and made up.’ he said, turning to Frerin. ‘No wonder you didn’t want to tell me what you spoke about yesterday morning. If you managed to talk at all.’ 

‘It’s not what it looks like.’ Frerin protested, but was shushed by Thorin.

‘It’s exactly what it looks like, Frer.’ he said, trying to be serious but unable to keep the stupid grin off his face. And bloody hell, Frerin was wearing the same stupid smile. Fili looked at him and suddenly realised he’d never seen either of them look as damn happy as they did at that moment, even with him making his discovery. It was like something was falling into place and he knew what he had to do.

‘Did you want to talk about something?’ Frerin prompted and Fili shook his head.

‘I was worried about something and wanted your advice but I guess I have my answer. You two carry on.’ He walked to the door, watching as they visibly relaxed. Just as he was about to open the door, an idea struck him and he walked back coming to stand in front of Thorin, who looked down at him, confused.

‘Just so you know if you hurt Frerin again, I will fuck you up so badly that you’ll wish I’d never been born.’ he said, voice stern. Thorin’s eyebrows nearly escaped into his hairline in surprise and Frerin burst out laughing. Fili left them like that, smiling to himself as he went downstairs. 

When he got back to the dance floor, however, Kili and the hen were gone. He managed to move through the crowd of dancers and find Gimli and Legolas, who seemed to have ditched the sisters and were now just dancing with each other. He accosted Gimli, who threw his arms around him and squeezed seven shades of shit out of him.

‘Feeeee!’ he shouted, ‘Where did you go?’

‘I need to find Kili. Where the fuck is he?’ Fili shouted back. Legolas wobbled over, putting one arm around Gimli’s neck. Fili was a little amused to notice it was quite a proprietry arm. If Gimli played his cards right, he just might end up with more than he bargained for. But that was not his first priority and he wrestled free. 

‘Have you seen Kili?’ he asked Legolas, who took a moment to focus then nodded enthusiastically.

‘He went out for some air with whatshername.’ he shouted. 

‘Fuck.’ Fili said under his breath. ‘Thank you.’ he shouted then leaned in and spoke into Legolas’ ear. ‘He’s wanted to fuck you forever. I would do something about that if I were you.’ The look on Legolas’ face was priceless when he pulled away from him, and Fili slapped him on the shoulder and then went off to find his wayward brother.

***********

He found them a little way from the terraces, just inside the tree line. Kili was up against a tree, and the hen was already on her knees. Her hands were on Kili’s belt buckle, but she was so drunk she was having serious trouble undoing it. Fili wasted no time in pushing her aside, ignoring her affronted squawk and bending over to heft Kili over his shoulder in a fireman’s lift. Kili was more than a little annoyed by this and wriggled frantically until Fili gave him a hard slap on the arse.

‘Shut up you twat.’ he said, ‘I’m saving you from a fate worse than death.’

‘Fine you bastard, but you better bloody compensate me for the fact that I just lost the opportunity for a blowjob.’

‘Only if you’re lucky Kee.’

They made it into the hotel, getting a cheer from the oldies as they passed their table. Fili carried his brother all the way up the stairs and along the corridor to the room he was sharing with Legolas. He struggled briefly to get the card key out of Kili’s back pocket and balance him at the same time. Eventually Kili snorted in exasperation and fished it out for him, waving it around once he’d got it out. Fili tried several times to catch the flailing hand, eventually succeeding and swiping it, then shouldering the door open. He got them inside, then rolled Kili off his shoulder and onto the bed like a sack of potatoes. Kili hit the bed and rolled once on to his back before he starfished. 

‘Jesus, I am so fucking drunk.’ he announced then giggled. Fili heaved a sigh and bent down to undo his laces, pulling Kili’s Converse off and chucking them over his shoulder one by one.

‘I can see that.’ He said, standing up and motioning with his hands. ‘Come on.’

‘What? Why?’ 

‘Because you’re going to feel like absolute hell tomorrow, so we’re going to get you in the bathroom and you’re going to stick your fingers down your throat and bring all that shit up. Then I’m going to feed you water and leave you to sleep it off.’ Kili frowned when he said this, defiantly folding his arms.

‘No.’ Fili put his hands on his hips and looked down at him.

‘Really Kee?’

‘Not doing it. You can’t fucking make me.’ 

‘I can, now fucking get up you wanker.’

‘Nope.’ Annoyed, Fee reached down and grasped his forearms, pulling him up. Kili went a rigid as a statue, trying to make himself as heavy as possible. There was a brief energetic tug of war and then the inevitable happened when Kili suddenly relaxed and caught Fili off balance. He got him around the waist, pulling him over and on top of him, both landing with a bounce that knocked the air out of them slightly. Fili tried to recover, getting himself up on his elbows and starting to push up, when he stopped, frozen by the touch of Kili’s hand on his face. 

It was gentle, Kili’s fingers tracing the line of one cheekbone and then down to his mouth. Everything around Fili stopped as it the universe had just had the master switch flicked off. The only thing he could feel was the electricity in the touch, sweeping through every defence he’d built up in the last seven years, every bit of pain and anger washed away in the time from one breath to the next. Kili’s eyes were dark and frightened, wide as the eyes of a startled deer. Fili looked into them, knowing he should go, should leave but he was couldn’t bring himself to move. 

‘Kee..’ he started to say, but then Kili leaned up ever so slightly and kissed him. 

And the world exploded all over again. 

He kissed Kili back, feeling the softness of his mouth, the gentle slide of lips and tongue as Kili willingly opened his mouth to him. It hurt like a paper cut, nothing at first and then an intense rush of pain that was almost pleasure. Fili knew he was lost and abandoned all pretence at control or distance and reached up to grab his brother’s dark hair in his hands, feeling Kili’s hands going under the hem of his t-shirt, burning his skin. The kiss deepened, and Kili moaned into his mouth and he ran his tongue along the edge of Fili’s teeth before licking at his tongue again. It was so familiar and intimate and it made Fili moan back in reponse. Kili’s hands were on his backside now, pulling him hard against him and grinding up so he could feel Kili’s erect cock against his own. It made him dizzy with want and lust and love. But he knew someone had to do it, so he pulled back. Kili tried to follow his mouth, panting. 

‘Please Fee.’ he whimpered and Fili felt like he could come just from hearing his brother say his name that way. ‘Please.’

‘You’re drunk. And horny. You will regret this.’ he said, hating himself as he did it. 

‘I won’t. I promise. Just fuck me, please.’ Kili whispered and for a moment it took every ounce of Fili’s strength not to do that very thing. Then he got himself under control. Gently as he could, Fili disentangled himself from Kili and got up. 

‘No. It’s probably not a good idea.’ he replied and watched the light dull in Kili’s eyes. Then it flashed again, even more brightly. Before Fili knew what was happening, Kili was up off the bed and had him pinned up against the wall, Fili’s wrists gripped tightly in his hands, and body held in place by Kili’s greater height. He dipped his head, bringing their mouths close enough together for him to almost taste the alcohol on Kili’s breath. 

‘Yes.’ he breathed, and the depth of his voice sent shivers up Fili’s spine. ‘You fucking want me.’ He released one wrist, running his hand down Fili’s shoulder and chest to his groin, where he squeezed his cock, smiling as Fili moaned softly. ‘You can say a thousand things about how this is not a good idea, or it's wrong or any of that other bullshit, but you can never hide this.’ He leaned forward slightly, tongue tracing Fili’s lower lip then kissed him, open mouthed and hard. Fili fought violently against the internal voice that was screaming at him to just keep going, drowning out every bit of reason he possessed. Finally, he gave up, and let himself kiss Kili back. Kili responded and his hand started to move faster. He released Fili’s other wrist and Fili let his arms go around his brother’s neck, pulling them flush up against each other. Kili leaned against him, and Fili could feel the heat of him through the his clothes. He felt Kili let him go, then the touch of Kili’s hands at his waist working his t-shirt up. Fili raised his arms obediently, letting Kili pull it over his head and drop it on the floor. He watched as Kili ran his eyes down his body, fingertips tracing the lines of the ravens on his chest.

‘They’re us.’ Fili whispered and Kili’s eyes met his. ‘You think I forgot you. I didn’t. Not once. Not ever.’ Then Kili’s smile turned a little mischievous. 

‘What about this?’ he asked, fingers now brushing the steel hoop.

‘I lost a bet.’ Fili replied watching the fascination on Kili’s face as he toyed with the ring. 

‘And this?’ Kili dropped his hand to touch the top of the skull tattoo sticking out of Fili’s jeans.

‘I almost died.’ Kili’s look of shock and anguish when he realised that Fili was serious told him everything Fili needed to know.

‘Will you tell me?’ he asked. Fili shook his head.

‘One day maybe, not tonight.’ He reached up taking Kili’s face in his hands. ‘Tonight I just want to be with you.’

‘So be with me.’ Kili replied, ‘I want you so badly. I’ve missed you so much.’ He moved back, putting his fingers through the loops of Fili’s jeans and tugging him forward, walking them both back to the bed. He turned them both, reaching down and unbuckling Fili’s belt. Unlike the hen from earlier he had no trouble. Fili watched him concentrate on what he was doing. Kili got hold of one end, pulling the belt through the loops and waving it triumphantly when it was out.

‘Still got the skills.’ he grinned. ‘You know, I haven’t been with anyone since you left.’ That made Fili feel terrible and it obviously showed in his face, because Kili frowned and took him by the shoulders. ‘I don’t care if you have though. I’ve got you now, and you’re not getting away again.’ Then he shoved Fili bodily so he fell backwards onto the bed, pulled his own shirt over his head and climbed on to kneel over Fili. His dark hair fell forward over his eyes, and Fili reached up to push it back.

‘If it’s any consolation they all looked like you.’ he said.

‘Good.’ Kili replied, leaning down and kissing him. ‘Now less talk and more action.’ Fili laughed softly, as Kili dropped his head and licked at his neck. It sent a trail of fire running through Fili and he caught his breath. Kili pushed up just enough to get his hands on Fili’s jeans trying to tug them down and off. He struggled with them and then rolled off Fili, huffing in frustration. Fili shook his head at him and did it himself, but he’d forgotten his shoes which meant he had to sit up and wrestle with them, throwing them across the room. He felt the bed shift as Kili got up to get take his own jeans off, then dip again as he got back on. When he shifted back on the bed Kili was naked and lying on his side, head propped up on one elbow and twirling a tube of lube in his fingers.

‘Seriously?’ he asked, and Kili grinned at him.

‘Better safe than sorry.’ He replied, ‘Just because I haven’t fucked anyone doesn’t mean I haven’t spent hours in the bathroom jacking off.’ He reached for Fili, pulling him against him, skin sliding against skin and setting them both alight. They settled into a comfortable position, Fili underneath, and Kili ran his fingers across his abdomen, until he reached Fili’s cock, then he uncapped the lube, coating his fingers and wrapping them around him. ‘I really, really missed this.’ He breathed in Fili’s ear, ‘I used to think about you every time I touched myself.’

‘I don’t think your future wife would like to hear that.’ Fili said through gritted teeth, and Kili’s eyes flashed. He tightened his grip and Fili gasped audibly.

‘I think you need to shut up, big brother.’ He looked down at where his hand worked, watching for a while, then back up at Fili. ‘How do you want me?’ 

‘Any way you want, little brother.’ Fili replied, gratified at the feral look that crossed Kili’s face. He pushed Fili back, then sat up and straddled him. 

‘Watch me.’ He ordered and Fili was helpless to do anything but obey. Kili was so beautiful in the dim light of the room. He got one hand on Fili’s chest, the lubed fingers of his other moving behind him as he worked himself open. He never let Fili look away from him, eyes locked together, until he was arching against his own hand, wordless moans and gasps falling from his mouth with every movement. Fili held him by the hips, controlling his rhythm as best he could. Eventually Kili shuddered hard and withdrew his hand, bracing himself with both palms flat on Fili’s stomach as he lifted, positioned and then dropped all the way down in one smooth movement, making them both cry out a little. Fili was lost as he tried desperately to adjust to the feeling being inside his brother again, the tight heat almost strangling his cock. Above him Kili was panting open mouthed in exertion, dark eyes closed as he shifted to get the angle he wanted. Then he opened his eyes and locked gazes with Fili, starting to rock backwards and forwards. Fili got hold of him, thrusting up to meet every down shift.

‘Fuck Kee.’ he managed to hiss, ‘You feel so fucking good.’

‘You missed this?’

‘Every fucking day. I missed you.’ Kili found his rhythm and quickened the pace, and Fili had to close his eyes and focus, afraid he would come too quickly and ruin the moment.

‘No, open your fucking eyes and watch me, Fee. I need you to look at me.’ Kili said. When Fili did, he reached down and took his face in his hands. ‘I love you.’

‘I love you too. I never fucking stopped.’ Fili said and sat up to kiss him. He got into a sitting position, one hand thrown out behind him for support and the other arm around Kili, who wound his arms around Fili’s neck. ‘Now fucking ride me.’ Kili smiled, that beautiful sunrise smile he remembered so well, and started moving harder and faster, head thrown back and mouth open. They moved together until Fili felt the old surge of heat through his chest and grabbed Kili’s hips hard, pulling him down onto him almost violently. Kili braced himself against Fili’s shoulders, working with him in tandem as every thrust and pull drove them both towards the edge. They could not have been quiet if their lives depended on it, their voices mixing until they were almost screaming. It took only two strokes of Fili’s hand on Kili’s cock to push him over, back arched and howling, and the tightening of his body around Fili dragged him over with him moments after. 

They fell against each other, skin now slick with sweat and Kili’s come. 

‘Jesus fucking Christ,’ Kili muttered into Fili’s sweat damp hair. ‘That was possibly the best fuck you’ve ever given me.’ Fili chuckled and licked a droplet from the tip of Kili’s nose, the salty taste of home and love singing on his tongue.

‘I’ll try not to leave it so long next time.’

‘Promise?’

‘Promise.’ 

***********

Outside the hotel, sitting with his back up against the leather seat, Gimli was in heaven. He had no idea how they’d ended up in the minibus. He most definitely didn’t know how they’d ended up stoned. And, most importantly he didn’t know how he’d ended up with his cock in the mouth of the most beautiful man he’d ever met. A man who had talents beyond his wildest dreams when it came to giving head. He managed to glance down to where he had his hands tangled in the silver blond hair, then threw his head back and moaned very loudly as Legolas used his tongue to very good effect. Somewhere in the background he could hear Gangnam Style belting out from the hotel. It gave the moment a wonderfully surreal feel and he couldn’t help laughing out loud. There was an enquiring hum from down below and he patted Legolas’s head absently. 

‘It’s cool. I was just taking a moment to appreciate the craziness of this particular situation.’ Legolas pulled off, and looked at him. He was still wearing the fucking tiara. He gave Gimli a crooked grin.

‘It has been one hell of a night so far. Now will you shut the fuck up and come in my mouth already.’ Then he lowered his head and went back to work. Gimli raised both eyebrows at him and did his best to follow his instructions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huge thanks to WeTheRebelSkies for the pretty princess comment :)))
> 
> And to Dee for the 'Never have I ever' game. :)


	38. Awakening

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after begins....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all. Hope everyone enjoyed the previous chapter and all the mooshy stuff, cause it's back to angst town we go :) Everyone got their tickets?
> 
> Thanks for the comments so far and all the kudos :) I would also appreciate it if any more experienced smut writers out there could give me a review on THAT section. Just to make sure I'm on the right track. message me here or on tumblr, and I will give you a virtual hug in exchange :) [Dee you don't have to because obviously you've already validated me in soooo many ways you get to go straight to smooching ;)]

Gimli’s first thought was that he was dying. His second thought was that he was dying in the most painful manner known to man. His head was pounding, and he felt sick to his stomach. He was also lodged in a most uncomfortable position in a strange place. 

The battle to open his eyes took some time to complete, with his head screaming at him not to do it. But finally he managed to open first one, then the other. The first thing he noticed was that the sun was most definitely up. The second was that it was a beautiful day, and that sunshine that was streaming so beautifully through the windows had the same effect as a large man standing behind him, hitting him repeatedly in the head with a hammer. 

‘By all that is good and holy, will someone please switch off the fucking light.’ A voice groaned. Gimli was confused. He didn’t remember opening his mouth to speak. Then he noticed the third thing. A silver blond head that was resting on his chest, and a long body that was wrapped around him like a koala. He shifted and peered at the head again through slitted eyes, trying to keep as much light out as possible. It was still wearing the fucking tiara. 

‘Good morning.’ Gimli said, and the head lifted slightly. Even hungover to fuck, Legolas was gorgeous. He squinted at Gimli and then smiled.

‘Why hello there.’ he replied, bringing one arm up so he could rest it across Gimli’s chest and cushion his chin on it. ‘So, last night was fun.’

‘Yes it was.’ Gimli said, becoming suddenly aware that although his head was out of commission his body was still fighting the good fight and was becoming suddenly interested in the fact that the object of most of his sexual fantasies of the last seven years was draped all over him. He swallowed and shifted. ‘Do you remember all of it?’

‘I remember making you scream the fucking roof off this car.’ Legolas said smugly, ‘I would have done more, but you kind of passed out on me after that.’

‘Oh Christ.’ Gimli said, mortified, ‘I am so sorry.’

‘That’s okay, we can always try later.’ Legolas purred at him, and Gimli started blushing like a schoolgirl at the filthy tone of his voice. Legolas shifted and brought himself up so he was eye to eye with Gimli. ‘I don’t, however, remember kissing you.’

‘I don’t think we did.’ Gimli replied.

‘Damn. We’ll definitely have to remedy that.’ Legolas said, reaching up and tracing Gimli’s mouth with the tip of his index finger. Gimli was suddenly finding it very hard to breathe. 

‘Okay.’ He said, and it came out a bit squeaky, ‘Maybe let me brush my teeth first though. I think a family of badgers has taken up residence in my mouth.’ Legolas laughed and pushed himself up and off Gimli. There was a distinctive buzzing noise, and he fished in one pocket and pulled out his mobile.

‘Bloody hell, it’s my father.’ he said, frowning at the display, ‘He wants me to come down for breakfast in half an hour. We should probably try and get inside the hotel without being spotted. I’m not sure my nerves could cope with Thranduil finding out I’m gay and shacking up with a Durin in one day.’ 

‘He doesn’t know?’ Gimli asked, and Legolas shook his head, ‘I’ve never been able to tell him. I’ve never come up with a good way to do.’ He gave Gimli a speculative look. ‘You’re out, aren’t you? Your parents know?’

‘The whole damn family knows.’ Gimli said, also sitting up. ‘When I told them my mother was absolutely delighted. She’s weird like that. And I don’t think it particularly bothers my father, he’s happy as long as I’m happy.’

‘You’re lucky.’ Legolas said wistfully, ‘I’d love to have that kind of relationship with my father. Since Mom died, it’s kind of like we live in the same house but we’re complete strangers.’ He got up, stretching as best he could in the cramped confines of the minibus and Gimli realised how tall he actually was. He was so elegantly slender it was easy to see him as small, but he dwarfed Gimli, who seemed to have inherited a certain shortness, something he shared in common with Fili. 

They stumbled out of the minibus and headed over to the side door of the conference room where the disco was held the night before, and through which they had made their early morning escape. Just as they got to the door, Gimli reached up and yanked the tiara off Legolas’ head and handed it to him.

‘Probably best if you’re not wearing that.’ he said, and Legolas snorted with laughter. They got inside and snuck past reception and upstairs. They got to Gimli’s room first, and both hesitated outside the door.

‘So,’ Legolas said, ‘can I consider this a satisfactory conclusion to our first date?’

‘It wasn’t exactly a date.’ Gimli grinned, ‘But, yeah, I think it was most satisfactory.’

‘Good.’ Legolas replied, light eyes sparkling in spite of the hangover. ‘Of course, this doesn’t mean I’m going to go easy on you today.’

‘Oh fuck, the fucking paintball.’ Gimli groaned, ‘I don’t think my head’s going to be able to take it.’ Legolas laughed and headed down the corridor to his own room, hand shoved in pockets. Gimli watched him go until he rounded the corner then oulled out the key card from his pocket and opened the door. He went inside, shutting the door behind him and leaned back against, smiling like a lunatic as the realisation of last night’s events hit him.

‘Fee!’ he called, pushing himself up from the door and walking into the room, ‘You won’t fucking believe what happened to me last night.’ He stopped dead as he saw the bed. Which was still perfectly made, and very obviously hadn’t been slept in. A wave of horror washed over him as his brain put two and two together. ‘Oh, fuck me.’ he said, then turned and made a dash for the door, throwing it open and running down the corridor in pursuit of Legolas. 

He rounded the last corner and saw the door to Legolas and Kili’s room was ajar. Wincing in anticipation, he opened it and walked in. Legolas was standing at the doorway to the room, blue eyes wide and a look of complete incomprehension on his face. He was staring at Kili, who was sitting up in the bed, bed sheet clutched to his chest in a manner that made him look like a maiden aunt who’d been caught in her nightgown. His hazel eyes were wider than Legolas’, making him look about five years old again. It was horribly apparent that he was wearing nothing underneath the bed sheet. 

‘Oh crap.’ Gimli said, coming to a stop next to Legolas, who turned to look at him. There was the sound of the toilet flushing from behind the closed bathroom door, then the sound of running water. All three of them looked at the closed door, which eventually opened and a naked Fili walked out, running his fingers through his hair. He stopped and stretched like a cat, giving everyone in the room an absolute eyeful. Then he noticed that he was being watched, not just by one pair of eyes but by three. 

To Gimli’s complete surprise, he didn’t do anything. He stood there, blinking sleepily and then got back into bed with Kili as if it was the most natural thing in the world. 

‘I see you two didn’t make it home last night.’ he said. Legolas turned to Gimli, who was aware that he probably looked like a fish, his mouth was hanging open so wide.

‘Well,’ Legolas said, ‘this explains a lot.’


	39. Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after continues, but things start to go downhill...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Damn, these chapters seem to be getting longer. 
> 
> So glad I was able to make everyone giggle. It's the best feeling in the world to know I put a smile on your faces :) I do it all for the lulz. You guys are awesome, thank you so much for the comments and kudos. And you also made me giggle this morning :D

Seven days before the wedding

Ori prided himself on his fine journalistic instincts. He had been convinced something was going to kick off on the first evening, and was livid when his boyfriend did a magnificent impersonation of a bear with a sore head, citing mental cruelty from having to spend three hours sitting between Thorin and Frerin. He likened it to being on the North/South Korean border - no actual shots were fired but the stress was enough to make you shit yourself.

So instead of getting a front row seat on all the potential drama of the last two days, he was relegated to sitting on the double bed in their room, sulking while Dwalin watched international rugby and ate his own body weight in steak and chips. Even a suggestion of the promised payback blowjobs had not been enough to get him out of his sulk, and he’d promptly turned his back on Dwalin and pretended to go to sleep. Which of course he hadn’t. By the time the music from the disco downstairs began to make a distant thump thump noise, he was ready to kill the man snoring none too softly next to him. He briefly considered getting up and going to join them, but realised they were probably all drunk by then and he would be the only sober person, which was not his idea of fun. So he’d stayed in bed. 

Now, however, he was kicking himself. He and Dwalin had woken early and had a round of make-up sex, before falling into the shower together. That had made his outlook much better and he was looking forward to seeing what the morning would bring. So imagine his disappointment when he went down to breakfast only to encounter the oldies, who were all dressed and dapper and looking far more perky than they had the right to be considering they had rumbled past his door at around four in the morning, singing dirty songs. He knew this bcause they had woken him up and he’d checked the time. Nobody else was in attendance except for Thranduil and Elrond who had opted out of the night’s festivities altogether and gone to some exceedingly expensive restaurant instead. Ori and Dwalin joined them all at the table and ordered breakfast. The oldies entertained them with the story of the drinking games and Gimli in a feather boa. They also mentioned seeing a rather inebriated Kili being physically carted off to bed by his long suffering big brother. 

Ori’s spidey sense went into overdrive at that. He was inwardly screaming at all the potential drama he had missed, and looked daggers at Dwalin over the table. Dwalin studiously avoided his gaze, and Ori swore to make him pay for that later. 

***********

Upstairs Kili was having kittens and puppies and every other sort of baby animal he could think of. Gimli had managed to bundle Legolas out of the room, armed with fresh clothing and his wash bag and the promise that he could shower and change in their room. The whole time Kili had sat frozen in place, and when they finally left he’d made a weird sort of noise that sounded like someone was trying to choke a guinea pig. He’d given Fili the dirtiest look he could summon, completely unimpressed with his lack of hysteria at what had just happened. 

By now though, the hysterics had hit. Kili’s voice was getting higher and louder and it was having a very adverse effect on Fili’s hangover induced headache. He’d escaped into the shower in an attempt to shake the hangover, but Kili’s voice penetrated straight through the thin hotel door. He’d definitely taken after their mother in the vocal cord department. Now he was out, drying off and listening to his brother rage on about how fucked the situation was. Like he couldn’t see it for himself.

‘Kee, enough!’ he finally snapped. Kili stopped mid-rant and shut his mouth, falling into an immediate sulk, arms folded and mouth in a flat line, a sure sign he was almightily pissed off.

‘I don’t think you appreciate the shit storm that we’ve just found ourselves in.’ he snarked back.

‘Gimli is not going to say anything, and I would bet my left testicle that neither is Legolas. In case you missed it, they were still wearing the same clothes they were in last night, and clearly didn’t sleep here so what the fuck do you think they were doing?’ Fili said, trying not to lose his temper with his brother. Kili could be the most god awful drama queen sometimes. That slowed Kili down a fraction, and his brows knitted together as he pondered what Fili had just said. Then his mouth fell open.

‘Fucking hell.’ he said. Fili gave him a meaningful look.

‘Exactly. You think we were the only ones fooling around last night?’ 

‘The only related ones.’ Kili huffed. Then he caught the look on Fili’s face and his eyebrows shot up. ‘WHAT!!!’ Fili winced as that word bored its way through his frontal lobe.

‘I may have seen something.’ he said, and Kili’s glare was enough to freeze lava. Fili tried to play for time as he hunted through Kili’s bag for clean underwear, socks and t-shirt. Finding them, he busied himself getting dressed, sitting down to pull on his Converse and tie the laces. 

‘If, and that’s a very big if, I tell you, you are NOT allowed to go off half-cocked.’ he said. 

‘Not going to happen. I promise.’ Kili said, trying to look sincere. It didn’t work.

‘Kee? I mean it. We’re dealing with a whole lot of shit right now, least of which is what you and I did last night. That is going to have to be a serious discussion.’ Kili’s face fell.

‘Do you regret it?’ he asked and his voice was small. Fili sighed and crossed over to the bed. He sat down and took Kili’s face in his hands, making him look at him.

‘No. I don’t. But I’m not going to pretend that it didn’t happen and let you marry Tauriel. I’m sorry, but I’m not going to back down over this. You belong with me, and I should have been strong enough to say that a long time ago. I love you, and…’ he got cut off as Kili kissed him on the mouth. 

‘I love you too.’ he said, once he’d pulled back. ‘I know. But we will have to do that when we get back. It won’t be fair to her otherwise. She needs to be there.’ Fili nodded, resting his forehead against Kili’s.

‘Deal.’ 

‘Now, I believe you have something to tell me.’

************

Gimli stepped out of the shower, grabbed a towel and started drying himself off. He was still breathing very heavily. He looked back at the tall, slender form which was blurred by the frosted glass of the shower cubicle. Legolas had just shown him that he was as good with his hands as he was with his mouth. Only this time, Gimli thought with a smug grin, he’d gotten as good as he’d given. And, once teeth had been duly brushed, they’d discovered they were both very good at kissing. He reached out and knocked at the glass. Legolas washed soap off his face and looked at him enquiringly.

‘You’d better hustle, Blondie. You dad expected you down at breakfast fifteen minutes ago.’ Gimli said, grinning at him. 

‘Balls.’ Legolas muttered. ‘I’ll be out in a minute.’ Gimli left him to it and went into the room. He finished drying off, then got dressed and sat down on the edge of the bed to pull on his boots. He was about to go back in and ogle Legolas some more when he heard what could be approximated to a herd of buffalo going past his door. He got up and opened it, only to see the rapidly disappearing back of what he assumed to be a Kili on the warpath. Two seconds later Fili came round the corner looking for all the world like a mother whose toddler had escaped and was now wrecking the place. 

‘He fucking knows.’ he managed to blurt at Gimli as he ran past. 

'Knows what?' Gimli shouted after him, but he was already around the next corner.

*********

The thing about Kili was that he could be a sneaky fucker if you gave him the opportunity. He’d played innocent and calm, and had lulled Fili into a false sense of security, which in hindsight had been a very stupid thing to fall for. He’d taken the news about Thorin and Frerin very calmly, had a shower and gotten dressed without a fuss and then had promptly knocked Fili on his arse and run hell for leather down the corridor in the direction of their room.

‘Motherfucker!’ Fili had shouted after him, but Kili had long legs and the urge to be gone, so there was unfortunately no catching him. 

Fili rounded the last corner, and saw the door of Thorin and Frerin’s room open. The noises coming from inside were distinctly unfriendly. He got to the door and saw that Kili had Thorin up against the wall, bashing him repeatedly against the plaster and screaming in his face. His face was murderous and, without thinking, Fili threw himself at his brother getting him around the waist and physically throwing him onto the bed, before climbing on top of him, narrowly missing the flailing fists and pinning him down. Frerin, who appeared to have been knocked flying by the rampaging Kili, picked himself up off the floor and went over to Thorin, who was wiping blood from his mouth where Kili had obviously hit him. 

‘Let me go you bastard!’ Kili shouted, writhing and kicking under Fili to get free. Fili turned as best he could.

‘Could you two close the fucking door at least?’ he snapped trying his best to keep Kili contained. He turned his attention back to him, shaking him hard a couple of times. He knew how to deal with this, had been doing it since Kili was little. It was just a case of waiting him out. So he sat and held him down as Kili screamed and raged and fought. Frerin and Thorin just watched, faces white. Eventually Kili’s struggles lessened and then he started crying. Not quietly either but harsh broken noises. He stopped struggling completely and Fili let him up, breathing hard from the effort it had taken to keep his brother on the bed. He shifted off of him, gathering him into his arms and let him cry into his shoulder. 

‘What the fuck happened?’ Frerin asked, looking concerned. 

‘I told him about you two.’ Fili said over Kili’s shoulder, stroking Kili’s hair and cuddling him. ‘And we spent the night together. I think this is just too much for him to take right now.’ Frerin and Thorin exchanged looks. 

‘You told him.’ Thorin said, just a shade of disapproval in his voice. Fili glared at him.

‘Fuck you Thorin!’ he said, voice sharp, ‘He deserves to fucking know that you two have had no fucking problem falling back into bed together like nothing fucking happened. I am done with all this shit. There is not going to be a wedding. Kili and I are going to be together and you can go fuck yourself if you think you’re going to stop us!’

It was precisely at this point that Gimli came crashing through the door. 

‘Oh fucking hell.’ he said, taking in the scene in front of him. ‘Do I need to get Dwalin?’ 

‘No, you don’t.’ Thorin said, ‘We can handle this Gimli. Please just go downstairs and make our excuses. We need to talk.’ He looked over at his nephews and then at his brother. ‘All of us.’


	40. Renewal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happened in the kitchenette two day ago...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Too sleepy to leave notes. I want to be back in bed :(

Two Days Ago

Thorin sipped the coffee and made a face.

‘You still can’t make decent coffee.’ he said.

‘Don’t like it, don’t drink it.’ Frerin said with a shrug. Thorin got up and went to the kitchenette, tipping the coffee down the drain. Then he started moving around, emptying the coffee pot, taking out and throwing away the filter. Frerin got up from the sofa and came to watch him, leaning on the counter.

‘You still do that.’ he said, a half smile on his face.

‘What?’

‘Get up and move around when you’re stressed. You never could sit still for long. That’s where Kili gets that flightiness from.’ He walked over to Thorin, taking the coffee can from his hand and putting it down on the counter. ‘You need to relax Thorin. Worrying about the situation isn’t going to change it.’

‘I’ve never seen him so angry before.’ Thorin said, looking out the kitchenette window towards the house.

‘He has a lot to be angry about. We all do.’ Frerin replied. ‘You too.’ Thorin snorted and looked at him disbelievingly.

‘I don’t see what I have to be angry about. As everyone keeps pointing out, I am the mastermind of this particular fuck up.’ Frerin moved a little closer to him, ducking down to look Thorin in the eyes as he tried to avoid his gaze.

‘Really? I seem to remember a time when it was someone else shouting the odds and you doing everything you could to take the brunt of that. So much so that it beat you down until you couldn’t fight back anymore. You wouldn’t even let me help you carry it.’

‘I couldn’t.’ Thorin said, ‘I was the oldest. I was the one who had to take responsibility for what we did.’ 

‘There were two of us there as far as I recall. And I do believe I kissed you first.’ 

‘Maybe, but I should have stopped you. I didn’t. I let it go on until it consumed us both.’ Thorin said, folding his arms, ‘And when you left, I felt like my whole life had ended. But I was too proud to come after you, too ashamed to face you after what I did and too afraid to leave Erebor. I was never as strong as you were. And quite frankly I thought you would never want to speak to me again.’

‘I didn’t. Not for a long time. But, you can’t have what we have and turn it off overnight.’ Frerin said, ‘If you’d picked up the phone, I would have been here and nothing in hell would have stopped me. But you never did, and eventually I figured you just didn’t want me back.’ He looked at Thorin and was surprised to see that he was almost in tears. It was the last thing he’d expected.

‘I did. Thror was furious because I think he thought that once one of us was gone, the other would just go back to normal. But, I couldn’t forget you. The only way I could deal with it was to just shut myself down. Not feel anything. I did such a good job, I was blind to what I did to them.’ he gestured to the window. ‘I only realised how bad it was when Kili started getting into fights and then he got arrested for assault. Fortunately the charges didn’t stick. We had to put him in anger management classes.’

‘That worked well apparently.’ Frerin said dryly and Thorin couldn’t help but smile a little at that. 

‘It’s not his fault. I know how much pain he was in, I was in the same place when you left. But that didn’t stop me from doing the exact same thing that our father did to us. In fact it was even worse, because I should have understood. I really don’t blame anyone for hating me.’ Frerin snorted at him and he frowned, ‘What?’

‘Drama queen.’ Frerin replied shaking his head at him, ‘You’re such a moody bugger. You always were. And so fucking stupid. Do you really think I hate you?’

‘I would if I were you.’

‘Maybe. But that’s you, not me.’ Frerin came closer and held up his hand, palm facing Thorin. Thorin looked at him in confusion, then slowly reached out and placed his own hand against Frerin’s. He locked eyes with him, as they stood there palm to palm. 

‘Don’t you feel it?’ Frerin asked, ‘It’s never gone away Thor. Not for me. You could be the world’s biggest arse, and believe me sometimes you have been, but it would never stop. And it’s hasn’t for you either. You’ve just forgotten.’

‘No I haven’t. I just locked it away. It hurts less like that.’ Thorin said. He tried to pull his hand away but Frerin locked his fingers around Thorin’s stopping him from doing it. ‘Frer, please let me go. I wasn’t worth it then and I’m not worth it now. You are better off without me.’ 

‘Funny, but I don’t agree with that particular notion. You see I’ve tried. I fucked every guy I could from Dundee to Edinburgh and back again, pretending I didn’t love you anymore. Nothing fucking worked. You are still inside me, inside my heart, my head everything. And maybe you should stop making decisions for the both of us and let me decide what I want.’ Frerin stepped forward until they were close enough for him to reach out and place one hand on Thorin’s face. 

‘And what do you want Frer?’ Thorin asked, voice rough with emotion.

‘I want you, you moron.’ Frerin said and leaned forward to kiss him. It was brief, just a brush of mouths but it was enough to make Thorin start shaking so hard that Frerin could feel the tremors through their interlocked fingers. Then Thorin pulled him forward hard, bodies crashing into each other and kissed him with all the the pent up feeling of the last twenty-seven years. There was nothing gentle about it, it was rough and passionate and he pushed Frerin back against the counter, wrenching his hand free and grabbing him around the waist to steady them both. Frerin got him around the shoulders, kissing back equally hard, their mouths opening and teeth clashing from the force of it. Thorin pulled back, wincing in pain when they bumped noses. Frerin saw blood on his mouth and reached for his own, realising his lip had opened up again. They looked at each other, breathing coming hard and fast. They Frerin dropped his hand and took a fistful of Thorin’s dark hair, pulling him back to him. They kissed again, blood in their mouths, and hands pulling at each other’s clothes. Frerin had the least on, his t-shirt and boxers chucked over Thorin’s shoulder, Thorin's dressing gown and sleep clothes following a similar route. There was no foreplay, both of them already hard and desperate for the other. Thorin pulled back long enough to turn Frerin around, pushing him against the counter. He ran his tongue along Frerin’s neck and then bit his shoulder, and Frerin reached back pulling his hair.

‘Enough,’ he moaned, ‘just fucking do it.’ They had to improvise, grabbing the bottle of cooking oil from next to the stove. Thorin tried to do enough for Frerin to be comfortable but was brought up short by Frerin snarling at him, so just slicked himself, kicked Frerin’s feet apart and thrust into him without sparing any thoughts for what they were doing. Frerin moaned, bending forward and bracing himself against the edge of the counter.

‘Yes, ‘he panted, ‘do it Thor. Fuck me.’ Thorin dropped his forehead against Frerin’s back, fingers digging into his hips and started moving hard and deep. ‘Fuck, yes.’ He pushed back against him, reaching for Thorin’s right hand and pulling it around to put it on his cock. Thorin reached up with the other and took hold of the back of his neck, forcing him down over the counter and then really started driving into him, both of them almost shouting now at every thrust. It didn’t take both of them long to come, releasing at practically the same time. Thorin slowed, and leaned heavily against Frerin, neither of them saying anything until their breathing slowed enough for them to actually speak. He released Frerin and pulled him against him, arm around his chest and nuzzling into his hair.

‘I missed you.’ he whispered.

‘I missed you too, Thor.’ Frerin replied.


	41. Breakfast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gimli is concerned, Legolas flirts and Ori is outraged.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, it appears that the Durin boys are a no show for breakfast. Time for an intervention Dwalin style :)
> 
> Also what did we think of the T/F chapter. Not sure myself, so feedback would be appreciated :)

Gimli went back to his room, still feeling quite shaken by what he had seen. He found Legolas dressed and towelling his hair. He gave Gimli a questioning look.

‘What the hell was that about?’ he’d asked, but Gimli just shook his head at him.

‘Don’t ask. Family crap.’

‘Don’t need to tell me twice.’ Legolas smiled, ‘You coming down to breakfast with me?’

‘Sure, I’m actually surprisingly hungry considering how hungover I am.’ Gimli said. 

******************

They made their way downstairs. The stag group were all seated at one long table, with Thranduil and Elrond at one end and the oldies, Dwalin and Ori at the other. 

‘Hmmm.’ Gimli said, allowing himself a small smile, ‘Why do I feel like a Jet all of a sudden.’ Legolas rounded on him, smiling broadly. 

‘You like West Side Story?’

‘I may be a fan.’ Gimli said warily, ‘It’s a bit of a cliché I know.’

‘Not in our house. Thranduil practically knows all the words to every musical ever written. He sings them in the shower.’

‘Really?’ Gimli asked, looking across at Legolas’ father who was deep in conversation with Elrond, ‘Are you sure he’s not gay?’

‘Like you said, clichés are a terrible thing.’ Legolas grinned, ‘Now I am afraid, Tony, that I have to go play Maria on the other side of the borough.’ He walked off to go and sit with them, leaving Gimli to head over to the Durin side of the table. Gimli sat down next to Ori, who was scowling at his Eggs Benedict.

‘You okay?’ he asked, and Ori snorted very loudly, making Dwalin flinch. 

‘I seem to have missed all the fun last night.’ he said, folding his arms and glaring at Dwalin. ‘Someone was being a party pooper.’ 

‘Well, nothing much happened.’ Gimli said, trying to play it down. The last thing he needed was for nosy Ori to get wind of things. ‘We all just got really drunk.’

‘And there’s nothing you want to tell me about a feather boa?’ Gimli shot his father a dirty look. Gloin innocently inspected the ceiling. 

‘No, absolutely nothing.’ he reiterated. He hoped like hell they hadn’t told Ori how he had been dancing with Legolas. That would really get him going, and Gimli was weak in the face of Ori’s persistence when he smelled a juicy bit of gossip. 

‘Hmm.’ Ori said, feigning interest in his breakfast, ‘And what’s this I hear about Fili having to carry Kili upstairs?’ Gimli shrugged.

‘You know what Kee’s like when he’s pissed. He loses all his motor functions.’ 

‘Really?’ Ori asked, ‘That’s the story you’re going to go with? And where the fuck are they anyway?’ Gimli opened his mouth to answer but was miraculously interrupted by the arrival of a tall man with brown hair and grey eyes and dressed like a forest ranger in browns and greens. He came over, long stride eating up the terrace and gave the Greenleaf end of the table a broad gap toothed grin. Legolas jumped up and hugged him enthusiastically. 

‘Aragorn!’ he said, ‘We thought you wouldn’t make it.’

‘Our flight got delayed, so we were seven hours late. I wasn’t going to drive here in that condition so Arwen and I stayed over at Erebor then I came through this morning.’ He looked around the table and gave a friendly wave. The oldies waved back, and Ori looked at him in interest. Aragorn sat down with the others and started talking in Danish to Thranduil and Elrond. Legolas left them to it and came over to the Durin side, sitting opposite Gimli. 

‘Aragorn’s my cousin Arwen’s husband.’ he explained, ‘They live in Copenhagen and run an organic restaurant, one those weird new food places.’

‘Like Nobu?’ Ori asked.

‘Yeah, just like that.’ Legolas replied, ‘I went to visit them last year and it’s seriously amazing. He goes out and forages every day.’ He grabbed a menu from in front of Gimli and perused it. ‘I am fucking starving now. Especially since I had such an active evening last night.’ This last sentence was directed at Gimli with a significant look. Gimli didn’t dare even glance at Ori. He could practically feel the heat coming off his face as he blushed. 

‘Well,’ he replied, ‘I’m sure that you’ll find something you like on there.'

‘Oh, I already have.’ Legolas replied, putting one elbow on the table and resting his chin on his hand. Across from him, Gimli could just see Ori out of the corner of his eye. He looked ready to implode. Gimli ducked his head, trying not to smile too widely.

‘For someone whose dad is sitting not five feet away, you’re pretty brassy Blondie.’ he said, letting his eyes meet Legolas’ across the table. 

‘Please. Thranduil is so deep in conversation he wouldn't notice if he was getting a lap dance from Mata Hari.' Legolas retorted, chucking the menu at Gimli. The look that passed between them could have melted the silverware. Ori made a squeaking noise and dug his elbow in Dwalin’s ribs.

‘Do you fucking see that!’ he said indignantly, ‘I told you we should have gone down last night.’

'Too late.’ Legolas said, winking at Gimli. 

***********

Breakfast came and went and there was still no sign of any of the Durin brothers. The paintball was fortunately on the hotel property itself, out in the woodlands that lay behind. Dwalin took it upon himself to organise everyone and shepherded the stag party to the side garden of the hotel, where they were supposed to meet up with the hotel rep who was going to walk them through it. He grabbed Gimli once everyone was assembled, while the rep was droning on about safety procedures and equipment. 

‘I’m going to go find them. What the fuck happened up there this morning.’ he hissed, and Gimli hauled him out of earshot of the others.

‘Let’s just say that there was a collision.’ Dwalin frowned.

‘What?’ Gimli sighed.

‘Do you want me to spell it out for you? What do you think would happen if you put Fee and Kee in the same room together after not seeing each other for seven years, considering they were both rat arsed last night.’ He waited patiently for the realisation to dawn on Dwalin’s face.

‘My guess would be they would either kill each other or....oh fuck.’ he said.

‘Precisely. The second one.’ Gimli replied.

‘So where are they now?’ Dwalin asked.

‘Last time I saw them, Kili was having a full on meltdown in Thorin’s room and it looked pretty fucking serious.’

‘Right. Enough of this bollocks!’ Dwalin stated, ‘I think it’s time for an intervention. Come on, we’re going to get them.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so who else can totally see Aragorn out harvesting Nordic ants with a straw to serve in his restaurant. Hands???
> 
> And yes, Legs is a complete and utter flirt :)


	42. Calm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So the calm before the storm :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seriously, it is really a good idea to let this bunch go have the opportunity to shoot each other? I'm thinking not...

Kili had finally stopped crying and Fili hauled himself up to the back of the bed so he could rest against the headboard and still keep his brother confined in his arms. It had been much easier when KIli was a wailing toddler, but a strapping twenty-five year old was another matter. He sat braced against the wall, Kili against his chest and wrapped his arms around him. He let his chin rest on the top of Kili’s dark hair, and stared down his uncles. Frerin and Thorin had taking up opposite positions, Thorin sitting in the armchair which he’d pulled to the side of the bed and Frerin leaning up against the dressing table cum TV stand that seemed to be standard equipment for every hotel room in the world. 

‘No wedding.’ Fili said. In his arms, Kili hiccoughed quietly, something he always seemed to do after a crying fit. It broke Fili’s heart every time.

Thorin looked up at Frerin, who nodded.

‘It’s not going to be easy. We’ve arranged everything. It’s happening in a week.’

‘So unarrange it. It’s not like the money is an issue.’

‘No, that’s true.’ Thorin said, ‘But there are other considerations.’

‘Like?’ Fili demanded, ‘If you’re worried about Tauriel, she’s basically given us her blessing.’ Kili looked up from where he was cuddled against Fili’s chest.

‘She has?’ he asked, voice still shaky.

‘Yes, you twat. What the fuck did you think we were talking about?’ Fili said affectionately, nudging Kili’s cheek with his nose, ‘Did you think we were comparing notes?’

‘Nothing to compare.’ Kili grumbled, nuzzling back. Thorin stared at them.

‘She knows?’ he asked, ‘And she’s okay with this. Sharing her future husband with his brother. Are you all planning to sleep in the same bed too?’

‘She’s a lesbian, so no.’ Kili muttered. Frerin raised his eyebrows at Fili, who shrugged.

‘It’s true.’ he said. Frerin turned to Thorin who looked visibly shocked.

‘I take it this is news to you.’ he said. Thorin pinched the bridge of his nose.

‘Jesus fucking Christ.’ he said, a perfect copy of Kili when he said the same thing. ‘This couldn’t possibly get any worse.’

‘I really wouldn’t say that if I were you Thor.’ Frerin said, ‘You’re just inviting catastrophe.’

‘Does Thranduil know this? Because I’m fucking betting the farm that he doesn’t.’ Thorin said. Kili didn’t reply and Fili gave him a gentle jog.

‘No.’ he said eventually, ‘He doesn’t. He doesn’t know Legolas is gay either.’ Frerin couldn’t help it anymore. He started laughing. The other three stared at him as if he was crazy.

‘Oh come on.’ he said, ‘You’ve got to admit the ridiculous factor in all of this is beyond the pale.’ 

‘I’m glad you’re taking this so fucking calmly.’ Thorin said, then looked at his nephews. “What do you want me to do?’

‘Oh, now you’re fucking asking us what we want?’ Kili snapped, breaking out of Fili’s hold. ‘First you fuck us up and now you want us to just fix it?’ 

“I’m just trying to do what you want me to do.’ Thorin said, running the fingers of both hands through his hair, a gesture that Fili recognised as the same one Kili used. It was a little bizarre how alike they all were. He was starting to understand now why Thorin had been so freaked, considering their history. 

‘No, you’re just trying to get your arse off the line for all the crap.’ Kili replied, ‘And quite frankly, I am sick of it. You are going to fix this. You are going to call off the wedding, and you are going to let us live the way we want to. No interference from you at all. I don’t care how much face you lose over this.’ 

‘All right, I will. But I can’t control what Thranduil is going to say about this. He’s not going to be happy either.’ 

‘And then you’re going to let Fee move back home. He should have never left in the first place and if you hadn’t been such a selfish bastard I wouldn’t have lost my brother for seven years.’ 

‘Done. Kili, I will do whatever it takes to make this right at this point. You have to believe that.’ Thorin said. Fili and Frerin shared a look at his pleading tone. Kili frowned.

‘This isn’t going to be made right, Thorin. You don’t just erase seven years of shit in five minutes. I am fucking angry with you. I’m going to be angry with you for a very long time. I’m not like these two, I’m not going to forgive you as easily as they have.’ 

‘I wouldn’t say we’ve exactly forgiven him, Kee.’ Fili said, ‘We just don’t go around knocking people on the head if we don’t have to.’ 

‘There will be no knocking of anybody’s heads.’ Dwalin roared from the doorway, making them all jump like rabbits.

‘Jesus Christ, Dwalin.’ Frerin said, clutching at his heart, ‘Are you trying to fucking kill us? We’re all a little on edge if you don’t mind.’ They came into the room, Dwalin in front of Gimli and gave the brothers matching glares.

‘There is a group of people downstairs waiting for the four of you to make a fucking appearance.’ Dwalin growled at them. ’You can play true confessions later.’

‘Fucking paintball.’ Thorin got up. ‘We can get back to this afterwards.’ 

‘No.’ Kili said, ‘I want you to say it first. In front of Dwalin and Gimli so you can’t back out of it later.’ He locked eyes with Thorin, hazel gaze hard as stone. There was a moment as they tried to stare each other down. To everyone’s surprise Thorin dropped his eyes first.

‘There will be no wedding. I will sit down with you and Tauriel and Thranduil when we get back and we can talk about where you want to go from there. Fili will be welcome to come back to Erebor if he wants to. I will not try to stop you being together.’

‘What about Frerin?’ Fili asked. ‘You owe him just as much.’

‘I can fight my own battles, kid.’ Frerin said, smiling at Fili. ‘Thorin and I will talk our problems out ourselves.’ He went over to the bed, dropping a kiss on the top of Fili’s head. ‘Now get yourself and the dumb arse on your lap up and let’s go shoot some people. Who knows, maybe it will help us all work out a little of the angst that seems to be in such abundant supply here at the moment.’ He moved over to Thorin, offering him his hand and pulling him up from the chair. Kili crawled off of Fili and the two of them got up and followed their uncles out the room. They all filed past Dwalin and Gimli who watched them go.

‘That was surprisingly easy.’ Gimli said.

‘I think we’re going to need to lay down some ground rules for the paintball.’ Dwalin said, face sceptical.


	43. Balls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So into the fray we go :) PAINTBALL TIME!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have had the best time reading the comments from the last chapter. Welcome to the new people, it's great to have you with us! Thanks for all those who've commented and kudosed (is that even a word? It is now!)
> 
> These poor buggers do not belong to me, and I apologise for all I do to them in the name of fanfic entertainment.
> 
> For mood music may I suggest the excellent Creedence Clearwater Revival.

Seven days before the wedding, after breakfast

When they got down to the rendevouz point, Gimli saw that the twins had also managed to crawl out from under their rock. Although they looked considerably green, both wearing sunglasses and not particularly stable on their feet. They joined the group, the rep gave a sigh like he was about to be martyred for a great cause and started again. The usual rules would apply – keep your mask on at all times, a minimum 20 feet shooting distance, barrel plugs to be kept on when not in play or someone has their mask off, no shooting of eliminated players or referees.

‘There’s referees?’ Gimli whispered to Dwalin, ‘Oh thank fuck.’

‘Not necessarily.’ Dwalin whispered back. ‘And no fucking cock shots!’ he said aloud to the group. The looks of horror from Thranduil and Elrond were priceless.

‘Right, seeing as the entire party has now decided to show up, maybe we can get started. And remember if anyone is still under the influence of alcohol, you cannot play. You must be coherent in order to take part.’ the rep droned. Gimli, Fili and Frerin all exchanged a look. Coherent? Not bloody likely. Kili and Thorin were standing on opposite sides of the group glaring at each other. This was going to be interesting. 

They got ushered off to go and change into the camouflage overalls they would be wearing then were issued with their paint guns and masks. Thranduil and Elrond looked rather ridiculous, and Legolas had to stifle his laughs as he got changed next to Gimli. Thranduil gave his son a frosty look, which unfortunately also caught Gimli in its spotlight. 

‘Damn.’ he said, once Thranduil and Elrond had moved off, ‘How the hell have you lived with that all your life?'

‘I know,’ Legolas said, ‘now you see why I’ve never told him. The look of disappointment alone would be enough to set off the next ice age.’ He looked over at Gloin and Oin, who were arguing about which way up to hold their paint guns. ‘You dad is cool though.’ Gimli looked over at his father and his uncle, who realised they were being watched and gave a little wave at them, making Legolas grin. Then Gloin made a gesture that looked distinctly like he was miming giving a blowjob at Gimli, who blushed scarlet. Gloin and Oin cracked up at his obvious discomfort and walked outside.

‘Tell me again how cool my dad is?’ Gimli asked Legolas with a raised eyebrow. Legolas watched them go with his mouth hanging open.

‘Okay let me correct that last statement.’ he said, smiling broadly now, ‘Your dad is fucking awesome!’ Then they followed them out into the sun.

************

One the other side of the changing room, Kili was still looking daggers at Thorin, who was returning them with interest. 

‘Kee.’ Fili said, standing next to him, ‘Now is not the time.’ Kili took a deep breath. 

‘I know.’

‘I did say not to go off half-cocked remember?’

‘I’m fine.’

‘Bullshit.’ Kili looked up at him, hazel eyes deceptively calm.

‘I’m fine. I promise, no funny stuff.’

‘Like you promised not to do anything this morning?’

‘Well,’ Kili said, trying to look around Fili who had placed himself in the direct line of view of Thorin, ‘I didn’t technically promise anything.’ 

‘Kili!’ Fili’s voice was all big brother now.

‘Fine, I won’t do anything unless provoked, how’s that?’ Kili narrowed his eyes as he caught a glimpse of Thorin, ‘And even then I promise not to do anything that will permanently injure him.’ He looked at Fili again, ‘That’s the best I can do I’m afraid.’ 

‘I’m holding you to that.’ Fili said, then picked up his gun and mask. ‘Now, come on.’

‘Jesus, you’re back two fucking days and you’re already telling me what to do?’ Kili said, and got such a sternly chastising look that he dropped his eyes. ‘Yes, Fee.’ he said, and padded out meekly after him. ‘Big brothers suck. Pass it on.’ he muttered at Ro as he passed the twins.

‘Don’t I fucking know it.’ Ro replied, and got a kick in the shin for his trouble.

*********

‘This is not a good idea.’ Thorin said, having just watched the little interchange between his nephews. They had just left and then the twins had left and he and Frerin were alone in the changing room.

‘None of this is a good idea Thor.’ Frerin chuckled, ‘Don’t worry big brother, I’ll protect you from the angry nephew.’ Thorin smiled and shoved him playfully. 

‘You didn’t this morning. I’m starting to think you’re losing your edge.’ He said. Frerin looked around to check they were alone, then reached out and took Thorin’s chin in his hand. He tilted Thorin’s head and checked his lip. 

‘He caught me by surprise. And you were lucky it was Kili.’ he said, ‘If it had been Fili, you would still be out cold. That boy has a right hook like a kick from a donkey.’ He let him go, then offered him his hand to pull him up from his seat on the bench. ‘Just try not to do anything to provoke him and we should get out of this alive.’ They walked out and followed the others to the waiting area. 

***********

The actual paintball arena was part of the woodland behind the hotel. It was huge with timber barriers, hideouts, tunnels and treehouse watchtowers. It looked pretty epic from where Gimli was standing. They were collected now, six from the Greenleaf camp and eight from the Durins. 

‘We need another player for the opposing team.’ the rep said, as he handed out red and green armbands. Rather too quickly, Legolas grabbed Gimli’s arm and hauled him over to the Greenleafs. Gloin gave a gasp of mock horror.

‘How sharper than a serpent’s tooth is a thankless child.’ he intoned in Shakespearean tones, and Oin laughed. 

‘I told you and Nara not to have any.’ he said. 

‘Now I really feel like a fucking Jet.’ Gimli muttered. Legolas just smiled.

‘Stick with me Tony, and we’ll go far.’

************

The two teams headed to the opposite ends of the playing arena. The game was capture the flag. 

‘What we need is a strategy,’ Gloin said, ‘and to slay the traitor in our midst.’

‘I agree.’ Oin said, ‘Teamwork is going to be key.’ That got several snorts of derision.

‘Durins are not exactly known for their teamwork, Oin.’ Dwalin said.

‘Well we need a line of defence. Gloin and I will take the watchtower here. Fili and Kili are the youngest and fittest so they can be frontline cannon fodder. You and Ori can have the right flank and Frerin and Thorin can take the left flank.’

‘I would just like to point out that I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing.’ Ori said. ‘So if it all goes tits up, I warned you all.’ 

‘It shouldn’t be too hard to keep them at bay.’ Kili said, ‘Legolas is the only one who knows how to play and the twins are obviously still pissed from last night. We should be fine.’

*********

He had never been more wrong. The Greenleaf team was awesome. In fact Gimli was actually more of a hindrance than a help. 

‘How the fuck does he do that?’ Kili said to Fili as they hid for the hundredth time behind a barrier and thanked their lucky stars they were young enough and fit enough to run away as fast as they did. They ducked around the corner and saw Aragorn stalking an unsuspecting Dwalin, paintball gun held in a way that suggested he was more than familiar with handling firearms. 

‘Gimli said he’s Danish.’ Fili said, and then when Kili looked at him uncomprehendingly he sighed. ‘They have conscriptive military service.’

‘Okay, that’s not fucking fair.’ Kili said, aiming and getting a lucky hit in on Ro making him yelp loudly. Fortunately the twins, who were not hungover but were actually still too drunk to make out anything other than blurred shapes, were proving to be the weak links along with Gimli and giving the Durin team at least a sniff at fighting back. ‘Come on let’s make a run for it.’ They dashed from the barrier to a tunnel trench, heading inside back to back. Once under the corrugated iron that covered the trench they took a minute to rest against the wall. 

‘I thought this was supposed to be fun. We’re getting our arses kicked by a bunch of pretty boys.’ Dwalin said, coming in from the other side. He was sporting a new bright green splotch on his left shoulder from where Aragorn had shot him. 

‘At least you haven’t been shot in the cock yet.’ Kili said. 

‘Small fucking mercies. Ori’s barricaded himself in the watchtower and is refusing to come down.’ Dwalin replied. 

‘What about the oldies?’

I think Gloin and Oin are at the point where they’re going to surrender just to keep themselves mobile for the rest of the weekend.’ he eyed the brothers. ‘You two don’t seem to be doing too badly.’

‘Young and fast old man.’ Fili said, grinning behind his mask. There was a kerfuffle outside the trench and then they heard Oin bellowing.

‘I’ve had enough of you, you bloody ungrateful child! Shooting your poor defenceless uncle in the arse!’ This was followed by Gimli’s wicked laugh, and rapidly retreating footsteps.

‘I suppose I better go help the old fart.’ Dwalin sighed and headed up the ramp on the other side and out of the trench.

‘Do you think if we just wait here, they’ll forget about us and go back to the hotel?’ Kili said, peering out after him.

‘Not likely. You want to head back to the rear barrier?’ Fili asked.

‘No, Thorin’s there.’ Kili said. 

‘Are you planning on never speaking to him again? That’s a little impractical Kee.’

‘Maybe it is. Maybe I want him to suffer a bit, like we have.’

‘He has suffered. Believe me.’ Fili said, voice suddenly serious. ‘If he’s been going through anything like what Frerin’s been going through he’s suffered far more than either you or I could ever imagine. We weren’t the only ones who lost the one we were meant to be with. I saw what Frerin went through every day for seven years. They love each other just as much as we do, and they’ve been doing it for a hell of a lot longer.’

‘So what do you want me to do? Just pretend it didn’t happen?’ Kili asked, voice sharp.

‘No. Just no more hitting anyone in the face. Think you can do that?’ Fili replied, ‘Now stop being an arse and let’s go.’ He ran out of the trench and Kili heard the sound of his paint gun going off, followed by a shriek from one of the twins and then Gimli. There was a very distant shout of ‘Revenge!’ from Gloin. He waited for the noise to die down and then followed his brother.

*********

Thorin and Frerin hid behind a tall wooden wall. 

‘This is fucking ridiculous.’ Thorin muttered, ‘We’re getting massacred by a bunch of poncy musical loving vegetarians!’

‘Vegetarians?’ Frerin asked.

‘Don’t get me started on that.’ Thorin growled, ‘Bombur’s been pulling his hair out over the fucking wedding menu for weeks.’ 

‘Have you noticed how since I got back your language has rapidly deteriorated?’ Frerin asked. Thorin could practically hear him grinning.

‘I’ve also started smoking, drinking and having sex again. Your point?’ 

‘That maybe Thror had something there. I seem to be an awfully bad influence.’

‘It’s my fault for loving you so much. I let you talk me into all sorts of things.’ Thorin said without thinking. Frerin went quiet next to him.

‘What did you just say?’ he asked eventually.

‘What?’ Thorin turned to him.

‘You just said you love me.’

‘Did I? Maybe I did. Why are you so surprised? I thought the fact that I let you stick your cock up my arse repeatedly last night gave that particular fact away.’ Thorin couldn’t help the sarcasm in his voice. Frerin gave him a thump on the arm.

‘You love me.’ It was a statement this time. Thorin sighed.

‘Is this really the best time, Frer?’

‘It’s the fucking perfect time. Say it.’

‘Later.’

‘No, now. Or I leave you to Aragorn.’

‘Bastard.’ Thorin replied. They’d already been shot several times by the Dane and at close quarters too. He reached up and took off his mask. ‘If I have to then I’m doing this face to face.’ Frerin reached up and took his off as well. They looked at each other, hair mussed and sweaty and faces flushed from the masks. Thorin stepped forward and put his hand to Frerin’s cheek. ‘I love you. I’m an absolute moronic imbecile for thinking I could do anything but. I have been a total and complete cock about everything, but I would be forever grateful if you’d consider coming back to me.’ The surprise on Frerin’s face told him that this was the last thing he’d expected to hear. Taking advantage of the situation Thorin threw caution to the wind, stepped into his space and kissed him. On the mouth. Hard. 

At that precise moment Fili and Kili came hurtling around the corner, stopping dead when they saw them. Kili gasped and Thorin and Frerin broke apart. Kili’s look of astonishment quickly turned to one of righteous indignation and then downright anger.

‘You motherfucker!’ he said to Thorin, and then shot him point blank in the balls.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love the idea of Fili switching from "Oh God i must fuck you now" to "You are the biggest brat in the world" with Kili. It gives me fits!!!


	44. Understanding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the cock shot...what will happen next? Will Thorin be exiled to Outer Mongolia? Will Kili run away and join the circus? Will Frerin and Fili finally get so exasperated they send them both in a box to Abu Dhabi? Only time will tell :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mush, mush and more mush. Have your insulin at the ready :)

Kili sat on the bed in his hotel room, arms folded and legs crossed and waited for Fili to come back. He was dreading what he was going to say. Fili had been pretty fucking angry with him when they came back from the paintball arena and had herded him into the room, then stormed off without a word to see Thorin and Frerin.

Fili didn’t get normally angry like he did. He was able to keep his temper in check, channelling his anger into productivity or sport. Kili had only ever seen him truly angry once, at a party they’d gone to not too long before Fili left. Some random guy had picked a fight with Kili and, him being who he was, he’d opened his mouth and made the situation about a thousand times worse. The guy had swung, knocked him down and climbed on top of him. Kili was not really a fighter for all his bravado, and he’d been taking a royal pummelling from the boy when suddenly the weight was lifted off him, as if by magic. Fili had taken the guy to task, hitting him so hard he flew against the wall. And he hadn’t stopped. It had taken him, Gimli and three other guys to pull Fili off. That was the night he realised how close Fili walked to the edge some days. There had been nothing of his kind gentle brother that night, just a person out of control who’d broken someone’s nose in defence of Kili. If he’d been honest it was the hottest thing he’d ever seen, and when they got home he’d bounced around his room frantically, wanting to go jump Fili. He hadn’t needed to wait long. Fili had come to him, literally dragging him out the house and down to the potting shed. They had fucked like maniacs that night, standing up against the wall and hard enough for Kili to be seriously sore the next day, which never happened with his considerate older brother. It was something that made Kili’s blood run like fire and his cock harden whenever he thought about it over the next few days after that. In hindsight it was probably a good thing Fili was so controlled otherwise they’d probably have both ended up broken by each other, Kili had thought to himself.

So that had been the end of the paintball, no winner declared. Officially it was because Frerin and Thorin took their masks off. Unofficially it was because Kili had violated the ‘no cock shots rule’.

Kili had stood over Thorin, who had dropped like a ton of bricks. 

‘Kili!’ Frerin and Fili had both shouted at the same time. Frerin had dropped to one knee next to Thorin, who was doing a lovely impersonation of a mime having been rendered speechless by the fact that it felt like his testicles were on fire. Kili was feeling quite smug at this point until both Frerin and Fili had rounded on him and given him The Look. Oh Christ, now he knew where Fili got it from. The only think in the world he truly feared was disapproval. And bizarrely, not from Thorin or his mother, but from the blond haired centre of his universe. Once Fili had left, he’d been so consumed with anger that he’d decided that he really didn’t give a stuff what Fili thought of him ever again. Truthfully though, a little part of him tried to hold him in check, chastising him and saying the Fee would be very disappointed in his behaviour.

And at that point that was what the look had been filled with, disappointment and disapproval. Only in stereo. And all those thoughts he’d had about how he didn’t care what Fee thought anymore evaporated. He knew then that he still cared very much indeed. In fact, it was the only thing he cared about.

************

Thorin was prostrate on the bed, eyes closed and hands folded on his chest. He looked like he was meditating. He wasn’t. He was, in fact, trying not to focus on the fact that his balls felt like basketballs. Great big basketballs that had been crushed by an elephant and then set on fire. Fili sat in the armchair, chewing a nail and watching him.

‘I’m sorry.’ he said, and Thorin cracked an eye and looked at him.

‘Not your fault, Fili.’

‘No, but I should have controlled him better.’

‘No-one controls Kili if he doesn’t want them to. I thought you were better acquainted with that concept than anyone else.’

‘He’s gotten pretty bad, hasn’t he? I thought being older he’d have a better handle on it.’ Fili tucked one foot up underneath him and Thorin smiled as a memory of a small blond boy doing the same thing came to him.

‘I didn’t try very hard to stop him after you …after I made you leave. It was easier to just leave him to it. So really I’m responsible.’ he said, and shifted to try and get more comfortable. Fili sighed.

‘Did you mean it earlier?’ he asked, and there was a little note of insecurity in his voice. It made Thorin hate himself even more than he did already. 

‘Yes I did.’ he replied, ‘He’s all yours. I should have known better than to try and come between you. Your relationship has always been a force of nature. I just didn’t understand how much it would hurt both of you to separate you.’

‘I understand, you know.’ Fili said around his nail, ‘You may not believe that but I do. Frerin told me everything, including what Thror did. It gave me a better perspective. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still pissed at you for what you did, but I know about the reasons. Kee doesn’t because you’ve never told him how much pain you were in.’ 

‘I never thought he’d listen.’ Thorin said, and Fili took his finger out his mouth, got up and came over to sit next to him on the bed, easing himself on carefully so as not to jog Thorin too much. 

‘He might not. But you have to be brave enough to try.’ Thorin looked up at him.

‘You are so much like him.’ He didn’t need to say who he was referring to. ‘I guess that’s why you are so much stronger. You always have been. You take after him and Kili takes after me.’ Thorin faltered for a bit but then pushed on, ‘I tried, but it was so hard some days.’

‘I know.’ Fili said, ‘I only realised a couple of months after I got there. When I knew everything.’ He looked across to the dressing table mirror opposite the bed. ‘I really do look like him, don’t I?’

‘Yes you do. But you also act like him, talk like him. It’s uncanny.’ 

‘It must have hurt.’

‘It did. More than I could ever tell anyone. But, it wasn’t an excuse for pushing you away like I did. That was very wrong of me and I’m sorry for doing it.’ Thorin looked at him. ‘You have turned out so much better than I could have ever expected.’

‘It’s all down to him.’ Fili replied, ‘He’s been a great dad.’ Their eyes met and something passed between them. It made both of them feel a little hitch in their chests.

‘Will you come back home?’ Thorin asked. Fili shrugged.

‘I don’t know.’ he answered truthfully, ‘All of this has been a bit of a roller coaster to be honest. I don’t know anything at the moment.’

‘Fair enough.’ Thorin replied. They sat for a while in silence, which was eventually interrupted by Frerin coming back into the hotel room. He had a bag of frozen vegetables in one hand and a bottle of scotch under his arm, a stack of tumblers in his other hand.

‘Here,’ he said holding out the glasses to Fili, who got up and took them from him. He put the scotch down on the bedside table and handed the vegetables to Thorin. There was an audible sigh of relief as they were applied. ‘You talk to Kili yet?’ he asked Fili.

‘No, but I will go do that now if you don’t need me here.’ he replied.

‘Go.’ Ferin said, taking Fili’s place on the bed and cracking the scotch open. Fili handed him a couple of glasses. ‘We’ll be fine.’ 

‘Okay. I’ll see you later.’ Fili said and left the room. Thorin took the glass Frerin offered him, and shifted up the bed a little. Frerin adjusted his position so that Thorin could be comfortable.

‘They’ll work it out.’ Frerin said. 

‘Thank God Fili’s got your sense.’ Thorin replied. ‘I just hope that Kili responds to it.’

‘You did.’ Frerin smiled. 

‘Kind of hard not to.’ Thorin returned the smile.


	45. Plans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aragorn is a lot more observant than people think. But, hey, he's from Denmark so it's all good...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have this headcanon where Radagast and Gandalf are both university professors who share a house. They did some serious drugs in the sixties, mainly thanks to Radagast being a professor of botany, and continue to do so now. Their house is always a crazy place to be on Friday nights :) But they are both very sweet and will always help you find your clothes the next morning. One of their enduring memories is getting Aragorn and his best friend Eomer so high that they had a naked sword fight in the back garden that went on for hours. When they finally came down, they were both muttering about orcs and nazgul and something called the Pelennor Fields.
> 
> Hands if you want me to do this as a side story :)

Seven days before the wedding, the afternoon

Gimli and Legolas were in the room he was sharing with Fili. They didn’t want to be in the same space as Kili, figuring he was going to be on the receiving end of a bollocking fairly soon from his brother. Gimli also felt like he owed Legolas an explanation for what he’d seen that morning, and didn’t really want to expound on the truth of Fili and Kili’s relationship in front of them.

‘This is so incredibly dysfunctional.’ Legolas said. He and Gimli had heard the shout from Frerin and run over to find the aftermath. Legolas was still trying to come to terms with what he’d seen that morning, although Gimli had to hand it to him, he was doing splendidly so far. ‘I knew that something weird was up with Kili and Tauriel. But I had no idea it would be this. Although, considering how co-dependent they were when they were teenagers, it really makes a lot of sense.’ 

‘You thought they were co-dependent? I thought you didn’t know Fili all that well.’

‘I didn’t. But Kili was always running off after archery to go be with him. We invited him out loads and he always made the excuse that he and Fili were doing something, or asking if he could bring him along. We actually even joked about how Fili was like his boyfriend and not his brother. So, I’m not as surprised as I should be.’ 

‘I thought you would freak out for sure.’ Gimli said, and Legolas shrugged. 

I can’t judge them for what they’re doing. If it makes them happy then good luck to them.’ he said. ‘Christ knows life is too fucking short to pretend to be something you’re not. I tried to tell Tauriel that she shouldn’t do this just because she’s given up on the person she’s in love with.’ 

‘Sorry what?’ Gimli asked, ‘I don’t know about this.’

‘She’s gay too. I thought you’d figured that out already?’ Legolas grinned at Gimli’s confused expression. ‘That bit of information hasn’t come up yet, huh? That’s the only reason she agreed to this whole travesty.’

‘I’m starting to see a serious breakdown in communication on all sides.’

‘I know. You’d never believe we all actually talk to each other.’ Legolas laughed. 

‘So you’re not going to tell?’

‘Nope. But I may need to sit and eat popcorn while watching how the rest of this shit plays out. Is there anything else?’ Gimli hesistated before answering. He really didn’t want to tell Legolas about the older set of brothers as well. That would probably have him heading for the hills in no time. But he didn’t want to lie either.

‘How about I take a mulligan on that one. There is some other shit, but I really hope it’s not going to come up and it’s really not my shit to tell.’ he said. 

‘Deal.’ Legolas said, ‘Just as long as you extend my family the same courtesy.’ There was something about the way he said it that caught Gimli’s attention. He was about to ask him what he meant when the door opened and Aragorn came in grinning. He came over to the bed and dropped along the foot bed, leaning on one elbow.

‘This has got to be the most fun I’ve had in weeks.’ he said, ‘The Durins are fucking mental. No offense.’ He directed this at Gimli who held up his hands.

‘None taken. I am well aware of that fact.’ 

‘Well let’s hope things settle down a bit. That rep was pretty pissed with us.’ Legolas said , ‘Thank God Balin was able to come bail us out so to speak. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Thranduil and Elrond looking so appalled in my life.’ Aragorn waved a hand at him dismissively. 

‘You Brits and your uptightness. Nobody would give a fuck in Denmark.’ he said, grinning again. ‘It’s a good thing we’re so laid back or I wouldn’t have been able to bring these through customs.’ He reached into a pocket and drew out a clear plastic bag. It was filled with what looked like dried fairy mushrooms. Alarm bells immediately began to ring in Gimli’s mind.

‘Are those what I think they are?’ he asked. 

‘What’s a stag party without a vision quest?’

‘No fucking way Aragorn!’ Legolas sounded alarmed, ‘The last time we did that shit we ended up wondering around Mirkwood’s back garden for twenty-four hours, stoned off our tits. I still have no idea what I was doing and how I managed to get into that fucking tree. I was hallucinating so badly I thought the fucking spiders were talking to me.’ 

‘It’ll be fine.’ Aragorn said, ‘This time I’ve got the formula perfect.’

‘You’ve been spending too much time with Gandalf and Radagast.’ Legolas replied. ‘Those two are only crazy enough to experiment with this shit because they both lived with through the sixties.’

‘More importantly, they survived.’ Aragorn pointed out, ‘That is not to be sniffed at.’ Gimli took the bag from Aragorn.

‘I don’t see what the big deal is.’ He said, ‘Shrooms are shrooms, right?’ 

‘Oh no.’ Aragorn said, ’These are a very ancient variety. They bring great clarity of mind and the ability to see beyond the earthly realm.’ Legolas snorted very loudly. 

‘Definitely too much fucking time.’ 

‘Whatever man.’ Aragorn said, taking the bag back. ‘So are you two in?’ Gimli looked at Legolas.

‘Things really can’t get any more fucked up at this point.’ he said, ‘Why the hell not?’

‘Oh for fuck’s sake.’ Legolas moaned and rolled onto his front, burying his face in the mattress, ‘I am so going to regret this. Fine, me too.’

‘Excellent.’ Aragorn bounced up, ‘The twins are already in. Not that you really have to try that hard with them.' He turned to Gimli. ‘You think your two lovebirds will want to join us?’ Gimli frowned.

‘Who? Dwalin and Ori? I don’t really think it’s their scene.’ He said. Aragorn threw his head back and laughed.

‘No, I meant the erstwhile groom and the guy who is supposed to be his brother, but is most definitely not acting like it.’ Gimli and Legolas both gaped at him in shock. ‘Oh, come on. You can see it a fucking mile off. And don’t get me started on the older versions.’ Legolas swung round to Gimli.

‘No!’ he said. Gimli made a sorry face.

‘Guess I don’t need that mulligan anymore.’ he said. 

‘The deal still stands Fundinson.’ Legolas said. They both looked at Aragorn.

‘So?’

‘Sure I’ll ask them.’ Gimli said, ‘But I am really curious as to how you are not freaking out about this.’ Aragorn shrugged nonchalantly.

‘Like I said, in Denmark no-one would give a fuck.’


	46. Concord

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fili talks to Kili about what he has to do and Dwalin has a bubble bath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have absolutely no idea where this came from. It started out innocently enough and then my brain exploded....
> 
> The comments on the last few chapters have made me giggle non-stop since I read them. Oh boy do I have ideas now :) Thank you!

Ori eyed himself in the bathroom mirror. There was a livid red bruise the size of a fifty pence coin coming up on his right buttock.

‘Bloody Gimli!’ he said, ‘I’m going to skin him alive when I see him.’ He turned and looked at Dwalin who was in the bath, eyebrow deep in bubbles with only the top of his bald head sticking out. ‘Look at this!’ 

‘I don’t see why you’re moaning so much.’ Dwalin muttered from the briny depths. You spent most of your time up a bloody tree. And I had to help Frerin carry Thorin back. I think I put my back out.’ Ori rolled his eyes at him and was about to make a snappy comment about Dwalin’s advanced age when there was a knock at the door. He swaddled himself in one of the fluffy white bathrobes and swanned out of the bathroom, leaving his beloved to stew in his own juices.

When he opened the door it was to Fili. 

‘Hey,’ he said, ‘Am I disturbing you guys?’ Ori shook his head.

‘Not so much. I think we’re about as disturbed as we can be at the moment.’ He ushered Fili in, and shut the door. ‘What’s up?’

‘I need to speak to Dwalin.’

‘He’s in the bath.’ Ori went over to the bathroom door and stuck his head in.

‘It’s Fili.’ He said and Dwalin sank even deeper into the bubbles.

‘Oh bloody Christ. Saints preserve us from the fucking Durin family.’ Fili came to the doorway.

‘I need your help Dwalin. Someone’s got to referee. Frerin and I are too involved.’

‘You’re fucking telling me!’

‘Please? You’ve kind of been there from the beginning. You’re the only one who knows the whole story. And Kee respects you. He’ll listen to you.’ Dwalin gave the world’s biggest and most put upon sigh.

‘Fine.’ he said, ‘What do you want me to do?’

‘Can you meet us at Thorin’s room in an hour? I need to speak to Kee first.’ Fili said.

‘Fine.’ Dwalin said, and disappeared completely under the bubbles. Ori and Fili exchanged a look then went back towards the door. 

‘Do you think it will work? They might just end up killing each other.’ Ori said. Fili pinched the bridge of his nose in a gesture so like Thorin that it made Ori jump a little. He was used to Kili being like Thorin, but if Fili also started doing it it was going to make things extremely confusing. 

‘Either way, hopefully this mess will be cleared up by the end of the century.’ Fili said. He left the room, and Ori went back to the bathroom. Dwalin was out of the bubbles again and looking mutinous. 

‘Neither of those two are going to leave that room until everything is sorted, even if it means I have to bang their thick skulls together myself.’ he said. 

‘Yes dear.’ Ori replied and grinned.

************

Fili opened the door, filled with trepidation. To his surprise Kili was curled up in a ball on the bed. He went over and knelt down next to his side of the bed. Kili looked at him, dark eyes watchful.

‘Hey brat.’ Fili said, reaching up and pushing Kili’s hair out of his eyes. ‘You ready to join the human race yet?’ 

‘Is he okay?’ he asked. 

‘He’ll live. I don’t think he’s going to be running the hundred metres anytime soon, but who is?’ Fili said. He got up and climbed over Kili to the other side of the bed, lying down next to him and pulling him against his chest, chin resting on Kili’s shoulder. ‘You were bang out of line doing that, Kee. You could have seriously hurt him.’

‘I know.’ It was muffled by the pillow. ‘I’m a dickhead, you don’t need to tell me.’ Fili sighed and hugged him closer. Kili resisted a little, then gave in, moving so they were flush against each other. He reached behind him, grabbing Fili’s hand and pulling it around his waist, holding onto him. ‘I’m just so all over the place. I’m so angry with him. And you. And everyone.’ Fili chuckled softly.

‘You’re a nutter Kee. I love you so much but you are fucking certifiable some days.’

‘I’m your nutter though.’ Kili replied, still muttering into the pillow. Fili smiled and kissed him behind his ear.

‘Yes you are. Now here’s what we’re going to do. You’re going to pull yourself together, get up and get your arse over to Thorin’s room. Then you’re going to apologise for almost neutering him and you two are going to talk this out. No fighting, no punching and no cock shots. Dwalin’s going to referee to make sure of that.’ 

‘You’re not going to be there?’

‘No. This is your thing. I’m not asking you to grant him unconditional love and forgiveness, I’m just asking you to listen to him. And then when you’re done we can start moving forward with this. I can’t come back to Erebor if you’re going to make me play go between forever.’ He waited for the last bit to sink in. When it did, Kili twisted in his arms, moving onto his back so he could look Fili in the face.

‘You’ll come back? To Erebor? To be with me?’ Fili smiled at him.

‘If that’s what you want, then yes I will.’ he said, and was rewarded with a smile.

‘It’s the only thing I want.’ Kili said and kissed him. Fili kissed him back, the two of them melting into each other. It was meant to be an innocent kiss, and certainly started out as such. But after a moment he felt the brush of Kili’s tongue against his mouth and answered in kind. The kiss got more and more heated, and eventually Fili broke away from Kili, trying to calm himself down.

‘I forgot how hard it is to be around you and not want you all the time.’ he panted, and Kili grinned at him. 

‘I’m sure we have time.’ he whispered, thrusting up slightly against Fili. 

‘Fine,’ Fili said sitting up and pulling his t-shirt over his head, ‘but we have to make it quick.’

‘That,’ Kili replied grinning even more brightly now as he did the same, ‘is not a problem.’ He reached for Fili’s belt, undoing it and then unbuttoning his jeans. He slipped his hand down the front under Fili’s boxers, feeling the slight slipperiness at the head of Fili’s cock and running his thumb over it. Fili had gone completely still, breath coming in short hard gasps. His hands had stilled where they were resting on Kili’s hips. 

Kili smiled, and leaned down, running his tongue along the line of Fili’s neck, up to his ear. He remembered what sucking on Fili’s ears did to him, and he did it now, delighted at the moan he got in response. 

‘Fuck.’ Fili panted in his ear, ‘I also forgot how good you are at this.’ 

‘Lots of practice.’ Kili replied, tugging at Fili’s jeans to bring them down far enough that he could get his cock out. He turned around and wriggled down the bed, and Fili obediently rolled onto his back. Once level with Fili’s hips, he turned so his own were level with Fili’s face. ‘You remember how this goes right?’ Fili laughed, low in his chest and Kili’s heart did a little thump at the sound.

‘I think we might be out of practice.’ he said.

‘Well only one way to get back in.’ Kili replied and licked the head of Fili’s cock once, feeling him jerk in response. Then he lowered his mouth over it, tasting the slightly salty slick that was already there. It had always been one of his favourite things and he moaned. On his side, he could feel Fili trying to undo his belt and jeans, and started moving his head in long slow up and down movements. He loved the way Fili’s hands would falter, then recover as he got himself under control, managing to undo Kil’s jeans and release his cock, but that was as far as he got as Kili decided to get his tongue into the action. He twirled it lazily around the head, pulling back to give Fili little kitten licks. It was getting messy, and he smiled up at him, knowing how much Fili always liked to watch him do this. And he was definitely watching, pupils dilated and chest heaving. He had Kili’s cock in one hand, but seemed incapable of doing anything with it at that point. Kili raised an eyebrow at him.

‘It’s not a fucking ornament, you know. Get to it big brother.’ Then he lowered his head again, sucking hard and felt Fili’s whole body shudder. Kili was feeling very smug at this point but then, oh sweet Jesus, Fili got his revenge by deep throating the hell out of him. That was fucking new. It caught him so completely by surprise that Kili could barely control himself, and thrust helplessly into his brother’s mouth, all the while trying to stop himself from biting down on him in return. Fili was relentless, holding him completely immobile and Kili had to pull off, his breath coming in short inarticulate cries as Fili took him in so deeply Kili had no idea how he was even fucking breathing. It was so good, so hot, so wet that when he felt Fili dig his fingers into the sensitive skin covering his hipbones, before he knew it his orgasm hit him so hard he almost blacked out. He felt Fili pull off and lay there, completely overcome with his head empty and his heart racing. Fili got up to do the bathroom spit circuit and Kili watched him go, vision fuzzy from pleasure. He heard him spitting then the run of water in the basin. He came back, tucking his still hard cock back into his jeans, but Kili was having none of that. He got up and walked to him, placing one hand on Fili’s chest and pushing him back against the wall, then dropped to his knees in front of him. He took Fili’s cock out again, looking up into his brother’s eyes as he did so. 

‘I’m not done with you.’ he said, voice rough. Fili looked down at him, one hand tangling in Kili’s dark hair. 

‘Brat.’ he replied smiling, ‘What do you want.’ 

‘I want you to fuck my mouth, like you used to.’ Kili said, and Fili’s eyes went hard for just a second. A flash of heat went through Kili, and he took Fili’s cock in his mouth putting his palms flat against the wall on either side of Fili’s hips to stabilise himself. Fili wound the fingers of both hands through Kili’s hair, and started thrusting gently into his mouth, head thrown back against the wall. Kili was on fire now. He held on, adjusting the suction to the rhythm they both liked and let Fili take control. It didn’t take long before Fili’s hands were tugging convulsively at his hair, moaning loudly before his body stiffened and he came, a burst of semen in Kili’s mouth. When he stopped shaking, Kili pulled off, got up and went to the bathroom. He spat the come into the basin, then washed it away and started to giggle at the thought of what the hotel staff would find if they black lighted the place. He went back into the room where Fili was spread out on the bed, still breathing heavily. Kili went over and bent down to kiss him, tasting himself in Fili’s mouth. 

‘All right.’ he said, when they broke apart, ‘I’ll do it.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know a lot of fics do it but I won't. I don't swallow and neither do the boys.


	47. Breaking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So Thorin and Kili have the talk...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you ever look at people, shake your head and think 'My God you two are idiots!'. That's how I feel about these two :)
> 
> Many thanks for the comments on the last chapter. I am glad the realism is appreciated and I think we can now all agree that cum tastes crap :)

They assembled outside Thorin’s door. Dwalin gave Fili and Kili a sceptical look.

‘What have you two been up to?’ He asked. They looked at each other, then blushed. ‘Oh for Christ’s sake, actually I really don’t want to know.’ He knocked on the door. A moment later Frerin opened it and ushered them in. Thorin had managed to sit up, and was now cross legged against the headboard. The frozen vegetables were still in place giving him a slightly ridiculous look. Kili was shepherded in by Fili, and Dwalin followed. He took a seat in the armchair, and Kili went and sat on the end of the bed.

‘Right,’ Frerin said, ‘Fee and I are going downstairs. If anyone tries to maul anyone else, please don’t fucking call us.’ He got Fili by the shoulder, turning him and guiding him out the room. Once outside, he shut the door behind them.

‘Are we doing the right thing?’ Fili asked. Frerin shrugged.

‘Only time will tell. Now, let’s go get a drink. I think we’ve earned one.’

**********

They ran into the oldies down in the bar. Balin was all twinkly eyed at the fact that he had very wisely opted out of paintball. Oin and Gloin were both very stiff, bruised and grumpy. They were only mollified by the fact that the tab was still open, and were making a dent in a very expensive bottle of red. 

Frerin and Fili left them to it, getting a couple of beers and heading out to the terrace where they could smoke. They lit up and sat watching a pair of squirrels chase each other around a nearby oak tree. 

‘So,’ Frerin said eventually, ‘This has been an interesting three days.’

‘Jesus, is that all it’s been?’ Fili said, ‘It feels like fucking forever.’

‘You and Kili seemed to be getting on.’ Frerin commented and gave Fili a look.

‘What’s that supposed to mean, old man?’

‘Oh nothing. Except I know what you look like when you’ve just got lucky, and you Grasshopper are wearing a smile that’s screaming it.’ Frerin smiled over his beer.

‘Fuck off.’ Fili retorted, unable to keep from smiling now. ‘You want to tell me that what I walked in on last night was fucking tiddlywinks? Although I have to admit I’m impressed. Exactly how many rounds did you manage to get in before you had to get your Zimmer frame old man?’ Frerin started choking on his beer, coughing so hard Fili had to thump him on the back. When he recovered he started laughing loudly.

‘Jesus kid, fucking warn me when you’re going to say something like that.’ he said.

‘Something like what?’ Gimli asked, coming up behind them and taking a seat at the table. He had Legolas and Aragorn with him. 

‘You are a fucking maniac.’ Frerin said in admiring tones to Aragorn. ‘I look like a fucking polka dot bikini thanks to you.’ Aragorn toasted him with his beer.

‘Then please allow me to make amends.’ he said. Fili looked at Gimli questioningly.

‘Let’s just say Aragorn here’s a fan of out of body experiences.’ he said.

‘Interesting.’ Frerin said, ‘Tell us more.’

**********

‘Someone has to fucking start.’ Dwalin said. So far there had been brooding, staring and avoidance but no actual conversation. ‘Kili?’ Nothing. ‘Thorin?’ Nothing. ‘Oh for fuck’s sake, fine! I’ll go shall I?’

‘I’m sorry I shot you in the balls.’ Kili blurted, folding his arms and glaring at Thorin. Thorin folded his and glared right back.

‘I’m sorry I fucked up your life.’ he replied. That took Kili aback and he was speechless for a moment. Dwalin’s face was a picture of astonishment. Thorin looked from one to the other. ‘That’s what you wanted me to say right? That I’ve fucked up your life?’

‘Not all of it.’ Kili muttered.

‘Really? Because that is what it seems like you’re saying.’ Thorin said. ‘I didn’t think it was all bad. But I could be wrong. I need you to talk to me, because quite frankly I’d rather not get shot in the cock with a paintball every time you have an emotional issue. It could get painful. And expensive. I don’t know if the medical insurance will cope.’ Kili listened to him talk, his face growing ever more confused.

‘Why aren’t you screaming at me?’ he asked. Thorin smiled but it wasn't a happy one.

‘Would you like me to? I can if you want.’

‘I agree.’ Dwalin said, ‘I’m starting to feel like you’ve been switched with a clone. Who has a sense of humour. It’s disturbing. Stop it.’ He turned to Kili. ‘And you, you little brat, your uncle has looked after you since your unfortunate father ran himself off the road. He has housed you, clothed you, fed you and educated you. You will give him consideration for that.’ Kili frowned, expression almost a dead match for Thorin’s.

‘I know that.’ he protested, ‘I’m not saying I’m not grateful for that. But he also threw my brother out on the street.’

‘No, not on the street.’ Thorin interjected, ‘I sent him to Frerin. I knew he would be safe there.’ 

‘And you told me he had just left.’

‘I thought it would be easiest for you that way. That you would be able to make a clean break, if you thought he’d left of his own volition.’ Thorin spread his hands palms up. ‘It was wrong, I knew it then and I know it now. It makes no difference to you but I hate myself more than you ever could.’ Dwalin looked at him, then across at Kili. Kili was staring at Thorin, emotions racing across his expressive face.

‘I don’t hate you.’ he said eventually. ‘I hate what you did but I don’t hate you. And I’m trying to understand.’

‘Thorin, tell him.’ Dwalin urged. Thorin looked torn, his face helpless. It was an expression Kili had never seen before. He sighed.

‘You reminded me so much of me at that age in many ways.’ He said, ‘But I wasn’t all like you, I was reticent at first. When Frerin and I started what we did, he was the one to instigate because I was too scared to, even though I was older. But I loved him, every bit as much as you loved Fili. That is one thing you can never accuse me of. He was everything to me. And when Thror found out about us and gave us an ultimatum to leave together or stay and be apart, I wanted to go with him. But I wasn’t strong enough. I gave Frerin up for this family and our father. It was a terrible decision and it was the wrong decision. I regretted it every single day of my life.’

‘That’s not an excuse.’ Kili retorted, and Thorin nodded.

‘I know it’s not. But I’m not using it as one, just trying to explain what happened to me.’ Kili heaved a sigh.

‘Fine. So you were hurt, I get that. But why do that to Fee? He didn’t deserve it.’

‘No he didn’t. But that’s between me and him, Kili. He knows why and accepts it.’

‘Well I don’t. I don’t even understand it.’ Kili said.

‘Have you looked at your brother?’ Dwalin asked. Kili frowned.

‘What’s that got to do with it? And yes of course I’ve looked at him.’

‘And you haven’t noticed? Gods, boy I knew you were unobservant but it’s staring you right in the face. He’s the spitting image of Frerin.’

‘I still don’t get it.’ Kili said. Dwalin reached out and cuffed him at the back of the head. Kili yelped and put his hand to his head. ‘What the fuck was that for?’

‘For your stupidity. How do you think it made Thorin feel to see that every day? It hurt, that’s what it fucking did. Every time he looked at Fili it damn near tore his heart out. And yet he raised your brother just like he raised you. Your mother, bless her, was precious little help at the best of times. Now, he’s an arse I’ll give you that, but he’s always been an arse with his heart in the right place, even if his actions have been seriously misguided.’ Here he looked at Thorin, who dropped his eyes. ‘Imagine not being with Fili, but having to see someone who looks and acts like him every day of your life. Imagine the torture of that and then you’ll understand what your uncle has gone through. And what makes it worse is that he is a complete idiot who did nothing to stop it happening the second time around.’ He looked at Thorin. ‘Is that about it?’ Thorin nodded, still not looking at either of them. ‘It’s not that he didn’t love your brother, it’s that he loved his brother too much and in the wrong way according to his family. And that’s what he saw when he looked at you two. The same mistakes being perpetuated. He thought that if he nipped it in the bud, he could spare you the same heartache.’

‘But he only made things worse.’ Kili said, aware that he was pleading a little. He turned to Thorin. ‘I love Fee so much. I have never stopped loving him.'

‘I know that now.’ Thorin said, ‘But at the time I thought it was just infatuation, a phase. I desperately hoped that was what it was. I would never have willingly inflicted what I have gone through on you.’ Kili was a little deflated at that. Thorin looked so damn sad, sadder than he’d ever seen him and older too. Without warning Kili realised what he was seeing. It was the same sadness he’d confronted every day in the mirror that he’d been without Fili. And then the traitorous little voice in the back of his head whispered.

_You only had to do it for seven years. He’s had to do it for twenty more than that. ___

‘Oh God.’ he said, suddenly and overwhelmingly appalled at his realisation. ‘How the fuck did you manage it?’ Thorin blinked in surprise. 

‘I shut down.’ he said, ‘I made myself switch off completely. That’s why I misread you and Fili so badly. If I had known how deeply you both felt I never would have done it.’ He rubbed his temple with the fingers of one hand. ‘I am so sorry Kili. I will never be able to forgive myself and I certainly don’t expect you to forgive me. The best I can hope for is for you to understand.’ He started to say something else, but was interrupted by Kili, who threw himself on the bed, arms around Thorin’s neck. It took Thorin several moments to understand what was happening, then he reciprocated, wrapping his arms around Kili in return and hugging him tightly and surprising everyone including himself as he started crying. Then Kili started crying as well. They held onto each other and howled like children. Somewhere in there the bag of vegetables was tossed aside and landed at Dwalin's feet.

‘Oh for fuck’s sake.’ Dwalin said, but he was smiling. ‘I honestly don’t know which one of you two twats is worse.’


	48. Stoned

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No-one ever should let the Durins near drugs, Ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FiliKiliThorinForever and bloatedblond - you are evil and I haven't snorted this hard since I wrote a chapter in forever :) How can I possibly repay you?
> 
> If there are any mistakes it is due to the fact that the author was piddling herself laughing while writing this.

Seven days before the wedding, the evening

Dinner was a subdued affair. They were all knackered from the paintball earlier in the day, and there was a lot of shifting in place to get into the most comfortable position. Gimli was amused to notice that even Thranduil and Elrond hadn’t escaped unscathed, although true to form they kept their distance from the main table, preferring to sit in the main dining room and not in the bar with the others. The twins had finally sobered up and were regaling the others with tales from their recent holiday. Unlike their father, Gimli found them to be warm and funny and the rest of the Durin clan seemed to agree with him, taking the twins to their metaphorical bosom. 

Gimli glanced around the table, noting what a strange collection of individuals they were. Legolas was next to him, the two of them now naturally gravitating towards each other, with Aragorn across the table. The oldies and Balin were down the far end with the twins. Dwalin and Ori were also down that end, although Ori kept exchanging significant looks with Gimli. 

The causes of said significant looks were sitting at the middle section of the table, two on one side and two on the other. The had divided according colour, dark and blonde, with the older versions opposite each other and the younger versions in the same position. Which, considering the familial relationships at play all seemed normal on the surface. But knowing what was happening put a whole other spin on it.

Dwalin had said nothing, other than that things were starting to slowly work themselves out. Thorin and Kili were both being uncharacteristically quiet, but the manic energy they’d both been carrying for the last couple of days seemed to have dissipated. And this in turn had made the two blonde Durins far more relaxed. It was almost pleasant, but Gimli knew better than to trust appearances as far as those four were concerned. 

After dinner, the oldies settled into their now set routine, and Thorin moved to their side to join them, citing residual testicular distress as an excuse for planning on sitting and drinking all night. Fili and Frerin retreated outside with the twins for a post dinner smoke, and Gimli got a chance to swap seats, settling in next to Kili who was still moodily picking at his dessert. Considering that this was a person who’d sell his own soul for crème brulee, Gimli was a little worried. 

‘You okay Kee?’ he asked and Kili shrugged, but didn’t say anything. Gimli looked at Legolas, who frowned, then looked across at Aragorn. 

‘I know what he needs.’ he said, grinning at them, ‘Vision quest.’ Interest piqued, Kili look up at him.

‘What are you on about Aragorn?’ he asked. Aragorn’s grin became a full blown smile. ‘You’ll see. Gimli, go and round up the others. I’m just going to pop upstairs quickly.’ 

************

Gimli went outside, and cornered the others. The twins and Fili and Frerin were all at a table near the edge of the terrace chatting amiably, and looked up when he approached.

‘Hey G,’ Fili greeted him, ‘What’s up?’ The twins, who were already in the loop grinned broadly.

‘Is it time?’ Dan asked, and Ro smacked him in the arm.

‘Fuck yeah!’ he said, ‘Vision quest.’

‘Vision quest?’ Frerin asked, ‘I’m sorry, did I drop off and wake up in the seventies on an esoteric retreat. I thought we were just going to go get off our faces.’

‘Oh fucking hell,’ Fili said, ‘do we still really think mixing drugs into the mix tonight is the best idea? I just got rid of my hangover.’

‘No problem.’ Dan said slapping him on the shoulder, ‘Aragorn’s shit is completely fucking natural. Not a hangover in sight.’

‘Well last time I checked hallucinogenic substances were still hallucinogenic.’ Fili said. He looked at Frerin for backup, only to see a contemplative look on his face. ‘Oh, you can’t be seriously thinking about this Frer. I know you were keen this afternoon but I still think it’s a bad idea.’ 

‘Lighten up Fee.’ Frerin replied, ‘I think the gods of self-control will not smite you for letting go for one evening. Or several as the case may be.’ He got up from the table, stretching and twisting the exact same way Fili did. ‘To the lumber yard gentlemen.’

*********

They met Aragorn, who now had a backpack slung over one shoulder, Legolas and Kili outside the front of the hotel. To Gimli’s surprise Ori and Dwalin were with them as well.

‘Nice!’ Frerin laughed, ‘Do you recall the time we all got wasted and set the formal gardens on fire? We had that weird kid staying with us, German exchange student. What was his name?’

‘Smaug.’ Dwalin said glumly, ‘I remember you and Thorin getting grounded for a month. Dad was so pissed at me he made me clean out the water tank in the loft by hand. There was a dead fucking pigeon in it. I think Balin nearly bust a gut laughing.’ 

‘So where are we going my fine Danish friend?’ Dan asked. 

‘We need a place of peace and serenity for a vision quest.’ Aragorn replied, ‘So we’re going down the road. There’s a holiday park which is closed. We can break in and do it there.’

‘Great.’ Fili said, ‘So now we’ve graduated from illegal narcotics to breaking and entering.’ He looked at Kili who was now looking a lot perkier than he had at dinner.

‘I don’t know, it might be fun Fee.’ Kili said, ‘The last couple of days have been a bit stressful.’

‘No shit.’ Gimli said

They walked as a group down the drive of the hotel and across the road into the open countryside, then followed Aragorn down a pathway that led way to the left. It was fairly bright although there were some clouds, with a three quarter moon so they could kind of make out where they were going. Aragorn strode purposefully out in front, followed by the twins. Next were Dwalin and Ori then Fili, Kili and Frerin all bunched together and with himself and Legolas at the rear. The darkness did allow him to slip his hand into Legolas’ without anyone noticing, and the hand gave him a return squeeze accompanied by a flash of white teeth in the dark. 

The pathway ran for what seemed like miles, and at one stage the moon disappeared behind the clouds. There was a click of three Zippos just in front of him and Legolas, and the three Durins were illuminated by flame. They turned around to wait for them to catch up. Gimli tried to free his hand, but Legolas tightened his and gave the three a big smile when they all noticed. Nothing was said, but glances were definitely exchanged.

‘Jesus, Aragorn, how fucking far is this place?’ Dan said. Gimli could just make them out by the red lights from the ends of their cigarettes. 

‘It’s just up the slope.’ Aragorn’s voice drifted back, from where he was a way ahead of the twins. The group finally crested the small hill (slope indeed) and found him standing at the bottom, next to a utility gate set into a chain link security fence. It was tall, at least eight foot and topped with barbed wire. The gate itself was locked and Aragorn tried it but it held firm. 

‘Great plan.’ Ro said, ‘Did you not think it would be locked?’

‘I did.’ Aragorn said, dropping to one knee and dumping the backpack in the ground. He unzipped it and took out a pair of bolt cutters. ‘That’s why I brought these.’

‘Oh for Christ’s sake.’ Dwalin said, ‘That is fucking illegal. It’s still a crime to break in somewhere you know.’ 

‘And if you’re going to break in, that’s a very crude way to do it. I could have that gate open in two minutes.’ Ori added. Everyone swung round to look at him. ‘What? Nori has taught me a few things.’

‘Well then.’ Aragorn said with a sweeping bow, ‘I bow to the better man.’ 

‘Right.’ Ori said, ‘Do you happen to have a screwdriver in that bag of tricks?’

*************

Once through the gate, they walked across a tarmacked parking lot to a low lying timber building. Beyond that was a boating lake, glittering silver. There was a long dock extending out into the water. On the far side was a picnic area, with wide grassy patches and benches scattered around.

‘Perfect.’ Aragorn declared and led them around the lake edge to an open stretch of grass. He dropped down in a cross legged position and opened his backpack extracting three thermoses which he lined up on the grass in front of him. The others made a sort of semi-circle, sitting facing him. 

‘There are some rules.’ He said, opening the first thermos and pouring steaming liquid into the cap. ‘Firstly everyone who does this must choose to do it freely. Secondly, there has to be one person who stays straight in case something happens. Thirdly, don’t have any more than what I give you.’

‘Well that’s easy enough.’ Dwalin said, ‘I’m will happily volunteer to stay out of this. I’m only here because Ori has this crazy notion if having not been reckless enough in his teen years.’

‘You try having Dori track your every move.’ Ori grumbled. Aragorn handed the cap to Dan.

‘Drink it it one.’ He said, ‘It should take about twenty minutes to kick in.’

‘And then what?’ Frerin asked. Dan handed the cap back and Aragorn poured out another dose for Ro. 

‘Then you just go with it my friend. It’s your quest.’ 

The cap made its rounds. Ori sniffed it.

‘It smells lovely.’ he said appreciatively, then drank the liquid, ‘It’s sort of like mushroom soup.’ He handed it back, then passed the refilled cap to Kili who necked it easily. Then it went to Fili who gave Gimli a look before he drank. Then Frerin and Legolas, before it finally landed in his hands. He looked at it, a little dubious, but Ori was right. It did smell lovely, a deep woodsy smell. He drank and was pleasantly surprised to find the taste clean and delicate. It didn’t feel like he was drinking anything that would get him fucked up at all. That was his first mistake of the evening. 

They all sat, watching as the cap was passed back. Aragorn tipped the remaining contents of the last thermos into the cap and drank it, carefully screwing it back on and packing the thermoses into the backpack, which he handed to Dwalin for safekeeping.

‘Anything I should know?’ Dwalin asked, ‘Before you all go off your heads.’

‘It shouldn’t be too bad, I made it relatively weak.’ Aragorn said, ‘We should trip for a couple of hours and then be fine.’ Then he lay back on the grass, arms and legs spread.

‘Relax my friends.’ he intoned, ‘Let your minds open and nature come to you.’

Oh for fuck’s sake.’ Fili muttered again somewhere to Gimli’s right. Ori giggled and flopped over.

‘This is going to be great.’ he said and Dwalin snorted. 

One by one they lay flat on their backs, looking up into the night sky. 

‘Anyone want to bet on who’s going to trip first?’ Dan called from his side, ‘My money’s on the ginger.’

‘Fuck off pretty boy!’ Ori called back, ‘I may be small but I could kick you right up your jacksie!’

‘Oh Christ Almighty.’ Dwalin groaned, face in hand and shaking his head, ‘He’s getting leery.’

‘Not a good sign?’ Frerin asked from where he lay on his back next to him.

‘Not at all.’ he replied, ‘Wait for it.’ 

Gimli was surprisingly comfortable. Legolas had intertwined his fingers with his again, and shuffled up so his shoulder touched Gimli’s. From where he lay, Gimli could make out the perfect profile and reached over to run his finger along Legolas’ nose. He had no idea why he did that and realised that he was starting to feel a little floaty. 

If Gimli was a betting man, he would have undoubtedly put money on Kili to cave first. He was therefore quite bemused to hear Fili say in a much louder than normal voice ‘Jesus Christ, the moon is fucking huge!’ Then he started giggling. It was fucking adorable, a little like a squeaky toy. They all sat up a little and looked over to where he was lying next to Kili. He noticed them and then giggled even harder, doubling over on the ground until he was in full on hysterics. That was enough for Kili, who’d never been very good at resisting his brother’s laugh. Soon there were two insensible Durin’s snorting with laughter and holding on to each other. 

‘Morons.’ Dwalin muttered. 

‘Hmm,’ Aragorn said contemplatively, ‘It shouldn’t have taken that short a time. Maybe…’ he lost his trail of thought as he suddenly found his hands extremely interesting and fell silent as he contemplated them. Ori was next, starting with a little giggle that soon turned into a surprisingly deep laugh. He crawled over to Fili and Kili, collapsing in a puppy heap with them. 

‘Kids.’ Frerin said fondly, then closed his eyes, folded his hands on his belly and fell silent. Gimli could only imagine what he was seeing behind his closed eyelids.

‘I still don’t really feel anything. Just some pins and needles in my hands.’ he hissed to Legolas. Then he noticed, as Legolas raised himself on one elbow, that his silvery blond hair seemed to be surrounded by a corona of white light. ‘Wow.’ he breathed and Legolas smiled.

‘Wait for it.’ he whispered and leaned down and kissed him.

************

An hour later and it had properly kicked in. Aragorn and the twins were having a very disjointed and philosophical discussion about the relative merits of being able to curl one’s tongue. Fili, Kili and Ori had wandered off and were now sitting on the edge of the dock gabbing away like children, with their feet dangling over the water. Dwalin hovered over the three of them like a worried babysitter. Frerin hadn’t changed position at all, although he wasn’t sleeping, moving every now and then to scratch at his nose or ear. 

And he and Legolas were up a fucking tree. Gimli didn’t like heights. Give him depths any day. But here he was, back against the trunk and legs straddled over a thick branch and smooching the hell out of the man with him, who had both legs thrown over his, his arms tight around Gimli’s neck. As far as experiences went, it was the best one he’d had so far. That was until he heard the shouting. 

*********

Down below at the end of the dock Dwalin swore very loudly. 

‘But it was my birthday present!’ Kili wailed, sounding for all the world like a distraught child. ‘It was from Fee. It’s the thing I love the most in the world after him!’ They were gathered at the end of the dock watching as Fili drifted out further and further in the rowing boat he was in. A rowing boat they’d thought was tied to the dock, but wasn’t. A rowing boat with no oars in it, not that Fili would have been capable of rowing considering his current state of mind. 

Dwalin had been drifting off a little, when he’d heard KIli squawk. Ori had explained that he was, as per usual, fucking around with his lighter when it had flown out of his grasp and landed with a solid thunk in the bottom of the row boat. Fili, playing the noble hero, had gone to retrieve it for him. He’d made it off the dock and into the boat without accident, scrabbling around in the bottom when it had started to drift away just as he found the lighter and held it up with a triumphant ‘Ah ha!’ The look of victory on his face had changed to one of slight but not complete panic as he’d realised that he was moving away from the dock. Trying to balance so he didn’t fall in he’d edged towards the back of the boat, one hand extended.

‘Kili!’ he’d called, ‘Take my hand!’ Kili had tried, overbalanced and would have gone into the water head first if Ori hadn’t had the good sense to grab him by the back of his hoodie.

‘Fili!’ Kili had shouted, face full of desolation as he’d watched his brother drift away. That’s when the two of them had raced, or a close approximation thereof, back to Dwalin. Which brought them to this point now.

Kili was almost in tears.

‘Please Dwalin!’ he begged, ‘You have to help us get him back. He’ll float away forever!’ Somewhere from out on the water, Dwalin could hear Fili giggling like a loon. Obviously he was far less concerned with his predicament than his younger brother was. He shook his head, face and shoulders a picture of resignation. 

‘How in the blue fuck? Honestly, you are a bunch of fucking children.’ 

‘But he’ll drown!’ Ori joined in now. That made Kili gasp with almost theatrical fear, his eyes wider than Dwalin had ever seen them.

‘No.’ he breathed and ran to the end of the dock, where he stood and cupped his hands around his mouth.

‘Fiiiiliiiii!’ he shouted.

‘Kiiiiliiiii!’ the answering shout came from somewhere out in the dark. Kili lit the Zippo, which was the cause of the whole damn scenario and held it above his head.

‘Come towards the light!’ he shouted and waved the lighter. That caused further giggling and an answering shout of ‘No! Stay away from the light Carol Anne!’ 

‘This is not fucking helping. Ori, go and get Frerin, or Aragorn or any fucking one!’ Dwalin snapped. Ori nodded frantically and scampered off like a bunny with its tail on fire. He returned not with Frerin but with everyone except Frerin. Dwalin frowned and looked through the crowd to see the eldest Durin present sauntering along, hands in his pockets. Apparently shrooms didn’t do much for Frerin except make him really fucking slow. When he eventually arrived it was with a perplexed look as he took in the scene.

‘Damn,’ he said, ‘I seem to be short a nephew.’

‘The fucking idiot is out there somewhere in a fucking row boat with no fucking oars!’ Dwalin blustered. There a moment of silence as they all looked out into the darkness. Suddenly a lone voice drifted in from off the water.’

‘Aaaaaall by myseeeeelf, don’t wanna beeeee aaaall byyyyyy myseeeeelf!’ It sounded like someone strangling a cat. 

‘Feeeeeee!’ Kili shouted ‘Where are you?’

‘Fucked if I know!’ Fili yelled back and started giggling again. 

‘Someone could swim out?’ Dan said, looking very stoned. ‘Baggsy not me.’ Dwalin looked at Frerin.

‘Wouldn’t work.’ He said, ‘You’d never get Fee in the water. He has a thing about it.’ That made no sense to Dwalin.

‘He’s in a fucking boat. It’s on the fucking water!’

‘That’s different, trust me. There’s no way Fee will swim back.’

‘So then how do we get him?’ 

‘You could try one of those.’ Ro said pointing at the small open shed about twenty feet away. Inside were a couple of pedalos. Dwalin and Frerin exchanged a look.

‘Could work.’ Frerin said.

They had to get the twins to help them haul one of the pedalos down to the edge of the water. Dwalin muttered darkly as he took his boots and socks off, rolling his jeans up to mid-shin. Frerin did the same and then they pushed the pedalo into the water. It was freezing and they both yelped from the cold, before rather ungracefully getting into the pedalo and setting off. They pedalled out, both trying to see where Fili and the rowboat were. 

‘Fee!’ Frerin shouted, ‘Answer me Grasshopper!’ 

‘Over here old man!’ a call came from their right and they had to do some fancy manouvering to go in the right direction. There was a click of metal and then light. Fili was standing up in the boat, his own Zippo held above his head. He saw them and gave them a brilliant smile, then lost his balance. The row boat tilted alarmingly and for one precarious moment it looked like he was going over the side.

‘Holy fuck!’ bellowed Dwalin, ‘Sit down you fucking idiot!’ He and Frerin tried to go faster, but of course the pedalo only gained enough speed to make all their frantic pedalling look completely and utterly ridiculous. Fortunately, and much to their relief, Fili righted himself, mostly by falling onto his arse in the boat. They finally pulled alongside after ten long minutes, and Fili looked up at them, Zippo still in hand.

‘Hey guys!’ he said smiling brightly, ‘This is the best holiday ever so far. I fucking love the seal show.’ Frerin managed to lean out a little and tie the rope Aragorn had found to the iron hoop at the bow of the row boat. Then there was the very slow process of turning the pedalo around and towing the row boat back to shore, Fili giving a running commentary in the back.

‘Gee Dwalin you’re really good at this. Maybe you should go into the Olympics.’ He said, voice completely sincere and Dwalin swung round, practically growling at him.

‘Shut up brat!’ I’m going to brain you and your idiot brother when we are on dry land again!’ next to him Frerin laughed all the way back to the edge. Kili was already there running backwards and forwards like a caged tiger. When they got into shallow water, he couldn’t wait any longer and splashed in like an oversized retriever, running as best he could, shoes and all, to the rowboat. Unfortunately he seemed to have regressed to his gangly teenage co-ordination and his feet went out from under him just as he got to Fili and the rowboat. He went down into the water with a flail of limbs and a shriek of surprise.

‘Kili!’ Fili shouted, and clambered out the rowboat, wading over to his brother who had managed to surface, spluttering. He reached down and grasped Kili by the forarms, hauling him up. Unfortunately he was as effortlessly ungraceful of his brother, so he overbalanced and fell over backwards into the water taking Kili down with him again. Dwalin got off the pedalo.

‘That’s it!’ he declared, ‘I’m fucking done!’ he stalked off out the water leaving Frerin hanging on for dear life as he laughed.

‘Oh my fucking aching sides.’ he managed. Gimli and Legolas had finally managed to extricate themselves from their embrace in the tree, and ran up just as the two Durin boys, who were now both completely saturated, managed to get onto their feet. 

Fili reached out and steadied Kili, then gave a vigourous shake of his head. KIli did the same and then they straightened up and looked at each other. 

‘You arse!’ Kili said, ‘I thought you were gone forever.’ Fili gave him a considering look, then stepped forward, took Kili’s face in his hands and kissed him. There was an audible gasp from Ori, a groan from Gimli and more laughing from Frerin. 

‘Jesus Christ this is hardly the time or place!’ Dwalin roared, but they completely ignored him. Gimli turned to Legolas in a fit of panic, only to find him not looking at the spectacle of the two brothers snogging like love struck teenagers but over at the twins, who had a very interesting look on their faces. It took a moment for Gimli to put two and two together.

‘Holy shit.’ he said and Legolas spun around to face him, ‘Guess you won’t be needing your mulligan either.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now, if i do say so myself, that was some funny ass shit :)
> 
> Dwalin on a pedalo will sustain me through many nights to come...


	49. Morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the morning after the night before...a few vignettes for your consideration.

Six days before the wedding

Morning broke and with it came fuzzy heads and questions. Gimli found himself with a very worried Legolas on his hands. They had collapsed on the bed in Gimli’s room fully clothed after managing to finally get back after their adventure at the lake. Frerin had shepherded a still soggy Fili and Kili off to KIli’s room, and so Gimli had invited Legolas to stay with him.

‘You can’t tell anyone!’ he said, “I don’t even think they know themselves.’ 

‘How the fuck can they not know?’ he asked. 

‘I’m not sure. It’s never exactly come up as a conversation topic. And it’s not like I can come out and ask them directly.’ Legolas sighed, flopping back onto the bed. Gimli went and joined him.

‘Maybe we could ask Fee and Kee to talk to them about it?’ he said, and Legolas gave him an incredulous look.

‘Yes,’ he said, voice a little strained, ‘because the whole scenario is a very healthy one, isn’t it? I don’t think sending round the incest poster boys is going to do the trick. Ro and Dan were so out of it last night, they probably don’t even remember what happened.’ They lay together looking up at the ceiling. 

‘At least I now know why you didn’t really freak out when you walked in on them.’

‘Don’t get me wrong,’Legolas said, rolling onto his stomach and propping himself up on his elbows. “I said I wouldn’t judge and I won’t. Anyone a mile off could see they’re totally in love with each other. Ro and Dan have never acted like that though. I’ve always felt this strange vibe between them, but I have no evidence that they’ve ever acted on it.’

‘Sharing the same girl though? That’s pretty out there.’ Gimli replied, ‘I mean I wouldn’t share, it would be too awkward.’

‘Good.’ Legolas said, ‘Neither would I.’

************

Frerin raised his head from the pillow, then decided that was a really bad idea and dropped back down. 

‘I am too old for this shit. Please remind me of that the next time I decide to pretend I’m still twenty.’ he groaned. Thorin, who was sitting next to him in bed watching the morning news, looked down at him.

‘I missed that. Did you actually just say you should be acting your age?’ he asked, eyes twinkling with laughter. Frerin gave him two fingers and turned over, pulling the duvet over his head.

‘You’re not much better. The only reason you didn’t go was because your balls were still glowing red from that shot of Kili’s.’

‘And a very good thing too, if the story you told me last night was anything to go by.’ Thorin smiled. ‘How are you feeling?’

‘Not too bad considering I had to go splashing around on a lake in the middle of the night to rescue our errant nephew.’ Frerin replied, still under the duvet.

‘Good. We are leaving at eleven. Maybe you’d like to get your arse out of bed and go wake those so called errant nephews of ours.’ Thorin said. Frerin snorted and burrowed deeper. He wriggled closer to Thorin, turning towards him and getting his head under Thorin’s arm so it could lie cushioned against his shoulder. Thorin huffed and dropped a kiss on top of his head, bringing his arm around him so he could drag his fingers through Frerin’s thick hair. ‘Maybe we could leave a little later.’ he said, and got an approving hum in response.

****************

Kili rolled over in his sleep, taking most of the duvet with him. Feeling the sudden draft, Fili stirred and then woke. He glared at Kili’s unresponsive back, and then attempted to remove the duvet from his brother’s grip. Kili clung on like a limpet. They were both naked, having simply stripped off their wet clothes and fallen into bed when they returned to the hotel room and Fili shivered from the air on his skin. He debated whether to get up or have another go at getting his side of the duvet off Kili. Eventually his sense of self-preservation won out. Kili used to get quite violent if challenged for bed clothes, and Fili very much doubted that anything had changed much in the intervening years. He got up and stumbled into the bathroom, trying to collect his vague recollections of the night before. He remembered everything, and was not looking forward to Dwalin’s wrath, but it was a little fuzzy. He did know that he had kissed Kili very full on in front of everyone there and was wondering how he was going to get them out of that one. Thankfully, it was only Aragorn and the twins he really had to worry about. He got in the shower, standing still under the water that was set to almost scorching. About half way through he heard movement and then the shower door opened letting in another draft of cold air and a sleepy Kili. He crowded up behind Fili, wrapping both arms around him and resting his chin on his head. Fili noted with no surprise at all, that he was also attempting to push Fili out from under the shower spray. 

‘You could wait until I’m done.’ he said. 

‘No.’ Kili replied, voice still sleepy and soft, ‘Too cold to wait.’ 

‘Ratbag.’

***********

Ori finished packing the bag that he and Dwalin had brought, humming cheerfully. He had woken full of the joys of spring in spite of being so under the influence the night before. When Dwalin had pointed this fact out, he’d had a pillow lobbed at him before having to listen to Ori expound on his quick metabolism. Now he sat staring moodily at the television while his boyfriend bustled around him. 

‘So are you still planning on skinning the boys this morning, because if you are I would like to watch.’ Ori said, grinning at him. 

‘I can’t believe they kissed each other in front of everyone.’ Dwalin said, ‘Thank God everyone was off their faces. Hopefully we can pass it off as a hallucination.’

‘I thought it was rather sweet actually.’ Ori replied coming to sit down next to him, ‘You can see how much they love each other.’

‘That’s not the point.’ Dwalin said, ‘Aragorn and the twins were there. What do you think they have to say on the matter? I can tell you it won’t be good.’

‘Oh, I don’t know. Aragorn seems pretty laid back, and to be fair the twins were pretty out of it.’ Ori said. He got up and put his arms around Dwalin’s neck. Dwalin sighed, resting his head against Ori’s chest and embraced him in return, cuddling him and sighing like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders. 

‘It’s not easy being the only normal one in a family of lunatics.’ he said. Ori squeezed him, and then kissed the tip of his nose.

‘Yes, it must be a terrible burden. Now, shall I tell Balin that you include him in those lunatics or will you?’

**********

On the other side of the hotel, a startled pair of brown eyes looked into an identical and equally startled pair.

‘Oh fuck, Ro. What the fuck did we do last night?’


	50. Drive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Going back to Erebor. Some people are happy and some are not...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to say an enormous thank you to all the great commenters. You guys are the best :) Ditto the kudos people and the general readership. Who knew this little fic would blow up like it has done!

Six days before the wedding, late morning

Kili hauled his bag and Fili’s down to the car, punishment for stealing the duvet and the hot water, even if the shower had turned into a little more than that. He was grinning like an idiot by the time he got to the van. Not even the thought that they were going back to Erebor to effectively tell everyone the wedding was off could crush his mood. He was still daydreaming happily about what Fili had done to him using nothing but his hands and some judiciously applied shower gel when he bumped into Gimli, literally. 

‘Hey G.’ he said, and threw the two bags into the already packed boot of the van. ‘How are you feeling this morning?’

‘It’s after twelve actually.’ Gimli pointed out. ‘And I feel like a badger went to sleep in my mouth. I have scratches on my arse from that damn tree I was sitting in. Oh, and I had to watch my cousins snogging each other. In front of people who weren’t family.’ 

‘Sorry.’ Kili said, looking precisely the opposite. Gimli couldn’t believe how brilliantly he was smiling, compared to the glum person of two weeks before. ‘Still it could have been worse.’

‘Worse than letting Fili drift off in an untied row boat?’ Legolas said, coming around the side of the minibus. ‘I have to say though, the two of you put on quite a display last night. It’s a really good thing your future father-in-law wasn’t there.’

‘Shit.’ Kili said, coming back down to earth with a bump. ‘But the twins were. What if they tell?’ Legolas and Gimli exchanged a look, and Kili’s suspicions were instantly aroused. ‘Did I miss something?’ 

‘Considering how far you had your tongue down Fili’s throat, I am amazed you even remember they were there.’ Legolas said. Gimli and Kili both stared at him in horror. He laughed at them, swinging his bag into the boot, an then squishing it into the only unoccupied corner. ‘Too soon? Oh, come on you two. I’m fine with it. To each his own right?’ 

‘Are you sure?’ Kili asked, a little disbelieving. Legolas put his hand on Kili’s shoulder and smiled at him.

‘I can see he makes you happier than anything else has in the last seven years. It’s like someone’s switched a light on inside you. You’re my friend, Kee. Yes, I would have been wildly excited to have you as my adopted brother in law, but somehow I don’t think Tauriel is going to be too disappointed to hear you and him are back together.’

‘Are you?’ Gimli asked Kili. ‘Back together, I mean.’ Kili was about to answer, when Fili came up behind him. He put a protective arm around Kili’s waist, not being quite tall enough to reach his neck.

‘Yes.’ he said in a tone that practically dared Gimli and Legolas to say otherwise, ‘We are.’

***********

The argument over who sat where was strangely absent for the trip back. The four Durins all squeezed into the front seat. This time Thorin was driving. Behind them Dwalin and Ori had commandeered a two seater, Oin and Gloin another, Balin, Elrond and Thranduil had all doen a repeat performance with their single seats and Giml and Legolas, now a lot more comfortable with each other, took the last two seater. This meant Aragorn, as the additional traveller was stuck between the twins in the three seater. It hadn’t escaped Legolas and Gimli’s notice that they were particularly quiet. They’d come down from their room, ate breakfast without any of their normal banter and then trailed out to the car. They were acting exactly like Fili and Kili had acted when they had arrived. Fortunately for Aragorn, but not for them, he’d simply gone to sleep before the minibus was even started, and a sullen silence descended between them. It was in complete contrast to the Durins who were noisily arguing in the front seat about the route, passing a map backwards and forwards with much waving of arms and indignant protestations from Thorin with regards to the denigration of his navigational capabilities.

‘I am not going to get fucking lost.’ He roared eventually, waking Aragorn for about three seconds before he dropped off again.

‘Bollocks.’ Frerin replied, ‘You got lost at fucking Erebor.’ 

‘Seriously?’ Kili laughed, ‘You got lost at Erebor?’ 

‘Fucking once! And it was fucking night!’ Thorin snapped, eliciting general snorts of amusement from his nephews. 

Gimli jogged Legolas’ arm. 

‘What’s up with them? You think they’re really bothered by what they saw last night?’ he pitched his voice low so no-one else could hear. Legolas looked over at the twins and shrugged, but didn’t say anything.

***********

The trip, which took three hours when Frerin drove, took five hours with Thorin driving. This was mostly down to him missing turnoffs and having to make bizarre and extended detours to get them back on track.

‘This is fucking England for Christ’s sake!’ Dwalin yelled from the back, ‘How fucking hard is it to get home?’ Thorin ignored him in a regal manner. In the front seat Kili opened a packet of Polos shoving three in his mouth before giving them to Fili. 

‘You nervous?’ Fili asked, eyeing him.

‘No.’ he replied. Fili and Frerin looked at each other.

‘Pull the other one, kid.’ Frerin said, ‘It’s got fucking bells on.’

‘Maybe a little. I really don’t want to have to sit down and have the Talk.’ Kili said, necking more Polos until Fili confiscated them. They were all talking in subdued tones. Fortunately Oin and Glin were having a conversation with Balin that was being conducted at an extreme volume. 

‘Well hyping yourself up on sugar is not going to help.’ Fili said. He elbowed Kili gently, ‘She’s going to be fine.’

‘It’s not her I’m worried about.’ Kili muttered trying his best to gesture with his eyebrows towards the back of the van.

‘It’ll be sorted Kee.’ Thorin rumbled, ‘I promised it would. And if he doesn’t agree, well then we’ll just weight him down and put him in the lake.’ He half turned to see three incredulous faces staring at him. ‘What?’

‘Jesus wept,’ Frerin said to Fili and Kili, ‘I think he just made a joke.’

‘It wasn’t a very good one.’ Kili said. 

‘Don’t Kee. You’ll scare it away.’ Fili said, grinning. 

‘Fuck off the lot of you.’ Thorin grumbled.

************

The minibus finally managed to reach the long drive of Erebor. Thorin pulled in and they rumbled along the drive. When they got to the house they all fell out, stiff and grumpy for the most part. 

‘Finally!’ they heard a strident voice call, and Dis came out from the front porch, ‘Where the fuck have you lot been? Bombur is ready to throw dinner in the bin.’ 

‘Well tell him not to.’ Thorin shouted from the front seat window, ‘What fucking time is it anyway?’

‘It’s after six. You were only supposed to be three hours.’ Dis replied, going to Frerin and hugging him. ‘He sounds better. And you look better.’

‘So do your boys.’ Ferin said grinning at her. Dis looked over his shoulder to where Fili and Kili were helping Gimli and Legolas unpack everyone’s bags. She smiled.

‘Are they all right now?’

‘They’re fine.’ Frerin said, putting his arm around her. ‘Now you said something about dinner?’


	51. Dinner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dinner at the Durin house and some post dinner activity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello to all and thanks for all the support for the last chapter :)
> 
> So here we are back at Erebor...time for some frolicking :)

Six days before the wedding, evening

Kili ran up the stairs in his usual fashion holding a plate that contained a small tower of roast beef sandwiches and two beers, then made his way down the corridor to his room. He knocked and then entered. Tauriel was sitting with Arwen on the bed eating popcorn and watching The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. She took one look at him and grinned. 

‘It happened.’ she said. 

‘It did.’ he replied. Arwen watched the exchange and got up.

‘I’ll leave you to it.’ she said, giving Tauriel a meaningful look before leaving the room and shutting the door behind her.

‘So?’ Tauriel asked, ‘Did you fuck him?’

‘Tauriel!’ Kili protested. She always managed to make him feel embarrassed. She said it was a gift.

‘Oh my God you did!’ she crowed, ‘Holy shit, Kili Durin finally got some.’ Kili folded his arms and glared at her.

‘Do you think you could say that a little louder? I don’t think the rest of the UK heard you.’

‘So it’s off then.’ Tauriel said, ‘Thank fuck for that.’ 

‘Not necessarily.’ Kili said, flopping down on the bed next to her. ‘Thranduil still doesn’t know anything. Thorin wants us to have a talk tomorrow.’

‘But he’s okay with us calling it off, right?’ Tauriel asked. 

‘Yeah, he’s fine with it. I had to paintball him in the bollocks to get my point across but he finally came round.’ Kili said. Tauriel’s face was a picture and then she laughed.

‘You shot Thorin in the balls with a paintball gun? And you’re still fucking living? How on earth is that possible?’ 

‘He’s kind of chilled out over the last three days.’ Kili replied. He didn’t really want to tell her why just yet. 

‘Oh really?’ Tauriel said, one eyebrow raised sceptically. 

‘Don’t ask.’ Kili said warningly, ‘I’m not telling.’ He held out the plate. ‘Dinner?’

**********

Downstairs in the kitchen, the Durins were doing their best impression of a feeding frenzy. 

‘I missed this.’ Fili said, watching Oin and Gloin arguing over the last helping of roast beef that Bombur had made. 

‘So did I.’ Frerin said. He handed Fili and Thorin another beer from the fridge, got one for himself and came to sit down again between them. Across from them, Nara twirled a dishcloth into a lethal weapon and smacked her husband and brother-in-law neatly on their respective arses one after the other.

‘Shut up and sit down the pair of you!’ she shouted. Next to Gimli, Legolas watched her in open admiration.

‘I think I’m in love with your mum.’ he whispered to Gimli. 

“She kind of has that effect on people. You should see her and Dis at the Selfridges sale. It’s a sight to behold. Brave men run and cower in fear.’ Gimli said grinning partly at his mother, and partly because he’d been playing footsie under the table with Legolas for the whole of dinner. Elrond and Thranduil had taken up residence in the dining room again, citing a lack of space. Arwen and Aragorn had joined them, but Gimli got the feeling that was more for appearances than anything else.The twins had gone up to their room and not come down. Dis had sent Legolas up with a plate of sandwiches, but he’d received no response when he knocked. He’d left the plate outside the door and returned downstairs feeling a little concerned. Fortunately there was a kitchen full of crazy people to distract him. The only one who seemed to be in any state of calm was Balin, happily hidden behind the Times and only offering monosyllabic noises when addressed. 

‘So,’ Legolas said casually, ‘what you doing after dinner?’ Gimli started to answer then stopped as he realised that the whole table had stopped speaking and was looking at them.

‘As you fucking were!’ he spluttered. They all gave him a look that said they were not to be fooled and carried on like it was feeding time at the zoo. Gimli swore that at one point Balin actually fucking lobbed the jar of horse radish at Frerin who caught it neatly. 

‘We’ll discuss this later.’ he muttered. He was feeling quite concerned now. Gloin and Nara were looking at him and Legolas with a gleam in their eyes. Fili saw him looking at them looking at him and Legolas, and grinned.

‘Oh you are in so much trouble G.’ he laughed. 

**********

‘So is he coming back?’ Tauriel asked before cramming the last half of her sandwich in her mouth.

‘You are a pig dog.’ Kili said. He was constantly amazed by how she could switch from complete lady to construction worker in the blink of an eye. Tauriel gave him the finger.

‘It would be cool if he did.’ She said with her mouth full, spraying crumbs. Kili gave her a shove and she giggled.

‘He said he would.’ He said. ‘I hope he does.’ Tauriel swallowed her sandwich and washed it down with the rest of her beer.

‘You look happy.’ she said, ‘And that makes me happy. Just because I don’t lurve you doesn’t mean I don’t love you. And if he means that much to you then you need to grab him with both hands and…’

‘Never let him go?’ Kili said, smiling.

‘Actually I was going to go with fuck him till he can’t run away.’ she said, and Kili whomped her with a pillow. She retaliated, getting the upper hand quickly due to her superior co-ordination. Exhausted they slumped over on the bed once more.

‘What will you do?’ Kili asked, and she shrugged.

‘I don’t know. Maybe go to Europe. Galadriel invited me to Italy to stay with her and Celeborn about a thousand years ago but I never took them up on it. Maybe I can play the jilted bride and go hide out in the Dolomites.’

‘Or maybe you can give yourself some of the arse kicking you’re always giving me and go find Her.’ Kili said. Tauriel shook her head.

‘I couldn’t. Things ended so badly I’m pretty sure I would be the last person on Earth she wanted to see.’ She said, and Kili could hear the sad note that had crept into her voice. It gave him an idea.

**********

Dinner had been cleared away with a great deal of swearing, shouting, pushing and a couple of broken plates. Various parties retreated to their rooms. In the kitchen, it was down to Thorin, Frerin, Fili, Gimli and Legolas, who were all doing the last of the cleaning up.

‘I’m done in.’ Frerin said, yawning enormously and stretching. ‘You sleeping in the guest house Grasshopper?’

‘Yup, I think I could sleep for a week after the last three days. And I can do without Kee being a bed hog for a couple of nights.’ They got up. There was an awkward moment as Thorin and Frerin’s eyes met. They locked gazes and there seemed to be no end in sight. ‘On second thoughts,’ Fili said, slapping Frerin on the shoulder hard enough to make him wince, ‘I’ll go down by myself. You and Thorin can finish up here.’ He gave Frerin a significant look as he said this. ‘If Kee comes down, tell him I’ve gone to bed. Night you two.’ he said, addressing the last to Gimli and Legolas, before leaving the room. They heard the front door open and close behind him.

‘I have a bottle of single malt in the study.’ Thorin said to Frerin, ‘I think a talk is long overdue.’

‘Lead the way.’ Frerin said. They got up and left and then it was just Gimli and Legolas.

‘So like I was saying earlier..’ Legolas started to say, but Gimli took the initiative and kissed him.

‘I have a double bed in my room.’ he said. Legolas smiled and kissed him back, tongue flicking teasingly against Gimli’s mouth.

‘Race you.’ he said.

***********

They managed to make it upstairs without breaking anything. They made slow progress down the corridor, taking it in turns to press each other up against the walls, kissing frantically. They managed to get the door to Gimli’s room open and crashed through without bothering to turn on the light, slamming it shut behind them and collapsing in a tangle of limbs on the bed. There was a brief battle for dominance, which ended up with Legolas on top. He straddled Gimli’s hips, and stripped off his shirt.

‘Woah, Nelly.’ Gimli said looking up at him in a combination of awe and unbridled lust, ‘You are so fucking gorgeous.’ Legolas was all sleek muscles and pale skin, like a Greek statue. He reached behind his head, pulling his silvery hair from its ponytail and shook it out.

‘Are you going to just talk or are you going to fuck me?’ he asked, and Gimli’s cock got very interested very quickly. 

‘Oh you are so asking for it pretty boy.’ he growled sitting up and getting Legolas around the waist, ‘You’re not going to be able to fucking walk when I’m done with you.’

‘Good.’ Legolas said, reaching down for the hem of his t-shirt and pulling it up and over Gimli’s head. He chucked it over one shoulder, then put his hands flat against Gimli’s chest and pushed him back down, following him until he was lying flush on top of him. They kissed, slower and deeper this time. Gimli rolled them both onto their sides and Legolas threw one leg over his hip, both of them catching their breath as their groins made contact.

‘Fucking hell.’ Gimli managed to get out between kisses, ‘I am so ready to do this.’ Legolas pulled back and smiled at him. Then he got up from the bed and stripped off his shoes and the rest of his clothes. Gimli gave him one long look, taking in the elegant greyhound leanness and the erect cock. In a flash he was off the bed and wrestling his way out of his own jeans. He was about to turn back to get on the bed, when Legolas came around from his side and shoved him up against the wall, before getting to his knees in front of him. He took Gimli’s cock in one hand, rubbing his cheek along the length of it like a cat. He looked up at him, eyes locking and then took it in his mouth, moving up and down the length and still maintaining eye contact.

‘Holy Mary Magdalena.’ Gimli breathed, ‘You are so fucking good at this.’ Legolas pulled off, Hand replacing his mouth.

‘I’m good at lots of other things too.’ He said grinning crookedly, ‘Want me to show you?’ 

‘Fuck yes.’ Gimli said and Legolas laughed. 

‘Patience.’ he said and and lowered his head again. Gimli could hardly breathe. He threw both hands flat against the wall, bracing himself. He could hear himself breathing hard, and then moaned as Legolas switched from Sucking to tonguing. He was going to come very hard very soon, so regretfully he reached down and gently disengaged him.

‘No more. Come here.’ Gimli panted, and Legolas’ face lit up. He scrambled to his feet and Gimli pushed him gently face first against the wall. He braced himself, spreading his feet. Then Gimli realised they had a small technical issue. 

‘Fucking hell,’ he swore. Legolas looked over his shoulder at him and realised what the problem was. 

‘Back pocket of my jeans.’ he said. Gimli went to retrieve them and found three sachets of lube and two condoms. 

‘You fucker.’ he said and Legolas grinned at the mock outrage in his voice, “so that’s where you went during dinner.’ 

‘I like to be prepared. Now get your arse over here.’ He replied and wiggled invitingly. Gimli complied, ripping open the first sachet and using it to coat his fingers. When he reached Legolas he ran them along the cleft, hearing a hiss in response, before sliding them deeper. Legolas moved his arms up and cushioned his head against them. When the first finger slid inside he arched back. 

‘You don’t have to go slow with me,’ he said, ‘Give me another one now and fuck me with them.’ Gimli, moved against him and did what he asked. Legolas moaned loudly, and he moved them a little harder and a little faster. It took him a while and little manoeuvring but eventually he got a spasm and a yelp out of Legolas as he hit his prostate. The he was relentless, nailing it as he bit Legolas’s shoulder and neck gently. Legolas was going nuts, scrabbling at the wall and mewling loudly. Then his long body went as taut as a bow string and he came hard against the wall. Gimli was beside himself with smugness.

‘Bingo!’ he blurted out, and then was instantly horrified, ‘Sorry.’

‘No apology necessary.’ Legolas said, hardly able to even speak coherently by that point. ‘But if you don’t fuck me in the next five minutes I’m going to use you for archery practice.’ 

‘Kinky.’ Gimli said, grinning madly as he grabbed a condom, opened it and rolled it on. After lubing up he pressed up against Legolas ready to get busy. That was when technical issue number two presented itself. 

‘Fuck.’ he said. ‘Houston we may have a problem.’ Legolas looked back at him again. When he saw what the problem was he laughed. 

‘Shall I bend down?’ he asked, smile wicked, ‘Or would you like me to get you a box?’

‘Very funny, smart arse.’ Gimli said, manhandling him away from the wall, ‘Now get on the fucking bed.’ Legolas twisted out of his grasp and sauntered over, crawling onto his hands and knees, backside in Gimli’s direction. Gimli walked over, grasped him by one hip, lined himself up and pushed in. 

‘Holy fuck.’ Legolas moaned, ‘That is fucking amazing.’ Gimli took hold of his other hip.

‘How do you want it?’ he asked, spreading his feet for balance.

‘Hard and fast.’ Legolas threw back at him, ‘I want you to make me scream the fucking house down.’

‘Can do.’ Gimli said, and then gave him a particularly hard thrust. Legolas cried out, dropping to his elbows on the bed. 

‘Again, don’t fucking stop.’ he demanded, and Gimli started moving. Legolas braced himself, pushing back against every thrust. They moved inj synch, one forwards and one back, until Gimli couldn’t take it anymore. He reached forward, wrapping the thick silvery hair around one hand, pulling Legolas’ head back.

‘Yes!’ Legolas almost shouted, 'Fucking harder!’ Gimli gave it all he had, making himself, the bed and Legolas all rock alarmingly. Legolas’ shouts were getting progressively louder and Gimli was torn between telling him to pipe down and telling him to speak up. He kept pounding away, feeling like his whole body was catching alight. It was providence that they both came very noisily ten seconds before the door opened. 

Kili had the most mortified look on his face that Gimli had ever seen.

‘Oh fuck, sorry.’ he said, instantly averting his eyes and holding up a hand to block his view, while they frantically scrambled to cover themselves, ‘Legolas I don’t suppose you have Tauriel’s ex’s email address.?’

***********

In the study Frerin was dumbfounded.

‘What did you say?’ he asked. Thorin smiled then reached forward and took his hand.

‘I love you. I’ve missed you. Come back.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For some reason, my headcanon says Gigolas is louder than a bunch of howling dogs :D


	52. Lakes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sooo the mystery identity of Tauriel's fair maiden is revealed at last :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to Tigrislilium for the idea. I think seeing as Tauriel is non-canon her girlfriend should be too :) And it will give me an excuse to bring in another character and a surprise twist wee hee!!!

Five days before the wedding 

Kili checked the time on his laptop screen. It was just after five in the morning and he had literally been awake all night. His eyes were scratchy and sore from all the time he’d spent on the internet, but it had been worth it. He shivered a little as the door of the guest house opened, and Frerin walked in looking dishevelled. He saw Kili bundled up in the duvet on the sofa and gave him a little wave.

‘Morning kid.’ he said, yawning. ‘Am I correct in assuming that that is my duvet?’

‘Fee was already asleep when I got here and you were nowhere in sight. Finders keepers.’ Kili replied. Frerin chuckled. He came to sit down next to Kili on the sofa.

‘What you doing?’ he asked. Kili smiled.

‘Throwing a spanner in the works.’ he said. Frerin looked at him, a little alarmed.

‘Another one? Haven’t we already blown the whole assembly to fuck?’

‘This one will be a good thing.’ Kili was adamant about that. 

‘Well it seems like this party is getting crazier and crazier.’ Ferin said, yawning again. ‘Now, I need some sleep, so make with the duvet.’ Kili grumbled but handed it over. Frerin draped it over his shoulders like a cloak and stumbled off to his room. Kili turned back to his mission at hand.

After Legolas and Gimli had managed to fight their way back into at least some of their clothes he’d received the following information.

Item number one: Tauriel’s ex was at the same school in Switzerland.  
Item number two: Her mom had been Dutch, but her dad was English.  
Item number three: She and Tauriel were together for two years from the time Tauriel was sixteen until just after Kili’s birthday party, when they’d been caught at school.  
Item number four: Tauriel was a year older. In spite of the tiny age difference, the girl’s dad had thrown a complete hissy fit and threatened to charge her with sexual assault of his daughter. Then he’d practically dragged the girl out by the hair and moved her back to England.

That was it. No name, no address, nothing. Legolas didn’t have any further details on her identity at all other than the fact that the girl was a year younger, and had left school. 

‘Well, that’s no bloody help.’ he’d complained, only to be hit in the face with a flying pillow. It seemed to be a night for it.

‘It’s all I’ve got. Getting information out of Tauriel is like getting blood out of a stone.’ Legolas had grumbled, ‘Now fuck off. I’m not done with your cousin yet.’ Kili had left them to it, the sound of sexual shenanigans starting up before he had even closed the door properly, making a mental note to knock in future.

He’d grabbed his laptop from his room, treading quietly so as not to wake Tauriel, and then headed down to the guest house. He had planned on enlisting Fili in his mission but his brother was passed out in his bed, barely visible above the duvet. Kili had prodded him a few times, but Fili was out for the count. So he’d stolen the duvet off Frerin’s bed, made himself some coffee, bagged a packet of Jammy Dodgers from the kitchen cupboard and settled in for the night. 

Finding the school was no problem, he knew the name of that. Finding a list of students was impossible. Kili was competent with computers but he was no hacker. Then, completely by chance as he trawled yet another online newsletter he had come across a link to a Facebook account for the school’s netball team. He knew that Tauriel had played netball at school so he’d followed the link. Sure enough he’d found the page, and a whole lot of photographs of the netball team. Tauriel had been in quite a few of them, and there were pictures not just of them playing but of some after parties and tours as well. That was when he’d hit pay dirt. 

In one, and god he’d had to trawl through at least six hundred pictures to find it, he’d spotted Tauriel’s distinctive red hair in the background. She was laughing, and had her arms around a girl with light brown hair. Kili couldn’t really see her face all that well, but the way that Tauriel was looking at her told him this was the mystery girl. He had scanned the comments below the picture and found one that simply read ‘U and Siggy r so cuuuute’. He knew it was the best clue he had so it was back to the school website. He typed the leters ‘sig’ into the search bar and had come up with mostly crap except for one reference. It was to a girl called Sigrid Lakes announcing her as the winner of the prestigious Dale Scolarship, a programme that allowed her study at Laketown College with all fees paid. The picture showed a pretty girl with light brown hair shaking hands with the school principal. It was the same girl that was in Tauriel’s arms in the picture, Kili was convinced of it. Completely overexcited he’d punched the air, then realised that there was no-one to see and sighed. So he had gone back to work.

Then he hit a brick wall. The girl had absolutely no online presence. There had been a Facebook account but it was deactivated. There were some school references but nothing in a social capacity whatsoever. He was starting to feel incredibly disheartened. Then he’d tried googling ‘Lakes’. That, predictably, got him some very beautiful pictures of bodies of water and one very strange porn reference. Then he’d had a brainwave. He’d gone back to the Facebook page for the netball team and left a message with his email, saying he was looking for Sigrid Lakes. Nothing had happened, and then just a little after four, a message had appeared in his inbox. WHY U WANT 2 KNOW? Kili had frowned and sent a reply explaining that Tauriel was getting married and needed someone to save her. He’d gone into quite dramatic detail, if he did say so himself. There had been no reply for another age and then he’d been sent an email address. That was it. So then he’d put his mind to it, and written a frighteningly eloquent email (for him) about his and Tauriel’s situation. Then he’d sent it and sat obsessively refreshing his own email, while watching videos of cats beating up dogs on Youtube. That was when Frerin had walked in. 

Now that he’d done it though, he was shattered. He closed his laptop and put it on the coffee table, then got up and trundled into Fili’s room. He stripped off his jeans and t-shirt, shoes and socks having long since been abandoned when he got to the guesthouse, and climbed under the duvet with Fili. His brother was warm, always making his own heat like a small blond power station, and Kili cuddled up against him. Fili turned without waking, old instinctive actions coming into play when he felt Kili’s body against his, and buried his face in the back of Kili’s neck. His arm snaked around Kili’s waist pulling him in tightly. Kili sighed happily and snuggled down into his brothers arms, closed his eyes and was asleep in no time.


	53. Come

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two pairs of brothers :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this stated out as a normal chapter and degenerated. I blame the late hour and the lyrics to 'Your Sex is On Fire'.

Five days before the wedding

In their room the twins were sitting cross legged on the same bed, facing each other. It had been a full day since they had returned. It was now morning and they could hear people moving along the corridor. They had been talking for hours and were still in the same clothes they were wearing the day before.

‘Okay, last time. Reasons against.’ Dan said. Ro sighed and started ticking them off on his fingers.

‘It’s illegal.’

‘Right.’ Dan replied. His dark eyes were firmly fixed on his brother’s face.

‘It’s going to kill Dad. Like not just emotionally traumatise him, but might-give-him-a-fatal-coronary kill him.’

‘Okay. What else?’

‘Ummm, did I say the illegal thing already?’ Ro said.

‘Yes.’ They fell silent. They kept looking at each other. Then Dan cleared his throat.

‘Reasons for.’ There was a pause filled with possibilities. 

‘Because this.’ Ro said, leaning forward and putting his hand on Dan’s neck before kissing him.

***********

Fili woke up with his face in Kili’s hair. It smelled like the shampoo he’d always used and a thousand happy memories cascaded through his mind. He nuzzled the soft skin between Kili’s shoulders and felt a distinct feeling of arousal stealing over him. He remembered previous mornings in bed, and the arousal grew more intense. Abandoning all common sense, he ran his tongue along the line of Kili’s shoulder. His skin tasted slightly salty. He repeated the action, and Kili stirred, stretching and arching back against him. His arse made a lovely counterpoint to Fili’s hardening cock, and he thrust gently against him. There was a soft sigh and then Kili’s hand reached back and between them, landing on his cock and taking hold of it. Fili’s breath caught and he reached up, hand running over Kili’s bare chest, fingertips straying lightly over nipples. The hand tightened and started moving in a regular stroking rhythm. Fili nosed the dark hair out of the way, licking the side of Kili’s neck, and then the outline of his ear. Kili let go of his cock, reaching up and behind him, fingers twisting in Fili’s hair. Fili smiled against his neck, recognising the signal from a time so long ago that it felt like another life. He let his hand drift down this time, until it got to the waistband of Kili’s boxers, then lower. Kili was hard, and he moaned when Fili let his fingers drift over him. Then he returned to the waistband, pushing it down far enough to get hold of Kili’s cock, stroking in long slow movements until Kili was panting and pulling on his hair. It was enough to send fire shooting through him and he disengaged Kili, rolling over and out of the bed. Kili growled in annoyance at him, until he saw Fili rifling through his bag. He caught Kili looking at him.

‘What? You’re not the only one fond of bathroom time.’ He said with a grin, retrieving the lube and coming back to the bed. As he slid in next to Kili, Kili turned to face him, draping one leg over his hip and pulling him close enough for their cocks to brush against each other. Kili expected Fili to use the lube on his own hand and was surprised when he took hold of Kili’s hand and lubed it instead. 

‘You’re not going to fuck me?’ he whispered, insecurity crashing in.

‘Not today.’ Fili whispered, ‘Today I want you in me.’ The look of surprise of Kili’s face was worth it. In their entire sexual relationship, they could probably count the number of times they’d done this on one hand. In truth it was mostly because Kili loved being fucked and he very much enjoyed giving him what he wanted. But Fili felt like he needed something to re-cement what they were and his body was telling him this was it. He guided Kili’s hand down, and let his eyes close and head fall back as Kili’s slender fingers worked inside him one by one, tentatively. He gasped and opened his eyes to see Kili watching him intently. He smiled encouragingly at him.

‘Like that, yeah.’ he breathed and moved against Kil’s hand. ‘God, that’s so good.’ He reached for Kili’s neck, pulling him close and kissing him. He pushed his mouth open with his tongue, thrusting it into his brother’s mouth in the same rhythm as Kili’s fingers were thrusting into him. Kili was good at this, he had practiced on himself enough and it wasn’t long before he hit the spot, and Fili moaned. He was somewhat acquainted with his prostate, but it always took him a little by surprise just how amazing it felt when he could convince Kili to do this. He had never done it with any of his dalliances, his brother being the only one he’d ever trusted enough to be inside him. The feeling was intensifying, and he broke their extended kiss to look into Kili’s eyes, made dark and deep by the dim light in the room. 

‘I love you, so much.’ he said. Kili kissed him once and pulled back, his eyes full of everything Fili was feeling. He withdrew his fingers and Fili turned onto his back. Kili lubed himself up and then moved into position on top of him, one hand pulling Fili’s leg over his hip. He stared into his eyes as he positioned himself and Fili. 

‘I love you too.’ he said, and pushed inside. They kept their eyes locked as they settled in, Fili hooking his other leg around Kill as they started to move together. It was slow and deep, so reminiscent of that last morning that they were both shaking from the emotions they felt. There was no frantic rush to finish, just the wonderful feeling of closeness between them. They both panted steadily, mouths so close together it was like they were sharing the same breath. Kili’s hips started to speed up, his breathing changing to match and then he hit the spot inside Fili again. Fili arched as best he could, loving the weight of Kili pinning him down. He wrapped both arms around him, pulling him even closer so his cock was trapped between them and then cried out as one thrust jolted him almost over the edge, barely catching his breath before the next one did and he crashed through his orgasm. He could feel himself clenching involuntary with the aftershocks and then Kili was crying out in turn as he came inside him. Fili held on tightly, feeling his brother’s body spasming uncontrollably, until he quietened. He dropped his forehead to Fili’s, breathing synching as it slowed.

‘Don’t leave me again.’ Kili whispered, voice soft and full of love and fear. 

‘I won’t.’ he replied.

*************

In his room Frerin couldn’t help but overhear the gentle sounds of his nephews’ lovemaking, so different to anything he'd overheard Fili do before. He smiled to himself. The question Thorin had asked him had led to a similar situation the night before. He checked the time and decided that breakfast was in order. He got up, going to the bathroom, showering and dressing before leaving his room. He gave a knock at the boys' door.

‘You boys coming up for breakfast?’ he called.

‘Later.’ Fili called back. 

‘Okay, see you then.’ he said, and left.

**********

In their room, the twins lay on the shared bed, naked and sweaty. Dan reached over, grabbing a discarded t-shirt and wiping their commingled semen off his hand. He handed it to Ro who did the same. 

‘We have got to stop doing this.’ he said.


	54. Coffee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The next morning post large quantities of sexual activity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I'm back! Sorry for the lack of posting yesterday but I was knee deep in vampires!
> 
> Comments, as per usual, have been quality. Thank you :D

Five days before the wedding.

Frerin walked slowly up to the house, pondering the conversation he’d had with Thorin the night before. The question had knocked him sideways and then he’d been even more shocked by what Thorin had said afterwards. Frerin had practically dragged him out of the chair he was sitting in, both of them ending up on the floor. True, his knees were certainly paying the price for what they had done afterwards and he would forever ask why his brother had lube stashed behind a copy of _The Sun Always Rises_ on the bookcase, but it had been amazing. He looked at at the house where he’d spent the first nineteen years of his life and wondered what it would be like to return. He knew Fili had pretty much jumped head first into saying yes, but he was starting to realise that Kili had his big brother pretty much wrapped around his little finger. It was a situation he was very familiar with, although he’d never tell Thorin that it was actually reversed.

He got up to the front door, and found it open. Nobody seemed to ever lock things at Erebor. He went in and heard the sounds of a house starting to wake up. As he was making his way to the kitchen he passed Gloin and Nara in the hall. They greeted him and then went back to their conspiratorial whispering. He grinned to himself. Gimli and Legolas were in for a world of hurt this morning. Christ, he and Thorin were not quiet by any stretch of the imagination but those two had practically lifted the roof the night before.

Dwalin, Ori and Dis were in the kitchen. There had obviously been a Triple B delivery of some description, because the kitchen table was awash in pastries, preserves and catering size jugs of coffee. It all smelt glorious. He walked past Dis, stopping once to drop a kiss on her dark head, and then sat down next to her.

‘So how are we all this morning?’ he asked, grabbing a plate and loading it up. He was starving. Ori and Dwalin glared at him.

‘We are sleep deprived and crotchety, thank you for asking.’ Ori said, his tone stretched with snark. Frerin frowned enquiringly. Dwalin looked up from where his head was cushioned on his hand. He looked like a man who was resigned to his fate.

‘Our room is next to Gimli’s.’ he said, by way of explanation.

‘Ah. That explains it.’ Frerin grinned. ‘They have quite a lot of energy those two.’

‘It’s not the fucking that’s the problem.’ Ori said, ‘It’s the fucking noise that goes along with it. I swear at one point Legolas actually started yodelling.’ Frerin couldn’t help himself. He started giggling, and then to his horror he couldn’t stop. His laugh grew louder and more out of control. It wasn’t helped by the outraged looks on Dwalin and Ori’s faces. He laughed and laughed until the tears were running down his face as the three of them looked at him like he was crazy. That was when Thorin padded into the kitchen barefoot, hair mussed and in a t-shirt and jeans. Frerin took one look at him and his heart started thumping in that familiar way he’d never thought he’d feel again. He knew what he had to do. Thorin saw him and stopped, a little questioning smile playing at the corners of his mouth. Frerin got up and went to stand in front of him. He looked into Thorin’s eyes, so blue and so beautiful.

‘Yes.’ Frerin said, watching the love that filled those blue eyes flash like sun off water. ‘That’s my answer.’ Thorin didn’t say anything. Instead he stepped the last step between them, took Frerin’s face in his hands and kissed him. Frerin kissed back, and heard a dish drop and break somewhere behind him. He smiled against Thorin’s mouth then wrapped his arms around his brother and held on.

**********

Gimli groaned and tried to move. It was very hard when one had a rangy archer sprawled all over you. Legolas slept like ivy, clinging to every available surface. Right now he had his face buried in Gimli’s neck, one arm and one leg draped across his body. Gimli couldn’t move. He sighed and tried another tack.

‘Legs.’ he hissed. ‘Legs, you have to move. I think you’ve cut off my circulation.’ Legolas stirred and snuggled further into his neck.

‘What time is it?’ he asked in a sleepy rough voice.

‘No idea.’ Gimli answered. ‘But it’s light outside.’ Legolas raised his head and looked towards the window.

‘Damn.’ He said, ‘I suppose we should get up.’ He stretched, almost knocking Gimli out with the swing of one long arm. ‘You go first.’

‘I can’t get up.’ Gimli pointed out. Legolas surveyed the situation and then a wicked look stole over his face.

‘Maybe I can help you with that.’ he said, and started a slow slide under the duvet.

‘Wait! That’s not what I meant…oh fuck.’ Gimli groaned as Legolas got to work under the duvet. He was not going to be in any shape to get up if this was the way his morning was going to go.

************

Elrond stalked along the corridor. His sons had been conspicuous in their absence the day before, and he was going to roust them from their beds and demand an explanation. He made his way down the corridor and got to their door. A sleepy looking Oin, in the most lurid pair of paisley pyjamas and a maroon dressing gown, shambled past him and said hello in his usual volume of near shouting. Elrond nodded regally, and waited for him to pass. These Durins were too much for his delicate constitution. They were loud, uncouth and overly tactile. And worse, they seemed to be having an undue influence on the twins. He was about to knock, when the door fairly flew open and Dan almost ran into him.

‘Ah good.’ Elrond said to his eldest. ‘You’re up.’ Then he noticed the expression on Dan’s face.

‘What’s wrong?’

‘Oh, nothing.’ Dan said, and his features quickly changed into his usual expression of swaggering confidence. ‘I’m fine.’

‘Where’s your brother?’ Elrond asked, looking over Dan’s shoulder into the room behind him. Dan quickly shut the door.

‘He’s in the shower. Um, I hate to cut and run Dad but I need to speak to someone.’

‘Who?’ Elrond demanded.

‘I’ll tell you later.’ Dan said, practically running down the corridor, ‘I’ll catch up with you later, okay.’ He turned the corner and Elrond frowned. The whole thing seemed a little off to him. He shook it off though and went down the corridor after his son. It was only when he got to the bottom of the stairs that a thought suddenly occurred to him.

Only one of the beds in their room had been slept in.

**********

Dan left the house, not even bothering to stop in at the kitchen as he ran past. He thought he heard the noise of a dish breaking in his passing, but ignored it. He went to the front door, opening it and slamming it behind him in his rush. He went down the pathway to the guest house. The front door was open and he didn’t bother announcing himself. He went in and stopped as he took in the sight of one naked Durin brother making coffee while the other equally naked Durin brother hugged him from behind, chin resting on his shoulder. They saw him at the same time, and Kili let out what could only be described as a very unmanly shriek before running to the bedroom so fast he was almost a blur. Fili, caught completely of guard, could only stand there, tin of coffee in one hand and spoon in the other.

‘Hey Dan.’ he said, sounding completely and utterly normal as if he made coffee in the nude with his brother every day.

‘I need to fucking talk to you.’ Dan said.

‘Sure thing.’ Fili replied, still in a completely normal voice, ‘But do you mind if I put some pants on first?”


	55. Dan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan and Fili have a chat.

Five days before the wedding.

'Why are you asking me?' Fili asked, a little wary, 'Kee's your friend.'

'That's why.' Dan replied, 'I need someone objective. Someone who doesn't know us.' They were sitting on the opposite sofas, mugs of coffee in hand. 

'Fair enough.' Fili said.

‘How did it start?’ Dan asked. Fili took a deep breath and looked at him. He knew that look well, had confronted it in the mirror every day for months before things had broken between him and Kili and they’d gone merrily skipping off the edge of sanity and reason, hand in hand.

‘How far have you two got?’ he asked sipping his coffee. 

‘Not as far as you two have apparently.’ Dan replied, staring moodily into the depths of his coffee cup as if he would find the answers to his questions lurking at the bottom. ‘Now answer the question Fili. Please.’ His voice sounded pleading. Fili cast a glance at the bedroom door. Kili was still holed up in there. He’d opened it enough to throw Fili’s boxers and a t-shirt at him, but then slammed it shut again. 

‘I think it was always there. We were so close when we were kids, probably too close if I’m being honest. Thorin and Dis weren’t the most attentive of parents so we really only had each other a lot of the time.’ he said, and Dan lifted his head. His dark brown eyes were shiny, like he was on the verge of crying. 

‘So were we.’ he said, ‘Mom used to say that we were actually one person split in half. She encouraged it, told us that we were the other part of each other’s souls.’

‘Actually that’s quite beautiful.’ Fili said. Dan smiled and took a sip of coffee.

‘She was a wonderful person. Losing her is one of the reason’s we’re so close with Legolas.’

‘It must have been hard losing your Mom.’ Fili said, his face and voice sympathetic.

‘It was.’ Dan said, ‘And then it was like it was just the two of us. Dad was so grief stricken it was like we didn’t exist for a while.’

‘How old were you?’

‘Fourteen.’ Dan said. ‘And then something changed between us. Not overnight, but slowly. That first year we were literally inseparable. Ro wouldn’t go anywhere without me and I was the same. We started sleeping in the same bed, Dad organised it so we had the same classes at school.’ Fili scratched his head.

‘It sounds very familiar.’ he said, ‘did anything happen between you.’

‘Kissing and using our hands a couple of times. Then we got so scared of what we were doing we went in completely the opposite direction.’ Dan said, ‘Don’t get me wrong, Ro and I like girls as much as we like each other. And when we turned sixteen we kind of went off the rails. But then one night we kind of brought this girl home with us.

‘And?’

‘And she had sex with both of us while we were in the same room. And we watched each other.’ Dan had dropped his head again, voice soft. ‘Then I knew that what I was feeling wasn’t normal. I wasn’t watching her, I was watching him. I was getting off on him.’ He looked at Fili again. ‘She might as well have not even been there.’ Fili gave him a half smile.

‘I know the feeling.’ he said. ‘And now you want to know what it is that you were feeling, right?’ Dan nodded.

‘That’s easy.’ Fili said, ‘It’s love.’

‘But he’s my brother.’ Dan said, ‘We can’t.’ 

‘I know that feeling too. I can’t tell you whether or not it is right for you. But you also need to know that Kili and I have not had an easy ride with this. It’s fucked us both up in a lot of ways.’

‘So why do it then.’ Dan asked, voice genuinely curious. Fili smiled.

‘That’s easy. I do it because he’s the only person in the world I want to be with, regardless of anything. I would give him anything he asked for and he would do the same for me. He makes me happier that I ever expected to be, and even though the last seven years have been a living hell for me, I wouldn’t trade them if it meant we’d never had the chance to be together. In short I think he’s my whole reason for existing in the first place.’ Dan looked at him, a little astounded.

‘And you are mine, Fee.’ a voice said behind them. They both turned and saw Kili in the doorway of the bedroom. He was dressed and his hair was damp from the shower. He came over to the sofa and very deliberately bent down and kissed Fili on the mouth, a lingering kiss that left no doubt as to his feelings for him. ‘And I’m going to go tell everyone that right now. Screw it. I’m sick of fucking hiding.’ He straightened up and addressed Dan.

‘You know.’ he said, ‘Trust me, you know. You’ve just got to decide whether loving Ro like I love Fee is worth losing everything for. If it is, then you have to hang onto him. It’s not going to go away or change, and no-one else is ever going to be it for you like he is.’ He gave Fili one last look, then left, closing the door behind him and heading up towards the house.

‘I think you have your answer.’ Fili said to Dan. ‘Now my turn to get an answer. How far have you two got?’

‘Why is it important?’ Dan said, ‘I think I know how we feel.’

‘Because what Kili won’t say to you is that being in love is one thing. Having sex with your brother is going to be a very different set of moral issues you will have to deal with. Hand jobs and kissing and even oral sex you can explain away as crazy things you might have done in the heat of the moment or if you were drunk. But actually having sex takes planning and preparation, you don’t just fall into it. And once you have sex with Ro, you can never take it back. So you have to be absolutely fucking sure it’s what you want.’ Dan was quiet, holding his coffee in both hands.

‘Can I ask you a personal question?’ he said and Fili raised an eyebrow.

‘More personal than this?’

‘Is it good? The sex, I mean.’ Dan was actually starting to blush. Fili caught and held his gaze.

‘Do you want the truth? Or a pretty platitude?’ he asked. Dan sighed.

‘The truth.’ he said.

‘All right.’ Fili replied, his voice deadly serious, ‘Kili is hands down the best fuck I’ve ever had, and I’ve had my share. It’s not just good, it’s phenomenal. But that’s the problem. If you fuck Ro, you won’t ever want to fuck anyone else ever again. But that’s a decision you have to make together.’

‘So what do I do now?’ Dan asked.

‘You talk to him. And if you both are ready to move forward you take the step – together.’ Fili replied. 'Trust me, this seems to be the place for it at the moment.’ He chuckled at Dan’s confused expression and sipped his coffee.


	56. Lunch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gloin and Legolas are ambushed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wahey, thanks for all the great comments peeps. I've had a ball reading them today :)

Five days before the wedding.

Kili entered the house and headed for the kitchen, where he could hear people moving around. When he got there he saw Ori, Dwalin and his mother all staring open mouthed at his uncles, who were sitting at the table and looking at each other like love struck teenagers.

‘Okay.’ he said, ‘I obviously missed something.’

‘Frerin’s coming back to Erebor with Fili.’ Thorin said, smiling so widely Kili was in serious fear for his sanity. He looked up at Kili. ‘I hope you’re okay with that. Your mother has already given her rather shell-shocked blessing but I’d like yours as well.’

‘Fine with me.’ Kili said, grinning in return, ‘But maybe we should think about what exactly we’re going to tell everyone.’

‘You’re thinking family conference.’ Thorin said, ‘I agree. Although to be fair, it’s now really only Oin, Gloin, Nara and Balin who don’t know anything.’

‘Don’t know what?’ Balin asked as he walked in behind Kili, ‘This silly romantic nonsense that you lot all seem to have embroiled yourselves in?’ He snorted loudly, ‘I know Thorin. It’s not been exactly subtle what you lot have been up to. And you forget, I was around the first time, when you and Frerin started making calves eyes at each other twenty odd years ago. Honestly I have no idea how you parents were so completely clueless. I warned Dwalin then that it would end in no good.’

‘I had no idea you knew.’ Thorin’s face was a picture of mortification. Kili had to stifle a laugh.

‘And as for you two, you were hardly better.’ Balin said rounding on him, ‘I have no idea why you all didn’t just sit down and talk it out like adults.’ Now it was Kili’s turn to be aghast.

‘You knew about us as well?’ he asked and Balin snorted again.

‘Idiot Durins.’ he declared, grabbed a croissant and poured himself a cup of coffee and then walked out.

‘I am starting to wonder if this family conference is going to be entirely necessary.’ Frerin said, grinning at them. ‘It would seem the lack of subtlety is a genetic trait.’

‘Well don’t get too excited, we still have to tackle Thranduil.’ Thorin said. ‘Kili, would you go get Tauriel and we can get this over with.’

‘Sure.’ Kili said, mouth full. He grabbed another pain au chocolat and left the kitchen. He went upstairs and along the corridor to his room, knocking and opening it a crack.

‘Tauriel?’ he called, 'You up?' He went inside and found her sitting on the edge of the bed, mobile phone in hand. She didn’t look happy.

‘Hey.’ He said, ‘You okay?’ Tauriel looked up at him, eyes red and swollen from crying. She handed him the mobile phone. On it was an email from someone called trish_eagle.

_Someone is asking questions about Siggy. You know this guy?_

It was followed by his email address.

‘Oh crap.’ Kili said. He took a pre-emptive step away from his fiancée. ‘Tauriel, I can explain.’

‘No you can’t.’ she said, and her voice was angry. ‘I told you I was done with this. How could you go and dredge it up like that.’ The hurt on her face made Kili wince. He went over to the bed and knelt down next h to her, taking her hand.

‘Jesus, Tauriel I’m sorry. You’re right, but I want you to be happy. You need to deal with this. I guess I just did things in an arse about face way as usual.’ He said, disconsolate now. He put his head on her shoulder, feeling a lot better when she didn’t push him away.

‘It just hurts so badly. Even now.’ she said, ‘I can’t deal with it. At least you now know that Fili didn’t leave you because he didn’t love you. I’m not sure I’ll ever have that closure.’

‘You might.’ Kili said, ‘She might email back.’ Tauriel looked at him, her green eyes filled with something that looked like a little bit of hope mixed with a whole lot of fear.

‘You have her email address?’ she asked. Kili nodded.

‘Someone gave it to me. I sent her a message.’

‘When?’

‘Last night.’ He said. ‘But I haven’t had a reply yet. I’m sorry.’ Tauriel squeezed his hand.

‘It’s okay. She’s had seven years to get in touch with me. She hasn’t. I don’t think she wants to.’

‘You don’t know that.’ Kili said, ‘I thought the same thing not even six days ago and now look at me. I have Fee back. Anything is possible.’

‘Not for me.’ Tauriel said. The she wiped her eyes and put on her brave face. ‘I take it it’s time for the talk?’ Kili sighed.

‘I don’t think we should now if you feel so shitty.’

‘No, I’ll be fine. If we don’t do it now it’s just going to get super awkward later. Come on, Thranduil’s always in a good mood after breakfast. He thinks it’s the most elegant meal of the day. Let’s go shatter his tranquility, shall we?’

*********

Gimli and Legolas stuck their heads out of Gimli’s room and scanned the corridor.

‘I think we’re safe.’ Gimli said.

‘Why are you freaking out?’ Legolas said, laughing at him as they snuck down the corridor. ‘We are two consenting adults you know?’

‘Except one of us consenting adults isn’t out to his dad and the other one has two parents whose greatest living ambition is to get him married off.’ Gimli said, peering around the corner. Legolas stopped dead and his eyes widened.

‘Oh no,’ he giggled, ‘that’s why they were looking at me like they were the cats and I was the canary last night.’

‘Precisely.’ Gimli said, ‘And that is also why we are going to sneak out of this house and go hide with Fee until nightfall.’ They made it to the staircase. ‘I think we’ll be okay. We just have to get down the stairs and out the door without them seeing us.’ Legolas snickered.

‘Fine Mr Bond, you go first.’ He said. Gimli gave him a dirty look. They started their descent, making it to the bottom and almost to the front door, when a meaty hand came down with a clap on Gimli’s shoulder.

‘Son!’ Gloin boomed, ‘Where are you going?’ Gimli squeezed his eyes shut and swore internally.

‘Hey Dad.’ He said, turning to see Oin and Nara in attendance behind his father. They were all smiling brightly at Legolas, who was starting to look like a mouse at the centre of a circle of cats.

‘We,’ Nara started, sweeping forward and taking Legolas by the arm in a manner that gave him absolutely no room to escape, ‘have decided that since it is such a beautiful day, a lunch out at that place, you know the one, would be a delightful idea. And you, young man, are coming with us.’ She beamed at Legolas who smiled very nervously back at her.

‘Okay.’ he said, and then looked at Gimli. Nara gave him the benefit of her full magnetic personality and dragged him off with her out the front door. Gimli glared at his father and uncle.

‘This was an ambush.’ he hissed at them.

‘Nonsense.’ Gloin said, ‘We were simply whiling away the time in the front hall and you two happened to walk past. It was coincidence at best.’

‘Besides,’ Oin said, clapping a hand on Gimli’s other shoulder. ‘he’s a looker. Probably the best looking one you’ve bought home. You can’t let him get away.’

‘I didn’t technically bring him home.’ Gimli protested as they bundled him towards the front door.

‘Semantics.’ Gloin said and shoved him through the doorway.


	57. Oscar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tauriel has hidden talents...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a severe case of the crabbiness today (gorram PMT, snarl, snarl) so this is as good as it gets...
> 
> Oh, and Tauriel totally rocks.

Five days before the wedding

Kili and Tauriel got to the dining room just as Thorin did. Thorin held open the door and ushered them in. Once inside they spotted Thranduil sitting, drinking coffee and reading the morning’s newspaper. He looked over it as they approached then laid it aside. 

‘Do you have a moment?’ Thorin asked, and Thranduil tilted his head slightly in that unnerving manner of his. 

‘I am at your disposal.’ he said, making it sound like he really wasn’t. ‘What you do require of me?’

‘A conversation.’ Thorin replied, gesturing at Kili and Tauriel to sit. They did, Kili next to Thorin and Tauriel a seat over from Thranduil. He regarded them with clear blue eyes that were giving absolutely nothing away.

‘What is this all about, Thorin?’ he asked. ‘There seems to have been a number of strange things going on lately. An awful lot of unexpected comings and goings.’ He raised an elegant brow at the three of them. Kili, Tauriel and Thorin all exchanged looks. ‘Whatever it is, I wish you would all just tell me instead of pussyfooting around.’ Thorin looked at the two prospective newlyweds.

‘Do you want to start or should I?’ he asked. Kili and Tauriel took a collective sigh. 

‘The wedding's off.’ they said at the same time. Thranduil blinked twice, very slowly. Tauriel gave Kili a sidelong glance.

‘That’s as close as he gets to being surprised.’ she hissed.

‘Damn.’ Kili hissed back, ‘Remind me never to play poker with him.’

‘Any particular reason?’ Thranduil asked, his face still perfectly impassive.

‘There have been a couple of developments.’ Thorin said as diplomatically as possible. 

‘Really? And what might those be?’ Thranduil’s smooth tones made it impossible to tell what was going on in his head. Kili took another deep breath and was about to blurt out everything when Tauriel beat him to it.

‘I’m gay, Thranduil. I’m sorry but I’ve tried and there’s no two ways about it.’ she said. ‘Kili has been immensely accommodating to me and my, shall we say, preferences. I think he’s been extremely patient holding out hope for some kind of alteration on my part, but the truth is that while I do love him very very much,’ and here she gave Kili a smile, ‘the simple fact is that I’m not in love with him. I never will be. He is like a brother to me, not a husband.’ Kili and Thorin were both dumbstruck. Kili was about to protest vehemently, but Thorin kicked him as discreetly as he could, very hard, under the table. Kili promptly shut his mouth. Thankfully Thranduil hadn’t noticed the look of pain on his face. 

‘Well,’ Thranduil said at last, ‘I had no idea you felt like this.’ Tauriel frowned.

‘Mom and Dad never told you about Switzerland?’ she asked.

‘No. ‘ he said, ‘I always thought that unpleasantness had to do with that girl being bullied by the netball team which is why she left.’

‘That was the official story the school gave the parents and governors. The truth was that girl was my girlfriend, and her father found out about us and basically made an enormous fuss. I think I was so traumatised by the whole thing that I wanted to shut off that part of myself which is why I got involved with Kili in the first place. I just didn’t want to disappoint anyone. And then Mom and Dad died and everything happened so quickly and I guess I just threw myself in without thinking of the consequences.’ Thranduil frowned slightly. Kili and Thorin watched in fascination. It was like watching a statue come to life extremely slowly.

‘I am completely at a loss.’ he said, ‘You never said anything.’

‘It was a very unpleasant situation.’ Tauriel said, “I wanted to move on from it and my parents’ deaths and thought that Kili was the way to do it. It was very unfair and for that I am very sorry. But I cannot continue with this charade any longer.’

‘But why wait until literally five days before the wedding?’ Thranduil asked, ‘I am sure that there must have been a better time.’

‘Actually I have felt this way for a while, but I didn’t know how to tell anyone.’ Kili was appalled to see Tauriel’s eyes fill with tears and her lower lip actually started to wobble slightly. ‘You have done so much for me and I was repaying your kindness with deceit. I am not worthy to call myself part of your family.’ Her voice shrank down to a whisper. ‘All I can ask is for everyone to forgive me for the terrible thing I’ve done.’ A single perfect tear ran down one cheek. She turned to Kili who was now almost at the point of having to pick his jaw up off the floor at how incredibly heartbroken she looked. She was now facing away from Thranduil, and she leaned across the table taking his hand in turn. He felt worse than he ever had in his entire life. ‘I am so sorry Kili, do you think you could ever forgive me.’ The she did something that completely blew him away. She fucking winked at him, so quickly that he could have sworn he imagined it. Next to him, Thorin’s expression took on a distinct note of admiration.

‘Of course.’ he stammered, at a loss as to what to do, ‘It’s really not a problem.’ He looked at Thorin who gave a graceful incline of his head.

‘We just want you to be happy.’ he said, ‘And we completely understand your reasons for wanting to call off the wedding. We are very grateful for you being so honest with us.’ Here he gave Kili another kick under the table. He nodded vigorously, all the while swearing to re-enact the bollock shooting from two days earlier if he got the chance. His shin bloody hurt. 

‘Absolutely.’ Kili said, and Thranduil sighed heavily.

‘Very well. I hope you are happy Tauriel, you’ve allowed the Durins to incur great expense for your benefit.’

'The money really isn’t an issue.’ Thorin interjected in his best regal tone, ‘As I said, so long as everyone has their best interests at heart, I think we should allow Tauriel and Kili to work through this and carry on as best they can.’ 

‘Of course.’ Thranduil said, rising to the occasion, ‘I would be more than happy to let my side of the family know that sadly this event will not be happening. It’s the least I can do.’ He got up and moved to Tauriel, putting a hand on her shoulder. ‘We can discuss this later if you would like. I am going to go inform Elrond and the others from our family. Then I will get started on notifying the others.’ Tauriel sobbed once, a truly pathetic sound, and he quickly lifted his hand, looking slightly alarmed. He gave Thorin and Kili a nod, and swept out the room. They watched him go, floored by how easy that had been. Thorin got up and shut the door before turning to Kili. As one they looked at a now miraculously dry eyed and smiling Tauriel.

‘And the Oscar goes to…’ she prompted, then burst out laughing.


	58. Preparations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dis has a brainwave...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the ladies are about to come into play. You thought there was drama with the men. Ha!

Five days before the wedding

Frerin split the last apricot danish in half and handed it to Dis. She licked syrup off her fingers then stuffed it in her mouth, making him laugh. Ori and Dwalin had finished breakfast already and gone upstairs.

‘You used to do that when you were little.’ he said, ‘It drove Mom nuts.’

‘Why do you think I did it?’ she said sweetly when she had chewed and swallowed, ‘I had to do something to get attention.’ She sipped her coffee and gave him a look. ‘So you’re back. I’m assuming that king sized bed of Thorin’s is finally going to get some action. You two can’t keep fucking in the study.’ Frerin blushed.

‘You heard that, did you?’ he asked.

‘Just be thankful Gimli and Legolas were putting on such a virtuoso performance, it completely distracted everyone but me.’

‘Don’t you think it’s a little perverted to be listening at the door while your brothers have sex?’ Frerin asked her, and then realised what he had just said, ‘Scratch that, this whole scenario is perverted.’

‘It is and I wasn’t listening exactly. I just happened to be passing by.’ Dis said, face innocent. She leaned forward, putting her hand over Frerin’s. ‘I will be very glad to have you back though. Maybe you can loosen the bugger up.’

‘I may have already done that.’ Frerin said, grinning at her. ‘Didn't you see him this morning?’

‘I know.’ she giggled, ‘I thought Ori and Dwalin were going to keel over when he kissed you. That was funny as hell.’ They were both giggling now, and they were still giggling when Thorin, Kili and Tauriel walked into the kitchen a few moments later.

‘I’m glad you’re both in such a good mood.’ Thorin said, looking at them suspiciously. 

‘How did it go?’ Dis said, getting up and going to Kili and hugging him. “You still have your testicles intact?’ 

‘My testicles are fine, it’s my bloody shin that’s the problem.’ Kili said, glaring at Thorin.

‘You were going to open your mouth and blow the whole thing.’ he replied then turned to Tauriel, putting both hands on her shoulders. ‘You are amazing. I can’t believe what you did in there. I am actually very sorry you’re not joining this family. Think of the business deals I could make with you negotiating for me.’

‘Is that a job offer?’ Tauriel asked, eyes twinkling.

‘I think it bloody well might be.’ Thorin said smiling at her.

‘Hang on, I’m lost.’ Frerin said, ‘What the hell happened in there?’

‘Tauriel threw herself under the bus for me, that’s what happened.’ Kili said, ‘And she did it in fucking style.’

‘Well,’ Tauriel said, ‘There’s no reason why we should all be miserable. Thranduil doesn’t need to know about you and Fili. That’s your business.’ 

‘Hear, hear.’ Dis said, raising her cup to Tauriel. ‘I knew there was a reason I liked you.’ She looked over at Kili. ‘This, my boy, is a total wasted opportunity. You’re a moron for letting her go.’

‘Mom!’ Kili’s tone was a warning.

‘I know.’ Dis said, throwing up her free hand. She turned to Tauriel. ‘It’s rotten luck that you had to compete with the one person who you really couldn’t compete with.’

‘I don’t know.’ Tauriel said, ‘I think Fili’s a pretty cool guy. I am happy to lose out to him.’

‘Well, just know that you wouldn’t have to go back to Mirkwood if you don’t want to. God knows this place is big enough for all of us to ramble around in. You could stay if you chose to.’ Dis said, surprising the hell out of Tauriel and Kili.

‘Really?’ Tauriel said, ‘And it wouldn’t be weird?’ All the Durins looked at her at the same time. It put her in mind of a group of meerkats and she giggled at the mental image.

‘Can’t get a whole lot weirder than it already is, let’s be completely honest here. Besides this place is turning into a sausage fest. Might as well even out the numbers.’ Dis grinned. ‘Now, tell me about what Thranduil said.’

‘He took it really well. I may have emotionally embellished slightly.’ Tauriel replied.

‘Slightly?’ Kili interjected, ‘That was a bloody masterclass in emotional manipulation. I had no idea you could do that.’ Tauriel shrugged.

‘It was nothing. You just have to know which buttons to push. All the bloody Greenleafs are the same.’ 

‘So the wedding is off?’ Dis asked, and Thorin nodded.

‘Completely and absolutely not happening.’ he confirmed, then sighed. ‘I have a lot of phone calls to make.

‘Not necessarily.’ Dis said. Her blue eyes had sharpened which meant she had an idea. 

‘What do you mean?’ Frerin asked.

‘Well look at it this way. Everything is already paid for. The food is done, the marquis will be arriving in two days and people have already made arrangements to be here. We could still have the event and just change the focus.’ Thorin suddenly smiled.

‘Clever sister.’ he said admiringly, ‘What are you thinking of.’

‘How about a grand homecoming?’ Dis said, her voice becoming business like as it did when she was planning an event. ‘It will be perfect. The prodigal sons returning to the family seat, the start of a new era in the history of Erebor. It’s a far better story than the merger of two families. More dramatic.’ She turned back to Tauriel.

‘Go and catch Thranduil and tell him what we are doing. There’s no reason we can’t all celebrate together. It will be good for the image of both companies to show solidarity.’ Tauriel nodded.

‘All right.’ she said, and left the kitchen in search of him.

‘I have to say, this is a stroke of genius.’ Frerin said, and Dis snorted at him.

‘You two have always underestimated me. Isn’t it obvious by now where the real brains of the operation lie? Kili, go and tell your brother what’s going on and bring his arse back here. We have plans to make.’


	59. Visitor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who is that knocking at the guest house door????

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I've been in London for two days with no reliable wifi. I have one word for you. HELL!!!!!!

Five days before the party.

Gimli and Legolas sat squashed together in the back of the car. The reason for the squashing was Oin’s rather sizeable bulk. He was pontificating on the beauty of the English countryside, and waving his hands expansively as he did so. In the front Gloin and Nara were checking Legolas out in the rearview mirror and exchanging meaningful glances.

To give his parents credit, they had been extremely reserved in their effusive attempts to incorporate Legolas into their little fold. Gimli sighed. It had been the same with every boyfriend, prospective or otherwise he’d bought home. Most had been absolutely terrified by the amount of open-armed acceptance in their house and run away in sheer terror.

But something very strange had happened at brunch. Not only had Gloin and Nara been utterly charming but Legolas had responded in kind. He’d laughed sincerely at all Gloin’s awful dad jokes and had a long conversation with Nara about roses, which had apparently been something of an obsession with his late mother. In fact, after a while Gimli had gotten the very strange feeling that he was being sidelined in the conversation. Concerned, he’d thrown Oin a look. His uncle had chuckled good-naturedly and given him a friendly punch in the arm that practically disabled him.

‘I think they like him, lad. You can relax.’ he’d said. That, unfortunately had had the opposite effect and he was now practically vibrating with nervous energy. Legolas hadn’t just gotten on with his parents, they had seemed to have set up a mutual love-in. So much so that the brunch had turned into a spontaneous visit to a nearby stately home with magnificent gardens. Gimli had been relegated to walking along behind with his father and uncle, while his mother strolled arm in arm with his prospective new…he didn’t even know what he should be calling him. The result was that it was now late afternoon, and the shadows of the tree lined road had lengthened considerably.

The car pulled into the long driveway and made slow progress up the drive. To be fair there were four rather well-built individuals occupying the car, so it was to be expected. They arrived at the house and exited the car. Legolas caught Gimli’s arm.

‘I should probably go tell my dad where I’ve been all day.’ he said.

‘No, problem.’ he replied, ‘I’m going to head down to the guest house and go check on Fee and Kee.’ 

Cool. I’ll be own when I’m done.’ Legolas said and then leaned down and kissed him on the mouth, in such a natural way that it took Gimli completely by surprise. Legolas smiled at him and then bounded off towards the house. Gimli realised he was grinning like an idiot, then turned and found the three members of his family all standing there beaming. He was surprised their eyes hadn’t gone heart shaped. 

‘All right.’ he said, ‘It was just a kiss. Don’t get overexcited.’ They looked at each other.

‘Sure it was.’ Gloin said. They laughed and followed Legolas towards the house. He watched them go and shook his head. Then he went down the path to the guest house.  
When he got there, he found Kili and Fili on the same sofa, backs against the opposite ends and legs tangled together. For a moment it was like the past seven years had reversed and they were all back to where they had been together before Fili had left. Fili had a graphic novel in his one hand and a beer in the other. There was a cardboard box full of them next to his side of the sofa. Gimli noted that Kili had bought his X-box down from the house, and was now playing. His beer was being left to get warm on the floor next to him.

‘Look, G.’ Fili said smiling broadly when he looked up. ‘Kee kept them all.’ Gimli looked at Kili who was carefully poker faced. He decided to not tell Fili about the way Kili had hoarded his possessions like a guard dog after he’d left. He’d even found one of Fili’s rugby shirts among his own clothes and had worn it until it was thin as tissue paper. 

‘I know.’ was all he said. He suddenly noticed that the X-box wasn’t the only addition. Kili’s laptop was on the table, and a variety of clothing was already scattered around. Gimli gave him a questioning look. Kili was busy trying to snipe someone so didn’t notice it, but Fili caught it.

‘Kee’s moved in for a bit, at least while I’m here.’ he said, ‘Tauriel’s going to use his room until she decides what she wants to do. And Frerin has taken his shit and gone to bother Thorin.’ He and Kili grinned at each other. Gimli made a surprised face, and then went to the fridge. He retrieved a beer and went to sit down on the floor next to the sofa, leaning back against it.

‘So you guys had the talk.’ he said to Kili, who chucked another controller at him, retrieved from somewhere deep in the sofa 

‘We did, although it was Tauriel who did most of the talking.’ he said, exiting the game and switching to two player mode. ‘That woman is a fine actress, she had Thranduil basically eating out of her hand. He was so convinced by what she said, Fee and I didn’t even come up.’ He peered down at Gimli. ‘Hang about, where the fuck have you been all day?’

‘I was being dragged around Arundel house. Apparently Legolas and my mother have a mutual plant obsession.’ Gimli grumbled. Fili and Kili exchanged grins. He fished in his pocket for his cigarette tin and retrieved a joint from it. He patted his other pocket for his Zippo, frowning when he realised he’d left it in his other jeans. Kili snorted and dug his out, handing it over to him. Gimli lit the joint and handed it back, only for Fili to grab it from his hand. He studied it, turning it over in his fingers, before looking at Kili in a way that Gimli wished he wasn’t privy to. It practically scorched the air. The worse part was that Kili was looking straight back.

‘You still have it.’ Fili said, words laden with meaning.

‘Oi!’ Gimli interrupted, dragging deeply and blowing out an impressive cloud of smoke. ‘There’ll be none of that.’ He handed up the joint to Kili who took a hit off of it before handing it to Fili.

‘None of what?’ Kili asked, far too innocently.

‘I’m not going to sit here and watch you two give each other the fuck-me eyes all night. Now fucking play, Kee.’

‘Fine. Prepare to get your arse kicked.’

**************

One hour and another joint later, Gimli was feeling very mellowed out. It had started pissing down outside, and he was finding the steady patter of raindrops on the roof and windows very soothing. He was now almost slumped on the carpet. The air of the guest house was thick with smoke, with Fili, Kili and himself now trying to put a serious dent in both the beers that Kili had brought down from the main house, and Fili’s cigarettes. 

Kili was now on the carpet next to him, and Fili was stretched out on the sofa, one arm slung around Kili’s neck, hand under the neck of his t-shirt. Gimli and Kili were well past the civilised game playing stage and into the swearing and kicking each other stage. Kili had just landed a killing blow, when a blond head stuck itself in the door.

‘You got room for one more?’ Legolas called. He came in shaking his head like a wet dog and spraying raindrops everywhere. 

‘Only if you’ve got beer.’ Gimli said, elbowing Kili unnecessarily hard in the ribs. 

‘Good thing I do.’ Legolas said, coming in the room with the aforementioned beer. He gave them all a look. ‘Recreational drugs, gentlemen?’

‘No judging.’ Kili said, hurling a cushion at Legolas, which he caught easily.

‘No judging.’ he said, ‘Unless you want me to judge your dealer, because it smells terrible. Fortunately I happen to know someone who grows the best fucking weed in England.’

‘Really?’ Gimli asked, more than a little surprised. ‘Who?’

‘Me.’ Legolas said, laughing as they looked at him in astonishment.

**********

Another two hours later, it was dark. It was also safe to say the entire guest house was fucked up. Legolas was now prostrate on the floor, head in Gimli’s lap. He and Kili had now switched to Mortal Kombat, although the more stoned Kili got, the worse his coordination became so he eventually had to give the controller to Fili, who turned out to be a Kombat god. 

‘For fuck’s sake.’ Gimli shouted as he was subjected to another fatality. He turned, jostling Legolas and making him grumble. ‘No fucking more for you, it turns you into a fucking beserker.’ Fili, who now had a cigarette seemingly stuck permanently in the corner of his mouth snorted with laughter. 

Kili looked at him admiringly. His normally clear blue eyes were now a little fuzzy, squinting closed against the contrail of smoke. He had a sudden urge to drag his big brother off to bed and do terrible drug induced things to him. He was about to suggest this, when the front door opened again.

‘Don’t let out the smoke.’ Gimli and Legolas both shouted at the same time. It was a pair of fairly soggy twins.

‘We thought we’d find you here.’ Ro said, coming to drop down on the floor next to Legolas and prodding him with the toe of his trainer. ‘You could have at least shared.’

‘Plenty more where that came from, bro.’ Legolas said, digging in one pocket and chucking a battered Camel cigarette tin at him. Dan came and stood next to the sofa Fili was lying on.

‘You got a minute?’ he asked him. Fili stopped squinting at the TV and squinted at him instead. He took in the serious look on Dan’s face, gave Ro a quick glance and then something dawned on his face.

‘Sure.’ he said, giving the controller back to Kili, then taking an extraordinary amount of time trying to figure out how to get up off the sofa. He eventually decided the best route was to roll off the sofa onto Kili, who swore as he got pummelled by Gimli in his lapse of concentration at getting rolled on by his very stoned older brother. He shoved Fili off, then tried to push him to his feet, only for Fili to end up on his face.

‘Fuck it.’ Fili said. ‘Follow me.’ He then proceeded to crawl on hands and knees over to the bedroom door, Dan in tow. They went in and closed the door behind them. Kili, Gimli and Legolas all looked at each other, then at Ro. He studiously ignored them, seemingly fascinated by the screen.

‘Ro?’ Legolas said, drawing out the syllable. ‘What the fuck is going on?’ Ro shook his head, trying not to meet his cousin’s eyes.

‘Not telling.’ he said. 

Legolas sat up and was about to start an interrogation, when there was yet another knock at the door. They did a quick head count.

‘Tauriel?’ Kili asked them. He struggled up off the floor, and went to the door. But when he opened it, he didn’t find Tauriel. Instead there was a very pretty young woman with bedraggled light brown hair and blue eyes standing on the doorstep.

‘Hi,’ she said. ‘I’m sorry, I tried ringing at the main house, but no-one answered. I saw the lights on down here and thought I’d give it a try.’ 

‘They’re probably all at the back. You can’t always hear the doorbell from there.’ Kili said, and she grinned.

‘Wow.’ she said, ‘Your house must be fucking big.’

‘It is.’ Kili replied. She had a wonderful smile and he responded to it. ‘Who are you looking for anyway?’

‘Oh, somebody called Kili Durin.’ she said, ‘My name is Sigrid Lakes. He sent me an email.’


	60. Girls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sigrid has arrived and someone has to tell Tauriel.

Five days before the wedding.

‘So, any other questions?’ Fili asked. He was having trouble focusing on only one of Dan, a combination of way too much beer, weed and cigarettes. But he was pretty pleased with the show-and-tell he’d just given. Dan, however, was sitting looking shell shocked. When he didn’t reply Fili laughed. ‘Dude, you fucking asked.’

‘I am never going to be able to look at either of you with a straight face ever again.’ Dan said. He looked down at the bed. ‘Oh, God.’ He stood up rapidly. 

‘You okay?’ Fili asked, watching as Dan’s face took on a look of extreme anxiety. ‘You know you don’t have to do this. Don’t let Ro push you if you’re not ready.’

‘I honestly have no idea.’ Dan said, shoving his hands in his pockets. ‘Christ.’

‘Remember what I said,’ Fili said, ‘Go slow. Don’t push anything that feels too far out of your comfort zone. And never ever think that you can have too much lube. Seriously. Especially the first time.’ Dan’s eyes widened and he came back over to sit down on the edge of the bed, head hanging forward.

‘I think I’m going to throw up.’ he said, ‘This is fucking ridiculous.’

‘No, it’s not. I was nervous as fuck the first time we did it.’ Fili said, putting a hand on his shoulder. ‘I know the age difference is smaller with you two, but you’re still his big brother. That comes with responsibilities. They don’t always see that.’ Dan breathed in and out deeply.

‘I guess we’re actually going to do this.’ He said, ‘You sure you don’t mind.’

‘No,’ Fili said, smiling, ‘Trust me they’re all way to fucked up to care. And they all know anyway.’

‘I can’t believe Legolas figured it out before we did.’ Dan said, ‘Considering sometimes you have to hit him over a head with a rock for things to go through.’ He stood up. ‘Right, let’s do this.’ 

‘Hang on, ‘Fili said, going to his bag and digging. He straightened up and chucked an unopened bottle at Dan who caught it. ‘You’ll need this.’

‘Right.’ Dan said, looking at it as if it would bite him. They left the room and found that Gimli, Legolas and Kili had all disappeared. The only one left sitting there was Ro, balanced on the edge of the sofa. He looked at Dan, and his face was questioning.

‘Where the fuck did everybody go?’ Fili asked. Ro answered but his eyes never left Dan’s.

‘Some girl showed up, spoke to Kili and then they all bailed and headed up to the house.’ he said. 

‘Do you know who she is?’ Fili asked, but Ro didn’t answer. ‘Right, I’m going to find them. You two…do whatever it is you want to do. Next door along.’ He left the guest house, and they could hear him swearing loudly as he got hit by the rain. 

‘So?’ Ro said, when he had gone out of earshot. ‘Did you speak to him?’ Dan didn’t say anything. Instead he held out his hand. Ro looked at the hand, then at him.

‘You sure?’ he asked, voice quiet. Dan nodded. Ro stood up slowly, then reached out and took his hand. Dan smiled at him, and then led him into the other bedroom, closing the door behind them.

**************

Fili ran as best he could in his condition, which was not very well at all. He narrowly missed tripping over the paving and heading face first into a flower bed, but eventually managed to make it to the front door. He was soaked when he got inside. There was no-one in the hall, but he could hear voices in the kitchen, so he went in and found Legolas and Gimli sitting with a girl he didn’t recognise.

‘Hey Fee, this is Sig.’ Gimli said, and the girl gave a small wave. ‘Sig, this is Fili, Kili’s brother.’

‘Hi.’ he said. ‘I’m sorry, but I have no idea who you are supposed to be.’

‘She’s Tauriel’s ex.’ Legolas said, and Fili heard a little alarm bell going off in his head. 

‘Oh shit.’ he said.

‘Oh shit is right.’ Legolas said. ‘Kili’s gone upstairs to get her.’

***********  
‘Excuse me?’ Tauriel asked, looking at Kili as if he’d just grown two heads.

‘She’s here. In the kitchen. Looking for you.’ he repeated and watched her normally serene expression crumble.

‘Oh, fuck me.’ she said, sitting down heavily on the bed. ‘What the bloody hell do I do?’ 

‘Maybe try talking to her. She’s driven all the way down from Windermere to see you.’ Tauriel looked distraught.

‘I can’t.’ she said, ‘I have no idea what to say to her.’

‘You have to talk to her. We can’t leave her in the kitchen all night.’ Kili replied. ‘Come, on Tauriel. I’ll be there with you if you want. I know it’s really sudden, but it’s like ripping off a plaster. It’ll hurt less if you do it really quickly.’

‘I seem to recall you punching Fili in the mouth when you first saw him.’ Tauriel said.

‘Yes, but that’s because I’m an idiot. You’re not. You’ll be fine.’ Kili said, going to crouch down in front of her, hands on her knees. ‘You thought she didn’t care, just like I did with Fee. But she’s here. She’s been driving since Christ knows what time this morning. She said she left as soon as she got the email. She said that she’s wanted to contact you for so long, but that she didn’t think you wanted to speak to her. Sound familiar? Would she do that if she didn’t want to see you?’ Tauriel looked at him, green eyes full of real tears this time.

‘Maybe she just wants to clear the air and leave again.’ she said. 

‘I don’t think so.’ Kili said, ‘You should have seen the way she lit up when I said you were here.’

‘Really?’

‘Really, really.’ he replied, ‘Come on fearless leader, let’s go see the girl you’re still crazy about even though you’re doing your best not to believe that.’

‘Fuck, is it that obvious?’ Tauriel asked.

‘When I proposed to you, you didn’t even bat an eye. Now you’re completely freaking out. It doesn’t take a genius to work out why.’ he said and she smiled.

‘Good thing or you’d never have guessed.’ she said. ‘Fine, give me a minute. If I’m going down to see her I want to at least look good.’ 

‘You look fine.’ Kili said, getting up and dragging her with him, ‘And she ran all the way to the guest house in the rain. She looks like a drowned rat, so I really think that if she doesn’t give a fuck what she looks like, I very much doubt that she’ll care what you look like. Now stop stalling.’ 

*********  
In the kitchen Sig sat and cupped her mug of tea.

‘This was a really bad idea wasn’t it?’ she asked Fili who shrugged.

‘Probably best not to ask me. I am full of bad ideas.’ he said. Legolas gave him a look, realisation dawning on his face.

‘What did Dan want to talk to you about?’ he asked. Fili raised an eyebrow and Legolas blushed furiously.

‘They’re not, are they?’ he asked. Gimli, who was a little slower on the uptake didn’t know what they were talking about until Fili replied.

‘They needed somewhere. I volunteered Frerin’s room. He’s not using it.’

‘Holy shit.’ Legolas said, face whitening, ‘Elrond’s going to go apeshit if he finds out.’

‘Well he won’t as long as everyone keeps their mouths shut.’ Fili replied, ‘It’s their business Legolas, no-one else should be involved.’

‘I swear to god there must be something in the fucking water here.’ Legolas muttered. Sigrid was watching them, but looked at the doorway as Kili walked in. he stopped then seemed to realise that he had no-one behind him. He retreated into the hallway, and there was the sound of hissed words, before he came back in with Tauriel. 

When she saw her, Sigrid got to her feet, and the boys were treated to a stare of epic proportions between the two women. It lengthened and intensified, but there were no words. They all watched, fascinated. It was Kili who finally broke the spell.

‘Well, at least they’re not hitting each other.’ he said, sounding slightly disappointed. Tauriel whirled to face him. 

‘Out!’ she said, pointing at the hall, ‘All of you!’ Grumbling they filed out and she shut the door on their faces.

‘Great.’ Legolas said, ‘We can’t stay in the kitchen because they’re having it out and we can’t go back to the guest house because my cousins are more than likely having sex there. So now what?’

‘Come on.’ Kili said, ‘We’re going to raid the wine cellar.’ He walked off, and after some deliberation the others followed him.


	61. Cellar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Why the hell is everyone in the cellar????

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so the barrel thing where Bilbo is pleading and then Thorin is like 'Do as he says.' has got to be one of my favourite things even though AUJ is only film I officially recognise.
> 
> Thank you all for the continuing comments and kudos, it's wonderful and makes me squee with delight :D

Five days before the party

The network of cellars under Erebor was both extensive and dated to different periods. This made it quite maze like. But Kili led them down into the corridors with the confidence of either the extremely informed or the blissfully ignorant, Gimli couldn’t quite decide. He watched him and Fili walking ahead of him and Legolas, the way their strides naturally synched until they were walking at exactly the same pace, arms and legs moving as if co-ordinated. He smiled, feeling weirdly happy at just how perfect they actually were for each other. It confused him to think anything could be considered unnatural. He gave Legolas a sidelong glance and wondered if one day they would be the same. That sneaky thought gave him pause. He’d never been a long term guy, but now he was wondering what they would be like together in a few months, maybe a year. All this for a guy that he’d pined over sure, but had really only known for a few days. He wondered of his parents were starting to rub off on him.

Kili bumped into his brother and then felt the returning bump. He was almost deliriously happy. Next to him Fili caught his eye and gave him an answering smile. Then he looked ahead and the smile became wicked. Kili looked at what had caught his attention. It was the laundry room door. 

‘Now that brings back memories.’ Fili said. Just at that precise moment the door opened and Ori came out with a basket balanced on one hip. He took in the four intruders and gave them a look that could only be described as suspicious.

‘What are you lot doing down here?’ he asked.

‘I live here.’ Kili said, as imperiously as being as stoned as he was allowed. ‘What are you doing here?’

‘Laundry.’ Ori said, gesturing at him with the basket. ‘Where are you four going and why are you all….oh my God, you’re all high!’ There was frantic shushing from Kili, until he realised that they were the only ones who heard that statement.

‘We might be a teensy bit under the influence.’ Fili said grinning.

‘We’re going to get more so though.’ Kili said, ‘Want to come with us?’ Ori pondered this. 

‘Well, the old man is asleep so what the fuck.’ he said, dropping the laundry basket. ‘Lead on.’

************

The wine cellar was in the oldest part of the basement, indicated by a change from plastered walls to brick ones. There was also a distinct drop in temperature. When they got to the ancient wooden doors, Kili had to get Fili to help him with shoving them open. They made a scraping noise along the bottom. Once inside the more alert members of the company should have noticed that the lights were on, casting a dim illumination over the rows of dusty shelves and bottles. Unfortunately they didn’t, and as a group came around the shelf closest to the back, where the cases of beer were kept. Fili and Kili were bringing up the rear and there was a pile-up as they collided with Gimli, Ori and Legolas who were standing staring at Thorin and Frerin, who were staring back. The looks of horror on both sets of faces was priceless. Fili and Kili fought their way through the others to see what they were staring at. Most fortunately there was a stack of crates hiding their uncles from the waist down, but the fact that Thorin was bent over the crates with Frerin standing directly behind him, both of them shirtless and sweaty, was more than enough to indicate what they had been doing just before they all arrived.

‘Mom’s right.’ Kili said, ‘We all really should fuck in bed. This is happening way too fucking often.’ He looked at the others. Ori was blushing so red, they could have used him as a postbox. Gimli was fortunately having a hard time actually focusing and Legolas simply had his arms folded, turning to Fili and Kili.

‘Well, now I see where you two get it from.’ he deadpanned. 

***********

It took several minutes for Frerin and Thorin to disengage, and scramble back into their clothes.

‘Really? The wine cellar?’ Fili laughed. 

‘We actually did come down here for wine.’ Frerin protested as he pulled his t-shirt on. ‘We just got a little side tracked that’s all.’ 

‘It’s easy to do.’ Kili said, smiling like a kid at Christmas. He was absolutely loving the look on Thorin’s face. He looked like he wanted to crawl under a rock. ‘At least we never did it in the wine cellar.’ Then to his surprise, Thorin’s face suddenly shifted and he started laughing, that rare deep rumbling laugh that made him seem almost human.

‘No,’ he said, ‘I just caught you blowing your brother in the laundry.’ Now it was Kili’s turn to flush deep red. 

‘The laundry?’ Ori squealed, ‘Oh, ew.’

‘Relax, Ori, ‘ Fili said, ‘It was seven years ago. I don’t think there’s any evidence left.’ He looked at his uncles who were now both trying to get back into shoes, mostly by hopping on one foot and nearly falling over. ‘We really do need to start leaving signals. Maybe a nice neon sign. Something catchy like ‘Men at Work’.’ He giggled like he’d just told the funniest joke in the world and they all looked at him. Kili couldn’t help smiling. Fili’s sense of humour really did come out of left field sometimes.

The giggling was suddenly interrupted, by the sound of the doors opening again.

‘Shit.’ Hissed Thorin, ‘Who the fuck could that be now?’ Legolas peered around the corner, then went pale.

‘It’s my father.’ he hissed back. ‘And Elrond.’ They could now hear them talking in low voices. They looked around frantically, and their eyes fell on the row of huge empty wine curing barrels that ran along the back wall. Thorin and Frerin exchanged a look.

‘Into the barrels.’ Frerin hissed.

‘I’m not getting in one of those.’ Ori hissed back, ‘There might be spiders.’ Frerin turned back to Thorin.

‘Do as he says.’ Thorin hissed, managing to impart a ridiculous amount of authority into his words. They all followed the order, hauling themselves into the barrels, Fili and Kili in one, Frerin and Thorin in another. Gimli and Legolas had just settled in one when Ori came crashing in on their heads. They all ended up in a tangled heap.

‘What!’ he snapped, albeit very quietly, when they glared at him ‘I’m not going in one by myself!’ 

‘Quiet!’ came the hissed order from Thorin’s barrel. They listened as Elrond and Thranduil made the rounds of the cellar talking idly about nothing of any interest. They did come into the back section, which was where Gimli felt a very poorly timed attack of the giggles coming on. Legolas saw him starting to lose it and quickly snogged him as a distraction. Ori squealed internally and shut his eyes. 

The footsteps and voices eventually faded and then there was the sound of the door being pulled to.

‘That was close.’ Thorin said to Frerin.

‘You’re telling me.’ Frerin replied, ‘Now how the fuck do we get out of this sodding barrel?’ 

‘I’ll boost you up.’ Thorin said. They were just about to do this when they sound of the door scraping came again.

‘Shit!’ Thorin said, dropping Frerin who landed on his foot, making him grit his teeth and swear on the inside. They listened intently, now hearing the sound of what could only be described as noises of passion. They looked wide eyed at other. The noises were increasing in volume and it became clear that there were two players, a man and a woman. 

‘Who the fuck is that?’ Frerin mouthed at Thorin, who shrugged.

In their barrel Kili and Fili were doing the same thing.

‘Aragorn?’ Fili mouthed. Kili shook his head.

‘Sounds too old.’ he mouthed back. There were more noises, a few very choice moans and then the sound of someone being bumped repeatedly against one of the shelves. Wine bottles began to clink in a steady rhythm. It continued for some time, both partners very enthusiastic about what they were doing.

‘This house is a den of iniquity!’ Ori hissed. Then the bumping picked up speed, and so did the volume of the players. It eventually reached a crescendo, and all six people winced as the woman suddenly screeched.

‘Oh my fucking God! Yes! Yes! Yes!’ she shouted at a volume and pitch that was unmistakable. 

In their barrel, Fili and Kili looked at each other in horror.

‘Mom?’ they both mouthed at the same time. 

In their barrel, Frerin had to slap a hand over his mouth to stop himself from giggling hysterically. Thorin just shook his head in disgust.

‘This is not right on so many levels.’ he muttered.


	62. Revelations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A few snippets of what's going on in and around the Erebor mansion.

Five days before the party

Tauriel heard the kettle click. She got up and went to the kitchen counter and poured boiling water into the two mugs she had prepared, the first one Sigrid had been given long since gone cold. She picked them up and bought them to the kitchen table. Sigrid had divested herself of her jacket, and now sat opposite her, one foot tapping nervously. They had not spoken since Tauriel had arrived in the kitchen and summarily kicked the boys out.

Tauriel passed one mug across the table, careful to put it down and slide it the last few inches. She could feel her heart racing, like a startled bird. Sig looked beautiful, even with stringy wet hair. Her ivory skin was still as flawless, a faint flush in her cheeks as she warmed up. Her violet blue gaze was watchful, and Tauriel felt almost faint when their eyes connected. She sat down, wrapping her hands around her mug, an unconscious mimicry of the young woman across from her.

‘You look well.’ she said, not sure what else to say.

‘So do you, Tory.’ Sig replied and it almost hurt physically to hear the old nickname she hadn’t heard in seven years. It was strange, she thought, that her and Kili had never ever called each other anything but their full names. She had to admit to having been a little envious that Fili and he had slipped into their casual use of Fee and Kee so easily, when she had no-one who remembered that once upon a time she’d been Tory and not Tauriel. ‘You haven’t changed a bit.’

‘Neither have you.’ Tauriel replied. There was another agonising moment of silence. She wondered if they would ever be able to talk to each other again. ‘How’s your family?’ she eventually asked. Sig sipped her tea and smiled.

‘They’re all fine.’ She said, ‘Bain is at university now and Tilda is almost finished her GCSEs.’

‘And your dad?’ Tauriel asked, trying to keep her tone light.

‘You know him. All work and no play.’ Sig said, ‘He’s running a charter fishing business now on Loch Fyne. He does that and I run the guest house.’

‘Wow.’ Tauriel said, ‘That must be hard work.’

‘It is, but it’s hard to find work in art unless you really know people. And I get to do all the design for the guest house so that’s very enjoyable.’ Sig said. There was a little off tone to her voice and Tauriel was startled to find she could still read her so well.

‘You don’t draw anymore?’ she asked, ‘Or paint?’

‘I don’t really have any time.’ Sig replied. ‘What about you.’ Tauriel smiled.

‘I’m kind of between jobs.’ she said.

‘Yeah right, I can see why.’ Sig said, looking around the admittedly huge kitchen. ‘Your fiancé is pretty loaded by the looks of things.’

‘Ex.’ Tauriel said without thinking and Sig frowned.

‘Sorry?’ she said.

‘He’s my ex-fiance as of this morning.’ Tauriel said, ‘We broke up. He’s still in love with someone else.’

‘And you?’ Sig asked, and Tauriel was astonished to hear a tremble in her voice, that made her heart leap. She looked at Sig, and saw her blue eyes were shiny and misty looking as if she was about to cry. Tauriel clasped her hands together as they started to tremble.

‘Am I what?’ she asked. For a moment she cursed Kili and his infinite stupidity in not telling her what he’d put in the email. The drunken, and - she highly suspected - stoned, idiot had kind of left her at a loose end. Then Sigrid reached across the table and put her hand over Tauriel’s clasped ones. She locked eyes with her, and Tauriel had to swallow the lump in her throat.

‘Are you still in love with someone else?’ Sig asked. Tauriel felt like she was falling, her stomach was tight and fluttery, and she cursed herself inwardly for the fact that seven years hadn’t made a bit of damn difference to her heart.

‘Yes.’ She said, ‘I don’t think I ever fell out.’

‘Me either.’ Sig said, then got up and came around the table. When she got to Tauriel she stood still, taking a moment to drink her in. The she leaned down and kissed her.

 _Oh, crap_. Tauriel thought to herself, even as she wrapped her arms around Sig’s waist and pulled her onto her lap, just like she always used to. _Here we go again_.

*********

On the double bed in the second bedroom of the guest house, the twins had finally stopped shaking. Dan rested his mouth against Ro’s upper back, tasting the sweat on his skin. He was breathing so hard he was pretty sure he was about to pass out. Underneath him, Ro wasn’t doing any better.

‘Holy shit.’ Ro finally managed to gasp out, ‘He wasn’t fucking joking.’ He shifted and Dan took that as his cue to ease out of him and fall to the side on his back.

‘No,’ he replied, ‘He fucking wasn’t.’

**********

Upstairs in one of the guest rooms, Nara and Gloin watched the late movie and discussed their son.

‘Maybe a June wedding.’ Nara mused happily, breaking off two squares of chocolate from the bar she was holding and then passing it to Gloin.

‘Maybe you’re rushing things a little.’ he cautioned, and she snorted most inelegantly at him.

‘Did you see the way Gimli was looking at him?’ she asked, ‘I was. And I’d bet a month’s worth of foot rubs that he’s in love with that Greenleaf boy.’

‘They’ve barely gotten to know each other.’ Gloin replied, lifting one arm so she could snuggle in underneath it, then letting it fall around her shoulders and pulling her close against him. ‘Sex does not mean marriage.’

‘But it’s a good start.’ Nara said, grinning up at him. ‘Don’t you remember when we met? You couldn’t keep your hands off me.’

‘I still can’t.’ Gloin countered, giving her a squeeze and getting a giggle in return.

‘Why good sir!’ Nara exclaimed with false modesty, ‘Are you suggesting we compete with the youngsters.’

‘Absolutely.’ Gloin said, getting into the swing of things and lowering her to the mattress, ‘We have the benefit of experience after all. And you are, if I may say so, the most enchanting creature in this house tonight.’

‘Silver tongued devil.’ Nara laughed and reached over to switch out the light.

*********

Downstairs in the wine cellar, the collected voyeurs had finally managed to extricate themselves from the barrels.

‘So why are all of you down here?’ Thorin asked.

‘We brought Sigrid up here because she turned up at the guest house. And we couldn’t go back because we’re pretty sure Dan and Ro are busy getting it on.’ Kili said, and then a minute later realised what he’d just said. Frerin, Thorin and Ori eyeballed him. Next to him, Fili just shook his head, face in hand.

‘For fuck’s sake engage brain first, then open mouth Kee.’ he muttered.

‘You mean there are more incestuous brother pairings going on?’ Ori asked, ‘And who the fuck is Sigrid?’

‘Tauriel’s ex girlfriend.’ Legolas said.

‘Wait, so the twins are having sex in the guest house AND there are lesbians in the kitchen?’ Ori asked, ‘Can I just be the first to say, what the fuck?’

‘Not to mention Dis is shagging someone and we have no idea who.’ Frerin added, and Fili and Kili groaned.

‘No fucking reminder needed thanks.’ Fili said. ‘In hindsight, it really isn’t hard to see why we’re all fucked up. I’m calling genetics.’

‘Well, all I have to say is that it’s a sad fucking state of affairs when I’m the only one having a normal relationship.’ Ori said.

‘You’re fucking someone who is literally old enough to be your father.’ Kili snapped.

‘That may be, but at least we aren’t related.’ Ori retorted. Kili stuck out his tongue at him. They were still bickering as they filed out.


	63. Trouble

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, some retrospective twincest was requested. This is the monstrous result :) Oh well...*skips away giggling* it's off to special hell I go. Who wants to go with meeeeee?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am a terrible person for doing this, but DAMN!!!!

The door closed with an audible click and then Dan turned the lock. He took a moment, trying to still his desperately beating heart, then turned around. Ro was standing a few feet from him, identical features full of trepidation and something else entirely. Dan took one look at his expression and felt himself start to get hard. Ro was wearing that look, the one that always meant trouble was on the way. And boy did he know what that trouble was going to be. He reached into his back pocket, and took out the bottle of lube that Fili had given him. He chucked it at his brother, and Ro caught it out the air with that arrogant grace that set his pulse racing. He looked at it, then tossed it on the bed. He half smiled at Dan, challenge in his dark eyes.

‘So get to it big brother.’ he said, voice husky. Dan wasted no time, crossing the space between them, and catching his face in his hands, kissing him hard. Ro retaliated by shoving Dan’s mouth open with his tongue, hands gripping him by the loops of his jeans and pulling him hard against him. Dan barely had time to breathe before Ro twisted them both, breaking away suddenly and shoving Dan with both hands against his chest. Dan went down easily, hitting the bed and bouncing hard. Ro was on him in a minute, straddling him and grinding down. He reached for the hem of his t-shirt pulling it over his head and chucking it on the floor. Dan lay back and watched him, breath coming harder and harder as he watched Ro reach down and slowly unbuckle his belt, pushing his jeans and boxers down just enough to pull his cock out, stroking it with one hand as he locked eyes with Dan.

‘Holy fuck Ro.’ Dan stammered, all his usual cocky self-assurance disappearing down the drain with whatever reservations he had about what they were doing.

‘Stop talking, Dan.’ Ro said, a little bite in his words, ‘Just open that pretty mouth of yours.’ He crawled up and Dan raised his arms above his head, reaching for the pillows behind him so he could get into position. They’d done this a couple of times in the past and it drove him wild. Ro moved so he was now kneeling over Dan’s face. He leaned forward, one hand bracing against the wall, and used the other to rub his cock against Dan’s mouth. 

‘You want it?’ he breathed. Dan didn’t reply, instead he simply flicked his tongue out, brushing the end and getting a harsh moan from him. Ro smiled at him, fierce and wild and now leaned his other hand against the wall. Dan opened his mouth, and let him slide all the way in. He let his tongue move against Ro, and then Ro started to thrust into his mouth, slowly and carefully, still looking down at him. Dan held onto his hips, shifting a little so Ro wouldn’t choke him, and started sucking lightly. Ro gasped and threw his head back. 

‘Fuck yeah.’ he hissed, back curving in a sinuous arch, ‘Fucking take it, Elladan.’ Dan felt the surge of arousal Ro always managed to get out of him when he called him by his full name, such a stupid thing but so filthy when his brother said it in that way. He held on, letting Ro control the pace until he started to jerk a little harder in his mouth, and Dan knew he was on the verge of coming. He shoved at him, and Ro obediently backed off, cock sliding out of his mouth. Dan sat up, yanking his own shirt over his head an discarding it, before he grabbed Ro and shifted him forward again, kissing him and letting Ro get the taste of himself in Dan’s mouth. Ro’s nails raked down his back and Dan shook with pent up heat. He broke the kiss.

‘Get off.’ he hissed at Ro. Ro climbed off and Dan stood up, shimmying out of jeans, boxers and trainers in one fell swoop. He took a second to lose the socks and turned back to find Ro already naked and kneeling on the bed. ‘Fuck, Elrohir, you are so fucking hot.’ He was gratified to see Ro’s face turn feral with lust. See, two could play at that game. He knelt down in a mirror image pulling Ro to him and kissing him again, and their cocks brushed just hard enough to set them both on fire. They went at it like drowning men, tongues and teeth getting in the mix, pulling at each other’s hair until they were both moaning loudly. All the pent up want was being channelled into this moment. They basically toppled over, Dan on top of Ro. There was frantic scrabbling for the lube, then Dan got Ro’s leg over one hip, running his fingers along and in until Ro was biting his shoulder and arching against him. Dan worked his fingers inside him, gauging how hard and deep to move them from the whimpers and moans his brother was making. He knew Ro’s body as well as he knew his own, and brushed his prostate in a carefully timed stroke that made Ro go rigid and then start mewling noisily as Dan kept the pressure on it. Ro reached up, yanking hard on his hair, teeth biting hard enough to leave marks. Dan kept going until one particularly hard tug made him swear.

‘Enough.’ Ro panted, letting go and rolling back. ‘I want you to fuck me now.’

‘On your knees then little brother.’ Dan panted back, and Ro turned, getting onto all fours. He threw Dan a challenging look over one shoulder. 

‘Hard, yeah,’ he said, ‘I want to feel you all the way inside me.’

‘Jesus fuck.’ Dan said, slicking himself and coming to kneel behind Ro, and doing the same to him, Fili’s advice still in the back of his mind. He ran slick fingers up and down, letting them slip inside a few times and watching as Ro dropped his head, moaning loudly. ‘I don’t know how fucking long I’m going to last at this rate.’ He took hold of Ro’s hips, steadying them both. ‘Last chance to back out.’

‘In me, fucking now!’ Ro snapped, and Dan moved forward, positioned himself and felt fire flare through him as he penetrated his brother. 

‘Oh fuck.’ Ro moaned, ‘Keep going, don’t fucking stop.’ He pushed back and Dan felt him clench around him. It nearly made him come and he had to do some serious backwards counting in Spanish to control himself. Taking a huge breath, he started to move, thrusting slowly and feeling the incredible hot slide in and out of his brother. It was better than he’d ever thought possible. He picked up the pace, encouraged by the steady stream of noises Ro was making, until he was pounding into him. 

‘Come on,’ Ro groaned, ‘I want you fucking deeper all the way inside me, Elladan.’ That was the last straw and Dan tightened his grip on him and thrust so hard that Ro was forced onto his elbows. The change of angle as his arse went in the air bought an unexpected benefit, and Ro suddenly started swearing as Dan hit the spot inside him. 

‘I can’t hold on.’ Ro gritted out, ‘Make me come brother. Please.’ Dan slowed a little, reaching around and taking Ro’s cock, stroking as he thrust until he felt the telltale tremors of Ro’s body and the involuntary clenching inside him. Ro was crying out on every thrust, voice rising in pitch and volume until he suddenly arched and screamed as he came over Dan’s hand. Dan let himself be carried away by the feeling of his brother tightening around him, and followed. The orgasm was intense and he shut his eyes as the waves of pleasure swept over him so hard that he could only feel. 

Dan collapsed against Ro’s back. The copious amount of lube he’d used on them both meant the entire backs of Ro’s thighs and the fronts of his were coated. His hand was sticky with Ro’s release and they were both slick with sweat. 

‘Holy shit.’ Ro finally managed to gasp out, ‘He wasn’t fucking joking.’ Dan didn’t need to ask who he was referring to. He’d told Ro everything that he and Fili had talked about. Ro shifted and Dan took that as his cue to ease out of him and fall to the side on his back.

‘No,’ he replied, ‘He fucking wasn’t.’


	64. Alpacas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So we add a new character to our cast....mwahahahahahaha!
> 
> The morning after the Night of the Living Twincest!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sadly the little fuckers are not awake yet. That does not mean chaos will not ensue though.
> 
> Btw I'm taking the fifth on that last chapter. It was all their fault *points at WeTheRebelSkies and crusher88*

Four days before the party.

Thorin turned over and bumped into Frerin who was cuddled right up behind him. He opened his eyes, still half asleep, and looked at his brother. Frerin looked like an angel, thick blond lashes shading his cheeks and face relaxed. Thorin allowed himself a smile, brushing his fingers along Frerin’s jaw, then kissing the soft mouth. Frerin stirred a little, arm coming around Thorin’s waist and pulling him closer.

‘Morning.’ he mumbled, eyes still closed. 

‘I was thinking we could go out today, just the two of us.’ Thorin said, nosing him gently, ‘Maybe a drive to Bristol, go do some shopping and have lunch.’ Frerin huffed with soft laughter.

‘My God, you are so middle aged.’ he said, smiling but still not opening his eyes. ‘That sounds fucking wonderful. Do I get to hold your hand?’

‘Anything you want Frer.’ Thorin replied, tracing one eyebrow. 

‘What if I said I want to finish what was so rudely interrupted last night.’ Frerin finally opened his eyes and they were dark. ‘I never got to hear you scream.’ He leaned forward slightly and kissed Thorin, tongue lightly flicking against his slightly parted mouth. Thorin shivered and was about to dive right in, when there was a screech of epic proportions from downstairs. He froze and him and Frerin locked eyes.

‘Dis.’ they said to each other at the same time. 

************

A few moments before, Fili was standing in the kitchenette making coffee. Because they weren’t alone, he had been careful to put on some sweatpants before he ventured out. He was still a little fuzzy from the night before and the lack of sleep caused mainly by the incredible amount of noise coming from the next door room. The twins had kept him awake for what was left of the night. Kili, of course had hit the pillow and passed out in record time. They had come back after finding that the girls had simply vanished from the kitchen as if they had never been there, to the very obvious sounds of one of the twins fucking the hell out of the other. Kili had given him a conspiratorial smile.

‘It’s a good thing G and Legs went to bed at the house.’ he’d said, jerking one thumb in the direction of the room. ‘That would have scarred them for life.’ 

‘The amount of incest going on around here is insane.’ Fili had remarked. ‘We’re not so much a family gathering as an abnormal psychology case study.’ Then they’d gone to bed.

And now Fili looked out the window and thought for a moment that he was still a little bit high. Two very fluffy heads, one of which resembled a dark afro and the other a blond mop, walked past the kitchen window at an odd height. One head turned towards him and he was given a very toothy grin. He backed away from the window, then went into the bedroom. Kili was sprawled face down on the bed with his arms and legs spread, a naked expanse of olive skin and dark body hair that momentarily distracted Fili. He pulled himself together and went to the bed. 

‘Kee.’ he said, and one hand moved to wave him away.

‘Fuck off, still sleeping.’ his brother muttered. 

‘I’ve just had a hallucination.’ Fili said. That got Kili’s attention and he raised his head, looking at Fili with a truly adorable expression of sleepy confusion.

‘What the fuck?’ he asked.

‘My thoughts exactly.’ Fili said, ‘Come and look.’

*************

Thorin, Frerin, Dis and Dwalin all stood regarding the two animals that were currently making short work of a row of lettuces.

‘I don’t care how you do it, just get them the fuck out of my garden.’ Dis said, folding her arms and setting her mouth in the same stubborn line her younger son was also known to employ. 

‘Surely it would be easier to just call the guy.’ Thorin said, ‘They’re his stupid alpacas.’

‘No.’ she said, ‘That won’t do at all. All you need to do is herd them back across the field onto his land and they’ll be fine.’ The men exchanged looks and then studied the two alpacas who stared right back without looking the least bit intimidated.

‘Don’t they spit?’ Frerin asked.

‘For fuck’s sake.’ Dwalin said, ‘I am not getting spat on by some mangy floor mop.’ 

‘I think they’re quite cute actually.’ Ori called from the safety of the kitchen doorway. 

‘Then you bloody come and charm them.’ Dwalin called back. Ori gave an affronted huff and disappeared inside. Thorin and Frerin grinned at each other. ‘What?’

‘Nothing.’ Thorin said, ‘I just never thought I’d see the day a hundred pound boy would give you what for.’ Dwalin grumbled something about smart arse Durin brothers, but was interrupted by the arrival of the second pair, who came galloping around the corner.

‘See.’ Fili said, pointing triumphantly at the alpacas, ‘I wasn’t fucking dreaming.’

‘Shit.’ Kili said, face breaking into a smile, ‘They got out again? That’s like the sixth time this month already. Beorn should change their names to Houdini One and Houdini Two.’

‘I was just trying to explain to your mother that the best solution would be to call him and tell him to get his arse over here and collect them. But she seems to think they can simply be herded over.’ Thorin said. The blond alpaca was now showing interest in the cucumbers and Dis went towards it, making shooing motions with her hands. It stood chewing placidly, then took a step towards her and she squealed and backed away. This seemed to have an adverse effect on the alpaca and it made a very strange noise before taking off. The other one, watched it go and then followed at a more sedate trot. Kili started laughing, until his mother rounded on him.

‘Well go get them!’ she said, eyebrows drawn down and eyes flashing.

‘Just phone Beorn!’ he countered, his face becoming a perfect mirror image of hers. ‘I don’t see what the big deal is. He’s a cool guy.’ 

‘Who the fuck is he?’ Fili asked.

‘He’s the next door neighbour, moved in about two years ago.’ Thorin explained, ‘He has an organic small holding, farms bees and other stuff.’ 

‘He’s pretty amazing.’ Kili said, ‘He’s like about seven foot tall and an absolute beast. And he’s from Sweden.’ 

‘Well his bloody animals are not amazing, they are destructive and a pain in the arse.’ Dis snorted. 

‘Fine!’ Kili snapped, throwing up his hands, ‘I’ll go fucking get them.’

**********

An hour later and Fili was knackered. He and Kili had been chasing the stupid alpacas the length and breadth of the formal gardens. He stood bent over, hands on his knees as he tried to catch his breath.

‘That’s what you get for smoking so much.’ Kili said, coming back to him when he realised he was chasing alone.

‘Fuck off. I haven’t had any coffee or breakfast.’ Fili retorted, ‘And you’re built for speed.’ They watched as the two alpacas cantered lazily past them, almost flaunting the fact they’d yet to be captured. 

‘You’re doing very well.’ Dis shouted down from the terrace. Fili straightened up and he and Kili gave her twin glares. Then she turned an went back inside. 

‘Right, fuck this for a game of soldiers.’ Kili said, starting to walk off across the gardens.

‘Where are you going?’ Fili called, jogging to catch up.

‘To Beorn’s. He can help us get them back.’

************

Beorn’s cottage was at the back of the woodlands that sat on Erebor’s border. It took them a good thirty minutes to get to the boundary fence, and hop over into a large field occupied by some short horned shaggy cattle and three piebald cobs. 

‘So you have met him before?’ Fili asked, ‘He’s not going to think we’re trespassing?’

‘No, he’s cool. I’ve met him a few times, usually when his alpacas escape and eat Mom’s garden. It drives her fucking mental. But if you call him, he always comes over and gets them no problem. I don’t know why she’s being so funny about it.’ Kili said, blithely unaware of the sudden look of insight on his brother’s face. 

‘So he comes over often?’ Fili asked.

‘Yes, and he and Mom seemed to get on really well actually, they’re both into gardening and all that herbology crap.’ Kili said, stopping and looking down the hill, hand shading his eyes. ‘His car’s there so he must be home.’

‘Astonishing.’ Fili said, grinning and Kili looked at him.

‘What?’

‘You. You are possibly the most unobservant person I know and it should be really irritating but it’s just fucking adorable.’ Fili said. Kili smiled radiantly at the last part, but then his expression changed as he realised the first bit was less than complimentary.

‘Hey!’ he said, and Fili stepped forward and kissed him before he could launch into a tirade.

‘Come on.’ he said, taking Kili’s hand and tugging him down the hill.

The cottage was quaint, whitewashed and thatched and covered in a delicate pink rambling rose. Fat , furry bumblebees hummed as they flew around the blossoms. And while Fili had had an inkling of what to expect when the door opened, his mouth still fell open in surprise. The man who’d answered the door was a giant. He had to literally duck under the lintel to come out into the sun. He was wearing worn jeans and a Ramones t-shirt, which stretched across unrealistically broad shoulders. His brown hair was close cropped and he had bright blue eyes twinkling behind black rimmed glasses. He peered over them and frowned.

‘Kili? What are you doing here?’ he asked in a thick Swedish accent.

‘Hey Beorn.’ Kili said, raising his hand in greeting. ‘The girls are out on the town again.’

‘Oh dear.’ Beorn said, ‘Give me a minute.’ He then seemed to notice Fili and gave Kili a questioning look.

‘My brother, Fili.’ Kili explained and Beorn nodded, before holding out a hand that dwarfed Fili’s when he shook it.

‘Nice to meet you.’ Fili said, trying not to wince at the crushing grip.

‘Likewise.’ Beorn replied, ‘Let me get my hat and I’ll be right with you.’


	65. Beorn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The walk back, and the giggles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all :) Just a big shout out thank you to all you wonderful funny people out there :D Thanks for all the comments and kudos.

Four days before the party

The walk back was considerably quicker than the walk there. Fili had to do a kind of half walk half jog to keep up with Beorn, who had freakishly long strides. Even Kili, who at just over six foot wasn’t short by any stretch of the imagination, had to walk very quickly to keep pace.

‘I haven’t seen you before. Why is that?’ Beorn rumbled, looking at Fili.

‘He’s been away, working.’ Kili interjected before Fili could answer.

‘Oh really? And where was that?’ Beorn asked.

‘The North Sea.’ Fili answered, ‘I’m an oil rig engineer.’

‘Interesting. That’s a very dangerous job I believe.’ Beorn said, his tone thoughtful. Then he seemed to put two and two together. ‘You’re the boy that fell out the sky.’ Fili stopped dead at that. 

‘How did you know?’ he asked. Kili had also stopped now and was looking between them.

‘Your mother told me.’ Beorn said, ‘She was extremely worried about you.’

‘I had no idea she knew.’ Fili replied, at a complete loss. ‘I didn’t tell her.’ Beorn gave him a half smile and shrugged.

‘You know your mother, she guards her secrets closely.’ he said, and Fili was convinced that there wassomething else to the words he’d just said. 

‘Well I bloody don’t know!’ Kili said , voice sharp. ‘What the fuck, Fee?’ Fili sighed.

‘You remember what I told you the night we…’ he broke off, ‘The first night of the stag party.’

‘What, that you lost a bet?’ Kili looked confused.

‘No, that I almost died.’ Fili replied, and Kili went a little pale. ‘I was coming back from a shift, something went wrong and our helicopter had to ditch in the ocean. I almost drowned trying to get out. I was lucky though. Some of us didn’t make it.’ He spoke matter of factly and Beorn nodded.

‘It’s is not the easiest thing in the world to lose people you work with.’ he said, ‘I unfortunately have experience in this matter too.’ 

‘Really?’ Fili asked, now interested. He was starting to like this serious giant of a man with the dispassionate voice. ‘What happened?’ 

‘I used to be a Peacekeeper. My detachment was in Sierra Leone, and we had an unfortunate incident. Most of them died, and I got this.’ He raised the left side of his t-shirt, showing an impressive set of scars. ‘Four bullets from an AK-47.’ Fili whistled in admiration.

‘That’s a whole lot fucking worse than going down in a helicopter.’ he said. 

‘Maybe, maybe not. I was a soldier. I was trained for these things.’

‘So were we. But you never really expect it to happen. We were lucky, like I said.’ Fili said. There was suddenly an indignant squeaking noise from behind them both and Fili turned around to see an absolutely furious looking Kili.

‘You fucker!’ he said, ‘Why the hell didn’t you tell me?'

‘I did.’ Fili said, ‘What did you think ‘I nearly died’ meant?’

‘Not like die die.’ Kili spluttered, ‘I thought you were being metaphorical.’

‘About dying?’ Fili shook his head at him. Beorn gave him an amused smile, and they continued walking. Kili trailed along behind them, grumbling under his breath.

*************

They arrived back at Erebor to find that in their absence Thorin and Frerin had rallied and now had the alpacas more or less cornered in the kitchen garden. 

‘Oh thank fuck.’ Thorin said when he saw them, ‘Beorn, your ladies have been causing merry havoc with Dis’ vegetables and she’s livid.’ Beorn heaved an enormous sigh. He approached the two animals, murmuring in Swedish and they pricked their strange ears up at him. He stopped a foot away and they came as meekly as lambs. He ran his huge hands over their fluffy heads.

‘Silly girls.’ he said in English. ‘You are such troublemakers.’ 

‘I said you should change their names.’ Kili said, coming to stand next to him.

‘No, I don’t think they would like that.’ Beorn said.

‘What are their names?’ Fili asked and Beorn smiled broadly.

‘That is Bilbo,’ he indicated the blonde alpaca, ‘and this if Frodo.’ He stroked the chocolate brown alpaca’s nose gently. The blonde, seeing the attention the brunette was getting, nibbled at Beorn’s arm and he laughed, a deep sound way down in his chest. ‘No, little bunny.’ He said, pushing her nose away, ‘I am not food.’ He surveyed the pretty much wrecked vegetable garden. ‘I think I will owe your mother an apology.’ he said to Kili.

‘She’s inside.’ Thorin said. Fili noticed that he and Frerin were dressed to go out. ‘Come on, we’ll go look for her shall we?’ He, Beorn and Kili headed towards the kitchen door. Miraculously the alpacas now simply stayed where they were, placid as anything. Fili caught hold of Frerin’s arm as he started to follow.

‘Where are you two off to?’ he asked, delighted at the blush that coloured Frerin’s face. ‘Oh my God, is the King of Grumpy taking you on a date?’

‘Shut up.’ Frerin hissed, ‘And it’s not a date, we’re just going to spend some time together away from you lunatics.’ Fili laughed.

‘This is possibly the cutest thing I have ever seen, and I grew up with Kili.’ He pulled Frerin into a hug, squeezing him tightly enough to make him wheeze a little. ‘I just want you to be happy, old man.’ Frerin hugged him back, feeling tears prickle his eyes.

‘You too, kid.’

************

They found Dis in the drawing room, mobile glued to one ear as she bellowed instructions down the phone at some unfortunate company she’d employed for the party. In the other hand she held a pen and was frantically scratching down words on a notepad that was balance on her lap. There was a pencil holding up her dark hair in a messy bun. She hadn’t noticed them and let loose a string of invectives that nearly turned the air blue, before cutting off the call and chucking the mobile on the sofa in disgust. 

‘Wankers.’ she said. Coming up behind Frerin, Fili got a perfect view of her face as she looked up and saw them all. Or more particularly as her eyes fell on the tall Swedish man in front of her. Like Thorin, Dis had inherited a magnificent poker face. He knew it well, it was one of the few mannerisms he actually got from her, and one that Kili had completely missed out on like the dark blue eyes they also shared. But with the poker face came a tell, another inherited gift.

Dis’ eyes widened almost imperceptibly, then her face smoothed out and no-one should have been any the wiser that seeing Beorn had obviously thrown her. But Fili had always been able to read that expression, and it had been painted across his own face for so long that he picked it up immediately. A bubble of laughter threatened to escape and he bit his lip, as he realised who Dis’ nocturnal visitor had been. 

‘Beorn.’ she said, in a completely neutral tone, ‘Your sodding girls have eaten my greens.’ That was it, Fili couldn’t hold it any longer. For some reason that line struck him as particularly hilarious considering the context. Then he remembered the clinking wine bottles, and the bubble of laughter made him snort loudly. The others swung around and looked at him.

‘Sorry.’ he said, getting himself under control, ‘I just remembered that I may have left the …’ He floundered for an explanation, then turned and literally ran out the drawing room. He barely made it to the kitchen before bursting into fits of laughter that were so violent that he had to lean against the fridge. Looking up he realised that Dwalin and Ori were sitting at the kitchen table with expressions of what could only be called bewilderment. 

‘He’s gone nuts.’ Ori said.

‘Not gone, laddie. Always fucking been.’ Dwalin said, sipping his tea. Two seconds later Kili came bolting into the kitchen.

‘What the fuck is wrong with you?’ he demanded. Fili started giggling again.

‘It’s him, Kee.’ he managed to snicker.

‘Who?’ Kili asked, looking confused as hell.

‘Christ, you’re thick sometimes. Beorn. He’s Mr Wine Cellar.’ Fili explained. 

‘No!’ Ori exclaimed, sounding scandalised. ‘But he’s fucking gorgeous!' 

‘Oi!’ Dwalin said, sounding hurt. Ori rolled his eyes at him, then turned back to Fili.

‘No wonder it sounded so energetic.’ he said, and started to giggle as well. 

‘Oh, fuck me.’ Kili said, as the penny dropped. ‘He’s the one she was….’ He trailed off, then shook his head. ‘I’m never going to be able to look him in the eye again.’

‘Now you know how we feel.’ Dwalin said, giving him and Fili a pointed look.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so I've just noticed that we are coming up to 100,000 words. To celebrate this momentous occasion, I will do a special prompts chapter based on whatever wacky ideas you want to give me. I will write anything. Got something you desperately need to see? I'll put it in, smut included. Leave ideas in the comments!


	66. Meeting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How Dis and Beorn met...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For enrapturedreader, who requested the initial Dis/Beorn hookup. This is not exactly that, but I think it's very sweet.
> 
> Thanks all so much for the comments and suggestions. I am going to try to do all of them.

Two years before

Dis looked at the text message. She re-read it for what seemed like the eleventh time, then scrolled to the number and dialled. It took a while to be answered but when she heard Dwalin’s voice, she completely lost the train of what she wanted to say. He was also quiet on the other side for a moment then he spoke.

‘I thought you should know.’ He said. Dis raised her hand to her mouth, chewing on her nail in the same way that her sons did.

‘Is he all right?’ she asked, and there was none of the usual vibrancy in her voice.

‘He’s in the hospital. I spoke to Frerin this morning. He’s in shock and has a dose of hyperthermia, but they said he should be fine. They’re hoping he’ll wake up soon.’ Dwalin’s voice sounded a little strained. ‘He was lucky Dis. Frerin said four other people on the flight died, including a guy they both knew really well.’ Dis sat down on the sofa and was quiet as her brain processed the information she’d just been given. She didn’t know much about her son’s life, only that he was up north with Frerin of all people, although she had no idea how that had come about. Dwalin gave her snippets, but it wasn’t much. ‘Listen sweetheart I have to go, I’ve got a lesson in fifteen minutes.’

‘Of course,’ she said, then said goodbye and hung up. She sat contemplating the situation for ages, in fact she actually had no idea how long she’d been sitting there. She wasn’t one given to tears, and certainly didn’t cry them now. She’d missed Fili and had known the situation was an awful one, but had done nothing to change it. At first it had simply been because she had had no idea where to start or how to reach out to her eldest who’d always been a bit of an enigma. Then it had simply become habit.

It was while she was contemplating this that she wondered over to the kitchen window and looked out. She did a double take as she realised there were two very strange looking creatures in her kitchen garden.

‘What the bloody hell?’ she said to herself, as she watched them happily munching away on her salad beds. Momentarily and happily distracted from the bad news she’d just received, she went out side and looked at them. They looked like the llamas she’d seen at Longleat, a seeming age ago when she’d taken Fili and Kili there as children. But these were a bit smaller and had the most outlandish hairstyles she’d ever seen. She was just about to call Thorin at work, and demand if he knew where they’d come from, when she saw someone approaching through the formal gardens. She watched as the man approached. When he got closer she could see he was very tall, a rawhide hat clamped down on his head and dressed in a tight fitting t-shirt that did nothing to hide the impressive breadth of his shoulders and faded jeans that highlighted long legs and trim hips. When he reached the kitchen garden, he took off his hat and she saw thick brown hair and a pair of black rimmed glasses. The glasses were a surprise, as was the face which seemed more intellectual than she had expected. In short, if you’d pardon the pun, he was an extremely attractive man, and Dis was a sucker for attractive men. But not when they seemed to own destructive alien looking creatures that ate her garden and she was having a bad morning anyway after hearing that her eldest had narrowly avoided ending up at the bottom of the North Atlantic. So she opened her mouth and yelled blue murder at him.

To give him his dues, the man listened to her tirade extremely calmly. He let her rant and rave for a good twenty minutes. Once she was done, Dis actually felt a little put out at his lack of reaction and was further surprised when he took a step forward and held out his hand. She found herself offering hers, and was even more astonished when the man didn’t shake it, but turned it palm down and kissed the back of it in a courtly gesture.

‘My greatest apologies for any offence or damage my ladies may have caused.’ he said, giving her a smile that made his face light up. ‘I shall remove them forthwith.’ He spoke in a very attractive accent that she identified as Scandinavian, but not more than that. And then, just as soon as he’d arrived, he left without another word, herding the creatures in front of him and disappearing from sight.

The next day Dis went down to the kitchen to find a beautiful wicker basket on the back doorstep. It was full of jars of honey and preserves and contained a small piece of white paper. On the paper was scrawled a message in green ink. Not ball point, but proper ink.

_The ladies are awfully sorry and would like to make amends. They would be very happy if you could come to tea today if that is convenient._

Underneath the message was a phone number. Dis was at a loss. She had never been invited to tea by a Scandinavian before. And she didn’t have the faintest idea where he lived or who he was. Every bit of good sense told her to ignore the note and most definitely not call the number. Then she remembered the smile and the twinkling blue eyes behind the glasses.

She called the number, and it went to voicemail. She left a message accepting the invitation. Then she’d spent the rest of the day frantically worrying about her son and what to wear in turns. Just after one, Dwalin sent her another message saying that Fili was awake and seemingly well. She was in the kitchen, still in jeans and a soft well-worn cotton shirt that she wore for gardening, when there was a soft knock at the kitchen door. She’d opened it to find the man standing there with a bouquet of wild flowers in one hand which he held out to her.

She took them.

************

His name was Beorn, and he’d moved to the cottage on the northern border of Erebor three months before. She’d found all this out on the walk through the gardens, woodlands and beyond onto his smallholding. She’d been appalled that he’d found her in such a state with no make-up and her hair pulled up into a scruffy knot, but he’d not allowed her to go and change saying she looked beautiful as she was. They’d walked slowly, almost meandering. When they finally got to the cottage, which was charming and boasted the most gorgeous wild flower garden she’d ever seen, he’d taken her to the field round the back and introduced her to Bilbo and Frodo. Then he’d taken her inside. The cottage mad her smile. It was decorated in a characteristically Spartan Scandinavian style which she found strangely appealing. They had sat down to tea in a small kitchen with an ancient Aga and a scrubbed wooden table. There she had been presented with scones, clotted cream and the most delicious honey she’d ever tasted. Beorn had proudly told her it was from his own bees. The conversation had been light, but it had flowed more naturally than any she’d ever had with a man. Dis found herself babbling on about all sorts of things for what seemed like ages. All the while Beorn had listened, plying her with cups of tea.

Then, all of a sudden Dis found herself in the strangest situation she’d ever been in. Beorn had been regarding her, elbow on the table and chin cushioned on one hand. There was a natural pause in the conversation and then he said something that threw her.

‘You were so very sad yesterday. Why?’ he asked in that gentle rumbling voice of his.

‘I’m wasn't sad.’ she’d protested, her defenses going up and putting on the artificially bright smile she kept for outsiders.

‘Oh, but you were.’ he’d replied, ‘And I would very much like to help you.’ He reached out and put one hand over hers. It swallowed her smaller one and Dis looked into his eyes, which were as bright as a summer sky.

And then she’d started talking. And continued talking. And then talked some more.

By the end of the afternoon he knew pretty much everything about her and her family. And to her great surprise he not only didn’t throw her out on her ear in horror, he invited her back the next day. And the next. And the next.


	67. Help!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Plans are made and doors are banged...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here's a little bit of Tauriel and Sig, the date plans and the twins. I am slowly working my way through all the wonderful ideas I was given. Hope y'all like them :D 
> 
> Also first time femslashy bits. Apologies if it's crap ;)

Four days before the party

Tauriel sighed and snuggled down further into the bed. It was very strange to think that only a week before she’d been sharing it with Kili, however platonically, and now was sharing it with someone else entirely. And the sharing last night had been anything but platonic. Next to her Sig was on her side, fingers brushing up and down the length of Tauriel’s bare back. Her blue eyes were sleepy and catlike, and the look in them made Tauriel shiver with anticipation. Sig had always been the more forward of the two of them, and last night she’d made every certain that Tauriel had known just how much she’d been missed. 

‘So now what?’ she’d asked and Sig had raised one slender shoulder in a half shrug.

‘I have no idea. Dad has no doubt realised I’m gone by this time.’

‘I think the fact that you took his car is probably going to be a dead giveaway.’ Tauriel replied, turning on her side to face Sig.

‘He’s going to be pissed that’s for sure.’ Sig smiled, her fingers now trailing along Tauriel’s cheek and down her neck. 

‘So what do we do?’ Tauriel asked, ‘I don’t want you to go. I never wanted to let you go.’

‘I know.’ Sig said, leaning forward so her forehead rested lightly against hers. ‘I am so sorry I let him break us up. I didn’t know what else to do. And then I was sure that you hated me for letting him, and I could never bring myself to find you. The thought of seeing you again and you not wanting me was too hard.’

‘We could leave.’ Tauriel said, half joking. ‘We could go somewhere else. You’re over eighteen now, it’s not like he has any hold on you. And I’m sure Bain and Tilda would understand.’ Sig stopped what she was doing and gave Tauriel a penetrating look.

‘Do you meant that, Tory?’ she asked, her face suddenly very serious, ‘Would you want to run away with me?’ Tauriel froze, mind suddenly racing at the prospect. Her first thought was what the hell had she just started? Her second thought was that they would get into so much trouble from their respective families. But her final thought was of how much she loved the woman lying next to her. She threw caution to the wind.

‘I will, if you will.’ she said and Sig surged forward, kissing her fervently.

‘Oh, God yes.’ she breathed, ‘I would go anywhere with you.’ Tauriel smiled and kissed her back, fingers twining themselves in Sig’s thick hair.

‘This is so strange to have you here. I have to keep pinching myself to check I’m not dreaming.’ she said. 

‘I’m not a dream.’ Sig said, blue eyes narrowing a little. The fingers started again, going lower and caressing Tauriel’s collarbone, then down until they were brushing one pink nipple. Tauriel caught her breath and Sig leaned in, kissing her slowly and softly with tongues brushing and lips melding together. Then Sig’s mouth began to follow the same trail her fingers had, moving down Tauriel’s neck to the crook, where she gave her a gentle bite. Tauriel gave a little gasp and the fingers moved down correspondingly until they were drawing patterns on her hipbone.

'I missed you, baby.’ Sig breathed into her skin, and Tauriel arched against her. Her gasps became moans as Sig moved lower, her mouth running from her collarbone to the nipple. She flicked it lightly with her tongue, fingers slipping between Tauriel’s legs and finding the spot she was looking for.

‘I missed you more.’ Tauriel said, feeling her whole body catch alight. 

************

Downstairs Thorin and Frerin waved Beorn off from the terrace. 

‘Well, he seems very nice. Big, but nice.’ Frerin said, grinning at his brother. 

‘He’s actually a very pleasant person.’ Thorin agreed, ‘We should invite him round to the party.’

‘Good idea.’

Dis was standing next to them. Her attention was no longer on the alpacas, and so she observed them.

‘You two are going out?’ It was half question and half statement. They exchanged looks. Dis was unpredictable and it helped to try and cover as many bases as possible.

‘Maybe.’ Frerin said.

‘Yes and no.’ Thorin said at the same time.

‘Oh for fuck’s sake, which is it?’ she demanded.

‘We’re going out.’ Thorin said firmly. ‘We’re not needed here today, you have everything in hand.’

‘Except that your brother and your nephew don’t have anything decent to wear for the party.’ Dis countered, ‘Go get the boys and take them with you. And you can go to Bath, not Bristol and pick up the wedding suits and get these two sorted out while you’re at it. When Thorin stared to protest, she gave him a withering look, and he shut up. Then she turned and stomped back inside.

‘Coward.’ Frerin said, and Thorin glowered at him.

‘I didn’t hear you saying anything.’ he retorted.

‘I value my balls too much.’ Frerin grinned.

They went inside and found the boys in the kitchen and relayed the instructions to them. Kili huffed.

‘Fucking hell, she’s like a fucking dictator.’

‘Best be done today, and then we don’t have to worry about it again.’ Thorin said. ‘You’ll need to get changed though.’ he pointed at their random assortment of clothing they had thrown on in chase of the alpacas. ‘And you could both use a shower.’ That suggestion brightened Kili up considerably and he grabbed Fili’s hand and dragged him off.

‘Did you have to say that?’ Frerin asked. ‘You know what they’re going to be doing, right?’

‘Bollocks.’ Thorin said, going to the door and bellowing after them.

‘Showering means showering! Not anything else!’ They heard an answering pair of evil cackles and then the front door slammed.

************

Unfortunately the suggestion of a shower and possible shower sex was not to be. When they got to the guest house it was to find Elrond standing in the living area just outside the door to the room the twin’s had ‘borrowed’ for the evening. He had his hands on his hips, and a look of fury on his face. When he saw Fili and Kili, he turned and faced them, eyes ablaze with anger.

‘You!’ he shouted, ‘This is all your bloody fault!’ Fili took a step back, hands up.

‘Whoa.’ he said, ‘What are you talking about?’

‘Them!’ Elrond yelled, all normal self-control seemingly out the window. ‘I’ve managed to keep a handle on this for twenty-four bloody years and you lot somehow fuck it up in a week! I’m sure Thorin and your mother don’t give a fuck what you two get up to, but I do not want my sons to have the same sick relationship your family seems to be happy to condone.’ 

‘Hang on.’ Fili started to argue back, but Kili caught him but the arm. His face was darkening by the minute.

‘Our relationship is not sick, you patronising fuckhead.’ he spat out, and now it was Elrond that took a step back. ‘And it’s also none of your fucking business.’ 

‘Really?’ Elrond shouted, ‘Then why are my sons locked in a room and refusing to come out? It can’t be because they’re proud of what they’ve done. And them holding you up as some sort of shining example turns my stomach.’ 

‘Maybe if you had even the slightest bit of tolerance or understanding we would fucking come out!’ came a voice from behind the door.

‘I will not be spoken to in this manner!’ Elrond bellowed, pounding on the door, ‘You will come out of there!’ 

‘Fuck off, Dad!’ the other twin shouted back, ‘We are happy for the first time in fucking years and all you can do is fucking try to stop it. It’s like you’re the fucking joy police! Everything you fucking touch turns to misery. It’s been that since Mom fucking died!’

‘Don’t you talk about your mother you little shits!’ Elrond was turning purple with anger. ‘She would be appalled at what you’re doing!’

‘No, she fucking wouldn’t! She would have understood!’ 

‘I am not going to stand here and take this.’ Elrond roared. He stormed past Fili and Kili, slamming the door behind him. Fili and Kili looked at each other.

‘Crap.’ Fili said, then went to the door and knocked gently. ‘He’s gone. You two can come out now.’ There was the sound of furious whispering and the sound of the lock turning. Dan and Ro shuffled out of the bedroom, looking terrible. They had obviously been crying, and their normally sassy demeanor was nowhere to be seen. 

‘Kee, coffee.’ Fili said. Kili frowned then registered what he’d said.

‘Right.’ he replied and headed off into the kitchenette. There was the sound of clinking mugs and spoons. Fili pointed at the sofa.

‘You two sit. I’ll be right back.’ Then he went into the bedroom, grabbed his phone and called Frerin.

‘We’re not coming.’ he said when Frerin answered. He walked back out of the room, and watched as Kili dispensed coffee and chocolate digestives.

‘Why?’

‘We are needed for a greater cause. And you guys might want to duck, there’s a very angry Elrond headed your way. He’s going to have some not very nice things to say about me and Kee.’ 

‘Shit.’ Ferin said. ‘How the fuck does he know about you two?’

‘The twins. They are kind of in the same predicament as us.’ Fili replied.

‘Holy hell balls.’ Frerin said, and then his voice dropped. ‘What about me and Thor?’

‘As far as I know he’s just knows about me and Kee.’ Fili said, accepting a mug from his brother. Kili’s dark eyes were troubled, and Fili felt a flare of anger. He stamped it down, and went to sit next to Kili on the other sofa.

‘Right. I’ll pass the message on. See you later kid.’ He hung up and Fili tucked the phone into his pocket. Then he looked at the twins.

‘We are so sorry.’ Dan said, his voice getting increasingly desperate. ‘But he was shouting and saying the worst things and it just kind of came out how you two were the same and everyone knew and was cool with it.’ Fili held up his hand and Dan went quiet.

‘It’s okay Dan.’ he said, ‘It’s not something that Kee and I exactly shout about, but you haven’t done anything wrong.’ The twins both sighed audibly in relief. Fili looked at Kili who dunked a digestive and then stuffed it in his mouth. ‘Kee?’ he asked. Kili started, coughing slightly as he swallowed the biscuit.

‘What?’ he asked. Fili gestured slightly to the twins.

‘Would you like to add anything?’ he asked, trying to get his brother to follow what he was saying. God knew the twins needed some reassuring right about now. Instead his utterly clueless but completely gorgeous little brother gave them a dazzling smile and reached across, slapping Dan on the knee.

‘Welcome to the club.’ he said brightly, and Fili could only facepalm at that.

‘Jesus, Kee.’ he said ‘You really know how to put things.’


	68. Decisions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The confrontation in the kitchen...again....they really should find another room to do this in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I haven't answered any comments since yesterday. I am going to do them tonight. But I have been on a writing streak today, so apologies. They have the very best kind of motivation for me and I hope you guys enjoy the results :D

Still four days before the party

Frerin retreated to the kitchen after the phone call to find Thorin. 

‘Elrond’s on his way up.’ he said, ‘And he’s pissed.’

‘Can you give me a hint as to why?’ Thorin asked, face annoyed at the thought of yet another delay in getting the hell out of dodge. Frerin looked at Dwalin and hesitated slightly. Dwalin waved his hand.

‘Don’t even bother trying to spare my feelings.’ he said, ‘This one’s already told me everything.’ He jerked a thumb at Ori.

‘The twins.’ Frerin said, and Thorin’s face fell. 

‘He caught them?’

‘I have no idea, but it seems he’s blaming Fee and Kee. At least that’s what I got from what Fee said.’ Frerin replied.

‘How the fuck did he find out about them?’ Thorin looked appalled, ‘Oh crap, here he comes.’ They could see the topic of conversation storming past the window. They both braced for impact and then Elrond came crashing into the kitchen.

*************

Upstairs, Gimli and Legolas were just on their way down when they heard the shouting start. 

‘What the fuck is that?’ Gimli said. Next to him Legolas frowned.

‘That’s Elrond’s voice.’ He said, ‘But I’ve never heard him like that before.’ There was the sound of a door opening and Tauriel and Sigrid stuck their heads out of Kili’s room. Then, one by one doors down the corridor opened until Oin, Gloin, Nara, Balin and even Thranduil had their heads stuck out the doors and were looking in great concern down towards the kitchen.

‘What the bloody hell is going on down there?’ Balin asked. 

‘I have no idea?’ Gimli said when they all looked at him.

‘Well, you’re closest lad.’ Gloin said, ‘Take a skip down there and find out.’

‘Nice.’ Gimli replied, ‘Sacrifice the next generation why don’t you?’ He suddenly realised that he and Legolas had very obviously come out the same room, and blushed. Thranduil, however, had not seemed to notice so he breathed a sigh of relief. He did, however, clock Sigrid and one eyebrow went up. Then to Legolas and Tauriel’s astonishment, he simply smiled at them.

‘You must be the mystery lady.’ he said.

‘I am.’ Sigrid replied, not sure what else to say. Then the shouting downstairs suddenly became a lot louder in volume and, as one homogenous herd, they all headed to the kitchen. 

************

Thorin was furious. Frerin looked at the flared nostrils and blazing blue eyes, and felt his stomach tighten. Even Thorin’s hair seemed to be sparking with anger. He’d pulled himself up to his full height, and damn if it wasn’t impressive. Frerin had always harboured a secret weakness for angry Thorin, but beyond the pale angry Thorin was magnificent. He didn’t know whether he wanted to hide from him or throw himself on the kitchen table and demand that Thorin fuck him immediately. 

Unfortunately for him and his fantasies, there was an equally furious Elrond bellowing away on the other side of the table. And the words coming out of his mouth were terribly familiar. Frerin remembered them well. They were the same ones that Thror had hurled at them more than two decades before. But, where Thorin had been cowed by his father’s insults, now he was not backing down. Behind their side of the table Dwalin and Ori watched with their mouths hanging open.

‘My nephews and their conduct is absolutely none of your goddamn business.’ he said, voice like ice. ‘This is their house and how they behave is not up for judgement by people purporting to be our guests.’

‘Well, my sons were fine before they came here. Now not even a week later I find them doing…that!’ Elrond spat. ‘It’s unnatural, it’s sick and it’s a perversion that I will not stand for!’ 

‘Perhaps we are all overreacting a little bit.’ Frerin said trying to calm the situation down. He knew Thorin’s danger signs and they were starting to go off one by one. Thorin and Fili were the same in that respect, very slow to anger but all hell breaking loose once they were there. ‘I’m sure if we all sit down and talk about this, things will be resolved.’ He turned to Elrond. ‘Are you even sure that’s what they were doing?’ 

‘I could fucking hear them through the door! I know what sex sounds like, believe me! There is no way I could have misconstrued what they were doing! And Dan practically confirmed it. He said it was all right because your two are up to their bloody ears in it and everyone thinks it’s just fine and dandy. Well I bloody don’t! Your two practically told them there was nothing wrong with it!’ Elrond was incandescent by this point. He advanced on Thorin, finger pointed in accusation. That was when the rest of the party skidded to a halt at the kitchen door. To everyone’s great surprise, Thranduil came inot the kitchen, doing his best to get between Elrond and Thorin.

‘This is not the most constructive way to handle this situation.’ He said to Elrond, ‘You need to calm down.’ 

‘Fuck calming down!’ Elrond shouted, ‘I want a bloody apology for letting those fucking incestuous brats convince my sons that jumping into bed with each other was a good fucking idea.’ 

In the doorway, Gimli took one look at the unfolding situation and bolted for the door, Legolas in hot pursuit. 

***********

‘This is not going away.’ Fili said, ‘You have to go talk to him.’

‘Why?’ Ro said, ‘So he can tell us how sick we are? How fucked up this is? Like we don’t already know?’ he was starting to cry again, angry hot tears that ran down his face. Next to him Dan looked distraught, and ut his arms around him. Fili and Kili looked at each other. They had been through all of this already, but it still cut to the quick. Fili was about to speak again, when there was a crash as the front door flew open and Gimli and Legolas came flying through the door.

‘You have to come up to the house.’ Legolas panted, ‘It’s all fucking kicking off, and Thorin looks like he’s going to murder your father.’

‘Oh fucking hell.’ Dan said, still holding the sniffing Ro. ‘This is all going tits up.’

‘Shit.’ Fili said, getting up. ‘You two should probably stay out of it.’ 

‘No fucking way.’ Dan said, his voice suddenly steely, ‘No-one, not even my father, makes Ro cry and gets away with it.’ He got up and held his hand out to his brother. ‘Come on. We need to get this done.’ Ro wiped his face and gave him a watery smile. Then he took Dan’s hand and stood up.

‘Always acting the big brother.’ he said. Dan looked at Fili. 

‘Big brothers have responsibilities.’ he said, and Fili nodded encouragingly. ‘We have to look after little brothers who are too easily hurt.’ 

‘Damn straight.’ Fili replied. He looked down at Kili, then held out his own hand. ‘Coming little brother? You didn’t want to hide anymore. Now’s your golden opportunity to show everyone just how fucked up we are.’ Kili looked at the preoffered hand and then up into Fili’s intense blue eyes. He took the hand and let Fili pull him up from the sofa. Completely oblivious to everyone else around them he reached for Fili, putting a hand on his neck and kissing him.

‘Lead the way.’ he said.


	69. Knockout

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The continuing epic of two families and a kitchen...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Right, this is the LAST one for today!!!!!!

Still, still four days before the party

Frerin was now between Thranduil, Elrond and Thorin. He had one hand on Thorin’s chest, hoping against hope that the touch of his hand would have some sort of grounding effect on his brother. Thorin, who’d managed to stay dignified up till now, had taken serious affront at a comment Elrond had thrown at him about quote ‘inbred Durins’. He’d surged forward, and Frerin had had to restrain him bodily. Dis had joined their little party in the kitchen now, and was screeching her way through every insult under the sun she could think of in defence of her sons. Frerin could only marvel at the protective instincts that hadn’t been in evidence for the last seven years, but which seemed to spring out the moment an outsider deigned to say something against them.

‘At least my sons aren’t afraid to be who they are!’ she was shouting, ‘And they have my support on this. My love is not conditional on how they behave!’ 

‘From what I hear, your mothering skills are nothing to write home about!’ Elrond shouted back, ‘And If I’m not mistaken, getting knocked up at sixteen is hardly the best indicator of a moral compass!’

‘You motherfucker!’ Thorin roared and now it took both Frerin and Dwalin to hold him back. 

‘Jesus fuck Thor!’ Frerin swore, ‘Calm the fuck down, he’s not worth it.’ 

‘I agree. This is getting out of hand.’ Thranduil said, trying to steer Elrond to the door. 

‘Well, at least I am big enough to admit I’m not much of parent! You think you’re fucking father of the year and you didn’t even know what was going on under your own fucking roof.’ Dis shouted. Elrond paled a little and she crowed as she realised she’d hit a mark. ‘Or maybe you did know. Maybe you’re used to it. After all didn’t you have a twin?’ Elrond went from pale to white.

‘You…you BITCH!!!’ he roared. 

‘Okay that’s fucking it.’ Dwalin snapped, suddenly releasing Thorin and getting in Thranduil’s face as he desperately tried to hustle Elrond out of the kitchen. ‘Nobody speaks to a lady like that in this house.’

‘She’s no lady, she’s a fucking Durin whore just like those children of hers! They’re probably her brother’s sons. After all it’s a game the whole family can play isn’t it?’’ Elrond practically screamed and the entire kitchen fell silent. Even Thorin who up until that point had been spitting like a big cat came up short. Then a voice came from the back of the crowd. It was quiet and calm toned, but the undercurrent of menace in it was chilling.

‘Say that again.’ Everyone turned and saw the owner of the voice standing there, blue eyes like chips of glacier ice, holding onto his brother’s hand. 

‘Oh shit.’ Frerin said in a small voice. ‘Fili, take it easy.’ Thorin looked at him, and watched as Frerin took a step forward hands held palm out in front of him. ‘He didn’t mean it.’

‘Yes, he did.’ Fili said, and came into the kitchen, still holding Kili’s hand. ‘And I want him to repeat it. To my fucking face this time.’ There was something in his tone that was positively murderous. He brought himself and Kili to a standstill in front of Elrond, and the gathered crowd couldn’t fail to notice that Elrond was no longer looking as confident as he was. But he straightened up and rallied.

‘What you and your brother,’ and here he practically hissed the word, ‘are doing is disgusting. It goes against every natural order. You should both be fucking locked up for it. But it’s obviously a genetic defect you get from this family. Nothing but bad blood in all of you.’ 

‘But that’s where you’re wrong.’ Fili replied. He started to smile and Kili shifted away from him because that smile was scary as fuck. Fili felt him move and let him go, stepping forward. ‘You may not think what Kili and I have is right and the laws of this country will agree with you, but don’t ever say that we’re unnatural. Loving each other is the most natural thing either of us have ever done. And your sons have it too. You’re too fucking scared to see it, but it’s there. And you could have them locked up or sent to some psychological institution or banish them to the other side of the country,’ and here he threw Thorin a look, ‘but it will never stop. I had my life taken away from me, I lost seven years but I never fucking stopped loving Kee.’ He turned and looked at Kili, and the next words were to him and him alone. ‘I love you, with every last piece of my soul. You are everything to me, and I would rather rip out my own heart than see you hurt.’ Then he turned and looked at his accumulated family. ‘We don’t want to hide anymore. And if any of you have anything to say about it, now’s the fucking time because this is the last time we will explain ourselves. You can judge us all you like but it’s never going to stop us being together.’ He raised a hand and placed it to Kili’s face. ‘You are it for me Kili Durin.’ Kili couldn’t speak. He raised a hand to Fili’s pressing his against it as tears began to run down his face. Not looking back at Elrond, Fili continued. ‘This is what love really looks like. And your sons have it the same way we do.’ He now looked back slightly at Elrond who was as silent as the others. ‘And you’ll lose them forever if you don’t deal with it and move past it.’ There was another small commotion at the back of the crowd and they could now see Dan and Ro standing there hand in hand just as Fili and Kili had done. 

‘Please Dad, you have to understand.’ Dan said, ‘We just want to love each other.’ Elrond opened his mouth, then shut it. His lips were nothing but a thin line, disgust and anger etched into every line of his face. 

‘I can’t.’ he said, ‘If you and your brother do this, you’re nothing to me. You will be no better than this monster and his whore of a brother he peverted.’ Fili, still looking into Kili’s eyes, took a deep breath. 

‘Fuck it.’ he said, and Kili frowned at the tone of resignation in his voice. Then, as quick as a striking rattler, Fili dropped his hand, turned, took the two steps he needed to reach Elrond and punched him square in the face. There was a collective gasp, then silence as everyone watched Elrond very slowly keel over and fall to the floor. He was out cold. 

‘Oh for fuck’s sake.’ Frerin said. He glared at Fili who was rubbing his knuckles ruefully. He met Frerin’s eyes. 

‘Sorry, not sorry.’ he said.


	70. Waking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of Hurricane Fili

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only one today :D the Mitchers boys are about to strangle me if I don't do some of them soon.

Four days before the party

Thranduil closed the door behind him and looked at Tauriel and Sigrid.

‘He’s awake and feeling like a complete arsehole.’ he said, one corner of his mouth lifting in a sardonic little smile. ‘I don’t think a hospital visit is going to be necessary, but I’ll look in on him in a while just to be sure. Where are the twins?’

‘In their room.’ Tauriel said, still marvelling at the man in front of her. Thranduil had been the first one to collect his wits after Fili had knocked Elrond to the kitchen floor. He’s hauled his cousin off the floor, and with the help of Legolas and Gimli, they’d managed to get is insensible body up the stairs and into his room. ‘Gimli and Legs are with them.’

‘I think I better have a word with them. Some things need to be straightened out.’ he said, and went down the hall. There he knocked on the door, opened it and peered in. The twins were huddled together on the bed, arms around each other. He smiled at the picture that transported him into the past, remembering how they’d used to do the same when they were children. Legolas was perched on the edge of the bed next to them and Gimli was standing in one corner, leaning against the wall. 

‘Could we have a word?’ he asked, and the boys looked at Legolas who nodded. Thranduil came in, with Tauriel and Sigrid in tow.

‘Fine.’ Dan said, ‘But we’re not interested in anything he has to say.’ 

‘I’m not here to plead for clemency on your father’s behalf, he’s old enough and apparently stupid enough to do that himself.’ Thranduil said. He came over and sat on the opposite side to Legolas. ‘But I think a little bit of family history won’t go amiss.’

‘I should go.’ Gimli said, when he heard that, pushing himself from the wall. He gave Legolas a small smile. ‘I need to check if Fee’s okay anyway.’

‘Me too.’ Sigrid said.

‘Thank you.’ Thranduil said, and there was a strange moment when they all looked at each other that didn’t go unmissed by Gimli or Legolas. Then he and Sigrid left and closed the door behind him. Thranduil sighed heavily, looking back at the twins.

‘You silly, silly boys.’ he said, ‘Of all the places in the world you decide to do this, you do it here?’

‘It just happened.’ Ro protested.

‘No it didn’t.’ Thranduil said, smiling genuinely now, ‘It’s been coming for a very long time. You know that as well as we do.’

‘You knew?’ Dan asked, looking from father to son.

‘Of course I knew.’ Thranduil said, ‘And I know that Legolas has suspected for some time now. Just because I’m old enough to be your father doesn’t mean I’ve had a frontal lobotomy you know. I’m just sorry you never came to speak to me about it. I might have been able to help.’ 

‘It wasn’t something we thought we could talk about to anyone.’ Ro said. He was in Dan’s arms, head resting against him. He looked up at his brother. ‘I didn’t want to lose him.’

‘And you won’t.’ Thranduil said, quite firmly. ‘The way your father found out has put him into a quite understandable state of shock. You two have to admit that you should take a tiny bit of the blame for how you’ve handled this. But that doesn’t mean you’re not family. You will always have a place with Legolas and myself at Mirkwood.’ 

Legolas was watching his father, a little shocked at his reaction. He glanced up at Tauriel, who gave him a minute shrug. 

‘Really?’ Dan asked, ‘Even if we refuse to stop this?’

‘Even if.’ Thranduil said, reaching out and brushing a strand of dark hair from Dan’s worried face. ‘I would never ask any of my children to leave just because I disagreed with their life choices. It’s your decision to make, but it’s not going to be an easy path if you choose it.’ He looked at Tauriel and Legolas. ‘And I also wish that the children that do live in my house would have stopped walking around me on eggshells and told me the truth about what they really wanted.’

‘I know.’ Tauriel said, ‘I am very sorry I didn’t tell you.’ There were no dramatics this time, and Thranduil held out a hand to her. She hesitated a moment, unsure of what to do, then walked to him and took it.

‘She seems like a lovely young lady.’ he said, and Tauriel blinked in surprise. ‘When this week is over, I hope you’ll ask her to come stay for a while with us at Mirkwood and we can get to know her a bit better.’

‘That would be amazing.’ Tauriel stammered. ‘I’m sure she would love that.’

‘Good. And while you’re at it maybe you could tell my son to invite his new boyfriend along. I’d quite like to get to know him as well. Judging from what I’ve seen and heard,’ and there was a slight emphasis on heard, ‘they seem to be getting quite serious.’ Legolas gasped, and Tauriel had to physically restrain herself from giggling at the look of complete surprise and alarm on his face. Thranduil arched an eyebrow and then smiled. Not one of his sarcastic half smiles, but a proper full on teeth showing smile. And then he started laughing, a rich deep laugh. ‘Did you really think I didn’t know?’ he asked, and Legolas couldn’t even speak he was so shocked. ‘You’ve been sneaking boys into the house since you were fifteen for God’s sake. More to the point, did you really think I would care? You’re my son, and I love you regardless. I know I’m not the most demonstrative person in the world, but it’s true.’ 

‘So you don’t care?’ Legolas finally said, once he’d got his voice back.

‘Of course I don’t.’ Thranduil said, and now the hand that had brushed Dan’s hair back reached out and took Legolas’ chin in a gentle hold. ‘And what’s more, I quite like this new boy of yours. This whole family is full of mental cases, but at least they’re not boring as fuck.’

**************

Gimli went to the kitchen door and looked in. He’d already found most of the family scattered to the wind after the incident with Hurricane Fili. They were now hiding out in the drawing room, being fortified with brandy and gin being drunk out of tea cups. He had deposited Sigrid with his mother and left them to it. Now only the two pairs of brothers were still present. Thorin and Frerin were side by side, leaning against the Aga. Fili was at the table, hand resting in a glass bowl of ice blocks and water. Kili was next to him, chair pulled up as close as it would go. He was leaning against Fili’s shoulder, and Fili had the fingers of his uninjured hand running through his dark hair. They were silent, but all looked up as he entered. 

‘How is he?’ Frerin asked.

‘Alive, and talking in sentences which is a good sign.’ Gimli said. ‘How’s the hand?’ he asked Fili, who shrugged.

‘It’ll heal.’ he replied, ‘But I may have to hit that fucker again if he so much as looks at Kili in the wrong way.’ His voice was still a little tight with anger. Gimli pulled a face and looked at the older brothers.

‘The whore comment didn’t go down particularly well.’ Thorin explained, and there was a low growl from Fili. ‘Easy tiger. If you hit him again he may well fall into a coma. I am now very fucking glad it was Kili who hit me and not you.’

‘Told you.’ Frerin said. ‘Fee. Elrond’s awake so…’

‘I know.’ Fili said, ‘I’ll go up and apologise for hitting him.’

‘Thank you.’ Frerin said, then looked at Thorin. ‘You should also go with him.’ Thorin frowned.

‘What for? I didn’t hit him.’ Frerin sighed and looked at his blond nephew. ‘Now you can see where Kili gets it from.’ he said, ‘You are going with him so that when Fili has finished apologising you can throw that fucker out of this house and tell him that if he comes back here I will personally send him home with his teeth in a bag.’ Thorin chuckled. 

‘Fine.’ he said, ‘You okay to do this now?’ he asked Fili. 

‘I suppose so.’ Fili said, shifting Kili off his shoulder and drying his wet hand on a tea towel. He gave Kili a kiss on the temple and then followed Thorin out the room. Gimli sat down at the table.

‘What a fucking day.’ he said. 

‘No shit. ‘Frerin replied, ‘All I wanted was to go out for lunch.’ He came and took Fili’s place next to Kili. ‘You okay kid?’ Kili looked up at from where he was resting his head on his folded arms.

‘He was kind of scary today.’ he said.

‘Actually I thought he was remarkably calm.’ Frerin said. ‘The first time we tangled, he laid me out and pounded the crap out of me. Fortunately he was still able to control himself enough to stop before he seriously hurt me. It was partially my fault for pushing him to break, but it had to be done. He was so horrified by what had happened, he was an absolute lamb when I sent him off to therapy.’ That made Kili sit up.

‘Fili was in therapy?’ he asked and Frerin smiled gently at him.

‘No. Fili’s still in therapy. He’s had a lot of issues to work through. There’s all the shit from you and him, him and Thorin, him and Dis. The list kind of goes on. And he doesn’t blow steam off like you do. He bottles it all up and then kaboom, before you know it someone ends up in hospital.’ 

‘I didn’t know.’ Kili said, looking up towards the ceiling where his brother had gone.

‘It’s a good thing Kili.’ Frerin said, ‘he’s a lot more grounded and at peace with himself because of it. And it really helped after the accident.’ Kili’s face clouded over.

‘He only told me about that this morning.’ he said, ‘he nearly fucking died. I could have lost him without ever knowing how he felt’

‘Yes, he did nearly die.’ Frerin said, ‘But that was an important moment for him. Before that it was like he was half dead. He didn’t feel anything. It was starting to seriously worry me. But when he woke up in the hospital, it was like he’d got some of his fight back. The last two years he’s been focused on something, but I didn’t know what it was until we got that wedding invitation. That’s why he wanted to come back.’

‘Why?’ Kili asked, face a picture of hope.

‘For you of course.’ Frerin said and smiled at him. ‘He came to get you back.’


	71. Offer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fili makes a decision...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all are ready for a double date 'cause it's coming up next :D
> 
> I do not own any of these characters, or make any money off of this. More's the pity.

Four days before the party.

Elrond was gone by late afternoon. Aragorn and Arwen went with him, although their faces spoke volumes about the fact that they were leaving and the reasons for it. Thorin and Fili had come back down with stony faces and Frerin was amazed at just how much alike they actually were when he saw that expression. It did not escape anyone’s notice that the twins did not go with him. The two older brothers stood on the doorstep watching the taxi drive off, then Fili and Thorin turned around and went upstairs. Kili and Frerin watched from the kitchen door. 

‘What are they up to?’ Kili asked, and Frerin shrugged.

‘Buggered if I know.’ he said. 

***************

Upstairs, Legolas and Tauriel were still in the twin’s room. They had mostly calmed down by now and they were all talking about the hot topic of the day, namely the sudden realisation that Thranduil had had them pegged all along. 

‘Well, how do you think I feel?’ Legolas said, ‘He’s my father.’

‘I know, it’s just so unexpected.’ Tauriel said, ‘How did we read him so wrong?’

‘He’s pretty unreadable, in your defence.’ Dan said. Ro was lying sprawled across him, head in his lap and he was stroking his dark hair soothingly. ‘It’s Dad that I can’t believe. So much for compassionate doctors.’ They all looked up at the tap on the door. Legolas got up from where he was sitting on the floor next to the bed. He went over and opened it, Fili and Thorin were standing there.

‘Can we come in?’ Fili asked. Dan looked down at Ro who nodded. Fili smiled to himself as he recognised the dynamic. Dan might be the big brother, the protector. But when it came to Ro, he would happily let him twist him around his little finger and do everything he asked him to. It was the same way he felt about Kili. He gave Thorin a sideways glance and wondered if it was the same for him and Frerin. 

‘Sure.’ Dan said. They stepped inside and then Thorin cleared his throat. 

‘Would you and Tauriel mind if we spoke to them alone?’ he asked, ‘We have some things we need to say and, well, we would appreciate some privacy.’

‘Oh.’ Legolas looked at the twins hesitantly.

‘It’s fine, Legs. Go.’ Dan said. Legolas and Tauriel exchanged looks then she got up as well and they moved to the door. ‘We’ll be downstairs if you need us.’ Legolas said. Then they left and shit the door behind them.

Fili and Thorin looked at each other and then at the twins.

‘Firstly, I’m very sorry I hit your dad.’ Fili said, ‘I don’t often lose it like that. It was unacceptable.’

‘No it wasn’t.’ Dan replied, ‘If he’d called Ro a whore I probably would have done the same.’ Fili sighed and came over to sit on the corner of the bed.

‘It hurts now.’ He said, ‘And it’s going to get worse once the shock wears off. You’re going to need people around you who understand. So we have a little proposition for you.’ He looked up at Thorin and gave him an expectant look. Thorin sighed as well. 

‘We want you two to stay here.’ he said. ‘At least until you both figure this out and decide how you want to move forward.’ Ro sat up and he and Dan had matching looks of disbelief.

‘Why?’ he asked, ‘We’re not your family.’

‘Well that’s the funny thing about this situation.’ Fili said, ‘You kind of are in a really weird way. And we understand what you are going through.’ He looked meaningfully at Thorin. ‘All of us.’ It took a while for the realisation to dawn, but when it did it was Dan who realised the implications of what Fili had said first. 

‘You and Frerin too?’ he asked Thorin, and Thorin nodded.

‘Yes.’ he said simply. ‘Me and Frerin too.’ 

‘So, that’s why we want you to stay.’ Fili said, ‘I would have wanted someone to do this for me, and so I want to do it for you.’ He was speaking to Dan now, his eyes fixed on him. ‘You can be strong for him, but you need someone to be strong for you as well. You can’t do it by yourself. That’s where we went wrong. We are stronger together than apart.’ 

‘This is too much.’ Dan stammered, ‘We can’t ask you for this.’

‘You’re not.’ Thorin said, ‘We're offering. Like Fili said, we’ve learned from experience. There is a good way and a bad way to do this. We want you both to know that while you are here there will never be any judgement because we have been there and are there ourselves. So the offer is there. You can stay in the guest house with Fili and Kili for as long as you need. And when you two are happy with what you are and can make an informed decision then you can go home or to Mirkwood or wherever you want.’ 

‘All right.’ Dan said, ‘Thank you.’

‘No thanks necessary. Just paying it forward.’ Fili said. He gave Dan a friendly pat on the knee then got up. ‘You can bring your stuff down whenever.’ He went to the door and Thorin followed him. They gave the twins a smile and left.

****************

Outside Thorin out his hand on Fili’s shoulder. 

‘I don’t deserve a second chance with you.’ He said, ‘You are too good for this world, you know that?’ Fili shrugged.

‘I learned it from somewhere. What you taught me wasn’t all bad.’ he replied. Thorin looked at him. 

‘I am so very, very sorry Fee. ‘ he said, voice low and full of emotion. Then he reached out and pulled Fili into a hug, wrapping his arms around him so Fili’s head was against his shoulder. ‘I hope you can forgive me.’ A little taken aback, Fili hesitated at first then raised his arms and hugged Thorin back.

‘I think I can.’ he said into Thorin’s shoulder, ‘I want to.’ Thorin finally let him go, raising his hands to take Fili’s face in them.

‘You are the strongest out of all of us.’ he said. ‘They will be okay with you looking out for them. But that means you have to let us look out for you.’ He pushed the thick blond hair off Fili’s face just like he’d done when he was a boy. ‘And we’re going to start by getting the fuck out of this house for one night. Just you, me and the baby brothers. What do you say? We’ll go drink beer and talk about all this shit.’

‘Throw in some pool and I’m in.’ Fili said.

‘Fine, but I have to warn you I’m pretty good.’ Thorin said. Fili smiled at him.

‘We'll see, old man.’


	72. Going Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Preparations for the night ahead...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like sweet little domestic side chapters. This is one of these....oh and, WHAT"S IN THE BOX?????

Four days before the party, night time

For the first time in a week, peace reigned over Erebor. Dis watched as Oin and Balin strolled through the formal gardens from her seat on the terrace. They’d all taken Fili’s little outburst rather well. Gloin and Nara had been typically laissez-faire with the news, promptly declaring that they didn’t give a stuff. They were now having an early dinner, after the day’s events had wreaked havoc with most people’s eating schedules, which was never a good thing to do to Durins. She was still, however, a little unnerved by the encounter between Beorn and Fili. He’d given her the strangest look earlier when they’d surprised her in the drawing room. And then, after the Elrond debacle, Kili had done the same. They’d had their heads together for most of the late afternoon, giving her speculative looks and giggling like small children. She’d forgotten just how frustrating it was to be party to their bizarre communication.

Dwalin, was stretched out opposite her. He’d just eaten what was probably a record breaking amount of food, and looked like a bear ready for hibernation. Ori was next to him, glued to his mobile. They made such an odd pair, she thought and yet it worked so very well. Maybe she should try to loosen up and let Beorn in a little more. She’d been keeping him at arm’s length, terrified of allowing him to intrude on her carefully constructed lifestyle. But it was so nice to have someone to talk to and to laugh with and to…well, lots of other things really. She smiled to herself as she thought of the wine cellar encounter. She’d started that when it had first happened. A simple text and then sneaking downstairs to let him in the ancient service door that led directly into the basement. It felt deliciously naughty and they’d never quite grown out of it, in spite of the fact that they now did it far more frequently in the elaborately carved wooden bed in Beorn’s cottage. 

She took a sip of her wine and wondered how Nara’s evening was going. There had been a wonderful moment when Thranduil had swept in and declared that if he and the Gloinsons were going to be in-laws that they should start getting acquainted. Nara had practically squeezed him senseless in delight. Needless to say, Legolas and Gimli had not been too pleased by this development, especially when they had all been bundled into Thranduil’s Rolls to go to dinner, along with Tauriel and Sigrid, whose expression of horribly confused delight was precious.

‘We’ve only known each other for a week.’ Legolas had protested, as they were being shunted out the front door for the second time in as many days.

‘And we’re not even sure if this is a relationship. It could just be sex.’ Gimli had said, hoping desperately this would pummel their parents into submission, but they’d taken it in their stride.

‘No matter, ‘Thranduil had said, hand moving through the air in a delicate gesture. ‘Relationship or not, I think this is an excellent idea.’ 

‘Who are you and what have you done with my father?’ Legolas hissed and Thranduil had laughed openly at that.

***************

Down in the guest house, Kili gave himself a once over in the mirror in the bedroom he now shared with Fili (and didn’t that give him a little thrill, the words ‘our bedroom’ bouncing around in his head). He was pleased. He’d chased Fili out after he’d showered, throwing his clothes at him and banishing him to the living area to get dressed. He had had a reason for this. Now he looked at himself, a perfect replica of the clothes he’d worn the night of his eighteenth. Black jeans, army boots and white shirt, the sleeves rolled up on his lower arms. The only thing missing was the long hair. Instead he’d left it tousled after the shower, and it was now a riot of curls around his head making him look a lot younger. For the hundredth time, he checked his front pocket feeling the small cardboard box holding the contents that he’d bought seven years ago and never had the opportunity to use. He was feeling strangely nervous. This was almost like a first date. The fact that he’d have his uncles tagging along didn’t bother him half as much as the sense that this was an official beginning.

He took a deep breath, steadying himself and went to the door. When he opened it he saw Fili standing talking to Dan and Ro, who were now in what could best be described as slothing clothes and sitting cuddled on the sofa watching tv. Kili looked at his brother, letting his eyes roam over him from top to bottom. Fili was also wearing black jeans and boots, and rolling the sleeves of his faded blue chambray shirt up on his forearms just as Kili had. He was standing side on and Kili got a good look at that elegant Durin profile. He was so beautiful, Kili felt his heart ache from it. He stepped into the room, and Fili turned. He took in what Kili was wearing and his eyes widened. Then he broke out into that gorgeous dimpled smile.

‘Wow.’ he said, ‘Look at you.’ 

‘What, this old thing?’ Kili replied, giving him his own dazzling smile in return. Fili raised an eyebrow at him then held out his hand. Kili didn’t hesitate in going to him and taking it, fingers lacing together.

‘We’ll catch you two later. Don’t wait up.’ Fili said to the twins, as he led Kili out the door.

‘Don’t do anything we wouldn’t do.’ Ro called out after them and laughed.

***************

Upstairs Frerin watched Thorin change his shirt for the tenth time. He should have found it frustrating, but Thorin had always been like this and he found it endlessly endearing. That and the fact that every time Thorin took his shirt off, he was treated to the sight of the dark furred chest and stomach, still toned and muscled after all the intervening years. In fact, if he was being honest, age had more than agreed with his brother who was far hotter now than he’d been when he was twenty.

‘You look fine.’ he said, and Thorin frowned. He picked up a dark blue cotton shirt that matched his eyes, and put it on. As he was buttoning it up he turned to Frerin.

‘So you think we did the right thing?’ he asked.

‘Yes, you did. I think the twins will benefit enormously from being here. This way they get to experience what a dysfunctional family is like first hand.’ Frerin couldn’t resist grinning at Thorin’s unamused look when he said that. ‘Now can we fucking go please?’ 

‘Fine,’ Thorin said, coming over to where he lounged on the bed and pulling him up, catching him around the waist and kissing him. ‘Where do you want to go? Our variables are beer and pool.’ 

‘Anywhere we can do this.’ Frerin said, one arm going around Thorin’s neck and pulling him in a for another kiss.

‘I think I have the perfect place.’ Thorin smiled.


	73. Club

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The double date ends up somewhere Frerin hadn't counted on...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I thought I'd give some background stuff here :) Full marks if you get the song reference :D And FiliKiliThorinForever, you might recognise a set up when you see one ;)

Four days before the party, evening

They did drive to Bristol in the end, ending up in a burger place that Thorin knew of. Frerin wondered just how often his brother went there as he was greeted warmly when they went in.

‘You’ve never brought me to this place.’ Kili said accusingly as he eyed it up. 

‘I also need space, you know.’ Thorin said, ‘You and your mother can be pretty full on some times. And the only reason I’m bringing you here now is because we’re drawing a line under secrets tonight. Think of this as a gesture of goodwill.’

‘Goodwill through burgers.’ Fili said, ‘I like it.’ They sat down and ordered drinks from the very arty looking waitress, who giggled and made flirty eyes at Fili who happily flirted back. When she bought their beers she winked at Fili, and he gave her the dimples, chuckling to himself under his breath when she sashayed away. That was until he looked at Kili and saw the dark brows were drawn down and his eyes were dangerous. He gave him a smirk. ‘Not so cool when the shoe is on the other foot is it?’

‘I’ll get you later for that.’ Kili said, and kicked him under the table.

‘Were they like this when they were kids?’ Frerin asked. Thorin looked up from the menu, then at his nephews and rolled his eyes.

‘Always.’ he said. ‘The only difference is that now they’re old enough to know what to do with it.’

‘Oh please,’Fili said peeling the label off his beer bottle, ‘I bet you two flirted way worse than we do.’

‘Actually that’s a mental image I could really do without.’ Kili said. ‘I think I’m still emotionally traumatised by what I saw in the cellar last night.’

‘Hey, we were your age once too you know.’ Frerin said. ‘You think you two have exclusivity on the places in Erebor you’ve done it? Well, I have news for you, my young Paduwan. Every conceivable place you two have fucked, we probably got there first. Think about that.’ He grinned at Thorin. 

‘That’s a good point.’ Thorin said, smiling now at Kili’s obvious discomfort.

‘Fuck off.’ Kili said, balling his paper napkin and throwing it at him.

The food turned out to be beyond good. The conversation died down as they ate, heads down and focused on their food. To anyone observing it would have been almost comical to spot the identical gestures being used by theo four people around the table. 

‘This is really fucking good.’ Fili said, smacking Kili’s hand as he tried to steal a chip from his plate, having already eaten all of his. ‘Jesus Kee, if you want more chips order more and leave mine the fuck alone.’

'But they taste better coming from your plate.’ Kili said, smiling at him. ‘Besides I’m still growing.’

‘I think you’ve got about one more year to use that excuse.’ Thorin said, leaning back with his arm along the back of Frerin’s chair. He looked more relaxed that Fili could ever remember seeing him. ‘Christ, I would kill for a cigarette. You are a very bad influence.’ He said this to Frerin, who pushed his empty plate forward.

‘Then let’s get out of here. Where are we going next, because this isn’t the place you were hinting at earlier.’ he said and looked at him meaningfully.

‘No, it’s not.’ Thorin said, smile widening. ‘That’s a surprise.’ 

**********

‘Holy shit, it’s still open?’ Frerin was staring at the building in absolute delight. ‘I thought it would be gone by now.’

‘Institutions are meant to last.’ Thorin said, ‘And I may have bought the building to make sure it didn’t get closed. It was the only thing I had left to remind me of you.’ 

‘You romantic bastard.’ Frerin said, stupid smile plastered across his face. 

‘Okay, I’m definitely missing something.’ Kili said, hands on hips and looking sceptically at the club they were standing outside. 

‘Yes, you are kid.’ Frerin said, ‘But if you own this don’t they know who you are.’

‘They’ve never met me, and nobody knows who the actual owner is. It’s amazing what Balin can do.’ Thorin said looking extremely pleased with himself, eyes never leaving Frerin’s face. ‘Now are we going inside or are we going to debate property law on the pavement.’ They went inside the club, climbing the stairs and going through the plain door at the top.

‘It’s exactly the same!’ Frerin exclaimed, taking in the black and white checkered floor, scarred wooden bar and crowds of people almost lost in darkness. The music belting out of the speakers was pure eighties. He turned and looked at Thorin. ‘I can’t believe it.’ Thorin raised one hand to his face, thumb stroking along Frerin’s cheekbone. 

‘Of course it is.’ he said, ‘Why would I change anything about the place where I fell in love with you?’ Then he stepped into Frerin’s space and kissed him. Frerin put both arms around his neck, pulling him tightly against him and proceeded to kiss him back fiercely.

‘Oh for Christ’s sake.’ Kili said, ‘I need a fucking drink if I’m going to watch you two snog all fucking night.’ He headed off to the bar, Fili in tow. 

‘Fuck, I love you.’ Thorin said, when Frerin finally let him go. 

‘I love you too.’ he said, taking Thorin’s hand and pulling him after him, ‘Now let’s go have fun like it’s 1983.’ 

**********

‘I think it’s cute.’ Fili said. They were in a booth at the back, drinks on the table and watching Thorin and Frerin dance. A song had come on that had had Frerin up and dragging Thorin onto the dance floor quicker than you could say age inappropriate. Now they were slow dancing and kissing like a pair of lovesick teenagers while the song went on about stars shining and love being true. 

‘It’s disturbing.’ Kili said, watching his brother carefully. He had been wanting to ask Fili a question all evening but wasn’t sure how to bring it up. Fili ran a finger along the rim of his glass.

‘What?’ he said, finally looking at Kili. 

‘Nothing.’ he said on reflex. 

‘It’s not nothing. I can hear your brain whirring from over here, Kee. What is it?’ he asked. Kili sighed, finger mimicking his brother and tracing the rim of his own glass.

‘Frerin told me something this afternoon.’ he said, ‘It kind of threw me.’ 

‘Yeah? You going to tell me what it is? It’s obviously got you worked up.’ Fili said. 

‘He said you’re in therapy.’ Kili said, and then looked away. ‘I just never thought you would be the kind of person who needed it. You were always so together. I was always the one who couldn’t deal with all the emotional shit.’ 

‘Just because I never freaked out like you did on a regular basis didn’t mean I had it together Kee.’ Fili said, putting one hand over Kili’s. ‘Do you know how much it took for me to take that step with you? I was freaking out the entire time we were together. Thorin finding out about us and sending me away completely fucked me up. I almost killed Frerin the one night when I lost it. We both thought it would be a good thing for me to get some help from someone who wasn’t one of us.’

‘And did it help?’ Kili asked.

‘Not at first.’ Fili said, ‘It never made me stop missing you but it taught me how to deal with it in a way that meant I wasn’t going to self-destruct which is probably what I would have done.’ There was a moment of silence as they both watched each other.

‘So is your doctor good?’ Kili asked.

‘Yes. He is.’ Fili said, ‘But he’s not exactly on the books. Frerin found him.’ 

‘What do you mean?’ Kili asked, and Fili sighed.

‘You know what we did is illegal right?’ he asked, ‘And technically, as your older brother, I would probably have been held responsible. I could have gone to jail, Kee. That’s not something you take to an ordinary therapist. Saul is not a psychologist, he’s a researcher in abnormal behaviour. He has PhD and everything, but he doesn’t take patients per se.’

‘So if you’re not his patient then what are you?’ Kili asked, and Fili sighed.

‘I’m a case study for an extended thesis he’s writing on consensual sibling incest.’ he said, folding his arms defensively and waiting for the reaction he knew was coming.

‘Fucking hell, Fee!’ Kili said, shocked at what he’ just been told. ‘Like, as in published thesis? So people will know about you?’

‘Yes and no.’ Fili said. ‘I’m in there but nobody will know it’s me. Technically I’m known as Case 433. And that’s a numerical descriptor by the way. It’s a lot more common than you think.’

‘And Frein was cool with letting you do this?’ Kili asked, and now Fili smiled.

‘You’ll have to read about that. He’s Case 311 in case you’re curious.’ he said. Kili’s mouth dropped open.

‘He’s in there too?’

‘Of course he is. How do you think he knew where to send me? And once the shit at home has died down a little, I’m going to send the twins to him. He’s helped me a lot and he will do the same for them.’ He tightened his grip on Kili’s hand, squeezing reassuringly. ‘There’s help out there Kili, and if we’d known about it maybe all this shit would have been a lot easier to deal with.’

‘So we would never have done it, you mean.’ Kili said, voice changing.

‘No.’ Fili replied, ‘So we could have realised that there was nothing wrong with falling in love in the first place and stood up for what we felt. So that I would have been strong enough to fight for you. Do you see?’

‘Yes.’ Kili said eventually, ‘I do.’

On the dance floor, Frerin glanced at his nephews.

‘That looks like an intense conversation.’ He remarked and Thorin followed his gaze.

‘Time for pool.’ he said.

*************

Thorin was good, but Fili turned out to be just as capable. The result was that a friendly game turned into a Battle Royale. Kili and Frerin ended up on the tiny roof terrace, Frerin shaking out a cigarette and offering them to Kili. Kili hesitated a moment and then took one, lighting first Frerin’s then his.

‘We haven’t had much time to talk the last few days.’ Frerin said, ‘It’s been kind of a whirlwind.’ 

‘I kind of feel like I know you already though.’ Kili said, ‘You’re so much like Fee.’ 

‘And you are a lot like Thorin.’ Frerin replied, ‘But there’s a lot of your mom in there too. You’re dreamy like she was. Head in the clouds, and such an eternal optimist.’ They fell into silence, smoking and blowing the trails into the night air. 

‘Can I ask you something?’ Kili said, and Frerin nodded. 

‘Sure kid, ask away.’ he replied.

‘How bad was the accident?’ Kili asked, and Frerin’s face darkened.

‘It was bad.’ he said, ‘He was very lucky to get out without any serious injuries. But he lost a good friend, and that knocked him right back on his arse for a couple of months. And he still can’t go under water. Even the fucking bath used to terrify him at the beginning. He’d get panic attacks and couldn’t sleep. Then his doctor started hypnotherapy with him and he got to the point where he was functional again. Now he gets in a helicopter and puts those headphones of his in and just zones out. I don’t know if that’s a good thing or not, but it meant he kept his job.’ He looked at Kili. ‘You okay?’ Kili nodded.

‘Yeah, it’s just a lot to take in.’ he said. Frerin put his hand on Kili’s shoulder.

‘I know.’ he said.


	74. Treeline

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the date...

Three days before the party, very early in the morning.

The drive back from Bristol was quiet. Frerin and Fili were both unconsciously mimicking each other, windows down and one hand extended to catch the wind. Kili was leaning up against his brother, head nestled into Fili’s shoulder and Fili’s other arm around him. Thorin drove far more sedately than Frerin remembered, but the hand on his thigh was still the same. And the delicious sense of anticipation he had was too. It wasn’t helped by the sideways glances Throin was throwing his way, dark blue eyes alight with something he hadn’t seen in years, not even all the times they had already been intimate with each other. This night was different, and it made him shiver just a little. That look on Thorin’s face was always a precursor to very interesting things. He wasn’t disappointed when they finally reached the lane that Erebor was on, and Thorin slowed the car at the gate, pulling in slightly to get off the road.

‘Right, out you get you two.’ He said to Fili and Kili. Fili gave him and Frerin a knowing look and shoved a protesting Kili off him. Thorin raised an eyebrow at Frerin as he realised that Fili knew exactly what they were off to go do. Kili, however, was not party to this and grumbled as Fili pulled him out of the car. 

‘Just remember to play safe you two.’ Fili cackled as he closed the door. ‘This isn’t the eighties anymore.’

'Fuck off Grasshopper.’ Frerin retorted easily, already starting to get hard in anticipation. Especially when, once the door was closed and they’d pulled off, Thorin’s hand slid up his inner thigh. The drive down the road was mercifully as short as he remembered it. But when they got to that gate, Frerin saw it was locked. He was about to comment, when Thorin hopped out and pulled a key from his back pocket, unlocking the gate and swinging it open. Then he got back in the car and rove in, not bothering to pull the gate back. He turned the car, but instead of stopping in the tree line, he drove out into the open field. Then he stopped and parked, before turning to Frerin.

‘Get out.’ he said.

‘What?’ Frerin asked, a little taken aback. But then Thorin turned and looked at him, and the heat in his eyes went straight to Frerin’s cock. If he hadn’t been completely hard before, he sure as fuck was now.

‘I saw you watching me today.’ Thorin said, voice deep. ‘I forgot how much you liked me like that.’

‘Was I that obvious?’ Frerin asked, aware that his voice was starting to shake a little, which was quite pathetic for a man of forty-seven. But the dominance he could now hear in Thorin’s voice was making him dizzy with excitement.

‘Only to me.’ Thorin said, leaning in close enough for his breath to ghost over Frerin’s mouth. ‘Now get out the car, go stand in the headlights and take your clothes off. I want to watch you.’ Frerin started to tremble, but he opened the door and got out of the car. He’d never forgotten the little power games they’d played when they had gotten comfortable enough to explore the limits of their relationship, which hadn’t really taken that long to be fair. He went to the grass in front of the car, the lights making it difficult to see Thorin in the car. But that was part of the plan. And he knew, as surely as he knew what would come afterwards, that Thorin would have his hand down his own jeans while he watched Frerin take his clothes off. The thought made him moan a little, and he toed off his shoes and socks, then started unbuttoning his shirt, as slowly as he could bring himself to go. He peeled it off, chucking it on the bonnet of the car, and throwing a challenging look in the direction of the windscreen. He decided to get a little of his own back, stroking himself slowly through his jeans, knowing what sort of effect it would have on the occupant of the car. The hooter went and he laughed out loud, knowing that was Thorin’s old signal to stop playing around and get on with it. He unbuttoned his jeans, and then pushed them and his briefs down and stepped out of them, hand going back to his cock. He took his time, thrusting into his own hand with his feet spread. He heard the driver’s door open and then Thorin was there next to him, turning him and pushing him so his arse was on the still warm bonnet of the car, feet planted to the ground and mouth forced open by Thorin’s tongue which was suddenly licking frenziedly into his mouth. He responded, giving back as hard as he was getting and then Thorin was on his knees in front of him, one hand around Frerin, stroking hard and blowing on the head in a puff of warm air before he lowered his head and took Frerin in his mouth. Frerin arched back over the car, hands desperately trying to find purchase on the slick paint. Thorin set a punishing rhythm taking him all the way in, saliva slick tongue driving Frerin crazy as he moved his head up and down. He took a handful of Thorin’s thick hair in one hand, and tugged hard, hearing Thorin growl low in his throat in response.

‘Don’t’ he managed to pant, ‘I want you up here.’ Thorin pulled off, and got to his feet wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, a gesture that made Frerin’s head spin. He pushed Frerin further up the bonnet so he was on his back, feet flat against the car. It hadn’t escaped Frerin’s notice either that Thorin was still fully dressed, while he was butt naked on the car with his legs spread like a whore. He moaned and Thorin smiled, eyes glittering at him.

‘Don’t fucking move.’ he said, moving to the car and then Frerin realised what he was doing.

‘You bugger.’ he said when Thorin returned, unbuttoning his own shirt and carrying something that looked suspiciously like lube. ‘You fucking planned this.’

‘Maybe.’ Thorin said. He took off his shirt, folding it and then tucking it under Frerin’s head. Then he went to stand between Frerin’s legs, balancing the lube on the car and unbuttoning his own jeans pushing them down around his hips so his cock was free. He did the same thing Frerin had, standing there and stroking himself lazily while Frerin watched him, panting and nearly squirming on the bonnet. 

‘Come on Thor.’ he said, ‘Stop dicking around and fuck me.’ Thorin smiled again, then reached for the lube. 

‘You know we were interrupted last night.’ he said, ‘But there’s no-one out here to disturb us. And I plan on enjoying this.’

‘Stop pontificating and get inside me.’ Frerin snapped, and got another deep laugh.

‘You never were very good at being patient, little brother.' Thorin said, making a show of slicking his fingers. He pushed one of Frein’s knees up, letting his fingers trail down over his cock before sliding them inside him and making him gasp. He placed on hand on the car next to Frerin, and worked his fingers in and out of him, rubbing up against his prostate and smiling blissfully at the resultant moans. He continued until Frerin was almost incoherent, grabbing Thorin’s arm to still his movements.

‘Not like this,’ he breathed, I want to come with you inside me.’ Thorin nodded once, shoving his jeans down further and running his still slick hand over his cock before moving flush with the car and guiding himself inside his brother. Frerin arched up as he slid inside, hooking both legs around him to hold him in place. Thorin held him by the hips and clambered onto the bonnet and settled down as best he could, one arm moving up so it was cushioned under Frerin’s head and the other steadyijng them both against the car. It was precarious and he could only thrust slowly and deeply in case they both fell off. It was intense, the cold of the air drawing goose bumps from their sweat sheened skin. They moaned in unison at every thrust, not worrying about the noise they were making. It was only when Thorin began to shudder on top of him that Frerin gave him a little shove.

‘I need you to go harder.’ he breathed in Thorin’s ear and Thorin half slid, half fell of the bonnet back onto his feet, pulling Frerin back against him so he thrust deeply and hit the spot inside him hard enough to make him shout. Then he put all his weight and strength into his thrusts, bumping Frerin up along the bonnet each time before pulling him down against him again. It was frenzied, and Frerin couldn’t stop from shouting into the night as he rushed up the crest of sensation, coming so hard his vison went fuzzy around the edges for a moment. Thorin held on for a few more thrusts before doing the same, collapsing over his brother and pinning him underneath him. 

They lay there until the chill started to get to them. Thorin pulled out, and then helped pull Frerin up and into his arms.

‘I love you.’ he said, and Frerin smiled against his skin.

‘I love you too, big brother. But I don’t think fucking on the car is a good idea anymore. My back is killing me.’ Thorin chuckled and then kissed him, mouth warm against his own.

‘Let’s go home.’ he said.

****************

In the field on the far side of the treeline, Fili and Kili lay on their backs looking at the stars. They could hear very faint noises that told them exactly what their uncles had abandoned them to go do.

‘Jesus Christ.’ Fili said smiling, ‘They’re like a couple of horny teenagers.’ Kili turned onto one elbow and looked at him. In the moonlight Fili’s blue eyes looked silver and his hair was almost colourless. The shadows on his face were breath taking. 

‘Fee?’ he asked and Fili turned his head to look at him. ‘I wanted to tell you something. Something about what you said tonight.’ 

‘What?’ Fili asked, running a fingertip along Kili’s nose.

‘You said that you weren’t strong enough to fight for us. And I think that you really feel bad about that, but you shouldn’t.’

‘Why not?’ Fili asked, and Kili shifted a little closer to him so he could lay his head on Fili’s shoulder and wrap his arm around his waist.

‘Because you fought for me today.’ he said. ‘What you said to everyone was perfect. It made me realise just how much I love you and how lucky I was to have a brother that was so ready to sacrifice everything to keep me safe.’ He turned, chin on hand and looked at Fili. ‘I kind of have something for you, but I haven't had a chance to give it to you.’

‘What are you talking about Kee?’ Fili asked and Kili pushed himself up on his hands, getting into a sitting position. He dug the small box out of his pocket and handed it to Fili who took it and then sat up as well. He looked at the box.

‘When did you get time to do this?’ he asked, ‘We’ve been together practically every minute.’

‘Just open it.’ Kili said and watched Fili intently as he did, making a soft sound of surprise at what was inside. He tipped the box, looking at the two identical thick white gold bands that fell into his palm. They were engraved with a bold Celtic pattern. Fili picked one up and peered at it.

‘They’re wolves. The design is from the Book of Lindisfarne.’ Kili said looking over his shoulder and then watching his face. ‘You know why I chose them?’

‘The same reason I chose ravens. They mate for life.’ Fili whispered. ‘When did you get these?’

‘I got them a couple of weeks after my birthday. Remember when I made you take me into Bath and then I disappeared and you got really pissed off because I made you late for rugby practice.’ Kili said, and Fili looked at him. ‘I was going to give it to you at Christmas. It was going to kind of be a big deal, you know? We can never be married in the traditional sense, but I wanted to show you that’s how I felt about you. Like we would be together forever.’ He took one from Fili’s palm and held it so that the moonlight shone on the inside highlighting the engraving there. ‘It our names and birth dates. Mine’s in yours and yours is in mine.’ He handed the ring to back to Fili. 

Fili looked at it, silent. Kili was starting to get a little worried he’d done the wrong thing, when Fili suddenly spoke in a low voice.

‘Put it on me.’ he said. Kili hesitated, then took the ring belonging toi Fili, who held out an expectant hand. He slid the ring onto the third finger of Fili’s left hand, where he would have worn a wedding band. It fitted perfectly, the result of some sneaky measuring on Kili’s part. Fili looked at it, blinking.

‘It’s fucking perfect.’ he said. Then he took Kili’s one. Kili held out his own hand and Fili put the ring on him. He held his hand palm up and Fili put his own hand to it, their fingers linking so the rings clinked together. Then he leaned forward and kissed Kili on the mouth. Kili reached for him, pulling Fili down with him so he was half on top of him. They kissed and kissed and Kili felt his breathing quickening. Fili’s tongue licked against his mouth and he opened it, meeting it and letting their tongues move slowly and thoroughly against each other. Fili rolled onto him properly and Kili parted his legs to let him settle between them, thrusting up against Fili when he felt that he was hard. Fili propped himself up on his elbows, pulling back from Kili.

‘We should go back to the house.’ he said, voice rough.

‘No.’ Kili replied, ‘I want you to take me here, away from everything else.’ He wiggled a hand under his behind, digging in a back pocket and bringing out a couple of lube sachets. He waved them at Fili who laughed softly. 

‘Where the fuck did you get those?’ he asked, nudging Kili’s nose with his own.

‘Hello. We were in a gay club.’ Kili said. Fili placed the sachets on one side, then pushed up so he was straddling Kili. He reached down and drew his shirt up over his head, dropping it next to him and extending his hands to that he could help Kili to sit up, then stripped off his shirt as well. He drew him into a long kiss, then started a trail of kisses and licks along Kili’s jaw, dropping to his throat and then biting gently at the junction of neck and shoulder. Kili moaned, raking his nails down Fili’s strong back and making him shiver in response, before dragging Fili’s mouth back to his, panting hard between kisses. 

‘Fuck me.’ he whispered when their mouths parted, ‘I want you.’ Fili lowered him down, turning him slightly so Kili could roll onto his front, kneeling between his legs. Fili’s mouth was against the back of his neck, teeth nipping and then tongue soothing. His warm skin blanketed Kili, and he reached back to pull him even closer. His cock was hard now, grinding into the dirt beneath him. He could feel Fili, equally hard, thrusting against his arse and he pushed up against him. He tried to get up, but then a strong hand was on the back of his neck, pushing him down and it sent the most incredible thrill through him.

‘No.’ Fili said behind him. ‘I’m in control tonight.’ He ran his tongue long Kili’s ear. ‘I’m going to make you scream little brother.’ He sat up and then Kili felt his hands grab hold of his jeans, hauling him up so he was on his knees. Then Fili’s hands were at his belt, unbuckling it and then unbuttoning his jeans, pulling them down around his thighs so he was exposed to the air. It was chilly on his skin and Kili could feel himself breaking out in goose bumps. But then Fili bent down and licked up his arse and he nearly passed out from the feeling. 

When they were in those few heady months after they’d first had sex, he’d begged Fili to eat him out. Fili had persistently refused, right up until the day he’d left. And now, in a field in the middle of the night it seemed Kili was about to get his wish. Fili must have read his mind because he chuckled then spread Kili open and licked him again, more forcefully this time. Kili cried out, dropping to his elbows and then Fili started in earnest, tongue alternating with little soft licks and broad flat ones, interspersed by Fili’s fingers working him open. Kili was nearly out of his mind with heat and lust, and then Fili stuck his tongue inside him and he couldn’t hang on. He shouted out his orgasm, coming on the ground underneath him and pushing back into his brother’s mouth. Then there was the sound of ripping plastic and the softer slick sound of lube. Then Fili was behind him, wriggling out of his own jeans enough to slick his cock and then line up. Kili felt the head rubbing against him and moaned, then Fili pushed home, sliding inside in one smooth thrust. He came up flush against Kili, hands on his hips. They stayed like that a while, both panting hard with the effort. The Fili started to move and Kili felt the heat going all the way from his groin to his throat, bursting out of him in loud cries. Behind him Fili was just as loud, thrusts quickening until he was slamming into Kili, fingers digging into his hips, knees spread for support. There were no words between them, just their inarticulate cries as they moved together, harder and faster until Fili’s cock brushed Kili’s prostate and he damn near screamed, clenching fiercely around his brother as he came again without even a single touch. Fili thrust a few more times, making Kili shake and moan, before coming with a single harsh cry. They collapsed to the ground and lay there. Fili reached out and intertwined their fingers once again, bringing the rings into alignment once again.

‘I am yours forever.’ he breathed into Kili’s ear. ‘I belong to you, my little wolf.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, mega sexytime chapter :D That came out of nowhere. Just shows what writing under the influence of rum will do to you XD


	75. Fathers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So everyone comes back to Erebor after their respective evening out and discovers a gate crasher...

Gimli was stuffed to the gills. Who knew that his mother and Thranduil would share an almost obsessive love of dessert. He thought they’d probably ordered one of everything on the menu. And of course what Nara didn’t eat she’d palmed off on him and Gloin. He shifted trying to get comfortable. Thranduils’s car was roomy, but only to a point. 

Next to him Legolas was sitting in a state of shock. Thranduil had been a different person at dinner, laughing and telling off colour jokes. He and Gimli’s parents had gotten along famously. It was starting to look like game over.  
Thranduil pulled into the drive way and they started the slow approach to the house. The headlights lit up two figures walking hand in hand just ahead of them along the treeline running alongside the driveway. Gimli saw that it was Fili and Kili. They gave him a little wave as the car went past them.

‘What are they doing out here?’ he said, more to himself than anyone else. Legolas looked past him and shrugged. They reached the house and got out. Their parents were having a fine old time of it, having drunk enough wine at dinner to float a medium sized ship. Tauriel and Sig came round their side of the car.

‘What are you guys going to do now?’ Tauriel asked.

‘Yeah, the night’s still young and all that.’ Sig said grinning. ‘And Tory says that you are one hell of a gardener.’ She winked at Legolas. Legolas gaped at Tauriel who had the grace to look sheepish.

‘You?’ he asked in disbelief and she grinned.

‘I have been known to partake occasionally.’ She said and Sig snorted loudly.

‘Yeah, like every fucking weekend when we played away.’ she said, ‘And even some when we played at home.’ There was a distinct impression that there were two meanings to the word playing. Gimli decided for the tenth time that evening that he liked her very much.

‘Guest house?’ he said, looking at Legolas.

‘We could make a night of it.’ Legolas grinned, ‘I doubt the twins will mind.’

‘And neither will Fee and Kee.’ Gimli replied, grinning. ‘But I think we should probably go raid the alcohol stocks first.’

‘Just so long as we don’t have to go in the fucking cellar again.’ Legolas laughed. They headed up towards the house. They got to the front door and noticed that it was open. There were raised voices coming from inside. Gimli and Legolas exchanged a confused look.

‘Not my dad.’ Legolas said, looking back at where Nara and Thranduil were escorting a very tipsy Gloin up the pathway.

‘Not my dad.’ Gimli replied. 

‘Not Elrond because he’s gone.’ Tauriel added coming to stand behind them.

‘Not Thorin or Frerin, because Thorin’s car’s not here.’

‘Good point. But Fee and Kee are here so where the fuck are they?’

‘Where the fuck is who?’ a voice called, and they all turned. Fili and Kili had made it up the driveway and were coming towards them.

‘Your uncles.’ Gimli replied and they snickered loudly. 

They’re on a nature walk.’ Fili said, and he and Kili cracked up.

‘Okay.’ Gimli said, drawing it out. ‘And what have you two been doing?’

‘Star gazing.’ Kili said, in a tone that suggested otherwise. There was another shared look and more laughter. Gimli rolled his eyes at Legolas.

‘So that still begs the answer of who is having a go at who.’ Kili said.

‘It sounds like Ori and Dwalin.’ Fili said, ‘But I don’t know who else that is.’ They listened. The third voice had a distinct Northern accent. Sigrid went pale.

‘Oh Christ.’ she said, ‘It can’t be. How the fuck did he find me?’ She bolted into the house and the rest of the group followed. 

In the hallway they saw Dwalin and Ori engaged in what was clearly a confrontation with a dark haired man.

‘Look mate,’ Dwalin said, making himself look as big and intimidating as possible, ‘They are not here.’ He said each word emphatically. Next to him Ori had his arms folded, his brown eyes uncharacteristically fiery.

‘So you can just turn around and leave.’ he said. 

‘I’m not going anywhere.’ The man said, his voice quiet and menacing. He was tall, with dark brown short cropped hair and a goatee and dressed in jeans, hiking boots and a brown parka. He looked to be about Thorin and Frerin’s age. ‘Not until I find out where my bloody daughter is.’ 

The three of them suddenly noticed the little gathering at the door. Sigrid blanched and Tauriel reached for her hand, squeezing it reassuringly.

‘She’s with me Mr Lakes.’ she said, her voice more confident than the way she looked. The man whirled around, a look of extreme anger on his face.

‘Sigrid!’ he bellowed, ‘What the bloody hell do you think you’re doing?’ Then he watched, taken aback as Tauriel stepped protectively in front of Sigrid, still holding her hand. That was followed by Legolas and Kili both doing the same to Tauriel and Gimli and Fili following. 

‘I came to find Tory.’ Sigrid said, ‘I know what I’m doing, Dad. You can’t keep me away from her anymore.’ 

‘You took the bloody car!’ he shouted, but at a lower volume than before. ‘Your brother and sister are worried sick. I had to leave them with your aunt.’

‘You should have brought them with.’ she replied, ‘Then maybe they could have helped me talk sense into you.’ 

‘There isin’t anything to discuss.’ he said, vice now at a far more acceptable volume, but still angry. ‘You going to get your things and we are going home.’

‘No, I’m not.’ Sigrid said, ‘I am staying here with Tory.’

‘Fucking hell.’ Kili said, ‘Is there anyone here whose family isn’t completely dysfunctional?’ Gimli raised his hand and then dropped it when they all glared at him. 

‘Who are you people?’ the man asked, seemingly exasperated. Fili stepped forward, blue eyes narrowing. He was a good head shorter than Sigrid’s father, but the air of authority he carried made the man take a backwards step. Dwalin grinned as he watched him. The mannerisms were pure Durin.

‘I think you should be very careful about the tone you use to ask us who we are when you are in our house.’ he said. ‘And I think it’s customary for guests,’ and that word was sharp, ‘to introduce themselves first.’ The man drew himself up and opened his mouth to speak when a voice came from behind the group. 

‘Bard?’ the voice was incredulous. They all swung around to see Thranduil and Nara and Gloin all looking at the scene. Thranduil’s normally impassive face was a picture of emotions. His eyes were fixed Sigrid’s father’s face. They all looked back at him, and saw the same incredulity written there clear for all to see.

‘Thran?’ he asked in return. There was a long moment where no-one spoke. The sudden tension between the two men was tangible. Legolas was the first to shatter the silence.

‘I take it you two know each other.’ he said. Bard Lakes swallowed noisily, but remained otherwise silent. Thranduil turned to his son.

‘You could say that.’ he replied.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooooo, this is interesting...


	76. Bard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So Bard has turned up, what does this hold for the star crossed lovers, and why is he looking at Thranduil like that?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So we are now moving past Chapter 75, so I just wanted to say a massive thank you for all the support, kusdos and kind words you guys have given me and this fic. It has been amazing and I hope you all make me a very happy bunny :D So, cheers for that!

Three days before the party.

Thorin parked the car and got out. He waited for Frerin to catch up with him, taking his hand and walking with him to the house. His brother was walking a little funny, and he chuckled.

‘Fuck off.’ Frerin said, glaring at him. ‘You go on the fucking bottom next time.’ They got to the front door and noticed that it was standing wide open. Not only that, but there seemed to be some sort of conference occurring in the hallway. They went inside. Kili turned around and saw them, then grinned knowingly at them.

‘You two back, are you?’ he said, ‘How was your nature walk? Fili and I heard some very interesting nightlife, so it must have been good.’ 

‘I wouldn’t talk if I were you.’ Thorin said, reaching over and pulling grass out of Kili’s hair. Kili blushed a little and raised his left hand to his head to check if there was any more, giving both his uncles a good look at what was on it. ‘And what the hell is that?’ Kili stopped and clocked what they were looking at. He glanced at Fili, and then Thorin and Frerin took in the matching ring on the matching finger on the matching hand. Thorin opened his mouth to say something else and got a sudden and deadly elbow to the ribs. Frerin gave him a look that practically threatened to castrate him if he opened his mouth. He shut it again, and then took in the rest of the crowd, frowning when he saw the unfamiliar face.  
‘Who the hell is that?’ he said, instead.

*************

‘So we’re in the kitchen again.’ Gimli said glumly, and accepted the beer Kili was holding out to him. Tauriel and Sigrid were now closeted with Legolas, Thranduil and Bard in the dining room. The rest of them has retreated to the kitchen and were now making a dent in a two tubs of chocolate ice cream and a crate of beer rescued from the cellar.

‘This is starting to look like an MI5 convention.’ he replied, sitting down next to Fili, waving away the pre-offered spoon. They had decided bowls were not a necessary variable in the current equation and were eating straight from the tub, Thorin included which had surprised the hell out of everyone. ‘Normal looking people, who all turn out to be as weird as fuck.’

‘It certainly has been one hell of a week. It’s not often that the stars align to produce this kind of clusterfuck.’ Gloin said, grinning broadly. ‘So far we’ve had incest, intrigue, star crossed lovers, angry fathers, angry uncles, too much fucking dessert and more fucking incest. I don’t think I’ve had this much fun in ages.’ He roared with laughter at the unimpressed look the younger generation gave him.

‘But at least you met a nice boy.’ Nara said to Gimli, taking her beer from Kili and using the edge of the wooden table to knock the cap off in the time honoured Durin tradition. It was a skill Dis had taught her when her and Gloin had first started dating and her son watched her enviously. He’d never gotten the knack for it.

‘Yeah, about that. I would appreciate it if you two stopped trying to send the lovetrain on a death ride down the track.’ he said, ‘I think even Legolas has his breaking point.’

‘Bollocks.’ Nara snorted. ‘If anything he has the most amazing capacity for chaos. He’s hardly batted an eye during this whole thing with your cousins and your uncles and his cousins. He even managed to cope with us tonight and doesn’t look like he’s heading for the hills any time soon. And Thranduil thinks you make a lovely couple as well.’ Gimli huffed, folding his arms and glaring at Fili and Kili who were snickering at him.

‘Shut up.’ he said, and they gave him almost identical looks of mock innocence. ‘I forgot how godawfully annoying you two are when you’re in brother mode.’ They looked at each other, then both gave him the finger at exactly the same time.

‘Ori!’ Dwalin hissed from where he was standing in the kitchen doorway looking out into the hall. ‘Stop bloody eavesdropping!’ Ori waved a hand at him in annoyance, but didn’t leave his spot by the dining room door. 

‘For Christ’s sake.’ Dwalin said pinching the bridge of his nose. He turned to Thorin, who had just stuck an enormous amount of ice cream in his mouth. ‘This is nuts. What are we going to do with him.’ Thorin mumbled something that sounded like ‘I don’t know’ around the ice cream, then made a face as the headache hit. 

‘Ori? Or that new guy?’ Frerin asked.

‘Both.’ Dwalin replied, continuing to watch his boyfriend do the worst impersonation of a spy ever. ‘And he wants to do investigative journalism. Look at him, he couldn’t sneak up on a deaf badger.’

‘I’m surprised Dis isn’t down here with him.’ Thorin added, then frowned. ‘Where is your mother anyway?’ he asked Fili and Kili who gave him a synchronised shrug.

‘No fucking idea.’ Kili said.

‘But she’s going to be pissed she missed this.’ Fili added.

*************

In the small cottage on the far side of the woodland, an interesting conversation was going on. Dis was watching Beorn’s face intently.

‘So your brothers.’ he said at last and she nodded. ‘And your sons.’ She nodded again. 

‘It’s probably an awful thing to contemplate.’ she said, giving a helpless little shrug. “I can’t for the life of me tell you how it happened. Or why I am so comfortable with it. It just feels right to me. But I understand completely if you want to have no part of this.’ He sighed, getting up from the bed, tall body coloured in shadows by the light from the fireplace. Dis had found it strange that he always had a fire going, even in summer, but was so used to it now she actually missed it when she was at home.

‘It is unorthodox. I would be lying if I said I was completely comfortable with the notion.’ he said, turning to look at her. ‘But if you are, then that’s all the assurance I need. I liked Kili from when I first met him and I think I will like Fili just as well.’ He walked back over to the bed and sat down, taking her hand in his. ‘I will not pass judgement on your family. That’s not the kind of person I am.’ Dis reached out and placed her palm to his cheek.

‘Thank you.’ she said.

****************

In the dining room, things were getting heated. Sigrid and Bard where both on their feet.

‘You have never wanted me to have my own life!’ Sig shouted. ‘It’s been like that ever since Mom died. You could never bear to let any of us out of your sight!’

‘I’ve only ever wanted to protect you!’ Bard shouted back. The three spectators couldn’t help but notice that they were like peas in a pod.

‘How? By locking me away in a crumbling bloody guest house in the middle of nowhere? By being so terrified by the fact that I’d found someone else to love that you dragged me out of school, away from my friends and sent me to a place I hated!’

‘You were fifteen! It was a phase! You were angry because of what had happened to your mother!’ Bard yelled, ‘I did the right thing!’

‘No you didn’t!’ Sigrid’s eyes were flashing angrily. ‘I loved Tory and I still love her. You just couldn’t handle your own homophobia!’ That last statement made Thranduil give Bard a very interesting look. It did not go unnoticed by the two people sitting next to him. Legolas gave his father a speculative look, but an eyebrow was raised that spoke volumes, so he let it go.

‘If I may interject…’ Thranduil said, and they both whirled to look at them, faces an almost identical picture of stubbornness and anger. ‘Perhaps two in the morning is not the best time to be discussing this. Maybe we should sleep on things and have a more civilised discussion in the morning.’ This got both to become a little less bristly. ‘I am sure that Thorin will not mind another house guest. There seems to be no end of unusual goings on in this house and I’m sure he’ll take it in his stride.’ He gave them one of his half smiles. ‘And I’m sure this will also prevent anything being said that will be regretted later.’ This last statement seemed to hold something else, for Bard seemed to clam up quicker than you could say clam.

‘That may be a good idea.’ He said, and Thranduil nodded at Legolas.

‘Go get Thorin.’ he said. Legolas got up and left the room. Then Thranduil turned around to Bard again.

‘Now that he’s gone maybe we should all have a quick chat about how you think it’s inappropriate for our daughters to be involved, and how that makes you the biggest hypocrite on the planet, Bard Lakes.’


	77. Refugee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What the hell is Thranduil doing???? Looks like someone knows how to push his buttons :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A big thank you to everyone that's still with me, and a special thank you to mjeanuniverse for checking if I was still alive :D
> 
> Btw, has anyone else noticed a tendency for sweet domestic stuff turning to porn half way through?

Three days before the party

The sudden shouting coming from the dining room stopped Legolas mid-stream. He’d been explaining the current situation to the gathered Durins in the kitchen. Now all they could hear were two voices shouting in a language no-one understood.

‘Is that German?’ Ori asked.

‘Shit.’ Legolas said and hightailed it out the kitchen and back to the dining room with the more able bodied in tow. He got to the door of the dining room and stopped dead, before being bumped along when Gimli, who had more momentum due to his bulk, slammed into him from behind. ‘Dad! Let him go!’ Thranduil looked up with startled eyes from where he had Bard in what appeared to be a brutal headlock. ‘You’re always telling me violence never solves anything!’

‘It might! And on this occasion I am very willing to make an exception!’ Thranduil snapped and went back to hissing in German. Bard wriggled angrily and hissed back, also in German. Legolas and Gimli rushed over, managing to extricate the two from each other’s grip, shoving them apart and herding them to different sides of the table.

‘Dad? What in the fuck are you doing?’ Legolas asked, completely aghast. Thrnaduil straightened himself up, pulling his clothing back into place and smoothing down his hair. ‘You!’ he snpped, pointing a finger at Brad. ‘This is not finished. Not by a long shot.’ And with that he pushed past Legolas and stormed as regally as he could manage out of the room. The gathered crown watched him go. Legolas threw Gimli a desperate look.

‘You’d better go after him.’ Gimli said, and Legolas followed his father through the hall and up the stairs.

Bard shook Gimli’s hands off him and sighed.

‘I am sorry.’ he said to Sigrid, who was standing wide eyed with Tauriel. ‘But that man pushes my buttons like you won’t believe.’ 

‘I didn’t even know you knew each other.’ she said, and Bard made a face that suggested that he was of the opinion that he would have been very happy not to know Thranduil.

‘It was a very long time ago.’ he said, taking a step towards her. ‘Now can you see why I would prefer you to come with me. We can leave now and be back home by the morning.’

‘No.’ she said, moving back and taking Tauriel’s hand. ‘I’m not going with you. I am happy to explain myself and talk this out, but this particular issue is not up for negotiation.’ She walked past him, taking Tauriel with her. Bard watched them go, exasperation clear on his face. Then he turned back to the assembled crowd, a look of hopelessness on his face.

‘Looks like we have another refugee.’ Thorin said dryly. ‘Gimli, put him an empty room, will you? I’m going the fuck to bed.’

***************

Fili and Kili left the house and started walking back to the guest house. As they got to the edge of the house, the lights of a car swept the drive and they watched as Dis’ 4x4 pulled in and parked. She got out and walked up to the house after locking the car. They watched her go by, but she didn’t see them standing in the shadows. Fili looked at Kili and raised an eyebrow. Kili grinned and they walked down the path together.

The guest house was in darkness, and they didn’t linger. They went straight to the bedroom, and Fili flopped down onto the bed with a sigh.

‘I am shattered.’ he declared, ‘I’m going to need to go back to the rig for a fucking rest.’ He didn’t get an answer and looked up to see Kili standing by the bathroom door, a strange look on his face. ‘What’s wrong, Kee?’ he asked, sitting up. Kili shrugged, and avoided his eyes. Fili knew that look. ‘Hey, you okay?’

‘You’re going back.’

‘’Just to work out my notice. You were fine with this, what’s changed from one day to another?’ Fili asked, and then the penny dropped. ‘Oh, Kee.’ He got up and went to Kili, wrapping his arms around him. He was shaking. ‘I’ll be fine. The odds of me being in another crash are negligible.’

‘But not impossible.’ Kili said into his shoulder. ‘I just got you back.’

‘And you’ll keep me this time.’ Fili said, pulling back and cupping Kili’s face in his hands. “I promise I am not going anywhere. Come on, let’s go to bed.’ He leaned up, kissing Kili gently and feeling him relax under his hands.

They got undressed, Fili’s clothes being scattered around the room as usual. He watched with amusement from the bed wearing only his boxers as Kili picked the clothes up and folded them neatly, piling them on the chest of drawers. He laughed and Kili frowned at him.

‘What?’

‘You. You are just like Thorin sometimes, so fucking anal about tidiness.’ Fili said. 

‘And you’re a fucking pig.’ Kili retorted, chucking a balled up pair of socks at him. Fili caught them neatly and threw them back, hard enough to smack Kili in the face. ‘Oh, you fucker!’

‘Not right now, but I could be.’ Fili smirked, and Kili’s eyes went wide. This was a whole other side he was seeing of the big brother who’d been so shy they’d never even progressed to dirty talk. Then to Kili’s everlasting surprise, Fili reached down and ran his hand over his own cock, stroking it in a languorous way that made Kili get erect in seconds. ‘I’m already hard for you again. Why don’t you come over here and put that mouth of yours to good use.’ The smirked changed into a dimpled smile at the shocked look on Kili’s face. The shock didn’t last long though and Kili stripped off his own boxers and walked to the edge of the bed. He stretched, arms above his head.

‘I want to watch you first.’ he said, letting his eyes drift from Fili’s face down his body. Fili wriggled out of his underwear, chucking at Kili who caught it in turn and discarded it on the floor. Then he shifted up the bed a bit onto the pillows, one hand behind his head and knees spread slightly as he jerked himself off. Kili watched avidly, his own hand dropping down to do the same to himself. They matched each other’s rhythms, eyes locking. 

‘Come here Kee.’ Fili said, voice husky. Kili moved onto the bed, kneeling between his brother’s spread legs, balancing on one hand but not letting his other hand cease its movements. He leaned forward, tongue flicking out to trace the line of Fili’s cock and Fili moaned, mouth open and blue eyes full of heat. Kili smiled at that then took him in his mouth, lowering himself carefully to maintain his balance. He focused on what he was doing, hearing Fili’s noises change from pants to moans. Kili took his time, using all the tricks he knew to keep Fili at the edge until he felt a gentle push on his head, but he ignored it. The push got a little more urgent, and then became a shove that knocked him back just in time to get a face full of cum. Fortunately he’d had the foresight to keep his eyes closed.

‘You motherfucker!’ he swore and Fili burst out in breathy laughter.

‘I’m so sorry.’ he panted, ‘I tried to warn you. It’s your fault for being so damn good.’ 

Kili scrabbled blindly for the discarded boxers, wiping his face. Then he threw them to one side and moved up so he was straddling Fili’s chest. 

‘I ought to do that to you as payback.’ he said jokingly, never in a million years expecting the answer he got.

‘All right.’ Fili said, and Kili did a double take as he realised his brother was being absolutely serious. Kili studied his face for anything that would give the game away but Fili just gave him a smile that was downright filthy. ‘Come on my face Kili.’ He said, his words slow and deliberate.

‘Holy shit.’ Kili said, completely unconsciously. ‘Are you trying to fulfill every dirty teenage fantasy I had about you in one night?’

‘We can only hope so.’ Fili said, ‘Now do it. And watch me.’ Kili didn’t need to be told twice.


	78. Thranduil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So a little background on what the eff went on between the Ice King and the Northern Lad :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay in posting. I've been doing my best impersonation of a dog barking. (I'm sick) So here's two to make up for it.

Three days before the party.

Thranduil sat in the armchair in the room he was staying in and looked at Legolas.

‘I suppose an explanation is in order.’ he said, and Legolas gaped at him.

‘You think?’ he said, ‘I’ve never seen you lose it like that. What the hell, Dad?’ Thranduil sighed, folding his hands on his lap.

‘What I’m going to tell you is something I’ve held onto a long time.’ he said, “and I’m going to ask only that you listen and not judge until I’m finished.’ he said, and Legolas was flabbergasted to hear a note of uncertainty in his father’s voice. ‘And I would also ask you to remember that all the events that I’m going to recount happened well before I met your mother.’

‘What does she have to do with this?’ Legolas asked, going to sit on the bed.

‘Before I met her, I was not a very nice person.’ Thranduil said, not quite meeting Legolas’ eyes. ‘Growing up at Mirkwood was easy, and your grandparents were very indulgent. The long and short of it is that I was a spoiled brat. I was arrogant and wilful and when I didn’t get what I wanted I made sure everyone’s lives became so difficult that they eventually gave it to me. I never had to work for anything. I went to the best schools, wore the best clothes and had any number of beautiful things. But inside I felt empty.’ Legolas watched his father speak. Both his grandparents were vague figures in his memory, dying when he was still a toddler. He’d seen them in their formal portraits and the photographs in numerous silver frames that dotted almost every surface at Mirkwood. But this was the first time he’d ever heard his father speak so openly about his childhood. ‘Then when I was sixteen, our gamekeeper retired and my parents hired a new man to fill the position. He was a widower, and they told me that he would bemoving into the lodge with his son, who was the same age.’ Legolas had a sudden feeling he knew where the story was headed.

‘Bard Lakes.’ he said and Thranduil nodded. 

‘Bard Lakes.’ He repeated. ‘I remember the first time I saw him. He was out in one of the fields trapping rabbits with his father, and I was riding past. He was tall, even then with these fiercely blazing ark eyes and when he saw me he gave me a look of pure hatred. I had never experienced anything like it.’

‘So what happened?’ Legolas asked. Thranduil shifted, crossing his legs and leaning his chin on one hand. 

‘For the first few months we skirted around each other. I would see him every morning waiting at the bus stop down the road to get the bus to the local comprehensive. I remember watching him as the car went past. He’d glare at me like I was the thing he loathed most in the world.’ 

‘So some game keeper’s son didn’t like you.’ Legolas said, ‘It’s not like you to take that to heart.’

‘No, you are quite right.’ Thranduil replied, ‘But there was something different about him. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. Then during the first week of summer holidays I went down to the stables and he was there helping groom the horses. I don’t know why but I tried to engage him in conversation, but he just ignored me as if I wasn’t even there. And that got my attention. I couldn’t bear to be ignored. So I decided right there and then that I would make friends with him.’ 

‘With the staff?’ Legolas was even more astonished now. ‘You don’t even know Mrs White’s first name and she’s been out housekeeper since before I was born.’

‘I am well aware of that, Legolas.’ Thranduil said, giving him a stern look. ‘I had no explanation for why I felt as I did. All I knew was that I wanted to be friends with that stroppy Northern boy.’

‘And did you succeed?’ 

‘Not at first. Then I knew that I couldn’t be friends with someone I hardly knew anything about so I started trying to get as much information on him as I could. One of my friends at school was going through a rebellious stage and going out with one of the local lads, who just so happened to be in the same class. He turned out to be a mine of information.’ 

‘Such as?’ Legolas stretched out on the bed, having a weird flashback of Thranduil doing the only fatherly duty he’d ever done and telling him stories before he went to sleep. He rolled onto his stomach, head on hands, and watched his father.

‘Such as Bard was a boy who’d been moved from his home and friends. His father hadn’t wanted to stay in a place that reminded him of his mother, and so they’d left and come to the South of England. I found out that people at school didn’t like him much. That they made fun of him for his accent and that he’d gotten into fights. And then I understood that when he looked at me, that it wasn’t me he necessarily hated, but the whole situation. So I changed tactics. Instead of lurking around the estate and following him, I arranged to bump into him in town. That required quite a lot of secret agent work, I can tell you.’ Thranduil suddenly smiled at the memory, and Legolas got a glimpse of the teenager he might have been. ‘I went into town early on a Saturday morning, which is when he always did according to my source. Then I went and hid around the corner of the bus stop and waited for him to arrive.’

‘That is remarkably stalkerish.’ Legolas said, but he couldn’t help grinning at the mental image of his very correct father hiding around corners and attempting to trail people. 

‘It worked though.’ Thranduil said, ‘he arrived right on time, and I watched him walk along the high street. I have to admit though that I was incredibly surprised to see him go into a book shop. That’s the last thing that I expected.’

‘Did you follow him in?’ 

‘Yes I did. He spent ages in there, leafing through books but leaving without buying a single thing. I found out later it was something he and his mother used to do together.’ Thranduil sighed, ‘He’d loved her very much and it was one place where he had memories of just the two of them. I watched him go and then went and looked at the last book he’d been looking at. It was a collection of Kipling’s stories. I bought it. I wasn’t sure why at the time but when I got home I had a marvellous idea and went and left the book on their front step for him to find.’ Thranduil fell silent and Legolas looked up.

‘And?’ he prompted. ‘Did he like it?’

‘No, he bought it back the next day while I was in the stables getting back from a ride and threw it at me. Then he told me exactly what he thought of rich boys like myself and stormed out.’ Thranduil said, smiling. ‘I should have been angry, but I wasn’t . All I could think of the whole time he was yelling at me in that atrocious accent of his, was that he was possibly the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. I think I fell in love with him on the spot.’ He acknowledged Legolas’ look of cataclysmic shock with a crooked smile. ‘You weren’t the only Greenleaf to sneak boys into the house, you know.’


	79. Accident

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kili does some research...
> 
> This is a belated birthday present for FiliKiliThorinForever. Hope you like it!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Discalimer: I do not own the Hobbit or any of the associated characters. I also make no money from these works.
> 
> I hope you are all gearing up for the party. Only three days to go!

Three days before the party.

Kili was awake. Next to him Fili was curled up, face angelic in repose and barely visible above the duvet. Normally he loved to watch his brother sleep. He‘d done it since they were little and Fili would crawl into his bed in their shared room. The Fili had turned thirteen and Thorin had decided they needed space from each other. So Fili had been given the room next door and then it had been Kili who had snuck into his brother’s bed, something that had continued right up until the day there were forced apart. 

He leaned over and checked the time on his mobile. It was a little after five in the morning, which meant they’d only really been sleeping, or in his case attempting to sleep, for about four hours. Actually make that three. The earlier incident had taken the kind of turn that had found him on his back, legs over Fili’s shoulders and shouting his head off as he got fucked until he saw stars. He would not be walking straight any time today, of that he was fairly certain. It also explained why Fili was stone cold unconscious next to him.

He ran a finger along the exposed length of nose, then traced one golden eyebrow, feeling the hair soft and smooth under his fingertip. Then a touch to the small scar at Fili’s hairline, a legacy of a childhood accident when he’d fallen out of a tree they’d been climbing at the edge pf the formal gardens. It had bled profusely as all head wounds did, but that had scared his eight year old self witless and he’d screamed the whole way back to the house, then the whole way to the A & E department. Thorin had had to physically restrain him when they’d taken Fili off to get it washed and stitched, and he hadn’t stopped wailing until his brother had made a reappearance. He’d proudly shown Kili the neat black stitches in his forehead and Kili had been beside himself with envy. They had made Fili look like a pirate, and pirates had been just about his favourite thing at that age. But even they hadn’t been able to hold a candle to his real favourite thing, which had been the boy with the tousled blond hair who cuddled him in the back seat of the car on their way home, fingers twisting in Kili’s own dark curls. 

He remembered that awful feeling of blind panic and fear. He’d thought Fili was going to die, was convinced of it and the sense of relief when he’d seen Fili coming back into the waiting room with Dis, pale but smiling at the kind looking doctor with them, had nearly overwhelmed him. He’d clung to Fili constantly for the next week until he felt reassured enough that he wasn’t going to die from his injury. 

As he got older he remembered how it had felt, and had been convinced that nothing could ever have felt so bad. He had been wrong of course. Coming home after his archery tournament, brandishing their team trophy like a conquering hero, only to find his brother gone had made that incident seem insignificant in comparison. He’d snuck into Fili’s room for a week, crying brokenly into the pillow that held their combined scents from that last morning. It had broken him in a way nothing had before. He’d been distraught, stopped eating and lay around the house listlessly. He’d even stopped going to archery. Thankfully, the matchmaking efforts on behalf of his family had pushed him together with a red haired girl with eyes that were as sad as his own, and they’d managed to get each other through it. 

And now the last week had been better than any dream he could have possibly wished to come true. Fili was back, Fili loved him and Fili was here in his bed. But the previous day’s revelation about the crash and then Fili’s reminder that he’ have to go back and work out his notice had thrown KIli badly, and he’d felt the old fear bubbling in his stomach after Fili had finally snuggled up next to him and gone to sleep. He’d been lying there since, sometimes dozing off but mostly just watching his brother sleep. In his head scenarios played through again and again until his stomach was in knots. 

He sat up, and then got out of bed. Fili slept on undisturbed and Kili pulled on some clothes and padded into the living room. The twins were still asleep and he went to the sofa, retrieving his laptop and intending to watch something on Netflix. But the film he chose didn’t hold his attention very long. Instead he found himself opening a tab and staring at Google. Almost against his will he typed the key words into the search engine and watched the results come up. There were far more than he’ expected and it took him a while to narrow down the occurrences by date and place. He had found the first news reports, bookmarking each of them but not able to bring himself to start reading them. The anticipation and dread was heady. He was about to close the whole thing down, but something caught his eye and he clicked on the link. That’s when he’d found the video. 

It was a Sky news report, and a really in depth one too. He wondered why he’d never seen it, and then realised that even if he had he’d never had known that Fili was a part of it. There were several clips and one fairly long report. He started with that. It gave him the usual background – place, time and date. He realised with a shock that it was just after the summer that he and Tauriel had spent in Wales. It hadn’t been a bad year for him actually. There was some detail about the type of helicopter used and the safety gear worn by the passengers. He watched carefully as the journalist was shown the safety training, eyes widening at the water tank test all rig workers would have to take to be allowed to go to sea. He thought of Fili doing that, and felt a bit sick. He was so caught up in his thoughts that when he looked back at the screen it was like a blow to the stomach. The shot was of the helicopter, submerged just below the surface with its rear rotor blades sticking up just above the water. It was clear from the shot that the helicopter’s windows were shattered. It stayed like that for moments and he could see two ribs pulling alongside the fuselage. Then the footage changed to a man standing on the dock at what he assumed was Dundee, talking about the fact that there were three people unaccounted for, but that the others had been taken to hospital mostly suffering from shock and mild hypothermia. 

Once he’d started, he found he could not stop. There were more video reports, all showing the broken body of the helicopter, and then news story after news story. The last one though was the worst. It had short accounts of the fifteen survivors. There were only a few pictures of some of them and none of those was Fili, and most had not been named. But there he was, the third to last account. He was listed simply as Rig Engineer, 25. 

Kili read the words, hearing Fili’s voice saying them. It was an emotionless recount of how he’d simply been knocked about by the crash, then regained consciousness to find the water already entering the cabin. He had kicked out a window and pulled himself through, hitting the surface and being pulled into a lifeboat by some of the others. It’s simplicity was so Fili, that Kili felt his throat tighten. He slammed the laptop shut and went straight to the bedroom. He didn’t bother with being quiet, getting under the duvet and as close to Fili as humanly possible. He wrapped his arms around him, fighting back tears and buried his face in Fili’s neck, breathing him in and trying to calm himself.

Fili stirred then, shifting to accommodate his brother, eyes barely open. 

‘Hey.’ he murmured, his voice rough with sleep. ‘You okay?’

‘I love you, Fili.’ Kili whispered into his skin, holding on tightly. He felt Fili’s hand come to the back of his head, stroking his hair in that same soothing pattern that he’d used when they were children.

‘I love you too, Kili.’ he said. They lay like that, and eventually Kili felt the terror inside him subside and he drifted off to sleep, Fili’s arms still around him.


	80. Heatwave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What do you do when it's to hot to f*ck? Go swimming of course.

Three days before the party.

‘Jesus Christ, it’s fucking hot.’ Dwalin said as he came out of the bathroom. He dried himself off and watched Ori flicking channels. ‘It’s got to be at least twenty-five already.’

‘And it’s not even nine o’clock yet.’ Ori said cheerfully. His mood could be directly attributed to the scene that had occurred the previous night. ‘What I want to know is just how high the temperature inside is going to rise?’ He gave Dwalin a cheeky grin. 

‘You’re like a dog with a fucking bone.’ Dwalin said fondly. 

**************

Downstairs Dis finished her fruit salad and looked at her brothers who were both working their way through matching plates of scrambled eggs, toast and bacon. They were giving each other looks over the breakfast table that were starting to be embarrassing to watch. She put her spoon down and gave them her own look which was nowhere near as pleasing.

‘Children.’ She said, and they turned to look at her. ‘So who exactly is this person that you’ve decided to accommodate in our house?’

‘He’s Sigrid’s father.’ Thorins said, still a little caught up in looking at his brother. ‘He came to get her back last night but it turns out that he and Thranduil have already made each other’s acquaintance. ‘

‘The kicker is that Sigrid, Tauriel and Legolas were none the wiser.’ Frerin said. ‘And if I’m any judge there were some fearsome unresolved issues flying around last night.’

‘Well you would be an expert on those.’ Dis said snippily, and they exchanged a smile. ‘I just thought you might have wanted to consult me before inviting a complete stranger to stay.’

‘We would have.’ Thorin said in deceptively sweet tones.

‘If we had known where you were.’ Ferin finished. They gave her identical wolfish grins. She narrowed her eyes at them, then got up and swept off. They watched her go and chuckled.

‘I forgot how much fun it is to torment her.’ Frerin said.

‘We always did make a great team.’ Thorin replied. Their eyes locked once more. ‘How’s your back?’

‘It could be a hell of a lot better.’ Frerin said. ‘But yours is about to be fucked in, oh say about twenty minutes.’ Thorin got up, sauntered around the table and kissed him very suggestively.

‘Race you upstairs.’ he said.

‘I’m not going to make the stairs.’ Frerin murmured, nipping his lower lip. ‘Laundry cupboard.’

*************

‘Damn it’s hot.’ Dan said. He and Ro were at the table eating the last of the croissants Fili had gone to snag from the kitchen in the main house.

‘There are no plans for today.’ Kili said, shoving the remains of his pastry in his mouth and brushing crumbs off his shorts. ‘We could go down and swim.’ He said it quickly without thinking, and then the previous evening’s conversation came flooding back. He looked at Fili, and was relieved to see him smile.

‘Sure.’ he said, ‘Sounds like fun.’

‘Cool.’ Ro said. 

They went up to the house after the twins cleaned up. Fili was finding them quite pleasant housemates. Their sharp sense of humour matched his own, and they had had two days to chill out after the confrontation with Elrond and were starting to relax and be themselves again. 

They walked along, barefoot and with beach towels chucked over their shoulders. 

‘I’m going to go round up the others.’ Kili said, turning towards the house. He ran, flinching at the stones under his bare feet. When he got to the house he went in and up the stairs. He stopped off at Gimli’s room first and knocking very loudly. Once burned and all that. Gimli eventually opened the door. His hair was dishevelled and he was shirtless, hiding behind the door in a way that suggested he was bottomless as well. It was clear he’d only just woken up. 

‘Come swim.’ Kili said, ‘And tell that leggy blond of yours to join us. You two are on snacks and drinks.’ He snickered at his own joke and moved off down the corridor. Tauriel’s door was opened far more quickly. She was, unlike Gimli, already neatly dressed, and opened the door to let him in. He entered the room, in time to see Sigrid come out the bathroom, tying her hair up.

‘So.’ he said, looking from one to the other. ‘Your dad.’

‘My dad.’ Sigrid said, hands on hips. ‘I could bloody kill him.’

‘And your dad.’ Kili said looking at Tauriel.

‘Don’t.’ she said, ‘I am in no mood.’

‘But you have to admit it’s interesting.’ Kili said, smiling and pushing just a little bit.

‘Almost as interesting as you and your brother.’ Sigrid said, and he shut up.

*************

Fili let the twins go on ahead and headed through the kitchen garden into the kitchen where he caught up with Dwalin and Ori and informed them of the plan. 

‘That is a brilliant idea.’ Ori said, ‘Let me just grab some things.’ He took off out the kitchen. Fili grinned as he looked at Dwalin.

‘I haven’t had a chance to say this, but you look damned happy.’ he said. ‘I don’t think I’ve ever seen you like this. He’s good for you.’

‘He’s going to fucking kill me one day.’ Dwalin muttered gruffly, but he couldn’t disguise the pleased look on his face. He looked at Fili.

‘I’m very glad you’re back. Kili needed you.’ he said. ‘He never said, but it showed every fucking day.’

‘Thank you.’ Fili said. ‘For looking after him while I was gone.’

‘I did my best,’ Dwalin said, ‘But he took your leaving very badly. I’ve never seen anyone change so drastically before. One minute he was Kili and then it was like someone just shut him off, like flicking a switch. And when the switch finally went back on, it was wrong. He was so angry. None of us could appease him or make him smile anymore. He was self-destructing so badly we didn’t know if he’d ever pull out of it. Thank God for Tauriel. She was the only one who could control him at one point.’

‘I owe her a lot.’ Fili said, almost to himself.

‘Yes, you do.’ Dwalin said. He saw Fili’s expression and frowned. ‘What are you thinking?’

‘Nothing. Hey tell the others I had to do something when they get down there.’

‘Where are you going?’ Dwalin asked but Fili didn’t reply as he headed out the kitchen like a man on a mission.

************

Kili left the girls’ room. Tauriel and Sigrid were getting themselves psyched up to go talk to Bard and had promised to come down once they had sorted everything out. He saw Ori, now changed into a pair of Hawaiian print swimming trunks, coming down the corridor. 

‘You coming swimming?’ he asked and Ori nodded.

‘I just need to find a couple of beach towels. There weren’t any up here.’ he said.

‘Oh, they’re in the cupboard downstairs.’ Kili said, ‘Dis moved them last year.’ They headed downstairs and went to the laundry cupboard. Kili pulled open the door and was confronted by a pair of snogging uncles. He huffed in annoyance, grabbed a bunch of towels off the shelf and slammed the door shut.

‘Come on.’ he said to a gaping Ori. ‘Let’s go.’


	81. Guests

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fili has a plan...and Ori applies sun block :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love the idea of everyone swimming for some reason. There will several chapters along this theme. Plus I need time to put Oin in a Speedo and for Beorn to take his shirt off.

Three days before the party.

Fili headed up the stairs. When he got to the top he saw Dis coming out of her room. She looked beautiful, dark hair loose and wearing a deep blue sundress that matched her eyes. 

‘And where are you off to?” he called and she gave a little jump, placing one hand over her heart.

‘For fuck’s sake, Fili.’ she said sounding exasperated, ‘Don’t sneak up on me like that.’

‘You going somewhere?’ he asked, getting the distinct impression she was hiding something, ‘Maybe the same place you went last night?’ He was pleased to see her blush, but she quickly shook it off.

‘I go where I choose.’ she said cryptically, ‘And I’ll thank my son not to question my movements.’ 

‘You could always invite him over.’ Fili said, and that stumped her. Her mouth fell open and she got the same startled fawn look that Kili did when he was at a loss for something to say.

‘Invite who?’ she said, blatantly trying to sound casual, but failing miserably. Fili grinned and decide to go in for the kill.

‘The guy you are, shall we say, having intimate relations with Mom. You know, the alpaca farmer.’ He had to restrain himself from snickering at her horrified expression, ‘He’s nice. Thorin and Kili seem to like him, so why are you hiding it?’ 

‘How did you…’ she trailed off, and then her eyes widened in realisation. ‘Oh fuck, the wine cellar? What the fuck were you doing down there?’

‘Listening to you having a very good time.’ Fili laughed, ‘Although I think you’ve scarred Kili for life.’ Now Dis did blush, a bright flush of colour flooding her cheekbones. ‘Payback’s a bitch. Call him and tell him to come over here, so we can get to meet him properly and not while we’re chasing quadrupeds all over Erebor.’ 

‘You.’ Dis said, shaking her head. ‘I’m saying this comes from your father, just so you know.’ Fili went over and kissed her on the cheek.

‘How would you know?’ he said, not unkindly. He smiled at her, and left her to walk down to Tauriel’s room. Behind him he could hear muffled swearing and comments about sons who were too big for their boots. He knocked and the door opened. Tauriel frowned at him, but then held the door open. He went inside.

************

Kili, with Ori and Dwalin in tow, got down to the lake to find the twins already splashing about in the water. They were currently trying to drown each other if their shrieks were anything to go by. Dwalin spread out a towel on the grass, then stripped off his shirt to reveal a brawny, hairy torso that was covered in tattoos. He lowered himself majestically to the ground, folded his hands on his stomach and closed his eyes.

‘You look like a bear.’ Kili said, and Dwalin opened one eye long enough to glare at him.

‘Fuck off and go swim, Kili.’ He retorted, ‘And take him with you. I would like some peace and quiet.’

‘You just bloody woke up and now you’re going to sleep again.’ Ori said, nudging him with one foot. ‘Besides you need to put sun block on. Remember how burnt you got in Cornwall last year and it was nowhere as hot as this.’ Dwalin grumbled but did sit up long enough for Ori to coat his bald head in sun cream and rub it in with a meditative air. Then he did his nose, and Kili had to bite his lip to keep from commenting on the bizarrely adorable sight of Ori crouched down in front of his much larger boyfriend, whose arms were crossed and with the grumpiest look imaginable on his face. Instead he did a quick scan, but no Fili.

‘He’s still in the house, said he had something to do.’ Dwalin said, swatting at ori as he tried do do his ears. ‘I’m not some wee babe, Ori. I can manage that myself.’

‘Fine.’ Ori snapped, ‘But don’t forget the back of your neck. And if you get even the slightest bit red, I will not be kissing it better.’ He got up and chucked the sun cream at Dwalin. They he spread out his own towel and took of his t-shirt to reveal a torso as white as new milk. They he took a bottle of factor 50 from his pocket, and proceeding to liberally coat every inch of himself.

‘And you look like a glazed doughnut.’ Kili said, and Ori snorted at him.

‘I’ll remind you of that when you are all wrinkled and shit when you’re forty.’ he said.

‘Don’t hate me because I tan naturally.’ Kili said, grinning. ‘Now back to my brother. What do you think he was going to do exactly?’

*************

‘Do you think it will work?’ Sigrid asked. Her and Tauriel were on the bed, cross legged and listening to Fili’s plan. He shrugged.

‘We can give it a try. What’s the worst that could happen? After three days, he still hasn’t changed his mind and you two never speak to each other again. At least this way he gets a chance to see why you should be together. And if it doesn’t work, I will personally drive you to the airport and get you on that plane.’

‘I feel kind of bad.’ Tauriel said, looking at Sig. ‘That was supposed to be our honeymoon.’

‘I really don’t think Kili’s going to have a problem with you using the tickets and the hotel, Tauriel.’ Fili said, ‘And if it means you two have an escape route, then you should use whatever tools you have at your disposal. The only problem is getting the details changed and Sigrid’s passport.’ 

‘I can call someone.’ Sigrid said, ‘She’s trustworthy. I can get her to courier it down to me this afternoon, but I will need money to pay for it.’

‘I’ll take care of that.’ Fili said, then addressed Tauriel, ‘You need to call and change all the travel details. And don’t worry, this is just a back up. He’ll come around.’

‘I hope so.’ Sigrid said. Fili got uo from the chair he was sitting on and went to the door. Just as he was closing it behind him, a slim hand caught it and Tauriel stepped out into the corridor with him.

‘Why are you doing this?’ she asked, ‘Not that I’m not grateful of course. Just very curious.’ Fili looked at her steadily.

‘You looked after him.’ he said, ‘You took the person I value most in this world and kept him safe and as sane as you could for seven years. I can never repay you for what you did, so I would like to help you with this.’

‘There’s a lot of money tied up in this though.’ she protested and Fili smiled. 

‘Please, you’re hardly putting a dent in his trust fund believe me.’ he said and now she smiled in return. ‘Now, I’m going to go try and convince him that a short stay at the Erebor sanatorium is a good idea.’ She went back inside and he made his third stop pf the morning. He knocked at the door of the guest room that Kili had put Bard in the night before and waited.

Eventually the door opened and Bard looked out.

‘Ah, the eviction crew.’ he said. The sarcasm was subtly done.

‘Actually I’m the opposite.’ Fili said, ‘What would you say to staying for a few days?’


	82. Discussion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Talks all over, and a magenta Speedo makes an appearance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I may be in love with no-fucks Oin :D

Three days before the party.

By midday the stretch of flat grass between the timber dock and the edge of the lake looked like a summer resort. Towels were scattered far and wide, Balin was installed in linen trousers and a very stylish Panama hat under a colossal garden umbrella, and they’d all been treated to the hopefully never to be repeated sight of Oin and a magenta Speedo. The twins were still in the water and had been joined by Thorin and Frerin, and a spirited game of water polo was in session. Legolas, still droopy and fatigued from Thranduil’s marathon confession the night before, had his head on Gimli’s shoulder. Gimli jolted him gently, smiling at the ensuing grumble.

‘You’re in a right mood today.’ he said, and Legolas snorted.

‘Five o’clock in the bloody morning. By the end of it, I just wanted to die.’ he said. He’d told Gimli they’d been talking, but had kept quiet about the exact nature of the discussion with Thranduil, and his confession about his relationship with Sigrid’s father.

‘There’s nothing worse than a good family revelation. At least we wash all out dirty laundry in public. It’s more entertaining that way.’ Kili laughed. He was sitting up on his towel, Fili leaning back between his legs in front of him with Kili’s arms around him and his chin on his shoulder. 

‘Smugness is a terrible thing.’ Gloin said from where he was sitting next to them. He and Nara had commandeered a couple of deck chairs from the summer house and were stretched out in them, hand in hand. With their matching heads of red hair, the Gloinsons looked like a line of small bonfires when the sun hit them. He held out his empty highball glass. ‘Son! More gin and tonic and top your mother up as well.’ Gimli glared at him, but got nothing but a dazzling smile in return. Heaving an almighty sigh, he started to get up, but Kili beat him to it.

‘That’s okay.’ he said, scrambling to his feet and making Fili yelp in protest as he was unceremoniously shifted. ‘Fee and I will get it.’ He held out his hand to Fili who gave him an annoyed look but took it anyway, allowing Kili to haul him to his feet. They left the collected sun worshippers and headed up to the house.

‘They’re probably still talking, Kee.’ Fili said, ‘Bard promised to stay for a few days and hear them out. It won’t help if you keep trying to stick your nose in.’

‘Excuse me. I think that seeing as Tauriel is my ex-fiancee that I have a right to be interested in what happens to her.’ Kili said, doing his best to try to sound affronted. 

‘Yes, you do.’ Fili replied, ‘But they need to work things out by themselves, without you interfering. They’re not like us. They’re more…normal.’ 

‘Ha!’ Kili said, ‘I don’t bloody think so. I think that that whole little scenario between Thranduil and Bard last night smacked of sexual tension.’

‘What the hell are you saying?’ Fili said, stopping dead. Kili continued a couple of steps and looked back at him.

‘Oh, come on.’ He said, amazed at Fili’s apparent lack of observation skills. ‘Why else were they fighting like that?’

‘Maybe they just hate each other?’

‘Bollocks. Animosity like that comes from two things. Either they’ve fucked already or they always wanted to and haven’t. Mark my words, by the end of these three days, I wouldn’t be very surprised to find out it’s definitely one or the other.’

‘Your mind is a frightening place.’

‘My mind is like a fucking steel trap!’ Kili retorted, ‘Now hurry the fuck up, my feet are hot.’

*************

In the drawing room Bard faced off against his daughter. 

‘I have agreed to this against my better judgement.’ he said, ‘However it was pointed out and I myself have realised that charging in here last night may not have been the best way to do things.’ Sigrid gave a derisory snort.

‘You think it may not have been? I can bloody tell you it wasn’t’ she said. They were alone now, Tauriel having gone off to give them some privacy. ‘And now I find out that you know her guardian. Did you know that back then?’ Bard avoided her gaze and she bristled. ‘Dad?’

‘Yes, I did.’ he said, ‘But it had nothing to do with my decision to take you out of school and away from her. You were too young to be having that kind of relationship.’

‘So the fact that she’s the adopted daughter of someone you apparently loathe had absolutely fuck all to do with it.’ Sigrid snapped, ‘You’ll forgive me if I don’t quite believe that.’

‘You can believe what you want.’ Bard said, ‘You will anyway. But I have always put your interest first, and what I saw was a young girl who’d recently lost her mother and was maybe trying to replace that loss with something that was unhealthy.’  
‘And Tory had been a boy, would you have acted the same way?’ Sigrid asked, ‘Or would you have let that slide?’

‘Of course not.’ Bard said, ‘The issue was that you were caught having sex with someone at school. Someone who was three years older than you. Christ Sigrid you were fifteen. What the hell was I going to do? I couldn’t leave you to it. And if she had been a boy, believe me I would have made damn sure there was jail time involved.’

‘Oh my God, do you even hear yourself?’ Sigrid said, ‘You are so bloody overprotective, you didn’t even stop to ask me if it was consensual. If you had I would have told you that not only was it consensual, but that I was the one who seduced her. But no, you and the school got so worked up about the potential lesbian scandal and then your bloody ears went back and we got railroaded. What really gets me is that if you’d just left us alone, I wouldn’t have spent the last seven years feeling so bloody awful about letting you do it. In the end I am just as responsible for making Tory sad, because I let you take me away. But now things are different. I’m twenty-three and I am going to make my own decisions for the first time in my life for me. Without you laying the guilt trip on me about Bain and Tilda need me or the business will collapse if I’m not there to help you run it. I’m tired of being the person that’s always helping everyone else. I want to be selfish for once and go after what I want.’ She finished, a little out of breath and glaring defiantly at Bard. When he didn’t answer, she huffed in frustration and left the room. 

He didn’t watch her go. Instead he put his head in his hands and sighed heavily. He sat like that for a while.

‘You look like the weight of the world is on your shoulders. It always made me sad to see you like that.’ The voice came from the doorway. Bard didn’t look up and there was the sound of footsteps, and then a dip of the sofa as the person sat down next to him.

‘She’s wrong. It had nothing to do with you, and your relationship with Tauriel.’ Bard said, ‘But I could see myself in her, and knowing what I went through made me determined to shield her from it as much as possible.’ 

‘You are not your father Bard.’ Thranduil said, ‘You were a much better person than he was. And I’m sure whatever you did, you thought you were doing the right thing.’ He leaned back, arms folded. ‘It is a little ironic though. Your father took you away from me, and then you took Sigrid away from Tauriel. You can see why some might think that history was repeating itself.’

‘Our relationship was completely different.’ Bard said, raisng his head and giving Thranduil a sideways glance. ‘I loved you.’

‘And what makes you think, they didn’t feel the same?’ Thranduil said. He stretched out one hand, slender fingers tracing through thick dark hair, now shot through with silver. Bard shivered under his hand but didn’t pull away. 

************

In the hall, Fili and Kili stood frozen in place. Then Kili turned and gave Fili a blindingly triumphant smile.

‘Fucking told you so!’ he mouthed at him. Fili rolled his eyes at him, and shoved him to keep moving.


	83. Downstairs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The sun worshippers are running out of drinks :)

Three days before the party

Thorin swam strongly, smooth strokes propelling him easily through the water, in spite of the fact that he had a younger brother attached to his back, via a pair of arms wrapped loosely around his neck. 

‘Remember doing this when we were kids?’ Frerin said, looking at the bank spread with bodies that were largely inert. ‘I missed this.’

‘So did I. But when you come home, we can do this all summer.’ Thorin said, reaching a bit where he could get his feet under him. He twisted in Frerin’s grasp so they were face to face.

‘You’d seriously take all summer off, Mr CEO? I don’t think so. And I sure as fuck am not going to turn into a housewife if we come back.’ Frerin said, bumping his nose against Thorin’s. He locked his legs around his brother’s hips. ‘In fact I’ve been thinking that Fili and I can start up our own company.’

‘Why?’ Thorin asked, ‘You don’t need to work. It’s not like you need the money.’ Frerin laughed and kissed him, a quick brush of lips.

‘That is so you. Fili and I work for lots of reasons, not just money. And trust me, he won’t be any more willing to spend his time sitting on his arse any more than I will.’

‘So what will you do?’ Thorin said, trying to catch another kiss. Frerin avoided him on purpose, smiling at the low growl of frustration he got. 

‘The same thing we do now. I’m sure there’s plenty of call for electrical engineers out in the real world.’ He caved and let Thorin kiss him more thoroughly. 

‘Oi, less of that you two.’ Oin said as he drifted past on an ancient inner tube. His eyes were hidden by an enormous pair of rhinestone studded sunglasses, magenta Speedo proudly on display and his hairy feet trailing in the water. He held a martini glass that had an actual martini in it, judging from the olive. Thorin and Frerin watched him move past them, arms still wrapped around each other.

‘Was he that fucking eccentric when we were young?’ Frerin asked.

‘I’m not sure.’ Thorin said, ‘But that thing he’s wearing is a monstrosity.’ Frerin laughed and dragged him under the water.

**************

On the bank, Dis crossed her ankles and watched her brothers playing in the lake. Their happy laughs made her smile and she gave Beorn a furtive look. He was also smiling. That was a good sign.

***************

In the kitchen, Fili dug through the freezer. They had accumulated enough additional alcohol to sink a ship and stuck it in one of Dis’ shopping bags.

‘There’s no more ice.’ he said.

‘We can go downstairs and get some. There should be plenty in the big freezer in the storeroom.’ Kili said, idly munching the last of his third packet of cheese and onion crisps. Fili shook his head at his brother’s amazing ability to snack constantly. 

‘See that hasn’t changed.’ he said. Kili grinned and patted his washboard stomach.

‘Got to do it while I still have my girlish figure.’ he replied.

They went downstairs feeling the air change from muggy to cool, as they went below the foundations of the house. It was extremely pleasant after the heat outside, which had nudged the thermometer in Dis’ kitchen garden to just above thirty. They padded on bare feet to the storeroom, with the colossal and rather elderly General Electric chest freezer that had been there even when they had been children. Fili opened it, and leaned over the edge to get a couple of the plastic bags of ice lying at the bottom. Kili watched him, an idea slowly turning over in his brain. He took a step closer, moving slowly so as not to alarm his brother. They he reached out with one hand, scooped a handful of fluffy ice crystals from the lid of the freezer and shoved them down the back of Fili’s shorts. The effect was both immediate and spectacular.

‘You bloody bastard!’ Fili roared, suddenly so alike to Thorin in tone and bearing it almost made him take an involuntary step back. In fact he probably would have done if he hadn’t been laughing so hard. It would have been better if he had, because Fili pounced with deceptive speed, getting him a headlock and rubbing his own handful of ice in Kili’s hair and on the back of his neck, making him shriek very loudly. Kili wriggled fiercely, all the knowledge of his brother’s weak spots coming into play, like the sensitivity of his lower ribs. Fili hung on for as long as possible before bursting into very un-Fili like giggles, and squirming away. Kili got him by both wrists, managing to wrestle him against the freezer.

‘You asked for it now, Fee.’ he giggled back, ‘I am going to annihilate you.’ He wedged Fili in the corner between the wall and freezer, transferring both wrists to one hand and using his superior height to hold him still while he ripped open the bag of ice that Fili has stacked on a bunch of plastic containers and extracted a handful of ice chips. Fili’s eyes went comically wide as he realised what Kili was about to do.

‘Kili.’ he said, his voice dropping into that deeper authoritative tone he’d used to such good effect when they were teenagers, ‘Don’t you fucking dare!’ Kili gave him an evil smile.

‘That shit may have worked on me when I was thirteen, but it doesn’t fucking work now. You’re about to have some very cold balls, big brother.’ He tried, rather ineffectually to shove the ice chips down the front of Fili’s shorts, but Fili was having none of it. He managed to free one of his hands and then it became a free for all of waving arms and ice chips going everywhere, including down both pairs of shorts, until they were both breathless and giggling frantically.

‘Fucking truce.’ Fili gasped, backing into the corner with both hands up in surrender. 

‘Fine.’ Kili said, retreating to a safe distance. He looked up at Fili and watched as he dusted melting ice chips off of his bare chest. The single light in the ceiling gave his skin a strangely artificial tint, but it also highlighted every dip and shadow. Kili’s breath suddenly caught in his throat. He watched as Fili’s hands made another pass, this time brushing ice crystals over one nipple, which visibly hardened from the cold sensation. His lips suddenly felt very dry and he licked them subconsciously. 

‘You wanker, Kee.’ Fili laughed, ‘I hope to fuck you’re going to help me clean up this mess and not pull one of your famous vanishing tricks.’ He finished brushing himself off and looked at Kili. Their eyes locked. Then Kili took three steps forward at speed, crashing into Fili and pinning him into the corner once again, kissing him hard. Fili barely had time to throw his hands out to steady them both under the onslaught. But when he did manage to stabilise him and Kili he kissed back, matching the ferocity. They fought against each other, kissing turning into full on snogging with an added side of biting thrown in for good measure. Eventually though, Fili shoved Kili away. He was noticeably hard. So was Kili for that matter.

‘We are not fucking in here.’ he said, and Kili grumbled in frustration. ‘I mean it.’

‘But..’

‘But nothing.’ Fili said, ‘We’re going to control ourselves like adults and get what we came for and go back outside.’ Kili started to protest and Fili hurled another handful of ice chips at him and told him to cool off, before grabbing the ice bags and heading out the door. Kili was outraged.

‘Cock tease!’ he called after his brother and got a laugh.

‘I’ll play with you later, little brother.’ The echoing shout replied.


	84. Games

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dinner and board games, followed by other games...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was written to the tune of 'A Snoring Beagle Pt.1'

Three days before the party.

Dinner was predictably chaotic. Nara and Dis took charge of the kitchen, enrolling their sons as sous chefs and kitchen porters. Legolas and the twins didn’t escape either, Nara having decided they were already part of the family and so subject to the same indentured servitude as her own son and relatives. And then Thranduil had come into the kitchen, seen what they were doing and promptly demonstrated the fact that he was, in fact, a baking god. While they made dinner, he collared his adopted daughter and her would be girlfriend and set them to peeling the basket of apples on the kitchen table. Then he proceeded to make pie. 

Throughout this all, Thorin and Frerin were interrogating Beorn in the kitchen garden. Beorn, as it turned out, was a cigar smoker. So the three of them were all seated on various surfaces chatting while the light poured out of the kitchen door and the collected screeches of Nara and Dis pierced the night air. Dis’ sudden introduction of Beorn to the family fold was probably the most normal event of the past week, but that didn’t mean she would get off lightly.

‘So exactly how long have you been seeing our sister?’ Thorin asked. 

‘Long enough for her to tell me about you two.’ Beorn said pointedly, ‘And I have eyes.’

‘And it doesn’t bother you?’ Frerin asked, eyebrow raised. Beorn shrugged. 

‘If she accepts it, so do I.’ he said. The brothers exchanged looks.

‘Scandinavians.’ Thorin said, and Frerin grinned.

************

On the terrace Bard sat and listened to Gloin, Dwalin, Oin and Balin chatting about cricket. Ori was glued to his phone as usual. Every bone in his Northern body wanted to scream and rebel at the situation he found himself in, but the strangest thing seemed to be happening to him. Against all his better judgement, he was starting to relax and actually enjoy himself.

************

In the kitchen the boys had been left to clean up by Dis and Nara. Dis had retrieved Beorn from her brother’s clutches and dragged him to the terrace. The shepherd’s pie was in the oven, a salad of gigantic proportions had been made and carried out to the terrace table by Sigrid and Tauriel and Thranduil’s pies were cooling under his watchful eye, as he ferried them forth. 

Inside, Gimli chucked a handful of flour at Kili.

This was a very bad move.

Twenty minutes later, Fili came out into the garden and took a cigarette from Frerin’s packet. He lit it and then proceeded to spend the next five minutes shaking flour out of his hair. 

‘Kids.’ he said by way of explanation, after seeing the looks he was getting from his uncles.

‘Should I point out that he has enough flour in his hair to completely eliminate his argument that he was simply a casual observer?’ Frerin said to Thorin. From inside the kitchen, shrieks more suitable for a teenage girl’s slumber party were still emanating. 

*************

It took the combined threat of decapitation and telling Dis and Nara what they had done to the kitchen for the boys to finally clean up. This they of course did by running through the formal gardens, down the lawn and into the lake once more. All except Fili, something that did not go unnoticed. Kili knew he’d gone to the guest house to shower and change and had left him to it, fending off the questions about why he’d done that. He figured Fili could tell them if he wanted to. It also meant he got to eat at the terrace table because he wasn’t wet through like they were. Instead they were banished to the stairs leading down into the gardens, plates balanced on their laps as they died out fairly quickly. The night time temperature hadn’t dropped a hell of a lot. It was still overbearingly warm, enough so that once they did dry off they started sweating again. 

From where he was sitting KIli had a good view if his brother’s broad shoulders, the white t-shirt damp between his shoulder blades and sticking to his skin. He let his eyes drift over the tattoo on his arm, and the thick blond hair and felt a wave of want go through him. The kiss in the basement had been at the back of his mind all evening and he was starting to feel more than a little horny. He’d been giving Fili a very certain kind of look all evening, taking every excuse to brush up against him or lean over him. It was probably the heat. And he had noticed that he wasn’t the only one. Gimli was giving Legolas serious looks and he was getting them right back. On their last trip to the lake, the twins had disappeared for a good twenty minutes, and were now in that ridiculously affectionate stage that he recognised well from his interactions with Fili. Definitely the heat.

Up at the table, Fili could feel Kili’s eyes on him and smiled to himself. He’d used the excuse of going back to shower and change to set up a little something that would have his brother at his complete mercy later. The little shit thought he had the upper hand being all flirty, but that was all going to change when he got him back into their bedroom. He just hoped that the twins had something to stick in their ears, because he was planning on making Kili scream the house down tonight. 

**************

After dinner they ended up playing Trivial Pursuit at the terrace table. They were playing in pairs after sending the adults to bed. Except for Dwalin of course who had a manic look in his eye as he set up the board. In hindsight it had probably been a bad idea to let him play. He took board games very very seriously. 

‘Right.’ he said sitting down and pulling Ori onto his lap, ‘get your partners.’ The team divisions were predictable, Kili and Fili together, Dan and Ro, and Gimli and Legolas. From their end of the table tauriel gave Sigrid a smile.   
‘Shall we show them who’s boss?’ she asked and Sigrid laughed.

‘I haven’t played in years.’ She said, getting up and moving down the table with Tauriel.

‘You may never play again after playing with Dwalin.’ Kili said, shoving out a chair next to him so Sigrid could sit there. ‘And be thankful there’s no alcohol involved.’ There was a general hiss of ‘Shut up you idiot!’ from Gimli and Fili, but the cat was now out of the bag.

‘An excellent idea, young Kili.’ Dwalin said, grinning, ‘Gimli?’ Gimli glared at him.

‘Fine.’ he said, getting up, ‘But I get to choose what it is.’ Dwalin dished out the counter holders, then looked up at the only two spectators left. 

‘We’re short a pair if you’d like to play.’ he said. The two spectators looked at each other.

‘I’m game if you are.’ Thranduil said. Bard returned the look, then got up and moved to the end of the table.

************

It turned out to be carnage on a scale that put even the game of coinage to shame. The rules were simple – shots every time you got a question wrong. Of course, once you had a few under your belt questions started to go wrong all the time. And there were an awful lot of questions that could be answered incorrectly.

After two hours, the only ones still relatively sober enough to throw the dice were Thranduil and Bard. And that was due to a freakishly coincidental set of questions that were either related to botany or football. 

‘Answer the question.’ Dwalin said in menacing tones. He and Ori were two pieces away from finishing, and it was making him almost psychopathically competitive. Of course they hadn’t reckoned on the combined brain power of the two women at the table. And even though they were as drunk as the boys, Sigrid and Tauriel had still managed to get the last question right. They threw him and Ori a gloating look. 

‘Just the middle question and then we win.’ Sigrid said, unable to hide her own competitive fervour, which was more than a match for Dwalin’s. 

‘Oh thank fuck.’ Muttered Ro, who was face down on the table. ‘I think I finally understand the expression ‘Too drunk to fuck’.’

‘I think it’s time for bed.’ Dan said, ruffling his twin’s hair affectionately. “I’m going to sleep like the fucking dead.’ The dice went to Fili who stuck his cigarette in the corner of his mouth and threw them. He watched nonplussed as they skated off the edge of the table. 

‘It’s a six.’ Gimli said, leaning down to retrieve them and almost falling out his chair. Fili moved their holder, landing on an orange square. 

‘Fuck is that history or sport?’ Kili asked. He was almost boneless now, sprawled in the chair next to Fili. 

‘Sport.’ Legolas said, taking a card from the box. He was just about to start reading the question when Kili beat him to it.

‘John Wayne.’ he said, with the certainty that only the very drunk could muster.

‘No.’ Legolas said promptly, trying to put the card back in the box. It took him several tries, until he chanced upon the miraculous idea of holding the box still and closing one eye while he carefully lined up the card. It was, to Gimli’s eyes, possibly the most adorable thing he’d ever seen. He leaned over and briefly collided with Legolas’ ear, then whispered something that got a giggle.

‘Right that’s it.’ Fili said. He killed his cigarette and made a rather unstable ascension from his chair. ‘You’ve answered John Wayne for the last fucking ten questions. We’re done.’

‘But I have a system.’ Kili protested as his brother hauled him to his feet. ‘It’s bound to come up eventually.’ 

‘Not tonight though.’ Fili got Kili in front of him and steered him down the stairs. ‘You two coming?’ he called to the twins and Dan dragged Ro to his feet and followed them. The others watched the four shadows wend their unsteady way in the direction of the guest house, before they disappeared into the dark.

************

Once they got to the guest house, Dan and Ro mumbled a sleepy goodnight and disappeared into their room. There was the sound of two bodies hitting the bed simultaneously and then absolute silence. 

‘I think they’ve passed out.’ Kili snickered, dusting bits of gravel off his bare feet. ‘Fuck it’s still so hot. I think I’m going to have a shower.’ 

‘Okay.’ Fili said, but there was a strange gleam in his blue eyes that Kili missed completely. ‘I’ll be in in a second, I’m just going to get some water and try to pre-empt the hangover I’ll have tomorrow. You want some?’

‘Sure.’ Kili said, and wandered into the bedroom. Fili waited until he was inside, then went to the freezer and retrieved what he’d put aside earlier. He grabbed a couple of dish towels, and the items he needed, including a couple from the freezer, and headed for the bedroom. He could hear the shower going and Kili’s tuneless humming. He went to the bathroom door and watched his brother’s silhouette through the frosted glass shower door for a few minutes before he went back to his preparations.

Kili got out the shower but didn’t dry himself immediately, enjoying the cooling effect of the water on his skin. He gave his head a shake and realised that made him very dizzy when combined with the alcohol. Not bothering with a towel, he went into the bedroom, still a little disorientated and then stopped dead at what he saw. Every flat surface was covered in jam jars with twinkling tea lights inside them. There was a flash of memory and he was eighteen again, walking down the pathway to the garden shed, heart pounding and cock hard in anticipation. The bed was stripped down to the bottom sheet and one pillow.

‘Holy fuck.’ he breathed and the felt Fili’s very naked body pressed up against his back.

‘You took your sweet time.’ Fili breathed, warm against his cool skin, and Kili felt himself break out in goose bumps. ‘I thought you’d gone to sleep in there.’ His hands ran down Kili’s wet arms, fingers dragging trails with just enough fingernail to make Kili gasp. They reached his wrists and tightened. Kili caught his breath. There was nothing else, just the grip of Fili’s hands and his warm breath on Kili’s back.

‘Fili?’ he said, trying to keep his voice from shaking.

‘Get on the bed.’ Fili said, letting Kili go. Kili went, climbing on and turning to look at his brother. He was breath taking, the sharply defined muscles of his body highlighted by the candle light. The tattoos stood out like dark shadows, but the details were softened and hazy. Kili sat back and watched as he walked towards him, eyes dropping down to Fili’s cock which was already hard. 

‘Lie down.’ Fili said, and Kili lay back, wet hair saturating the pillow. He was hard now as well, and his breath was coming short and fast. The tone in Fili’s voice was new, just the right side of domineering. Kili swallowed noisily and saw a flash of dimples as Fili smiled. He got on the bed, straddling Kili’s thighs and leaned forward, placing his hands either side of Kili’s shoulders to balance himself, then looked down into his eyes.

‘I told you I was going to play with you later, little brother.’ he said in a voice that was almost a purr. 

*************

In their bedroom, Thorin and Frerin heard the noise of drunken stumbling up the stairs and along the corridor. They were on the bed, comfortable lying side by side. Thorin was reading a Hiaasen novel and chuckling to himself, while Frerin was watching a rerun of Alien that he’d found on Channel Five. A slamming door made them look at each other.

‘Sounds like the game has been abandoned.’ Frerin said. Thorin grinned and went back to his book. Unfortunately peace didn’t reign for long.

It started quite innocuously, with the steady knocking of a headboard. Then it turned into a repeat of the first night Gimli and Legolas were together. Only this time there were apparently no inhibitions due to the amount of alcohol imbibed, so the yodelling stage was reached a lot quicker. 

‘Bloody hell.’ Thorin said, putting down his book. ‘I don’t know whether to tell them to shut the fuck up or applaud Gimli for what must be some pretty fancy moves.’

‘Maybe both.’ Frerin said with a smile. Thorin was about to reply when suddenly they both fell silent. The reason for this was another set of voices. These were a carefully composed counterpoint of tenor and baritone. The higher of the two voices also seemed to really like using the word fuck in many different contexts.

‘Jesus Christ.’ Thorin said. Frerin noted that he was looking a little scandalised. ‘That’s fucking Dwalin.’

‘Actually I’ll think you find it’s Dwalin fucking.’ Frerin said, going into peals of laughter. Thorin looked at him.

‘I think it’s pretty clear whose sense of humour Fili got.’ he said, and Frerin poked him in the ribs.

‘Well, thank fuck he did. If he’d taken after you it would have been stunted.’ They sat and listened to the ongoing concert of noises, Frerin snickering frantically and Thorin looking more and more perturbed as the noises grew in volume. 

‘I have to say something.’ Thorin said, starting to get out of bed. He was halfway to the door, when they heard Oin bellow from down the corridor.

‘You bloody animals!’ he roared, ‘Civilised people are trying to fucking sleep.’ There was a brief moment of silence and then the noises continued. Frerin watched Thorin suddenly double over as if in pain. When he finally straightened up, Frerin saw tears running down his face and realised his brother was incoherent with laughter.

‘Christ Almighty, they managed to wake Oin.’ he spluttered, barely managing to make it back to bed before he collapsed. 

************

On the bed, Kili squirmed and panted. He could barely breathe he was so excited. A little way down his chest Fili held him still, cold tongue tracing one nipple. He looked up at Kili, blue eyes darkned by the dim light. He flicked his tongue very deliberately and Kili moaned. Fili grinned and sat up, reaching for the glass of water and ice chips he had on the bedsie table. He took a mouthful and turned his attention to the other nipple. Kili gave a little cry at the first touch of ice and cold water, which made him tingle and the follow up of Fili’s hot tongue. The contrast was driving him nuts and Fili hadn’t even so much as touched his cock yet. 

It also didn’t help that he was pretty much forbidden from doing anything else. Fili had extracted a solemn promise that he was not allowed to touch him until he was given permission or all activities would cease. And Kili knew his brother well enough to know that he was stubborn enough to go through with it. So he was reduced to holding onto the headboard and curling his toes. Fili sucked almost meditatively, blond head moving slowly to match the swirling movement of his tongue. Kili turned his head slightly, looking at the other glass packed full of ice chips and just enough water that stood ready. Only this one had the tube of lube floating in it. He was dizzy with anticipation at the thought of what that would feel like. 

Fili finally let him go. He moved up and retrieved a particularly large piece of ice from the glass, putting it in his mouth and leaning down to kiss Kili. The ice slid between their lips and tongues, melting slowly and cooling the inside of their mouths until it was gone. The whole time Fili held his body off him. He was sheened with sweat, the natural smell of his body strong and musky. It was making Kili crazy. Another piece of ice and another slow kiss. And another.  
Kili whined as Fili pulled away for the third time.

‘Fee.’ He managed, ‘I don’t know how much longer I can take. I want you to fuck me now.’ Fili smiled and licked his open mouth, tongue dipping in teasingly before pulling away.

‘All right.’ He said, ‘I think you’ve been good enough. But we do it my way and the rule still applies.’ He sat back on his heels, taking his cock in his hand and rubbing over the head with his thumb. Then he leaned forward, placing the slick smeared thumb against Kili’s mouth. Kili sucked it in, tasting his brother and moaning as their eyes locked. Fili pulled his thumb away then reached for more ice. This time though he didn’t put it in his mouth. Instead he applied it directly, first to one nipple then to the other, leaning down and blowing gently of the cooled skin. Kili threw his head back, moaning and writhing under Fili’s touch. The ice cube made another trail, down his stomach, into his navel. Fili left it there and reached for the glass. This time was a gulp of water and ice. Kili was still so focused on the concentration of cold on his stomach that he wasn’t really paying attention, until Fili got to his groin, grasped his cock and took it in his mouth.  
‘Fuck!’ Kili cried out, arching up at the sensation of being enveloped by cold, the ice chips making little bursts of sensation as they touched him. Fili swallowed the water and melted ice, and suddenly his mouth felt like a furnace on Kili’s cock. It was incredibly good, and then Fili stated sucking hard and Kili felt his orgasm cresting almost as quickly as it had started. He gave himself over, but then felt Fili grasp the base very firmly, staving it off. He melted back down into the bed, his breathing harsh and loud. Fili gave one last suck, then pulled off.

‘I’m not done with you yet.’ he said. 

‘I can’t.’ Kili said, barey able to even focus. ‘I want to come so badly.’

‘In a bit.’ Fili said, extracting another ice chip. This time he moved lower, pushing Kili’s legs up and apart. He reached down for another pillow from the floor and gave Kili a tap on the hip. Kili obediently raised his hips and Fili slid the pillow in under them. Then he move Kili’s legs over his shoulders, dipped his head and licked slowly up and over him. Kili squeezed his eyes shut, trying desperately to think of anything that would distract him of the feeling of the cold ice contrasting with the warm tongue against him. He shook and gripped the sheets, but Fili was relentless. Then, just when he felt it couldn’t get any more intense Fili’s tongue probed him gently, and then thrust, pushing the partially melted ice chip inside him. Kili bowed off the bed.

‘Fuck!’ he cried, ‘Oh God Fee, fuck!’ Fili gave a dirty laugh.

‘What?’ he asked, tone gently mocking, ‘What do you want little brother? I can’t give it to you until you tell me.’

‘Fuck me, please.’ Kili moaned, well aware that he was shamelessly begging now. ‘Christ, I just want your cock in me.’ He looked down at Fili, who got up off the bed. He went to the table and retirved the chilled lube, popping the cap and pouring it from a height over Kili’s cock. The cold made him gasp and then Fili took him in one hand, giving him a couple of strokes. Then he went back to where he had been kneeling between Kili’s legs, cold slicked fingers rubbing and teasing until they slid in, two at once and making Kili bite his lip at the feel of the ice cold lube. Fili worked them in and out expertly, but staying away from his prostate. Kili wanted to strangle him.

‘Fuck, Make me come Fili.’ he moaned and felt an overwhelming sense of smugness as he saw that he brother was now physically shaking with the effort to control himself. ‘Stick it in me, all the way inside.’ 

‘Brat.’ Fili said, moving his fingers harder and faster. Kili raised his hips as invitingly as he could manage, spreading his legs as wide as they could go.

‘Fuck me now!’ he demanded and Fili’s resolve finally broke. He grabbed Kili by the hips, barely managing to line up properly before he thrust inside him so hard their bodies collided with a little thump. Kili shouted, a wordless sound, and locked his legs around Fili’s hips. He looked at Fili, pupils dilated and eyes wild.

‘Hard.’ He panted, ‘I want you to fuck me hard.’ Fili adjusted position, still sitting on his heels but leaning back a little. Kili felt the head of his cock bump his prostate, white heat shooting through him, and knew he was going to come so hard he would probably pass out. 

‘Touch yourself.’ Fili spat out, his face feral. ‘I want to watch you while I fuck you.’ He started to thrust, slow and deep, and Kili took his cock in his hand, matching Fili’s pace and keeping their eyes locked. They moaned together, voices mingling and rising. Kili kept his rhythm slow and steady, the light brushes of his prostate and his hand on his own cock taking him into another dimension of sensation altogether. Over him Fili panted open mouthed, hair in his eyes and fingers digging into Kili’s skin. Kili watched him battle for control and decided enough was enough.

‘Break for me Fili.’ he said, “I want to watch you let go and come inside me.’ The blue eyes softened and then closed as Fili threw his head back, screaming out as he started to thrust hard with powerful rolls of his hips. He lost all control of his movements, becoming erratic and watching that loss of control drove Kili to stroke harder and move with him until they were bucking frantically against each other. Fili came first, with a powerful arch of his back and one last guttural cry before Kili followed. He watched his cum hit Fili’s chest and throat and thought that he’d never seen anything more beautiful in his life. 

Fili’s dropped forward so he was leaning over Kili, panting so hard he couldn’t speak. Instead he opened his eyes and looked at him, a smile on his face. Kili smiled back at him, his eyes and face telling Fili everything he needed to know.


	85. Pie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after Trivial Pursuit brings some surprises.

Two days before the party

Gimli awoke with a mouth like sandpaper and the feeling that he’d pulled something. Next to him, hidden by the duvet, Legolas snored softly. Gimli felt an insane surge of affection at the kittenish noises.

‘I think I’m falling for you big time, Blondie.’ he murmured, stroking the head of silvery blond hair that was just peeking out of the bedding. Legolas slept on, blissfully ignorant of the possible declaration of love he’d just missed. Gimli smiled and stretched. He got out of the bed, and wandered into the bathroom to answer the call of nature. Once he was done, he returned, scooping up his discarded boxers from the floor and pulling them on. Then he retrieved his t-shirt from the light fitting above him, snickering at the sudden flash of memory that told him how it had got there, and left his looking-more-and-more-like-a-boyfriend companion to sleep. 

On his way down the staircase he bumped into Oin coming up with a cup of tea. Oin gave him a dirty look, and Gimli rushed past, stifling a laugh. In the kitchen he found Dis and Beorn, dressed and eating breakfast.  
‘Good morning.’ Dis said smiling in a knowing way. ‘Looks like I wasn’t the only one who got lucky last night.’ Next to her Beorn crunched his toast and honey with an impassive face, but his blue eyes were twinkling merrily.  
A sound made Gimli turn around to see Sigrid and Tauriel coming into the kitchen. They looked as bad as he felt.

‘This is why I don’t fucking drink.’ Tauriel was saying. Then she saw Dis and Beorn and blushed. ‘Sorry. My language escpaes me this morning.’

‘See why she would have made a good daughter-in-law?” Dis said to Beorn, ‘Serene beauty on the outside and the sailor vocabulary on the inside.’ She laughed. ‘Come and have some toast. You’ll feel better.’ Sigrid went and sat down, and Tauriel went to make them both coffee.

‘What time did you guys finish up last night?’ Gimli asked, and Sigrid shrugged. 

‘I don’t think we went up too much after you. Thranduil and Dad were still playing when we left.’

‘Really?’ Dis asked, giving Beorn a look. ‘I thought they hated each other.’

‘It’s all very mysterious.’ Sigrid said, ‘Dad won’t tell me anything but they obviously know each other very well.’

‘Well they didn’t come in last night.’ Beorn said, deep voice rumbling. All the others looked at him. He noticed and smiled. ‘Perhaps they are still in the garden playing?’

*************

In the formal gardens, a sparrow hopped onto the rim of a pie dish. It inspected the occupant of the pie dish, then pecked at a few crumbs. There was a snorting noise and the occupant stirred a little, then opened his eyes. Bleary pale blue eyes tried and failed to focus on the sparrow. They closed again and there was a huge sigh, like someone trying to psych themselves up to perform an impossible task. The occupant lifted his head, soggy pie crust and tacky apple pieces stuck to the side of his face. He looked down at the now completely crushed pastry and blinked at it stupidly. 

‘Oh fuck.’ he said, in a voice that sounded like he’d been gargling razor blades. ‘I ruined the pie.’ Next to him, the other figure rolled onto his back, one hand going up to block out the sun.

‘You shouldn’t have gone to sleep in it then.’ he said, voice equally rough. 

‘Shut up Bard.’ Thranduil said, picking a piece of crust off his face and flicking it to the waiting sparrow, which grabbed it and took off. ‘I wasn’t the one that thought pie and stargazing were a good idea.’ He frowned and sat up, wincing as something dug into his behind. He reached underneath himself and retrieved a fork. On his back next to Thranduil, Bard chuckled.

‘You look like an idiot.’ he said. Thranduil fixed him with an icy glare, although the effect was somewhat diminished by the pie on his face. 

‘You’re going to regret that.’ he said and Bard chuckled again. He fought his way into a sitting position next to Thranduil. 

‘I’m probably going to regret lots of things I did last night.’ He said, voice dropping even lower. Thranduil went wide-eyed. 

‘You just keep your distance Bard Lakes.’ he said, scooting back from him, waving one slim finger in his face. ‘I was drunk.’

‘So was I.’ Bard said, moving into his space. He stopped when his face was inches from Thranduil’s. He reached out with one forefinger and dragged it through the apple stickiness on Thranduil’s cheek, then licked it off.

‘You’re insufferable.’ Thrnaduil snorted, but he didn’t pull away. ‘I am keen to see how you’re going to explain this to your daughter though.’ Bard’s eyes narrowed and he leaned in a smidgen closer. 

‘You’re not going to tell me how to deal with Sigrid.’ he said, ‘And in return I won’t say anything about easy it was to do this.’ With that he crossed the gap, one hand going to the back of Thranduil’s head as he kissed him. Thranduil managed to resist for all of three seconds before he responded, pie on face be damned. It brought back a thousand memories, most of them not fit for public scrutiny. But then just as he was getting back into the swing of kissing the boy he fell in love with when he was sixteen, there was an outraged shriek from behind them.

‘Dad!’ Sigrid screeched, voice shrill enough to shatter glass. He and Bard jumped apart like guilty teenagers. ‘What the fuck?’

‘Bollocks.’ Bard said, and Thranduil couldn’t contain himself. He started giggling, not laughing but actual giggling. Behind Sig, Tauriel was staring at him in a way that made him almost choke it was so comically shocked.

‘Oh come now.’ he finally managed to say, ‘I have a son. I do know what it’s used for.’

************

In the guest house, Fili watched Kili moving around the bedroom after his shower, looking for clothes to wear.

‘You never had anyone else.’ He finally said. Kili looked at him like he was stupid.

‘No, why would I? You were the only one I wanted.’ He replied, fishing a t-shirt out of the pile on the chair and giving it the sniff test before pulling it on. ‘We’re doing laundry today.’ 

‘It makes me feel terrible.’ Fili confessed, ‘I wasn’t exactly a slut, but I wasn’t faithful either.’ Kili sighed and came over to sit on the bed. He pushed Fili’s hair off his face and looked t him.

‘How many?’ he asked. Fili shrugged.

‘A few. None since the accident.’ he said. 

‘Well, if they taught you how to do what you did to me last night, then I will be forever grateful.’ Kili smiled, leaning over to kiss him. Fili smiled back, when he was released. 

‘You’re amazing, you know that?’ he said and Kili got up.

‘Of course if you ever cheat on me in the future, I will cut your balls off and feed them to you.’ he said sweetly. 

‘It will never happen.’ Fili replied, and that got him another smile, this time with a sharp little edge.

‘I know it won’t.’ Kili said, then picked up a bundle of clothes and chucked them at Fili. ‘No-one else will ever fuck you like I do.’ He left the room, leaving Fili to fall back on the bed and smile at how much his little brother had him wrapped around his finger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The pie bit is based on the scnen from Priscilla Queen of the Desert when Bernice falls asleep in the cake. I can just fucking see it :D


	86. Departure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The confrontation between Sigrid and Bard continues. But what does Tauriel have to say about this?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well as you may have guessed we are into the final stretch :) Expect things to start tying themselves up. OR WILL THEY!!!!

Two days before the party.

Gimli sighed happily at the food laid out in front of him. His parents had come down just after the girls had gone in search of their fathers. Nara had taken pity on his hungover state and made him breakfast as well. He was just about to start eating when a slender red haired whirlwind entered the kitchen.

‘Gimli!’ Tauriel panted, clearly having galloped all the way back from wherever she’d been, ‘Where’s Legolas? 

‘Sleeping.’ he said, thrown by the panicked look on her face.

‘Go get him now!’ she said, ‘Sig and I caught Bard and Thranduil kissing in the garden and I think Sig’s about to commit patricide.’ With that she whirled around and tore off back outside.

‘Never a dull moment.’ Gloin said with a raised eyebrow. Gimli huffed and got up from the table.

‘Bloody hell.’ he muttered, ‘Do not eat my breakfast.’ he said to his father, ‘I will be back once we’ve sorted everything out.’ Then he headed upstairs, passing Thorin and Frerin coming down. ‘Just so you know, World War Three is apparently happening in the formal gardens.’

‘I’ll be sure to have a bunker installed.’ Thorin said in response.

‘Don’t we actually already have one?’ Frerin asked.

‘Oh, yes. I think we do.’ Their voices faded as the moved out of earshot. Gimli made it to his room and went in. Legolas was in exactly the same position as before. He prodded him, and got a grumpy noise.

‘Get up.’ Gimli said, ‘Your father is embroiled in a fight of epic proportions if your adopted sister is to be believed.’

‘Crap.’ Legolas muttered from under the duvet. 

*************

Tauriel ran down the pathway to the guest house. Inside she found the twins eating cereal on the sofa and watching cartoons.

‘Where are Fili and Kili?” she asked, barely managing to get the words out. She was sure she hadn’t run this much since her hockey days and made a mental note to take up jogging. 

‘Doing laundry in the house.’ Dan said, ‘What’s up?’

‘Bard and Thranduil and Sig.’ was all she said, then took off again. They watched her go then looked at each other.

‘Sounds like a disturbance of some kind.’ Ro said grinning.

‘Let’s go.’ Dan said getting up. They took their cereal with them, after all what was a show without dinner?

**********

Tauriel headed back into the house, across the hall to the cellar door, and down into the maze of corridors. She made it to the laundry, throwing open the door and then wishing with all her might she hadn’t. After all no-one wants to walk, or in her case run, in on one’s ex-fiance giving his brother a blow job. Which was precisely what Kili was doing. Fili at least had the decency to look appalled at the fact that she was standing in the doorway. He frantically pulled at Kili’s hair, Kili being shirtless and therefore having nothing else for him to pull on. Kili, however was seemingly so absorbed in what he was doing it took a few moments for him to register what was happening, but which time Taureil had discovered more than she’d ever wanted to know about his technique. She turned around, cheeks blazing, and gave them a few moments to straighten themselves up. When she turned around they were thankfully both fully dressed and sheepish looking.

‘Sorry.’ Kili said, ‘It’s kind of a tradition.’

‘I really don’t want to know.’ She said, holding up one hand. She addressed the next words to Fili. ‘You remember our agreement? Well I think we’re going to need that ride to the airport.’

***********

In the garden things were rapidly degenerating into a slanging match. Thranduil had tried his best to get between the two injured parties and calm them both down, but had finally given up and resorted to sitting on a low stone wall, picking pie crust off his face and throwing it to the collection of small birds that had assembled around him in hope of a free breakfast. 

The shouting had started out in English, meandered through French and culminated in German, which he thought truly was a wonderful language for arguing. Sigrid was currently listing all of Bard’s failings as a father and human being. Bard in turn was bemoaning ungrateful children. Thranduil was of the opinion that they both needed to have another drink and calm down. His head was starting to throb unmercifully. He looked up to see his son and the young man Thranduil was now starting to think of as his son’s boyfriend with no small amout of glee approaching from the house. He noticed that Legolas looked like he’d been on the piss for a week, which he supposed he technically had.

‘You look terrible.’ he said as they reached them.

‘Says the man with pie on his face.’ Legolas said, slumping down on the wall next to him. ‘Anything good so far?’ 

‘So far it’s been personal insults and threats to either cut each other out of their lives or spend the rest of their lives making each other’s lives hell.’ Thranduil said. He spotted two more viewers approaching. ‘Oh good, your cousins have decided to join us.’ 

***********

Upstairs Tauriel packed her suitcase with an efficiency brought on by need. It was pretty easy for her to get Sigrid’s things together, Sigrid having never really unpacked since she’d arrived. She retrieved her handbag and Sigrid’s, checked that both passports were in order (the courier had delivered Sigrid’s the day before), then ran an eye over the room to make sure nothing else had been left behind. Then she headed downstairs.

***********

In the kitchen Frerin looked at Fili.

‘This is a terrible idea.’ he said. 

‘Just give me the keys old man.’ Fili said. Frerin sighed and looked at Thorin, who shrugged. Frerin dug the car keys out of his pocket and chucked them at him.

‘Make sure you fill her up on the way back.’ he said.

‘Will do.’ Fili said as he walked out the kitchen.

***********

In the hall he found Tauriel with the two suitcases. Kili was with her.

‘You’re sure about this?’ he was asking her and Tauriel nodded. 

‘We need time to decide if all the trouble is worth it.’ She said, ‘And we need to be in a place where all the drama and the shouting is notably absent. I love you Kili, you are my best friend but your family is a fucking disaster zone and it’s rubbing off on me. I need some peace and quiet after this week. And Sigrid needs to get away from her father for five minutes and decide what she really wants.’

‘Fair enough.’ Kili said, then turned to Fili. ‘So who wants to go get the other one?’ 

‘Oh that’ll be me.’ Tauriel said, looking like she was mentally rolling up her sleeves. ‘I have a few things to say.’

The brothers looked at each other.

‘Sand bags and hard hats.’ Fili said.

***********

‘I am done with this!’ Bard shouted.

‘So am I!’ Sigrid shouted back. They folded their arms in an identical matter and glared at each other. From their perch on the low stone wall, the Greenleafs and one Gloinson were watching with the air of spectators at a tennis match. They waited in anticipation as a battle of death stares was waged in front of them. Just when it seemed it would end in a draw, Tauriel came hurtling along the pathway. Both Sig and Bard turned to look at her.

‘It’s done.’ Tauriel declared, brandishing their passports like a weapon. ‘Our bags are packed, I’ve called Galadriel to tell her we’re coming and asked the biys to take us to Bristol Airport. There’s a flight to Rome that leaves in three hours. If you want to be with me, then come. If not, then stay here and fight with your father some more. But whatever you decide it needs to be now. I just can’t take the drama anymore. I have a hangover the size of Europe and a very short temper this morning. So what is it going to be?’ There was a moment of collective silence. Everyone seemed to be in shock at tauriel’s outburst.

‘I’ve never seen you like this.’ Thranduil said eventually. ‘You’re always so calm.’

Fuck clam!’ Tauriel snapped and he visibly flinched. ‘I’m sick of being serene, sweet natured tauriel who fixes everyone else’s problems. I want what I fucking want for a change.’ She turned to Sigrid. ‘And what I want is you. It’s always been you. So now I’m asking you to come and be with me. I don’t care about anyone else and their opinions. Just you.’ Sigrid stared at her, then turned to look at her father. 

‘Dad?’ she said. The single word held about a hundred questions. Bard looked from one to the other, then sagged. 

‘Oh for fuck’s sake just go.’ he said, ‘Who am I to stand in the way of true love, apparently.’ Sigrid lit up. ‘But, I have some provisos. Firstly you call your brother and sister and tell them what you are doing. Secondly, you come home in time for high season. I can’t run the guest house without you.’

‘Only if Tory can come with me.’ Sigrid said.

‘Then she comes with you. But she works. I have no room for freeloaders.’ Bard said. Sigrid looked at Tauriel who nodded. 

‘Done.’ she said and stuck out her hand. Bard gave her a look and grabbed her, hugging her so hard she wheezed.

‘My god you’re stubborn.’ he said.

‘Just like you.’ Sigrid countered.

************

In the end it was Bard who insisted on accompanying them to the airport. Thranduil very kindly offered to drive them. They stood around the rolls, packing the suitcases in the boot. Before they got in Tauriel turned to Kili, who was standing with them. Moving simultaneously they hugged each other.

‘I’m glad you got your fairytale ending.’ he whispered in her ear.

‘You too.’ she whispered back.


	87. Baby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh no, what is that in Dis' shopping bag?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So we are counting down to the final Chapter :D If you have any last minute requests let me know. We only have 13 more to do it in!!!!!!

Two days before the party.

Bard stood watching the girls go through the check-in. Next to him Thranduil waved them off in a stately manner, rather like the Queen. It tickled Bard immensely to see how little he had changed.

‘So now what?’ he asked when the girls had disappeared.

‘Well, you still have two days before you are due to go back.’ Thranduil pointed out. ‘And the Durins are very hospitable, if a little insane. You could stay, and we could catch up.’

‘Like we did last night.’ Bard asked, unable to help himself. Thranduil gave him one those cool looks that for some reason git him going faster than any declaration of lust he may have made. 

‘Just because I kissed you last night…’

‘And this morning.’

‘I did not kiss you this morning, that was all you. As I was saying, just because I kissed you last night does not mena there will be a repeat. We were both extremely under the influence.’ Thranduil said, as they made their way out of the Departures. Bard checked his watch.

‘It’s a little after twelve. And I’ve never been to Bath.’ he said.

‘Is that your not so subtle way of telling me to buy you lunch?’ Thranduil said. 

‘Nice to see you still catch on fast rich boy.’ Bard said, laughing.

************  
Gimli was not in a forgiving mood. For one thing Gloin had eaten his bacon. For another he was now being ambushed on both sides by his mother and his not-sure-if-he-is-my-boyfriend-but-he’s-acting-like-one paramour. 

‘But you look so dashing when you dress up.’ Nara protested.

‘For fuck’s sake Mom, 1824 called. It wants its vocabulary back.’ he said, sitting with his arms crossed on the edge of her bed. 

‘I agree with Nara.’ Legolas said, ‘You have the suit, you might as well wear it.’

‘The only reason, and I’m stressing this here, the ONLY reason I allowed myself to be put in the position where I would have to wear one was because I was going to be Kili’s best man. That’s the only reason. I wouldn’t wear a suit to my own fucking wedding.’

‘We’ll see about that.’ Nara said giving Legolas a conspiratorial look, that Gimli was mildly alarmed to see him returning.

‘I’ll be wearing one, and I think most of the party guests will be too.’ Gloin muttered from where he was banished to an armchair. ‘You can’t go to the formal reintroduction of your cousin and uncle to society looking like a groupie for Metallica concert.’

‘Roadie Dad, not groupie.’ Gimli said, rolling his eyes at him. Legolas snickered. ‘And I like the way I look.’ Nara threw her hands up in exasperation.

‘Fine, do whatever you want.’ She said, flouncing into the bathroom. Gimli took the opportunity to escape, taking Legolas with him. 

‘You know, it’s a pity you don’t want to wear it.’ Legolas said as they went downstairs, ‘I’m a sucker for a man in a suit.’

‘It’s not going to work Blondie.’ Gimli said, and Legolas shrugged.

‘Your loss.’ he said, ‘My last boyfriend was an investment banker. He wore suits tailored in Saville Row. They were such a turn on, I even let him fuck me on the balcony of his flat in the middle of London just because he was wearing the suit. He didn’t even take the jacket off.’

‘Really?’ Gimli said, unwilling to say just how hot that idea was. ‘What were you wearing?’

‘Nothing.’ Legolas said, and jumped the last three stairs, leaving Gimli with his mouth hanging open. He’d never had an exhibitionist kink before, but the sudden image of himself in place of the investment banker with a very naked Legolas bent over the balcony in front of him was doing things to his head, and other parts of him as well.

Suddenly the prospect of wearing a suit had merit.

*************

That afternoon, Kili and Fili were in the middle of a Worms war and almost at the point of declaring their relationship null and void when Dis appeared at their door. She stuck her head in and looked at her youngest son trying to kick his brother, who was on the floor in front of the sofa, in the head. 

‘Where are the twins?’ she asked and they both looked up.

‘Gone to town with Ori and Dwalin.’ Kili said. He grimaced as Fili’s worm unceremoniously blew his off a hill with a bazooka. A tinny voice shouted ‘Revenge’. Where’ve you been?’ Her and Beorn had vanished just after Bard and Thranduil had taken Tauriel and Sig to the airport.

‘Well, ‘ she said coming into the room laden with shopping bags and suit carriers, ‘seeing as you lot never got to the shop to pick up the suits I did it for you. I also got you and Frerin something to wear.’ She said to Fili, who got up off the floor and relived her of her burden.

‘How?’ he asked, ‘You don’t know my size.’ Dis snorted.

‘What kind of mother would I be if I was incapable of going through my son’s things.’ she said, handing over most of the bags then taking a select few back. She noticed that Fili was still holding a Boots bag and quickly retrieved it. 

‘Mom.’ Kili said with an annoyed intonation. Dis grinned, then reached into the Boots bag and retrieved a bottle of lube. She tossed it at her youngest.

‘Here.’ she said, grinning, ‘I noticed you boys were running low.’ She was very gratified to see Kili go a particularly alarming shade of red. Fili gave her an admiring look at the depths of evil she was willing to sink to.

‘Thanks Mom.’ he said, kissing her on the cheek. ‘That’s for the clothes by the way. Not the lube.’

‘Ungrateful brat.’ Dis said, smiling as she left them. But her smile faded quickly once she was outside. She walked up to the house, feeling an unpleasant sense of anticipation in her stomach. Once inside she went straight to her room, not stopping to talk to anyone. Then she locked the door, threw the rest of the bags on the bed, except for the Boots one and peered in at the other item inside.

She took off her shoes and padded into the bathroom. She read the back of the box, then opened it and retrieved the object and instruction leaflet from inside. She read the instructions carefully, then followed them to the letter. Afterwards she dried the object off, threw the used paper in the toilet, closed the lid and sat down to wait. As she watched the result appear, her expression changed from one of fear and anticipation to one of complete horror.

‘Motherfucker.’ she said.

************

Dwalin pulled his truck into the space next to Frerin’s Land Rover. Next to him Ori was happily licking the remains of a Magnum off its stick. In the back, the twins were doing the same. He sighed. It had been like taking a nursery school group for an excursion. 

‘Right you lot.’ He said making a waving gesture at them, ‘Out.’ They fell out of the truck, giggling like small children. He found it quite disturbing how well Ori and the twins were getting on. They’d spent an inordinate amount of time whispering while they were out, and it was making him very suspicious.

************

Out in the garden, Thorin and Frerin watched the marquee being put up. The preparations for the party were now happening thick and fast. Bombur had spent most of the afternoon in the kitchen doing a dry run for the following evening, and Bofur and Bifur were running around supervising all the preparations. 

‘So exactly how many people are coming to this?’ Frerin asked.

‘Lots.’ Thorin said, ‘I honestly have no idea. You’d have to ask the Dictator how many she’s invited.’

‘I really am not looking forward to this.’ Frerin said, “I’ve kind of liked being out of the spotlight and letting you be the crown prince of Erebor.’

‘It’ll be good to let people know you’re back. It’ll make the shareholders feel like the family is unified again. There was a lot of nervousness when Dad went off the deep end, and I spent a whole year firefighting.’ Thorin said. Ferein gave him a look.

‘I’m sorry.’ he said and Thorin frowned at him.

‘What on Earth for?’ he asked, genuinely surprised. Frerin shrugged.

‘I shouldn’t have left.’ he said, ‘Or if I did, I should have dragged you with me.’ Thorin smiled at him, eyes soft. He was about to reply when Dis came out onto the terrace and then made her way down to them. When she got to them she held out a slim white object. 

‘Look at this!’ she demanded. Thorin and Frerin regarded her in confusion as she waved the object in agitation.

‘We would if you would hold it still.’ Thorin said. Dis held it right in front of his face and glared at him. Thorin looked at the object, peering at the tiny window. Then his eyebrows went right up. He looked at her, then looked at Frerin.

‘Holy shit.’ he said.

‘More like holy fuck.’ Frerin said as he realised what he was looking at.

‘This is a fucking disaster!’ Dis stormed, ‘What the fuck am I going to do?’ She got even more annoyed than she currently was when her brothers burst out laughing. 

‘I don’t know, Dis.’ Thorin said, ‘Is it Beorn’s?’

‘Of course it fucking is!’ she snapped, ‘Christ I am forty fucking three years old. How the fuck has this happened to me?’

‘You do kind of have form for this sort of thing.’ Frerin said, trying not to laugh.

‘Oh fuck off.’ Dis swore. ‘Shit. Bloody motherfucking balls.’ She looked at her brothers, a helpless expression on her face. 

‘And the surprises keep on coming.’ Frerin said dryly. Next to him Thorin smiled at his siblings.

'I am so glad you are both here.' he said, 'I don't think I have ever been happier.'

'That doesn't help my situation.' Dis said. 'How the hell am I going to tell Fili and Kili?'

'Tell them that in about nine months they're going to have a new brother or sister.' Thorin said. 'That's what Mom did with you.'

'You're no fucking help.' she snorted and stomped off back to the house. They watched her go.

'Wow.' Frerin said, 'Of all the things that could have happened this week, that's the one I would never have called.'

'Thankfully,' Thorin said, 'I think I'm stating to be immune to the crazy.' Frerin snorted and out his arm around his waist.

'Bollocks.' he said, 'You just can't see it because you're up to your eyeballs in it.'


	88. Honesty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is what happen when you have an honest and frank discussion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is not fit for public consumption, and is devoted to all those who wanted more FiKi action with the dirty fantasies thrown in. Hope you enjoy it :D
> 
> Uber special thanks to WeTheRebelSkies for the 'up the arse' comment and the chapter prompt :D

Two days before the party

They were pretty much left to their own devices for dinner, and Fili was cooking while Kili watched TV on the sofa. Fili studied him for the safety of the kitchen area, watching his little brother. Kili’s face was focused, and Fili eyed his brother’s profile. While their colouring was completely different, when they were sitting side by side he knew they were like mirror images of each other. Just like he knew that if his hair and Frerin’s hair were dark instead of blond, their resemblance to the rest of the Durins would never be questioned. 

He turned his attention back to the cabonara pasta he was making, the proper way no less. Kili couldn’t cook at all, that much hadn’t changed, and while his own repertoire was usually curtailed by time and inclination it had become pretty damn good over the past years. But now he found that cooking for his brother was making his strangely nervous, like cooking for a new partner for the first time. Which, he supposed, was probably the way it was. They’d kind of fallen into their old routine together, but he was starting to pick up small differences in the last week that made his brother seem a little bit like a stranger to him. It was to be expected though after seven years apart.

Fili emptied the pasta onto two plates and added parmesan, then brought them over to the sofa. Kili moved up to give him room to sit without asking, and Fili smiled to himself at the automatic way they moved around each other. That at least hadn’t changed. He settled into the seat and started eating. What he wasn’t prepared for though was the sudden and extremely sexual sounding noise Kili made when he took his first mouthful.

‘Fuck me, this is good.’ He said, giving Fili a look that suggested he was more than a little surprised. ‘Where the fuck did you learn to cook like this?’ 

‘I picked it up.’ Fili said, truthfully. ‘Frerin’s a disaster in the kitchen, like you. It was either learn to cook or starve or eat shit out of a jar.’ He felt ridiculously pleased at his brother’s comments. ‘I’m glad you like it.’

‘Are you joking? I think I would gladly let you do anything you wanted to me for the rest of our natural lives just to keep you cooking for me.’ Kili said, nudging him with his elbow. 

Fili took a deep breath, and then spoke.

‘I’ve been thinking.’ He said, and Kili raised one dark eyebrow at him.

‘Really?’ he said, fork halfway to his mouth. ‘What about?’

‘About us.’ Fili said. ‘I think we should stay here when I come back.’

‘I don’t understand.’ Kili said.

‘In the guest house.’ Fili replied. ‘I guess it’s just because I’m used to having my own space. I don’t think I could live up there with the grown-ups. This is big enough for the both of us. We don’t need more than this. Also that means we can, I don’t know, get to know each other again. It’s only been a week and a really intense one at that. You’ve changed and so have I, and we’ll need space to figure ourselves out. I’m also going to go back to work when I come back.’

‘And do what?’ Kili asked, ‘There no oil rigs in Somerset.’

‘I don’t have to work on a rig Kili, engineering is a lot more diverse than that. But I’ve been working for so long I need to do it. I can’t play house husband with you, while you run off to London every day.’

‘Actually, I’ve been thinking about that.’ Kili said, ‘And I’m going to tell Thorin I’m done. He doesn’t really need me, and now you’re back I really don’t want to run off to London every day.’

‘So what do you want to do?” Fili said. 

‘I was thinking about going back to uni.’ Kili said, shoving the last of his pasta in his mouth. He watched Fili for his reaction.

‘I think that’s great, but what would you study?’ he asked.

‘I’ve been thinking a lot about us and you and what we’ve been through.’ Kili said, ‘And you were lucky, you had Frerin and your therapy. I got nothing on this side. Not that I’m blaming anyone.’ He added quickly when he saw the guilty look on Fili’s face. ‘I just thought that the best way to understand us would be to study us I suppose. It might exorcise some demons.’

‘So you’re going to do psych?’ Fili asked, ‘That’s a novel approach. I like it.’

‘So you think it’s a good idea?’ Kili asked, sounding relieved.

‘I think it’s a great idea.’ Fili replied and was happy to see his brother smile at his response. He took the empty plates and got up, taking them and putting them in the sink. He was just starting to wash up when the twins came in. They’d been having a three way conversation on Dan’s mobile outside with Arwen for the last hour.

‘So?’ Fili asked and Dan shrugged.

‘They want us to come out with them for lunch tomorrow. Arwen thinks meeting in a neutral place will kick off a constructive discussion on what the fuck we’re going to do.’ he said. 

‘A public place may not be the best location, especially if your father decides to start shouting about unnatural relationships and incest again.’ Fili said. 

‘I know, but we’ve spoken about this and we really can’t let things keep going the way they are.’ Ro said, ‘We have to talk to him. He’s had a few days now and Arwen said he’s pretty much over the shock, so maybe now’s a good time to do it.’ There was a lull as they considered the situation, then Fili gestured at the kitchen.

‘I made dinner if you want.’ He said and the twins got up. They came back with their food. While they were eating though, Fili noticed a couple of significant looks passing between them. When they were done they took their plates to the kitchen and Dan washed up. There was the sound of the kettle being boiled and tea being made, then the twins came back with a mug in each hand, passing two to him and Kili.

‘So,’ Dan started in a tone that was sounding desperately like it was trying to be casual and not at all succeeding. ‘We have a question.’

‘Actually we have several questions.’ Ro said. Fili and Kili looked at them expectantly. Then to their amazement, the twins started to blush almost simultaneously. 

‘Are you going to ask the questions or do we have to guess.’ Fili asked, smiling as he started to strongly suspect the subject matter of the questions.

‘No, we’ll ask. It’s just…’ Dan trailed off and looked at Ro, who made a go on gesture with his eyebrows.

It’s a sex thing?’ Kili asked and Dan nodded vigorously.

‘It’s a sex thing.’ he confirmed. Fili laughed.

‘I think by now everyone in this room know that everyone else in this room likes it up the arse, Dan. It really isn’t going to be awkward.’

‘Well, that’s just the thing.’ Ro said, ‘We’ve kind of come to an impasse.’

‘The first time it was me on top.’ Dan said.

‘And it’s been him for the three times after.’ Ro added, ‘But I think I should have a go now.’

‘But I really don’t know if that’s me.’ Dan said. They waited, looking at Fili and Kili expectantly, who exchanged looks.

‘So what we want to know…’ Ro said.

‘Is who goes on top and who goes on the bottom.’ Dan finished. ‘And how did you decide.’

‘Oh.’ Fili said. He looked at Kili, whose ears were starting to pink. ‘Well, I guess it’s mostly me on top, but it wasn’t anything we discussed. I kind of gave Kee the choice and that’s what he went with.’ 

‘So you don’t mind being on the bottom?’ Dan asked.

‘No, of course not.’ Fili said, grinning now at Ro’s smug look of triumph when he said that. ‘I like it, it’s just that Kili doesn’t really like topping.’

‘I do actually.’ Kili said, in a decisive tone that stopped Fili in his tracks. 

‘What?’ he asked and Kili shrugged.

‘I do like it, probably just as much as you do. But it always seemed like you really got off on fucking me and I like that too, so that’s what we did.’ Kili said. ‘Don’t get me wrong. Everything’s good the way it was and is, but we’ve both changed a lot and probably like a lot of things now you haven’t thought of. Like that face thing the other night. I would never have guessed you were into that until you told me.’ He seemed to have forgotten the other two were there, his eyes focused on Fili. Fili coughed gently and looked pointedly in the twins directions. 

‘Maybe a discussion for another time.’ he said as diplomatically as he could. ‘Basically,’ he said to the twins, 'if you talk it out with each other you will be fine. If you want to try something you have to be in agreement though.’ He was speaking to them, but looking speculatively at his brother, suddenly dying to know what Kili had meant by ‘a lot of things’.

************

He decided to tackle Kili when they went to bed.

‘Now I’m intrigued.’ He said leaning in the doorway of the bathroom and watching as Kili brushed his teeth. ‘I have to say the thought of you wanting to fuck me just as much I want to fuck you is something I’ve never considered.’

‘Well you live and learn.’ Kili said, meeting his eyes in the mirror. ‘I would have never expected a control freak like you to stick your tongue in my arse, which is amazing by the way, or want me to come on your face either.’

‘I guess there’s more to learn about each other than we thought.’ Fili said, and changed position. Kili’s words were starting to have an interesting effect on him. ‘So what else do I need to know, other than you like my tongue up your arse, of course.’ 

‘Well that for a start.’ Kili said, turning around to face him, leaning back against the vanity unit. ‘I love it when you say shit like that.’ 

‘What, tongue or arse?’ Fili said grinning.

‘All of it.’ Kili said seriously. ‘I wish you would talk to me more, tell me how it makes you feel. Maybe tell me what you want to do to me.’ 

‘Okay, so I’m ticking the box for dirty talk.’ Fili said, ‘What else.’ 

‘Don’t be so gentle with me. I like it when you’re rough.’Kili said, and Fili knew that if he wasn’t hard before, he certainly was now. ‘I like it when you fuck me so hard I can still feel you the next day. I want you to pull my hair and bite my neck and stick your fingers in me and fuck me hard with them.’

‘Consider it done.’ Fili said, biting his lip to keep from moaning aloud.

‘And you could let me be in charge.’ Kili said, ‘You’re so self-assured all the time. I like to watch you break and know that I did that to you. But I think it would also be nice to be in control of you. Nothing big, just letting me call the shots for a change.’ 

‘How in control?’ Fili asked, his voice hitching a little.

‘Maybe tying you up and fucking you.’ Kili said. His eyes were darkening now and his voice was low, ‘Maybe making you take me in your mouth without the ability to stop me doing whatever I wanted to you. Maybe me making you so crazy you can’t speak, but also not letting you come until I say so.’ 

‘Holy fuck, Kee.’ Fili could feel how hard he was now. He looked down and was pleased to see the corresponding hardness in Kili’s jeans. ‘The things you fucking say.’ 

‘I can say more.’ Kili said. He leaned back against the vanity, one hand going to the bulge in his jeans and rubbing it, his eyes locked on Fili. ‘How right now my cock is so hard for you that I think I could come just from you looking at me.’ Fili swallowed noisily. Kili smiled, sharp and wanting. ‘Tell me what you’re thinking big brother.’

‘I think I want to stick my cock up your arse and fuck you so hard you won’t be able to walk tomorrow.’ he said, and Kili’s eyes glittered. 

‘Only if I get to tie you up and fuck you in the mouth tomorrow.’ he replied, and Fili smiled back at him.

‘Anything you want, little brother.’ he said. 

‘Good. Now get over here and fuck me.’ Kili said, undoing his jeans and shoving them and his boxers down. 

‘What here?’ Fili asked, ‘You don’t want to move to the bed.’

‘No.’ Kili replied. ‘I want to do it here. I want you to fuck me from behind so I can watch you in the mirror. I want you to pull my hair and make me watch you slamming into me until I come.’ His smile widened as he watched Fili flush at his words. He turned and braced his hands on the edge of the vanity, looking back at Fili, challenge clear in his hazel eyes. He spread his legs and bent over the basin, exposed and open. ‘Come on Fee. If you don’t get over I’ll have to do it myself.’ That shook Fili into action.

‘Don’t fucking move.’ he said and hurtled back into the bedroom, grabbing the new bottle of lube from the bedside table and shedding his clothes as quickly as humanly possible. When he went back into the bathroom it was to the sight of his brother now stroking his cock with a languid hand. Kili had his head down, and his breath was coming in harsh little pants. Fili walked up behind him, running one hand down the elegant length of Kili’s spine, his fingers lingering at his entrance. Kili’s breath hitched and he tried to push back onto Fili’s fingers. 

‘Look at me.’ Fili demanded and he opened his eyes, meeting Fili’s gaze in the mirror. His pupils were so dilated his eyes looked almost black. Fili held his gaze, hands ripping the protective cellophane off the lube then squeezing it directly onto Kili. He used far too much, capping the bottle and chucking it around Kili into the basin. He kept one hand on Kili’s back and used the thumb of the other to rub the lube into Kili’s entrance, circling and dipping in just enough to feel the resistance but not pushing in yet. Kili watched him intently, hand matching the pace of his thumb. 

‘You’re so fucking hot, Fee.’ he breathed. ‘I can’t really believe I get to fuck you.’ 

‘For the rest of your life, if you like.’ Fili said, his own voice hoarse with want. He felt the resistance give a little and slipped his thumb in, and Kili moaned softly. He worked it in and out, watching in the harsh bathroom light that hid nothing, keeping his pace slow. ‘This looks so fucking good, Kee. You feel so tight.’ He sped up a little, and Kili groaned in frustration. 

‘Harder Fee.’ he panted, ‘I need more.’ Fili pulled his thumb out and rrplced ith with his fore and middle fingers. KIli bent forward and moaned louder now. ‘Fuck, yes. Fuck me on your fingers.’ His head dropped, and Fili reached forward with his free hand, tangling his fingers in his dark hair and pulling his head up so their eyes met again.

‘I though you wanted to watch, little brother.’ he said, drawling out the last two words and feeling Kili clench involuntarily around his fingers as he said them. ‘Do you like it? Do you like me fucking you with my fingers?’

‘Yes.’ Kili moaned, ‘Please Fee, do it harder.’ His eyes were glazed now, his mouth hanging open as he panted. Fili rand his fingers along the inside, finding the bump and stroking over it just so. Kili jerked violently, and he cried out. ‘There, fucking right there Fee.’ He pushed back onto Fili’s fingers, but he gave Kili’s hair a pull making him whimper, then pulled his fingers out again. 

‘Lube.’ he ordered, and Kili scrabbled for it in the basin, handing it back to him. Fili took it, adding more to his fingers and to Kili. Then he worked three fingers in and Kili started to shout. 

‘Christ Fee.’ he sounded like he was being choked, ‘That feels so good.’ He pushed back as best he could as Fili started slamming his fingers into him, and his voice became a steady wail that was rising in pitch and volume. ‘Oh fuck, fuck fuck…’ 

‘Jesus Kee.’ Fili said, hardly able to control himself either, ‘Next time I’m going to have to find something to fill your mouth.’ 

‘In my bag.’ Kili choked out and Fili would have fallen over from surprise, if he hadn’t already had his mind blown. 

‘What?’ he said, going still. Kili gave him a feral grin. 

‘Go look in my bag.’ he said very deliberately, ‘At the bottom.’ Intrigued Fili stopped what he was doing and went back into the bedroom. Kili’s tog bag was lying next to his side of the bed, and Fili scouted through it. He stared at the object. That previous statement about having his mind blown was obviously incorrect. He went back into the bathroom, and waved the black rubber plug at Kili.

‘You want this in your mouth?’ he asked and Kili snorted at him.

‘No, you wanker.’ he said, ‘That goes up my arse and your cock goes in my mouth.’ 

‘Oh fucking hell.’ Fili dropped the plug and it bounced on the bathroom floor. He didn’t hesitate, just went straight to Kili. He grabbed his hips, lined himself up and shoved his cock inside with no thought at all, bottoming out so quickly he bumped Kili against the vanity unit. 

‘Jesus Christ.’ Kili swore, ‘Yes, fuck me big brother. I want your cock all the way in.’ 

‘Shut the fuck up, Kee.’ Fili ground out, barely managing to stop himself from coming. ‘If you don’t there will be no fucking at all, because I’m ready to blow now.’ He held them both still, waiting for Kili to adjust and for himself to get to a point where he could trust himself to move. He reached for Kili’s hair again and pulled his head back as far as it was comfortable, and then a little bit more, getting a very arousing whine from him. Then he started to thrust, slowly and deliberately, locking his eyes with Kili’s. He had to admit, the sight of both of them in the mirror was fucking hot. 

‘See.’ Kili panted, almost as if he’d read Fili’s mind. ‘Good idea.’ Fili laughed and pulled out most of the way, slamming back in as hard as he could. That shut Kili up. Fili let his hair go, grabbing his hips. Kili braced both hands against the top of the basin, and kept his head up. 

‘Again.’ Kili ordered, ‘Break me, big brother. Make me scream.’ Fili lost control of himself, fucking Kili harder than he ever had, making his brother’s body jerk violently with the force of it. They panted together, loudly and erratic, watching each other, until Kili started to spasm around his cock and Fili couldn’t hold on any longer, coming so hard he roared. Kili kept going a few moments longer, his hand dropping to work himself through Fili’s aftermath until he also went rigid and came against the vanity unit doors. Fili collapsed against him, feeling the tremors of Kili’s body around his cock. He wrapped an arm around his brother’s chest, holding him still while he watched him come. Kili shook and jerked against him, but finally quieted. He took a deep shuddering breath when Fili started to pull away and reached back with one hand to hold Fili’s body against him. 

‘Not yet.’ he murmured, ‘Stay inside me a little bit longer.’ They stood against the vanity, until their breathing slowed just looking at each other. Fili would swear afterwards that it was the most erotic moment of his life. He kissed Kili’s damp ear.

‘I love you, Kee.’ he said. 'And yes this was a very good idea.' Kili smiled wearily at him, looking completely and utterly sated.

‘I love you too.’ he replied. Fili pulled out and huffed a breath.

'I think I like this honesty thing.' he said.

'Excellent,' Kili said, 'because it's my turn next. And I intend to play.'


	89. Missing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kili wakes up and Fili is nowhere to be found.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter and the next one are in response to a couple of requests for Fili drama. Trigger warning for panic attacks apply for this and the next chapter..

The day before the party

Dis looked out her bedroom window and considered the weather. The she considered her predicament. After telling her brothers, and bollocking them for their extremely nonplussed reaction, she was now thinking of the next step.  
She didn’t want a baby. Surely not. Her last two were now old enough that she really didn’t need to have any input at all in their lives, not that she really had much to begin with if she was being honest with herself. Dis was more than aware of her shortcomings as a mother. And that was the other thing. She’d been so bad at it the first twice, who was to say that she would be any better this time around. It wasn’t planned, it wasn’t expected and she really couldn’t say it was wanted. But, at the same time, things had been so different the last two years. Beorn had had such a stabilising influence on her life and herself. Maybe it could work. 

It definitely looked like rain. Dis grabbed her Barbour and pulled it on, then headed out the room. She didn’t stop at the kitchen as she would have normally. Instead she went through the hall, pausing only to pull on her wellies and grab her car keys, before leaving the house. 

Once her car was at the end of the drive she turned left and drove the two miles to the dirt drive that led to Beorn’s cottage. The road was bumpy but her 4x4 handled it easily, and she got to the cottage. Then she had to sit in the car for a few moments, trying to still her frantically pounding heart. Then she got out and went in search of her would-be baby daddy. 

He wasn’t in the cottage. Instead she found him in barn at the back of the property. He was leaning over a barred gate, and looking into the pen where he had his goats. They would be kidding imminently and Beorn liked to spend as much time as possible with them. She came to stand next to him, leaning on the gate and looking at his little flock. There were seven altogether, Swedish Landraces that he’d imported. They were quite appealing, with their heavy fringes and twisted horns that even the nannies had. Beorn looked down at her, then kissed the top of her head.

‘Hello Dis.’ he greeted her in that slow way of his that always sounded strangely formal. ‘How are you, käraste?’ 

‘Like your goats.’ Dis replied. ‘I’m pregnant.’

***********

Kili woke up and stretched. There was no resistance to this. He opened his eyes and peered at the empty space in the bed next to him. 

‘Fee?’ he called, pushing himself up on one elbow and trying to peer out the halfway open door. There was no reply. Frowning, Kili got up and pulled on his discarded boxers from the night before, then padded into the living room. There was not sign of Fili, but then Kili spotted his brother’s mobile lying on the coffee table. He went and checked it. There were twenty-three attempted calls to a mobile number that had no listing in Fili’s address book. They had been made one after the other, as if Fili had simply hung up when he got no answer and redialled immediately. On impulse, and overcome with curiosity, Kili dialled it. There was no answer, just a generic voicemail message that kicked in after three rings. 

Kili of course knew what he was about to do was wrong, but he did it anyway. He waited until the options came up, then took a chance and entered the default password to access the message box of the person Fili had dialled. What he listened to made his stomach knot. The first five messages were fairly normal, just Fili saying the same thing along the lines of ‘Hi it’s me. I need to speak to you. Call me back.’ The fact that he didn’t leave a name, and the familiarity in the tone he used gave Kili cold chills. He had taken his brother at face value when Fili had said there was no-one else in his life. Frerin had also not mentioned any kind of significant other. But his mind jumped to the automatic conclusion that the person that Fili was trying so hard to get in contact with must be pretty important, and to Kili that could only mean one thing. And how hard would it be to hide from Frerin? Probably not very.

Kili listened as the messages increased in desperation. Eventually Fili just started huffing and hanging up. There were one or two muttered profanities. Then he listened to the most recent message his brother had left and that was when he really started to worry. 

Fili had never been a crier. Even when they had been little, it was always him who was the one to turn on the waterworks. So to hear his stoic and collected big brother crying and begging the person on the other side to please just call him back, Kili knew there was something very wrong.

He hung up and went back into the bedroom, dressing in record time. While he was doing that, he noticed Fili’s lighter and cigarettes were missing. That made him feel a little better. Once he was dressed he went up to the house. The kitchen was empty, and then he noticed that it was only eight-thirty in the morning. He hadn’t even noticed how early it was. Disregarding the time, he took the stairs two at a time, and went down the corridor to Thorin’s room. When he got there he knocked.

It took a few minutes and then his uncle opened the door, bare chested and wearing only a pair of sweat pants that he’d obviously just pulled on. Kili pushed past him into the room, seeing Frerin sitting up in bed, equally bare chested and probably bare everything else as well, judging from the overly casual way he pulled the sheet around him when he saw Kili. 

‘And to what do we owe this visit at this ungodly time of the bloody morning?” Thorin asked, stumbling past him and climbing back into bed. Kili was momentarily taken aback by the relaxed way his uncle simply expected him to deal with the situation and remembered how Fili had done the same when Legolas had caught them. He was starting to see more and more of Thorin in him than he’d ever expected to see. 

‘Fili’s gone, and I don’t know where he is.’ he said, trying to keep his voice calm.

‘He’s probably just gone for a walk.’ Frerin said, ‘He likes to do that.’ 

‘He was trying to call someone earlier.’ Kili said. ‘He left his phone behind and I checked it. He’d called twenty-three times in a row. And when I checked the messages he left..’

‘Excuse me?” Thorin said, ‘Did you just hack someone’s phone?’

‘I was worried.’ Kili protested, ‘Frerin, you should have heard the messages. He was completely freaking out. What the fuck is going on?’ He was growing extremely concerned by way of the look on Frerin’s face which was a mix of fear and worry. 

‘What date is it?’ Ferin asked. Kili frowned.

‘What does that have to do with it?’ he asked.

‘Just answer me.’ Frerin said, throwing back the duvet and getting out of bed. Kili was mildly alarmed at being confronted with his only recently acquainted uncle being bollock naked in his presence once again, but his concern for Fili overrode his discomfort. He checked his phone. 

‘It’s the seventeenth.’ he replied and Frerin swore. Just like Kili, he got dressed as quickly as possible. Then he turned to Thorin.

‘I’m going to go find Fili. When I call you, you need to make sure one of the rooms is free. Preferably one on the far side of the house.’ he said. ‘You, come with me.’ This last was directed at Kili. Then he left, Kili almost running to keep up with him. As they were heading down the stairs he tried to get some answers.

‘What the hell is going on?” he asked, but Frerin kept going. 

‘Outside.’ he said.

When they got out the front door, Frerin turned to Kili.

‘Listen to me carefully. Is there a place that Fili liked to go when you two were kids? A place where he could just hang out and be by himself?’ 

‘I don’t know.’ Kili stammered, ‘We were pretty much together all the time.’ He took Frerin’s arm. ‘Please tell me what’s going on.’ Frerin heaved a sigh. 

‘Remember when we had that chat about Fili and his therapy and what not?’ Kili nodded. ‘Well if today’s the seventeenth then Fili missed his appointment.’

‘With his therapist? But why would he..’

‘Have you ever noticed just how calm and controlled Fili is, in spite of the whirlwind of shit around him?’ Frerin asked. Kili nodded. ‘Well every now and then your brother goes off the deep end and loses it. Do you know what I’m talking about.’ Kili had a flashback to Fili breaking someone’s nose because he’d made a passing remark about Kili’s sexuality.

‘”I know.’ he said, ‘But I thought he was okay? That the therapy was really helping.’

‘And it does. But one of the things that is dependent on is the fact that every month Fili gets on the phone for three hours and basically lets Saul have it. If he doesn’t, he bottles. And a bottled Fili is a very unhappy Fili. Trust me, I know.’

‘But why would he be unhappy?’ Kili asked, ‘We’ve sorted everything out, we’re together, you guys are all find and dandy.’ Frerin gave him a humourless smile.

‘You think this is just about you? Fili’s been dealing with shit since he was born looking too much like me. This goes way back, Kili.’ 

‘So what happens?’ Kili asked. 

‘One of two things. Either he goes nuclear and breaks half the fucking house or he shuts down. Personally I prefer the outbursts. You can at least communicate with him, even if it’s through the use of profane hand gestures.’

‘What happens when he shuts down?’ Kili asked.

‘Let’s just say it’s not something he’ll want you to see.’ Frerin said, ‘So the deal is that when I find him, you stay the fuck out of it. And if he wants you to get lost, you go with no questions asked. Understood?’

‘Yes.’ Kili said. They stood long enough for Frerin to light a cigarette. 

‘Good. Now let’s go find your brother.’


	90. Tree

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where in the world is Fili Durin?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is unashamedly sentimental. You have been duly notified. Trigger warning for panic attack in this chapter.

The day before the party.

They had been to all the obvious places when Kili remembered and kicked himself mentally for not coming up with the answer immediately. Especially after thinking about it earlier in the week. After all the whole reason Fili had been up in the tree in the first place was to get away from him. 

Sure enough, when they got to the oak that Kili suddenly realised had been Fili’s favourite hiding place (and how the hell had he missed that?) he was there, sitting about half way up, lags astride the branch that had been his favourite and his back leaning against the trunk. Kili noticed he was barefoot, the soles of his feet muddy. Whatever had driven him out of the guest house had even prevented him from thinking clearly enough to even stop and put shoes on. The missing cigarettes were accounted for however. Kili could spot the tell-tale ember in Fili’s hand. They stopped underneath the tree.

‘Fili.’ Frerin called up. ‘Come down.’ There was silence. ‘C’mon Fee.’ You can’t sit up there all day.’ Fili didn’t reply. He didn’t even look down at them. ‘Damn it.’ He turned to Kili, handing him his lighter and cigarettes. 

‘What are you doing?’ Kili asked.

‘Going up.’ Frerin explained, ‘He won’t come down. He’s too far gone. Let’s just hope I don’t bloody fall out.’

‘So let me go up instead.’ Kili said, and Frerin gave him a sympathetic smile.

‘Sorry kid.’ he said, ‘But Fili won’t listen to you. He barely listens to me. We need to get him out of that tree and back to the house in one piece, then we can go to work on him.’ He gave the tree a look, trying to map out the best route up. Then he started to climb. 

Kili watched Frerin advance slowly up the tree. He felt like his eight year old self again, helpless to do anything as Fili fell out of the same tree that he was now sitting in. It had made his heart feel like it had stopped, and he felt the familiar squeezing in his chest as he watched now. Fortunately, Frerin reached Fili’s branch without incident. Kili watched as he pulled himself up. There was no room for him to sit, so he had to balance rather precariously on the branch below.

*************

Up in the tree, Frerin swore and wedged himself as best he could. Fili still wouldn’t turn to look at him, but he knew better than to try and jolt his nephew out of the state he was in.

‘Hey.’ he said softly but without any sign of his own concern in his voice. ‘Fee.’ Fili sighed, a gentle sound that was almost on the edge of silence. He took the last drag from his cigarette and stubbed it out against the tree trunk, then put the empty butt inside the packet. That little gesture gave Frerin hope. If Fili was still in control enough to worry about littering, than he could be brought down from the tree. ‘So what is it now?’ Fili took a deep breath, but still wouldn’t turn.

‘About an eight.’ he finally said. His voice was flat and emotionless. It scared the crap out of Frerin to hear him sound like that every single time he heard it. They’d worked out the numerical system for Fili if he had an attack while they were out, which he’d done frequently in those early days. An eight was bad but manageable.

‘Can you get down?’ he asked.

‘Probably.’ Fili said, ‘But I might need your help.’ He lifted his right hand, which had been hidden from Frerin. The knuckles were cut up and bloody, bits of dirt and bark embedded in the tears of skin.

‘Fuck.’ Frerin said. ‘You hit the tree?’ Fili just shrugged. ‘How many times?’

‘A few.’ Fili said. ‘Saul’s not answering.’

‘Then you should have come to find me.’ Frerin said. ‘Come on, out of the tree now and then we can get that cleaned up. Do you think anything’s broken?’

‘I don’t know.’ Fili said. He finally turned and looked at Frerin, blue eyes wary like a cornered animal. It took Frerin back to the time when Fili had first arrived and the outbursts and panic attacks had started. 

‘If I help you get down are you going to take a shot at me?” he asked, ‘Because if you are, I’m getting Kili to come up here to help me get you down.’ 

‘I can do it.’ Fili said, ‘I think I’m done hitting things.’

‘Thank fuck for that.’ Frerin said. He held out one hand, wavering a little. Fili gave the hand a look. A ghost of a smile crossed his face, but it was gone just as quickly. 

‘Go. I’ll be right behind you.’ he said.

************

Any thoughts of getting Fili to the house went out of Frerin’s head the moment he got to the ground. He could see how badly Fili’s hands were shaking and when his feet hit the ground he almost folded in on himself. Frerin manhandled him against the tree, back to the trunk and guided him down until Fili was sitting, knees bent in front of him. He put his elbows on his knees, fists clenched and against his forehead. Frerin knelt in front of him, hands of Fili’s upper arms. 

‘I don’t think this is a fucking eight.’ he said.

‘Me either.’ Fili whispered. He kept his eyes down, not wanting to look up at all. Frerin could hear Kili make a distressed noise behind him when he saw Fili’s injured hand, but he ignored it. He focused entirely on Fili, just like he had for the past seven years. This was his boy, and he knew that he was the only one who could deal with this. 

‘Fee.’ he said, ‘Talk to me.’

‘It’s going to be bad.’ Fili replied, voice as small as a child’s. ‘My head really fucking hurts.’

‘It’s coming, that’s why.’ Frerin said. He reached in, taking Fili’s face in his hands and making him look at him. Fili’s blue eyes were cloudy with pain, not all of it physical. ‘Just remember I’ve got you, all right.’ Fili gave a small nod, and then Frerin moved so that he was kneeling above him, pushing Fili away to readjust his position and sit next to him, before pulling him back so that Fili was lying across his body. He put his arms around him, keeping Fili tightly enclosed in the circle they made, one hand pressing Fili’s head against his shoulder and the other holding onto his shirt. He looked up at Kili, who was watching helplessly, the fear clear on his face.

‘It’s going to look bad.’ he said to him. ‘But if you freak out it’s going to make him so much worse so if you can’t take this you’d better bugger off now.’

‘What’s happening to him?” Kili asked, eyes wide as he watched his brother start to shake violently in Frerin’s arms.

‘Saul thinks it’s a particularly severe panic attack. Fili has diagnosed anxiety disorder and PTSD. This is what happens when he doesn’t manage it properly, although to be fair it could have been anything from the last week that kicked it off. Strong emotions do that to him, and Christ knows there’ve been enough of those going around.’ He frowned at the sudden look of guilt on KIli’s face.

‘Would sex do it?’ Kili asked and Frerin was a little taken aback.

‘It might.’ he said, ‘Why?’ He tightened his grip as Fili’s trembling went up a notch. 

‘Things got pretty intense last night.’ Kili said. He shoved both hands in his jeans pockets. ‘I may have pushed things a little.’ 

‘It’s not your fault, Kili.’ Frerin said, ‘If that’s what it was then it was just a tipping point. Something else would have triggered this in time.’

‘What’s going to happen to him?’ Kili asked.

‘This for a while and then he’ll just shut down for a bit. He works through the stuff, but he needs to feel that I’m here. He’ll probably start hyperventilating and then I’ll talk him down. He might have tremors which look pretty nasty but they’re not going to hurt him. Basically I just need to keep him as calm as possible until it passes.’

‘What can I do?” Kili asked. 

‘Nothing.’ Frerin replied, ‘Just sit there and be quiet. When he’s done we’ll take him back and put him to bed. This really takes it out of him. We also need to clean up his hand.’ Kili nodded, dropping to the ground where he was, and sitting crossed legged. He started chewing on the nails of his left hand, and Frerin smiled a little at the familiar gesture, so like his blond boy but also, although he was sure Kili had no idea about this, so like his brother. They were all juts aspects of each other, misty mirror images of face and character that was almost supernatural. 

**********

Kili watched, biting his nail so hard it splintered under his teeth. Fili looked terrible, pale and sweaty and shaking as if he was having a seizure. Frerin held onto him, murmuring nonsense in a soothing tone into Fili’s hair, stroking it and rocking him a little. It reminded Kili of how Thorin had comforted him when he was little, and he was shocked when he realised that he couldn’t remember ever seeing Thorin do that to Fili. 

The shaking went on for about ten minutes, just hard tremors of Fili’s body interspersed with quiet. Then he started breathing quickly, shallow breaths that were far too hard and far too fast. Frerin started talking, a patter of words that didn’t stop and were uttered in the same soothing low voice.

‘It’s okay baby boy… I’ve got you…I’m here… just breathe...just breathe.’ Kili watched him, the sure hands stroking his brother’s hair and face, the way Fili was holding onto Frerin now like a child holding on to a parent. The blatant love that he was seeing made him sad for himself and Fili. How different would their lives have been if Frerin had been there from the start. 

After about another ten minutes, the shaking and hyperventilating started to abate, and Fili’s breathing eased into a more normal pattern. Frerin visibly relaxed, loosening his grip. Eventually the shaking was gone completely and Fili’s whole body seemed to sag as the tension drained out of him.

‘Good boy.’ Frerin said, pushing Fili’s hair back from his face and looking at him. ‘You’re going to be okay, Fee. I’m going to take you back and you’re going to bed.’

‘Will you stay?’ Fili asked, still holding on.

‘Yes, of course I will.’ Frerin said, ‘All fucking day if I have to. But if you kick then I’m lying on the floor.’ That got a tiny smile.

***********

Once Fili was happy to get up they went back to the guest house, and Frerin sent Kili up to tell Thorin what had happened. He thought Kili was going to balk at being ordered around, but to Frerin’s surprise he did exactly as he was told. Frerin got Fili inside and into the bedroom. He gave the rumple bed a look and breathed in the unmistakable smell of prolonged sexual activity.

‘I think you two need to lay off the fucking for a couple of days.’ he said and Fili huffed, the sound as close to laughter as he could get after an attack. 

‘Pot, kettle, black.’ he said. They went into the bathroom. Frerin got Fili to sit on the edge of the bath, feet flat and took his hand, inspecting it gently. He brushed some dirt away and blew on the cuts when Fili hissed in pain, like he was a child. Then Frerin let it go, and got up. He dug in the cupboard under the vanity unit, finding a first aid kit. Then he washed the cuts as gently as he could trying to get all the dirt and blood off, Fili’s face turned away from him as he bit his lip and grimaced. Frerin finished cleaning the injuries and then smeared antiseptic cream on them. 

‘All done.’ he said, turning the hand over and giving the palm a quick kiss. ‘At least it’s not as bad as the time you broke the mirror.’ Fili took his hand back and inspected the injury.

‘I’m sorry.’ he said and Frerin snorted, reaching out and stroking his hair.

‘You’re never going to get too big for me to look after Fee.’ he said, and Fili looked up at him. ‘Now, bed time.’ He held out his hand, but Fili got up on his own and threw both arms around him, hugging Frerin so hard he almost crushed the life out of him.

‘I love you, Frerin.’ he whispered and Frerin felt tears prick his eyelids.

‘I love you too, kid.’ he said.

***********

When Kili came back, he found them on the bed on top of the duvet, that Frerin had pulled straight. Fili was out cold, his head on Frerin’s chest and an arm thrown across him. Frerin was propped up on a pillow mountain, Fili’s e-reader in his hands. He spotted Kili in the doorway.

‘So,’ he said conversationally, ‘Now you know what you’ll be getting. You’ll need to be able to deal with this if you want to be with him.’ Kili walked to the bed and sat down on the corner.

‘I had no idea.’ he said. Frerin sighed. 

‘He hides it well. But we have to take care of him, keep him safe from himself. I need to know I can trust you with this. He needs calm not melodrama, and someone who will always be strong enough to look after him first. This isn’t just a one off thing. Fili needs someone to tell him every day that he is loved and wanted.’ His voice was stern and Kili suddenly realised how it must feel to be interrogated. 

‘I love him.’ he said, ‘Maybe more than you do.’ He expected Frerin to say something in retaliation but there was only a gentle smile and a look of parental tenderness directed at Fili’s sleeping face. 

‘No-one loves him more than me, Kili.’ he said, still looking at Fili. ‘But if you love him half as much as I do, then you’ll be okay.’


	91. Acceptance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dis has a talk with Beorn and the twins talk to Elrond...

The day before the party

‘Reasons why not.’ Beorn said. Dis put down her tea cup and focused. Her eminently sensible boyfriend had decided the best way to come up with a solution to their current predicament was to make a list of pros and cons. She proceeded to tick them off on her fingers.

‘I am too old.’ she said.

‘You’re forty-three, Dis.’ Beorn said with a confused frown. ‘You’re definitely not too old.’

‘I have two sons who are in their twenties.’ she retorted. ‘And speaking of my sons, they are having an incestuous relationship. You can’t tell me that would be a good influence.’ 

‘I think it’s not as black and white as you make out.’ Beorn replied. ‘And from what I have seen of your boys they are very nice people. Yes, their choices may be unorthodox, but consider the lack of a parental figure.’

‘My point exactly.’ Dis said. ‘I wasn’t there for them when they were children and when they were teenagers I just kind of washed my hands of them. I am not mother material.’ 

‘You also had a family that allowed you to do that. I could also point out that you were a child yourself.’ Beorn said. ‘This is my baby as well. I will be equally responsible for its upbringing. And I will have no trouble telling you where you are going wrong.’ His voice was serious but there was a twinkle in his eye. ‘But if you really feel like you cannot go through with it, then we shall make alternative arrangements. I have no wish to dictate my wishes at the expense of yours.’ Dis chewed on her nail, an identical gesture to the one employed by her brother and sons. 

‘If we were to go through with this, and it’s a very big if, I would need a lot of help.’ She said, her voice faltering. ‘I don’t know the first thing about being a mother as is clear from the results of my first two offspring.’ 

‘Then we shall learn together, if you will permit.’ Beorn said, reaching over and taking her hands in his. Dis looked down at how her hands simply disappeared inside his. He was so big and warm and solid. His blue eyes were looking at her in that penetrating way of his. ‘All I ask is that you think of the options and keep me in the loop. I will be here regardless of what you decide.’

‘You are too good to me.’ she said, and he shook her head. 

‘I love you and believe you are a good person. You have changed a great deal in the last two years.’ he said, ‘But you’re the one you need to convince.’ 

‘Can you give me till the end of the week?’ Dis asked, sitting back in her chair. Beorn smiled at her.

‘Of course I can.’ he said. 

**********

Dan and Ro got to the restaurant and gave each other a look. The place Elrond had chosen to meet them was exceedingly discreet. They’ taken a taxi from Erebor, and found that the trip took them quite far into the woodlands to the north of the village. The actual place they were meeting was a restored watermill. It also looked frighteningly upmarket and he wondered if they would be allowed in in their jeans and skate shoes that had clearly seen better days.

They climbed out, Dan paid the taxi and then they went inside. Just before they got to the front door of the inner room, Ro put his hand on Dan’s arm. His brown eyes were worried, and Dan wanted nothing more than to kiss the downturned mouth and make him smile. 

‘It’ll be all right, Ro.’ he said. Ro nodded but didn’t say anything and Dan felt like his heart was going to break if his beloved twin got hurt again today. Then he took the door handle and opened the door, ushering Ro inside in front of him.   
He shouldn’t have been surprised when the maitre’d led them to a private dining room. What did surprise him was the fact that it was empty except for their father. Elrond saw them come in and stood up, his hands folded in front of him. That threw Dan, who had been expecting the fire breathing anger from before. But their father actually looked nervous to see them. The maitre d’ left them and he gestured to the two other seats at the table.

‘Please.’ he said, ‘Won’t you sit down.’ Dan and Ro exchanged a look, but went to the table and sat down. Dan noticed that there was already a half empty bottle of red wine on the table. That confused him further. Elrond didn’t usually need Dutch courage. 

Elrond sat down, and there was the hand folding again, this time on the table. He didn’t say anything so Dan took the initiative. 

‘Where are Arwen and Aragorn?’ he asked. Elrond blinked in what seemed like surprise. Dan was sure he’d never seen their father so distracted before. Elrond cleared his throat.

‘I asked them not to come.’ he said. ‘I wanted to talk to you about the situation we have found ourselves in without them present. I have may things I need to ex[lain but I could not do it with them here.’ 

‘Or maybe you just don’t want witnesses to what you’re going to say to us.’ Ro said, and there was a particularly sharp edge to his voice. Dan put his hand on his knee, a gesture that never failed to calm him. Ro shut his mouth, but his face retained its angry expression. 

‘Ro.’ he said, ‘We can at least hear him out.’

‘No, he’s right.’ Elrond said, surprising both of them. ‘I don’t want witnesses. Not for this.’ He reached for his wine glass and drained it. Then he poured the remainder into the three glasses. ‘You may want to drink up.’ He said to the twins. ‘What I’m about to tell you will probably need a great deal of wine for all of us in order to cope with it.’ Intrigued, the twins sat up a little straighter. Elrond looked at both of them. He swallowed noisily.

‘Firstly I cannot apologise for what I said, both to you and to Fili and Kili. I am mortified at my behaviour. I fully intend to visit Erebor and make a full apology for what I both said and did. I can only explain my actions away by saying it was a combination of fear and guilt and shock. I had so desperately hoped that you two would never fall into the same circumstances that befell me and your uncle.’ Here he took another enormous gulp of wine and watched as the penny dropped.   
Dan and Ro gawked at him, completely dumbfounded. 

‘I’m sorry. Did you just say what we think you said.’ Ro stammered. The admission blown him away, that much was clear from his face. And Dan knew that his own expression was a mirror image. ‘You’re feeling us that you and Elros..’

‘Yes.’ Elrond said and then necked his wine again, giving a genteel little cough when he’d finished.

‘Fuck.’ Dan said. 

‘Fuck.’ Ro echoed. 

‘When did it start?’ Dan asked. Elrond couldn’t quite meet his eyes. 

‘A levels.’ he said. ‘Which is ironic, really.’ 

‘And for how long?’ Ro asked. 

‘Until he died.’ Elrond said, and the twins fell quiet. They knew the story of their uncle’s untimely death in a car crash when he was twenty-three, and that it had broken their father’s heart. It had been Galadriel who’d told them this. 

‘You were together for five years?’ Dan said, and Elrond nodded. 

‘We kept it very well hidden.’ he replied, ‘But the guilt was awful. I had never felt like it was right , even at the beginning. He never forced me into anything and his faith in us and the fact that we loved each other was very strong, but I couldn’t live with it. That’s why he was drunk that night. I told him I was ending it, that we needed to be apart from each other. I was going to complete my residency in London, and he would be going to do his Masters in Italy and living with your grandparents. I thought it was an opportune time to stop what I had always regarded as something terribly wrong.’

‘What happened?’ Dan asked. His throat was tight as he thought about what he would do if Ro died, It wasn’t something he wanted to contemplate, and he could tell from Ro’s expression that he was thinking the exact same thing.

‘We fought terribly.’ Elrond said. ‘He was crying, begging me not to do it. I turned my back on him. So, he stormed out of the house and got in his car and went to a party that some of our university friends were throwing. Later, when the police investigated they discovered that he’d been drinking pretty much from the time he arrived to the time he left. His blood alcohol was over three times the legal limit. At the inquest they said that he’d lost control of the car and it had rolled. He was dead by the time it came to a stop.’ He looked at the twins who were staring at him in horror. ‘You see now why I reacted like I did. Not that it is an excuse, but the guilt I’ve carried since that day almost consumed me. If it wasn’t for your mother, I might well have gone the same way. It’s a terrible thing to live with, knowing that you killed the person you loved most in the world, however unwitting it may have been. So when I heard what you were doing, my first thought was that I never ever wanted you to be in a situation where you might lose each other because of this. I think that’s why I reacted so badly. I have never been more frightened for you.’ He looked at his sons who were completely astounded and also horrified by what he was telling them. ‘But, as I thought about it the next day and the day after I realised that I was doing exactly what I feared for you. I was asking you to forgo each other, just like I had done. And in hindsight what did it get me? Nothing but a lifetime of regret and unhappiness at not being with the one person I truly adored. Don’t get me wrong, I loved your mother very much and she gave me the two of you and your sister and I will forever hold her memory dear. But if I had to go back in time, I would hold onto him and never let him go.’ Across from him, Dan and Ro looked at each other. Dan reached for Ro’s hand under the table and Ro squeezed it tightly.

‘What exactly are you saying?’ he asked. Elrond took a deep breath.

‘I’m giving you my blessing. Not that the two of you need it, that much you two have clearly demonstrated. But, if you are both committed to doing this, then I will support it.’

‘What does that mean though?’ Ro asked. Elrond gave them a small smile.

‘I’m asking my sons to come home where they belong.’ he said. ‘I miss them.’


	92. Shopping

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who is that across the road?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here we are in the final stretch. I hope all of those who are still with me enjoy these final chapters. I am very grateful for all the comments and kudos, and hope I do them justice.

The day of the party

Fili woke up with a surprisingly clear head, feeling a hell of a lot better than he had all week. He stretched and felt for Kili, but the bed was empty. He listened for a while, then heard the sound of movement in the kitchen. He lifted his head and listened for a few minutes, then heard Kili drop something and swear. He pulled himself up and checked his mobile to see the time. It was about one in the afternoon, and Fili suddenly realised he’d basically lost a whole day. That threw him momentarily. It had been a long time since an attack had been that bad. He got up, noticing that he was still wearing yesterday’s clothes. The soles of his feet were grubby, and his knuckles were scabbed and swollen. It had been quite trip by the look of things. 

In the kitchenette, Kili was cooking. Or attempting to cook if the dense cloud of acrid smoke was anything to go by.

‘Bloody hell!’ he said, his voice full of suppressed irritation. 

‘What are you doing?’ Fili asked, and his brother spun around. He was wearing oven gloves and the incongruous sight made Fili huff a laugh. 

‘I’m trying to make you lunch.’ he said, as if Fili was a blind idiot for not realising what he was doing. ‘You haven’t eaten for twenty-four hours and the party’s tonight.’

‘I know.’ Fili said, stretching his arms above his head. He looked at Kili. ‘You okay?’ Kili stopped abruptly, patented startled puppy look in place. 

‘I’m fine.’ he said, ‘Why?’ Fili gestured at the smoky kitchen.

‘Because this is the first time in twenty-five years that I’ve seen you cook.’ he said. ‘Not that I don’t appreciate it.’ he added hurriedly when Kili looked crushed. ‘But Kee, there’s smoke.’

‘Yeah.’ Kili said, ‘Turns out you need to take the pizzas off the foam thingy when you cook them.’ Hde looked so disappointed that Fili couldn’t help himself. He tried to stifle the laugh but all that did was make it come out his nose in a kind of strangled snorting sound. He looked up and caught the expression of outrage on Kili’s face and started laughing properly, unable to hold it in. 

‘I’m so sorry.’ he gasped, almost howling with laughter by now. ‘It’s really sweet, but you shouldn’t be let within twenty feet of an oven.’ Kili sighed as if he’d been mortally wounded, pulling the oven gloves off and hurling them into the sink.

‘Fuck it.’ he said. ‘You want to go out for lunch?’

**********

He drove them into town. On the way Fili discovered two things. The first was that it was blatantly obvious that Kili had gone to the Thorin Durin School of Driving. Fili was very glad he had a seat belt to keep him in place. The second was that Kili was behaving a little off around him. 

‘Kee.’ he said, and Kili shifted gears and made a noncommittal noise. ‘We have to talk about yesterday.’ 

‘No, we don’t.’ Kili replied. He looked at Fili, who made a frantic gesture.

‘Jesus fuck, will you keep your eyes on the fucking road please.’ he exclaimed and Kili switched his attention back. ‘I would rather not end my days as roadkill.’ They sat in silence for a few moments, then Fili tried again.

‘It doesn’t happen often.’ he said, ‘And if it’s managed properly then it doesn’t happen at all. I was stupid. I skipped my appointment and when I woke up yesterday morning it just kind of got on top of me. Believe me, I never wanted you to see me like that.’ 

‘Why not?’ Kili asked, and the question threw Fili completely. It took him awhile to formulate an answer.

‘I don’t know’ he said eventually, ‘Because I’m your big brother. I am supposed to look after you and not the other way around.’ Kili snorted.

‘That’s bullshit.’ he said. ‘You had the same stupid hang up when we started fucking.’ He gave Fili a sidelong look, but was careful not to take his eyes entirely off the road this time. ‘You should have told me how bad it gets. That’s the only way I would have known what to expect. How am I supposed to deal with this if I don’t know what it is?’

‘I know.’ Fili said, ‘But it’s like I have to be in control of it. So much shit happened that I couldn’t control, so if this is the only thing in my life that I have a handle on, then I’ll guard that control. I don’t want you to have to deal with it.’ He sat and stared at his hands in his lap, then got the fright of his life as Kili swerved across two rows of traffic, causing general chaos behind him and pulling into a layby on the side of the road. He stopped the car and turned to Fili.

‘You fucking scared me.’ He said, his voice sharp and high, just like their mother when she got upset. ‘I don’t care how bad it is, or what kind of things you do when you have whatever yesterday was. I’m not a baby anymore, I can take what happens to you and help you through it, but you have to trust me enough to let me in.’ He leaned forward, taking Fili’s face in his hands. ‘You are the most important thing in my life. I couldn’t live without you. So you have to promise that when this happens you’ll let me help you. Please, Fee.’ he leaned forward so their foreheads were touching. ‘I love you.’ Fili gave him a half smile.

‘I know you do.’ he replied. ‘I love you too.’

***********

Dis did the rounds inside the marquee, checking things off on her tablet. The tables and chairs were all in place, the dance floor set and the final touches to the decorations being put on as she watched. There was a low whistle behind here, and she turned to see Throin and Frerin coming into the marquee. 

‘Wow.’ Thorin said, ‘You are a most talented woman Dis, putting this together in a week.’ Dis gave an inelegant snort.

‘What do you think I do every day? Charity events are not just a bunch of rich gits sitting around sipping tea.’ she said. 

‘With skills like this, she should probably be running Erebor.’ Frerin said. He turned back to Dis. ‘So?’

‘So what?’ she replied, gesturing at a waiter to move the glasses he was setting down a little more to the left. 

‘So you went to see Beorn last night.’ Thorin said. Dis glared at him, but he folded his arms and glared right back. Frerin watched this for a few moments, then laughed.

‘You two.’ he said, slinging an arm around each of their shoulders. ‘What did he say?’ he asked Dis.

‘That he would love me and support me whatever I decide to do.’ She sighed, ‘It would be so much easier if he just freaked out and forbade me to do anything like Dad used to. I don’t know how to deal with all this rationality.’ 

‘And what did you tell him?’ Thorin asked.

‘That I would have a good thinkn about it and give him my answer after the party.’ She said, then fixed her brothers with a stern look. ‘Which means that you two fuckers are sworn to secrecy until then.’

‘We wouldn’t tell a soul.’ Frerin grinned. Dis narrowed her eyes at him.

‘I mean it.’ she said, poking him in the chest with her forefinger and making him wince. ‘If either of you breathe a word of this, especially to Fili and Kili, I would castrate you both.’ 

‘We wouldn’t dream of it. ‘Thorin said, moving so his arm could go around her shoulders, hauling her into a three-way hug with him and Frerin.

‘Yeah, we value our balls way too much.’ Frerin added, also moving in so she was trapped between the two of them. Then they got her in a bear hug, squeezing her so hard she squealed and struggled to get free.

‘You morons!’ she laughed. ‘What am I going to do?’

‘Hopefully go be happy.’ Frerin said in a low voice into her ear. ‘Christ knows we’ve all been miserable for long enough.’ He looked over Dis’ head into Thorin’s deep blue eyes. ‘We all deserve a little happiness.’

‘Amen, brother.’ Thorin replied. 

**********

Fili and Kili walked through the centre of Bath, enjoying the sunshine. Kili’s phone beeped and he checked the message smiling.

‘It’s from Tauriel.’ He said, smiling at Fili, ‘She said her and Sig are going to go to Florence for a few days. She wants to show Sig the Uffizi Gallery.’

‘Nice.’ Fili said. He desperately wanted to hold Kili’s hand but knew that it would be best if he didn’t. Instead he shoved his hands in his pockets and contented himself with walking closer to him, almost in his space. Kili noticed what he was doing and smiled, hazel eyes warm. But then he looked past Fili’s shoulder, his eyes narrowing as he focused on something. Fili frowned at him, then turned around. Across the street was a small and very exclusive jewellery shop. And the person that had just come out of it was none other than Beorn. In his hand was a very small gift bag. 

‘Now,’ Kili said, ‘what do you think that’s about?’ He raised an eyebrow at Fili, who grinned in response.


	93. The Party Pt 1.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone's getting ready for the party...

The Night of The Party.

Gimli straightened his cuffs, then tried fiddling with the cuff links. It took all of his patience not to scream in frustration, but could not for the life of him get them in. Admitting defeat he left his room, stomping down the corridor to his parents’ room. He knocked and went in without waiting for an answer. Nara was busy doing Gloin’s tie for him. He had to admit they cleaned up well. Gloin looked sharp in a sober black suit with a deep wine red tie that matched his mother’s simple, yet elegant dress. They looked at him, and Nara made what could only be described as a squeal of delight.

‘Look at you!’ she exclaimed. ‘You look wonderful!’ Gimli went to her mirror and gave himself a once over. Even he had to admit that the navy suit looked good on him. But then it was bespoke, so it had probably cost the earth. The white shirt gave it just the right amount of contrasts and the deep shimmery blue/green tie shouldn’t have worked but it did. Gimli had expected it to clash horribly with his bright copper hair, but instead it just made his colouring that more intense. He’d left his hair in a sleek ponytail, instead of its usual plait, and brushed and trimmed his beard. Nara came to stand behind him, eyes sparkling with maternal pride as she looked at him. She took the cuff links from him, putting them in quickly and efficiently.

‘Just wonderful.’ she reiterated. ‘Legolas is going to fall so in love with you when he sees you like this, he’d follow you through heaven and earth.’ She leaned in and kissed his cheek. Gimli felt absurdly pleased at her praise.

‘Thanks, Mom.’ he said and she gave him a little hug. Then she turned to Gloin, who had his hands in his pockets.

‘Shall we?’ he asked, offering her his arm. Nara laughed in delight, and took it. Gimli went and took her other arm. 

‘My wonderful men.’ she said, kissing them both on the cheek in turn. ‘Let’s go knock ‘em dead.’

*********

Kili had a little more luck than Gimli, managing to get his cufflinks in on the third go. The twins had left that morning while Fili was still passed out, so they had the guest house to themselves. Fili had gone to shower and dress in the other room to save time and Kili could hear the music coming from the other room. He smiled to himself. That hadn’t changed either. Fili had always liked to listen to music before he went out, it was kind of a thing with him. He took a step back, looking himself up and down. The black wedding suit was cut very well to suit his tall lean frame, and Dis had swapped out the oyster silk wedding tie for one of dark sapphire blue, which matched the sapphires in his cufflinks. The white shirt set everything off, and Kili had to admit that his mother had excellent taste. He checked his hair for the last time, the spotted the brass zippo on the dresser. He picked it up, running his fingers over the bras surface, now more than a little dented and scratched. Then he turned it over and traced the engraved letters as he had so many times. While he was doing it he caught sight of the ring on his finger. Then he tucked the lighter in his pocket and went into the living room. And stopped dead.

Fili had forgone the tie Dis had bought him. His black shirt was open at the neck, contrasting beautifully with the tanned skin and golden hair. The black suit made him look even more well put together than normal, showing off his compact muscular body to its best advantage. His thick hair was tousled as normal, but it was just so him. He looked up at Kili and his blue eyes widened.

‘Fuck.’ he said, ‘Look at you, Kee.’ Kili smiled broadly at the awed tone of his voice.

‘I could say the same for you.’ he replied. ‘You look fucking hot. Oh, and Mom’s going to kill you for not wearing a tie.’

‘Ten quid says Frerin’s not wearing one either.’ Fili grinned. He adjusted his watch and then held out his hand to Kili. ‘Shall we?’

**********

Upstairs, Thorin held out the tie. It was a beautiful tie, as far as ties went. It was made of teal silk, heavy and luxurious with a golden cast to it. Frerin hated it on sight. 

‘No.’ he said. Then he folded his arms for emphasis.

‘She will kill you. Please put it on.’ Thorin said in what purported to be his most reasonable tone of voice. It still came out sounding like an order and Frerin was genetically conditioned to ignore orders from his big brother, regardless of how good he was at giving head. Which was precisely how Thorin had attempted to bribe him earlier. He knew how to play this. 

Frerin gave a huge sigh of mock resignation, stepped forward and took the tie from Thorin’s fingers then, quick as a flash, went to the open window and chucked it outside. There was a distant rustle as the tie hit the bushes under their window. Thorin made a frustrated noise and threw up his hands.

‘Nice!’ he said, ‘Very fucking mature!’ Frerin chuckled and came back to him, reaching around Thorin’s waist and pulling him close. Thorin managed to resist for all of three seconds before giving in and letting Frerin kiss him. 

‘At least you look good.’ he countered, and Thorin rumbled in response. And he did, black suit set off nicely by a rich indigo tie, so dark it was almost black. The deep blue shirt did wonders for his eyes, making them almost luminous. Frerin smiled at him, reaching up and stroking though the thick dark hair, admiring the silver streaking at the temples. ‘You are gorgeous, Thor.’ He gave him one last kiss and then tugged on his hand. ‘Come on, let’s go before Her Majesty finds us and demands to know the fate of the tie.’

*************

Legolas found his father in Bard’s room. They had been out earlier and bought him a suit to wear to the party. Thranduil was resplendent in a delicate shade of grey, with a silvery silk tie, while Bard wore traditional black with forest green. Legolas was a little startled to see how well they complemented each other, dark and light together. And what’s more they were laughing together in a very intimate way when he walked in. 

‘Legolas!’ Thranduil said as he came in. ‘We were just talking about you.’

‘Should I run?’ Legolas asked sweetly, giving his father a glare. Thranduil grinned, and it made his face look twenty years younger. 

‘No. But we were lamenting the burden that is a headstrong child.’ he said, ‘Where is Gimli?’

‘Gone down with his family I presume.’ Legolas replied. ‘We’re going to be late if you two don’t stop chortling and get moving.’

‘Nonsense.’ Thranduil said, ‘There is no such thing as late, only extremely fashionable.’

************

Ori checked his camera once again, and Dwalin gave him an indulgent smile. 

‘You are going to be fine.’ he said. Ori looked up and smiled at him nervously.

‘I’ve never covered an event like this before.’ he said, ‘It’s quite something.’

‘You know these people.’ Dwalin said, ‘Probably more intimately than you would like. Just let that come through. Dis has final approval anyway, so anything she doesn’t like she’ll just veto.’

‘I know.’ Ori said, ‘And it was very kind of her to insist on me.’ He slung the camera over his shoulder, and went to the mirror. Dwalin admired his boyfriend and the way he looked. Ori had chosen a charcoal suit and it made him look years older than his habitual earth tones, even if the black and white polka dot tie kept the whimsy level set to camp. It also gave Dwalin the urge to chase him around the furniture. He walked over, hugging Ori from behind and dropping a kiss on his head. 

‘You are talented and amazing and I love you.’ he said, and Ori practically glowed. Those words were not freely given and he hoarded every time Dwalin said them like treasure. ‘Now let’s go so you can take some incriminating photos and we can happily live off the blackmail proceeds for the rest of our lives.’ Ori snorted with laughter.

************

Balin strolled down the corridor, hands in his pockets. He got to Oin’s door and knocked, a discreet three taps that had been insisted upon. The door opened a crack, and Oin glared out at him.

‘Well?’ Balin asked. Oin gave a furtive look up and down the corridor before opening the door just enough for Balin to enter the room. He was wearing a scarlet kimono, and his normally wild hair was plastered down under a flesh coloured cap.

‘I am running a little late.’ He said, and Balin went to the edge of the bed and sat down.

‘You think this is an appropriate time?” he asked, and Oin chuckled. 

‘Compared to all the shit that’s been happening this week, this is nothing.’ he said. Then he lifted an expanse of fuchsia sequins from the bed. ‘Now help me on with this, will you?’


	94. The Party Pt 2.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The actual party gets underway with a few surprises. Cause y'know, Durins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song that Oin sings and is quoted is 'Completely' by Caro Emerald, a truly lovely and talented lady :D

The Actual Party

Kili and Fili stood back from the main crowd of people, watching as Thorin and Dis did the gracious host thing. There were many people in attendance that Fili didn’t recognise, mostly people from Erebor Inc. and numerous other social and work contacts. Kili was explaining who most of the people were, and nodding in acknowledgement whenever someone greeted him. They saw Frerin coming towards them through the throng of people. He wasn’t wearing a tie and Fili gave Kili a look.

‘Fine.’ Kili huffed, ‘I owe you ten quid.’

‘You could always pay me in kind.’ Fili said and winked at him.

‘Bloody hell.’ Frerin muttered when he finally got to them. ‘I hate this society bullshit.’ He drained his champagne, put down the glass and snagged another two from a passing waiter. Fili and Kili watched as he drank first one and then the other in quick succession.

‘You may want to slow down, old man.’ Fili said.

‘Fuck slowing down.’ Frerin said, digging his cigarettes out and lighting one. ‘If anything I’ll need to speed up. I didn’t do this crap even when I was a fucking Durin.’ He offered the pack to Fili who took one and then lit it for him. ‘But those two,’ and here he looked at Thorin and Dis, who was magnificent in midnight blue taffeta, ‘They are the poster kids. All the right moves and all the right words.’ He grinned at Fili. ‘Not, like us.’

‘Thank fuck for that.’ Fili said. He and Frerin clinked glasses. Kili watched them, the two golden Durins who were so unlike the rest of them.

‘And smile!’ a voice said, and they turned, only to have a flash go off in their eyes.

‘Fucking hell, Ori!’ Kili said, ‘Do you have to do that?’

‘No, but it’s fun.’ Ori laughed. ‘Isn’t this great. Do you know how many awesome photos I’ve taken already? OK is going to be shitting itself to buy them. Oooh look, new people.’ He left, almost giddy with excitement.

The arrivals continued. By the time they spotted Gimli coming in with his parents, they were pretty much confined to a table in the back corner nearest the bar, which was deemed to be the best place to lurk according to Frerin. Gimli came over and Kili laughed.

‘Fucking hell, who the fuck got you into a suit?’ he asked. Gimli glared at him, coming to sit down.

‘I was bribed with a promise of…, well let’s just say I was promised something that would make it worth my while.’ he said. Fili and Kili looked at each other.

‘Sex.’ they said in unison.

‘Not necessarily.’ Gimli protested, but then he looked up and his mouth fell open. Legolas was coming towards him, sleek black suit and pistachio green tie immaculate. His thick silvery blond hair was tied back in a half pony, the rest of it loose and over his shoulders. He looked ethereal and dangerous all at the same time and Gimli couldn’t take his eyes off him. He came to stand just in front of him, one eyebrow arched as he gave Gimli a very thorough up and down look, pale blue eyes almost glowing with pleasure.

‘Wow.’ he said. ‘I thought you would look good but this exceeds all my expectations.’ Gimli’s answering smile was brilliant

‘Right back at you.’ he replied, standing up and moving into Legolas’ space. There was an extended period of eye contact that was very hot and heavy. Kili turned to Fili.

‘Definitely sex.’ he said, and Fili snorted with laughter.

*************

About an hour into the party, Dwalin went outside to take the air. He sipped his beer, and watched the last few guests arrive. He had yet to see his brother and wondered what was keeping him. There was a sound behind him, and then Gloin came to stand beside him, beer in one hand. Dwalin offered his and Gloin clinked his bottle against his.

‘At least Dis got in some decent brew.’ he said.

‘Aye.’ Dwalin replied. ‘Where’s Nara?’

‘Inside with Dis.’ Gloin said. There was the sound of someone coming and they looked past the line of lanterns that were laid along the pathway to the marquee. Beorn came out of the shadows, suitably attired and looking a bit like James Bond.

‘Good evening.’ he said, and they raised their bottles in greeting.

‘Nice night for it.’ Gloin said. Beorn came to stand with them, hands in pockets.

‘Yes, it is.’ he remarked looking up at the sky, ‘But I think it will rain later.’ He gave them a friendly smile. ‘Is Dis inside by any chance?’

‘Holding court.’ Dwalin said.

‘In that case I shall excuse myself.’ Beorn said. He nodded to them and went inside the marquee.

‘I like him.’ Gloin said. ‘Stable and looks like he could drink all of us under the table.’ He peered up the pathway again.

‘What are they doing?’ Dwalin said.

‘Who?’ Gloin asked.

‘Your brother and my brother.’ Dwalin said. Gloin frowned.

‘They’re not here yet?’ he asked.

‘No.’ Dwalin replied. There was a moment of silence as they contemplated their whereabouts. Then Gloin peered into the darkness. Dwalin looked where he was pointing and saw two figures coming down the path. There was sparkle of fushia, and he shook his head.

‘No it’s a man and a woman.’ he said. He turned to Gloin who was now staring, mouth open. ‘What’s wrong?’

‘You need to start wearing your glasses full time, mate.’ Gloin said. The couple drew closer, stepping into the pool of light and Dwalin’s eyes went wide.

Balin was dressed in a very dapper get up of black three-piece suit with a rose pink silk tie. He was escorting Oin, whose arm was linked with his. But it was what Oin as neither of them had ever seen him. For starters his dress was quite something, a shimmering halter neck tube of fuchsia sequins. His arms were covered by black opera gloves, heavy rhinestone bracelets adorning each wrist. His wig was a towering confection of white hair and sparkling gems in pink and white. But it was his face, elaborately made up and completely at odds with his neatly trimmed goatee that was the final cherry on the cake. Dwalin and Gloin gawked at him, completely lost for words.

‘Evening, brother.’ Balin said, his eyes twinkling madly.

‘I would say from your expressions that my entry has had its desired effect.’ Oin said haughtily, swirling the skirt of his dress as he sashayed past them, a chuckling Balin still on his arm.

*************

Inside the party was now well underway. There was going to be a speech by Thorin welcoming Frerin and Fili back into the family fold, but Frerin and Fili had both strenuously objected. So instead the band Dis had hired for the wedding, and simply carried over to the party had started playing and the dance floor was now crowded with people, the buffet was being attacked and the bar was doing a very brisk trade.

Fili and Frerin had ‘liberated’ a bottle of whiskey from the bar and were now halfway down the bottle. Kili had very wisely opted out after several glasses and gone back to beer, bowing to their vastly superior drinking fitness. He had his chair dragged next to Fili’s as close as it allowed, his one leg hooked over his brother’s, head tilted back and smoking one of Fili’s cigarettes.

Fili watched him over the rim of his glass, his blue eyes narrowed. Kili was looking particularly good, and he felt the familiar tightening in his chest as he took in the almost sleepy looking hazel eyes as Kili squinted against the smoke. He had thankfully relaxed since their talk in the car and afterwards, and an idea was forming in the back if Fili’s mind as he looked at him. An idea to show Kili he was ready to let him in, to reassure him that he did trust him.

His thoughts were interrupted by Gimli, who rushed up with Legolas. Both of them looked fit to burst with laughter.

‘Oh fuck. You are not going to believe who just walked in.’ Gimli said, barely able to speak he was laughing so hard.

‘Who?’ Frerin asked, tipping the bottle of whiskey and topping up his glass and Fili’s.

‘Oin and Balin.’ Legolas said, snorting through his nose in a most un-Legolas way.

‘So what?’ Kili asked. But just as he was about to get an answer, Thorin came charging over.

‘What the fucking fuck?’ he asked, sounding completely scandalised.

‘Will someone please tell us what the fuck is happening that’s got all of you in such a flap?’ Fili interjected.

‘That!’ Thorin said, pointing in the direction of the dance floor. He looked accusingly at Gimli who held his hands up in a gesture of surrender.

‘No fucking way, Thorin.’ he laughed, ‘I had absolutely no idea.’

‘Dis is in hysterics.’ Thorin said. ‘I haven’t seen her laugh this hard since Frerin ate bicarb and drank coke for a dare and froth came out of his nose for five minutes. At this rate she’ll be lucky to make it to her third month.’ Unfortunately, Frerin’s frantic eye roll at him came too late.

‘Her third month of what?’ Fili said, suddenly going from sleepy lion cub to very alert predator.

‘Nothing.’ Frerin said, avoiding his eyes.

‘Bollocks.’ Fili said, giving his uncle a hard look. ‘Third month of what?’ Then the penny dropped. ‘Holy motherfucking shit, you are not fucking serious.’ he said, eyes wide and his face a picture of astonishment.

‘You are so fucking dead.’ Frerin said to Thorin, ‘Seriously. We need to go back to the house and have all the sex we can now, because when she catches you she is going to cut your cock off.’

‘What?” Kili demanded, his frustration at not catching on very obvious from the petulant tone of his voice. Fili looked at him, grinning like a maniac.

‘You know how you’ve always bitched about the fact that I got to big brother you our whole lives. Well now it’s your turn.’ he said.

‘Huh?’ Kili asked, ‘I still don’t get it.’

‘Mom’s pregnant, you idiot.’ Fili said and Kili’s face actually contorted into an expression of confused surprise that was so adorable it was almost diabetes inducing.

‘No.’ he breathed.

‘Yes.’ Fili replied. Next to them Thorin pinched the bridge of his nose and shook his head in disbelief.

‘Oh for fuck’s sake.’ he muttered.

‘Never a dull fucking moment.’ Legolas laughed. ‘I am going to be very sorry to leave this family.’ He turned to Gimli who was looking at him strangely.

‘So don’t.’ he said, and Legolas frowned.

‘What do you mean?’ he asked and Gimli smiled, broad and beautiful.

‘I mean don’t go.’ he said. ‘Stay. With me. Go out with me Legolas. I want you to be my boyfriend.’

‘Oh, now that is just fucking adorable.’ Frerin said, grinning.

‘And completely lacking in incest for once.’ Thorin said. They all looked at Legolas who was looking at Gimli who was looking back at Legolas with a hopeful and slightly fearful look on his face.

‘So?’ he asked, ‘What about it?’ he expected Legolas to say something, but then Legolas practically threw himself at Gimli, wrapping his arms around his neck and kissing him frantically. Gimli bowed slightly under the onslaught before he got his arms around Legolas’ waist, lifting him right off the ground and kissing him back just as hard.

‘I think that’s a yes.’ Fili laughed. ‘Now will someone tell us what the fuck is going on?’

‘I don’t think they need to.’ Kili said, tugging on Fili’s sleeve. He pointed at the stage where the band was playing. There was a lull in the music and then a new song started up, jazzy and brassy. But it was the singer that caught their attention. In a fine tenor she sang.

_I recall the days that I was single_  
_Used to flirt, fool around and mingle_  
_And you came along_  
_And suddenly it changed completely_

‘Oh. My. God.’ Frerin said, ‘Is that…?’

‘It is.’ Fili said, equally amazed at what he was seeing.

‘Jesus Christ.’ Kili said, ‘What the fuck has he got on his head?’

‘I think you’ll find that’s a wig of truly collosal proportions.’ Gimli said, briefly breaking away from snogging his now-boyfriend to see what they were looking at, before going right back to it.

Oin was a natural diva. He twirled and danced across the stage, hands moving in elegant gestures to emphasise his words.

_Now some girls fall_  
_And others keep on playing_  
_Forget the now and keep on yesterdayin_  
_Now I know it’s wrong_  
_You came along, I changed completely_

‘He’s not fucking wrong.’ Thorin said, grabbing Frerin’s glass from his hand and necking it. In the distance they could just hear Dis screeching with laughter. It sounded like she was about to give birth. Which, Fili supposed, would be right in about seven months according to what Thorin had said. They watched in fascination as he finished the song to thunderous applause from the audience. Then got the shock of their life as Balin jumped up on stage and held out a hand. Oin took it and Balin gave him a little bow then twirled him gracefully into his arms, dipped him and kissed him to even louder applause.

‘Right. Stick a fucking fork in me.’ Thorin said, ‘I am so fucking done.’

***********

Oin was a hit. He stayed up on stage running through an impressive repertoire of songs, old and new. And if anyone thought it strange that a middle aged drag queen, with a moustache no less, had stolen the stage they didn’t make themselves known. He was now deep into slow romantic numbers, and Balin had joined him on stage again although this time it was to chase the piano player off and take his place. Thorin had completely thrown in the towel, and was proceeding to get rat arsed in the corner with Frerin.

Finally the guests began to drift off. Then the catering staff cleared up and left and it was only the witnesses to what must surely have gone down as one of the strangest weeks in history who remained. Even the band had packed up, leaving no-one but Balin and Oin to carry on the musical repertoire.

Gimli and Legolas were slow dancing to Oin’s rendition of La Vie en Rose, Legolas’ arms around Gimli’s neck and their bodies pressed together. Next to them Thorin and Frerin were doing the same. Ori and Dwalin had also joined them, although Dwalin looked like he was doing more snoozing than dancing.

‘I guess you held up your end of the bargain.’ Legolas said, and Gimli hummed an enquiry. He was floating on a cloud of alcohol and happiness at that point. But then Legolas leaned forward and whispered in his ear. Gimli’s head shot up and he looked into his eyes. Legolas smiled at him seductively, and it took him all of a minute to collect his wits enough to grab his hand and drag him out the marquee.

From their seats Fili and Kili watched them go.

‘You’re right. Definitely sex.’ Fili said and Kili snickered. He was stretched out in his chair, long legs crossed and his blue tie loose around his neck, the top three buttons of his shirt undone just enough to glimpse dark chest hair. ‘Speaking of which.’ Fili said, lowering his dark gold lashes so he was looking up at Kili through them, ‘I think we need to go back to the guest house.’ He reached out, letting his fingers trace a pattern on the back of Kili’s hand. Kili frowned at him, just the right side of hammered but still drunk enough to be a little slow.

‘Huh?’ he said. Fili gave him a crooked smile then got up and held out his hand. Kili looked at it, then got up as well, a little more unsteadily than his brother. He took Fili’s hand, and Fili led him out the marquee.

***********

Across the room, Dis watched them go, her eyes misty. It was probably the fucking hormones, she told herself. She gave a discreet sniffle and saw Beorn watching her intently.

‘Well this has been an interesting evening.’ she said, ‘This baby isn’t going to stand a chance with a family like this.’ Beorn leaned towards her.

‘It will if we do this together.’ he said, then reached into his pocket and took out a small black velvet box. He put it on the table and then pushed it over to here. Dis looked at it, her head on one side.

‘What is that?’ she asked.

‘Open it.’ he said, smiling at her in that serious way of his. Dis reached out and took the box, cracking it open and catching her breath as she took in the beautiful sapphire ring inside. She looked up at Beorn, her face telegraphing surprise and no small amount of delight.

‘Is this what I think it is?’ she asked and Beorn took her hand.

‘Marry me, Dis.’ he said.

On the dance floor Dwalin started awake as Dis shrieked at full volume and threw herself into Beorn’s lap, kissing him all over his face.

‘Now that’s even more fucking adorable.’ Frerin said, as he and Thorin watched their baby sister squealing like a teenager. Thorin snorted and leaned forward to kiss him.

***********

Outside, Gimli followed Legolas laughing breathlessly as he tried to keep up with his boyfriend who was running a few paces ahead and shedding articles of clothing as he went. He narrowly ducked a shoe that went flying over his head and carried on running. He completely missed the exclamation of surprise and pain that came from behind a hedge as the shoe landed.

************

On the other side of the hedge, Thranduil rubbed his head, and regarded the shoe in his hand.

‘Where did that come from?’ he said. Underneath him Bard tightened his grip on Thranduil’s hips, thrusting up into him hard enough to make Thranduil gasp and turn his attention back to what he’d been doing before the shoe had hit.

‘Will you shut the fuck up and ride me.’ he said, voice low and rough, the Northern accent exaggerated by his current state of mind. Thranduil chucked the shoe aside and started moving his hips again in slow undulations that made Bard moan very loudly.

‘But, of course.’ he said.

**********

Inside the front door of the guest house Fili took hold of Kili’s tie in one hand, pulling him in and kissing him slow and deep.

‘Bedroom.’ he said, turning and leading his brother forward. Kili stuck his hands in his pockets, smiling as he followed willingly.


	95. Sedation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The last encounter between the boys :)

After the party

Kili followed his brother, breath quickening and everything south of the border starting to pay an inordinate amount of interest to the heat in Fili’s eyes. They got into the room, and Fili turned on the light, dimming it so there was enough light to see by and no brightness. He continued to use the tie as a makeshift leash, towing Kili to the bed, where he reached up, pushing Kili’s jacket off of his shoulders, running his hands over Kili’s chest, fingers drifting over nipples that hardened through the thin fabric of his dress shirt. Then Fili pushed him back. 

‘Don’t move.’ He said, and Kili arched an eyebrow at him.

‘Sure thing, big brother.’ he said. He watched, getting more and more aroused as Fili slowly undressed. Fili got down to his boxer briefs and then got onto the bed. He moved up so he was at the headboard and then held out his hands.

‘Come here Kili.’ He said. Kili started to move his hands to his shirt, but Fili stopped him.

‘No.’ he said, leave your clothes on.’ Intrigued Kili went to the bed, climbing on and crawling up so he was over Fili on his hands and knees. Fili’s eyes were rapidly darkening as his pupil’s dilated. He leaned up a little and Kili leaned down, meeting his mouth half way. Fili tasted like whiskey and smoke, and he opened his mouth easily under Kili’s questing tongue. It was languid, both of them drunk and relaxed. Kili pulled away and then Fili put his little plan into action. Fixing Kili with a heady look, he reached for the loosened tie, pulling the knot undone, and then sliding it off the one side of Kili’s neck. Kili watched, expecting him to discard it, but then Fili hung it around his neck and reached back over his head. He put his hands through the iron bars of the headboard and looked at Kili. 

‘You remembered what you said two nights ago?’ he asked, voice thick and soft, almost a purr. ‘I want you to do it tonight.’ Kili blinked in surprise. Then he got serious cold feet, remembering just how fragile Fili had seemed the day before.   
‘I don’t think that’s a good idea.’ he replied. He tried to get off Fili, but he caught both ends of the tie, holding Kili in place.

‘Please Kee.’ he said, ‘I need this. Frerin’s right about me. It’s always been about my need to control everything. And when I lose that control, I lose me. So I hold on and hold on, and sometimes I break. But either way, it’s not good for me.’ He let the tie go and took Kili’s face in his hands, pulling his down and kissing him. 

‘You want me to let you in, to show you what my world is like.’ he said when he let him go. ‘Then let me do this. Let me give you my control. Show me there’s nothing to be scared of if I do.’ His eyes were soft as he looked at Kili, full of love and trust. Kili’s breath caught in his throat as he realised just how much it was costing to do this. But he was also blindsided by a surge of arousal so strong it was almost debilitating. He nodded slowly.

‘All right, but we have to be safe. You need to have a word that will stop me if you need me to.’ 

‘Erebor.’ Fili said, without hesitation. Their eyes held the gaze between them, a thousand unspoken things passing. Then Kili pulled the tie from around his neck. He leaned forward and used it to tie Fili’s wrists to the iron bars, checking the bonds were snug but not tight. He was very hard now, and when Fili tested the strength of the knots he gave a little gasp, thrusting up and Kili could feel he was just as hard. He sat back a little, looking down at his beautiful golden brother, the sun at the centre of his universe for so many years and now once more keeping him in orbit. 

‘I love you Fili.’ he said, and Fili smiled up at him. 

‘I love you Kili.’ he replied. ‘Do whatever you want to me’ He caught Kili’s hitch of breath and bit his lip to keep from moaning in response. But just as he did, Kili reached down to him, fingers on his lips.

‘For a start, I don’t want you to do that.’ he said, ‘There’s nobody here but us. I want to hear every noise you make, every word you say.’ Now he did get up, and walked towards the end of the bed, trailing his fingers along one of Fili’s bare legs. He stood at the end of the bed and then he undressed, slowly. While he was doing it, he considered the situation. He’d been talking in the heat of the moment the other night, saying whatever came into his head. The thing about tying Fili up and fucking him had always been in the back of his mind, a little detailed fantasy that he’d pulled out every now and then, until Fili had gone and even thinking about him had hurt too much. But as the time passed and he’d let his bother back into his head as he stood in the shower and touched himself, it had flared brightly. And now it was in front of him, all spread out for him to play with. Suddenly an idea popped into his head that seemed brilliant in his pleasantly drunken state. He was naked from the waist down now and he unbuttoned his shirt. As he started to pull it off, Fili spoke.

‘No.’ he said, ‘Leave it on.’ Kili gave him a look. ‘You look sexy like that.’

‘Okay.’ he replied. He came back to the bed. Fili was fully erect now, cock straining against his briefs. Kili climbed over him, resting lightly on Fili’s thighs. He let his fingers drift over the outline of Fili’s cock, gratified at the deep moan that came from His brother.

‘I have an idea.’ he said, hardly recognising his own voice. 

‘Tell me.’ Fili was breathless, arching up under Kili’s hand. Kili took hold of his briefs, pulling them down just far enough to release him. 

‘I;m going to fuck you.’ he said and Fili moaned. ‘But you are going to use that famous self-control and not come. Then, when I’m done, you’re going to fuck me.’

Fuck, Kee.’ Fili groaned, the vowels long and drawn out. ‘I like that idea.’

‘Good.’ Kili said. ‘And there’s something else.’ He got up off the bed and disappeared into the bathroom. Fili leaned up as best he could, trying to see what he was doing. His eyes widened when he saw Kili return with the lube in one hand and the black silicon plug he’d got Fili to get from his bag two nights previously. 

‘Oh God.’ he said, and Kili gave him a dazzling smile.

‘I knew you liked this.’ he said, ‘You couldn’t wait to fuck me after you found it. When I said to put it up my arse and stick your cock in my mouth.’

‘Yes,’ Fili breathed, ‘Christ I want to watch you do that, put it inside you.’ Kili chucked the lube and plug on the bed then went to the armchair. He pulled it to the side of the bed, angling it so Fili had a god view of it. Then he grabbed the two items off the bed, and got into position. He leaned back, one foot braced against the edge of the bed, the other leg dangling over the arm so he was spread open and exposed. He watched as Fili’s eyes zoned in on his cock and then lower. They were almost black now, the arousal clearly written on Fili’s face. Kili smiled and then flipped the cap on the lube, He poured it from a height, the viscous liquid covering most of his groin, then chucked it on the bed, stroking his cock languorously, and watching as Fili licked his lips involuntarily. He was stupidly turned on and the rush from watching Fili writhe helplessly added a delicious edge to what he was feeling. He used both hands, one on his cock and the fingers of the other going to his own entrance, sliding in and out. Fili watched them, utterly transfixed. 

‘Bloody hell, Kee..’ he managed. ‘Just watch, Fee.’ Kili said, gritting his teeth as the first surges started to go through him. He stretched himself quickly and efficiently, then reached for the plug and lube, slicking the toy up and pressing it against him. It wasn’t too wide, but it would keep him open until he was done with Fili. For his part Fili watched as he was instructed, mouth hanging open as he panted hard. Kili would normally go straight in, but he played a bit enjoying the expression on Fili’s face as he watched the toy move in and out teasingly. Eventually Kili was ready. He shoved the plug in, feeling the resistance before he relaxed completely and it went in with a little popping motion.

‘Oh, fuck.’ Fili said as it did, and he sounded almost tortured. Kili let himself adjust for a moment, twisting the base and moaning at the sharp pleasure it elicited. Then he lowerd his legs, getting up gingerly and climbing onto the bed. He was still slick with lube, on his cock and his fingers. He got back into the position he’d been in before, then edged back, taking Fili’s briefs and pulling them off, discarding them on the floor. Then he bent forward, moving Fili’s legs so they were over his shoulders and diving right in. Fili keened , a harsh desperate sound as Kili’s tongue made contact with him. Kili held him still, letting his tongue lick and probe, gently at first, then harder as Fili cursed and moaned and made noises Kili had never heard him make before. He took his time, using a slick finger every now and then, until he could plunge his tongue inside Fili with no resistance. Then he got up, lining up and pushing inside, Fili’s legs hooked around his hips as he took their weight on his knees. Fili’s eyes were wild, and he strained against the tie that bound his wrists. Kili kept him like that until he started to squirm.

‘Please, Kee.’ he moaned, ‘Fuck me. Fuck the pain away.’ Kili pulled out just far enough, then slammed back in, going hard and fast. Fili started almost screaming, his voice breaking from the strain.It didn’t take long for the combined sensations of Fili around his cock and the plug up his arse to make Kili come, going in hard and deep, his fingers digging into Fili’s hips as he reached orgasm, shouting inarticulately before going off inside him. Fili was bucking against him, but still managing to hold on. His eyes were wild and he had no semblance of composure left at all. Kili let himself come down a little, but knew he wasn’t finished yet. He pulled out, slowly and then he reached behind him for the plug, pulling hard enough to remove it, and feeling the gush of warmed lube own the inside of his thighs. Then, still breathing hard, he moved so he was over Fili’s cock. He didn’t touch him, afraid of pushing over the edge too quickly. Instead he lowered himself slowly, until he could feel the head just starting to breach his stretched entrance. Then he simply sat down, taking Fili all the way in. Fili yelped and went rigid, the tendons in his arms and shoulders standing out from the strain.   
‘Kee.’ He keened, ‘Fuck, fuck, fuck…’ Kili braced himself on Fili’s heaving chest and started to rock hard, backwards and forwards, the slide of lube making everything so much more intense.

‘Fee.’ he panted, ‘Christ, you feel so fucking good inside me.’ He threw his head back, leaning so Fili’s cock hit his prostate, his own cock already hard again and then bore down on him, riding Fili hard and fast as if his life depended on it. Fili was screaming now, his voice almost gone and Kili let himself scream with him, every thust and rock taking him higher than he’d ever been. He felt Fili’s body tatring to shake violently, the tremors of his impending orgasm kicking off his own until they broke each other, Kili coming so hard his semen striped Fili’s chest all the way up to his throat, and feeling the warmth flooding him as Fili came inside him. He barely managed to cath himself before he fell forward, completely exhausted and overwhelmed. He let his head rest of Fili’s chest, disregarding the sweat and his own cum that covered it. Underneath him, Fili laughed, a happy free sound.

‘Thank you, Kee.’ he said. Kili waited a few moments before he could get his breath back enough to answer him.

‘You’re welcome.’ he replied. 

*********

Fili slept easily that night, the sharp red scratching at the back of his mind gone for the first time in more years than he cared to count. And when he woke in the morning it was to a blissfully sleeping Kili and the smell of sex permeating the room once more. He smiled to himself, stroking the thick dark hair out of Kili’s face before pressing a kiss to one dark eyebrow. 

He got up, dressing and wondering into the kitchen in search of water and hopefully something to stave off the hangover that was lurking. That was when he noticed his mobile, which was on the coffee table still, was vibrating. He went and picked it up, noting the number before he answered it.

‘Hi Saul’ he said.

‘Fili.’ A voice like melted dark chocolate said on the other side. ‘I am so very sorry I missed your calls. Are you all right?’ 

Fili looked in the direction of the bedroom door, where his heart and soul slept like a curled-up puppy in a messy bed. 

‘You know what, Saul.’ he said. ‘I think I’m going to be okay.’


	96. Settled

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay so it seems that I wasn't ready for one last time either...

Seven Months Later

Fili parked the car and got out, grabbing his tool belt and mobile from the seat next to him. The cold air hit him in stark contrast to the warm air inside the car. He didn’t bother with his gloves or beanie as it was only a short walk to the guest house. Although it had stopped being the guest house five months ago when he and Frerin had come back from completing their contacts on the rig. Kili had fetched them from the airport and had practically bowled Fili over in his relief to see him in one piece and knowing that he was home for good. 

It had been good. Both he and Frerin had had to adjust to life that actually had an additional layer, not just working and drinking and sleeping. It had been difficult the first month when he and Frerin had started up their company, but exciting too. Business had been slow at first, and for the forst time in his life Fili was glad have saved most of what he’d earned in the previous seven years. The financial buffer kept him and Frerin going, refusing still to touch the Durin money, a weird little quirk of independence. But now they three regular clients, all fairly large industrial accounts and it kept them busy and kept their income ticking over.

He got to the front door, and went to unlock it but found it already open. He mentally checked the day and realised that it was Kili’s early day at uni, which meant he had been home for a couple of hours already. He went in and surveyed the place that he now called home. They had done some redecorating, replacing the chintz with functional. The walls were now plain white instead of the tasteful palette of pastels Dis preferred. Their bedroom was now painted dark grey, the bed linen black, not white which prevented chocolate showing up from when Kili ate Twirls in bed. But they had kept the black iron bedstead, which was still the main arena in their nocturnal activities. That side of things hadn’t slowed down in the slightest, despite the fact that they now spent every night in the same bed. Kili was trying to make up for lost time, it seemed and his adventurous spirit meant that things had expounded and grown in a wonderfully organic way. 

Inside there was no sign of Kili in the living area, but Fili could hear the shower going. He dropped his keys, phone and tool belt on the table, stripped off his coat and hung it up and then went into the bedroom. Kili’s laptop was open on their rumpled bed that they never seemed to get round to making before they messed it up again. It was surrounded by notes and text books for Kili’s psychology classes. He was three months in and enjoying it immensely. Fili had watched and listened as his little brother threw himself into something he really enjoyed, rather than something he’d been obliged to do. It was amazing to see how much he blossomed, the impulsive insecure behaviour dialling down almost completely. They weren’t fixed yet, not by a long shot, but it was getting better every day. 

He went to the door of the bathroom, looking in at his brother. Kili was in the shower and Fili leaned in the doorway and looked at him, admiring the lines of his long lean body. Now that he could look at Kili without censure, he took every opportunity he could. Kili eventually finished rinsing out his hair and turned, catching sight of Fili and smiling through the glass, his face slightly distorted.

‘Hey.’ he said. ‘You’re home.’

‘Well I do live here.’ Fili replied, grinning at how delighted his brother sounded every time he walked through the door. But he also recognised the fear that drove it, that niggling doubt of Kili’s that he’d come home. So he didn’t take the mickey, just appreciated what motivated it. He watched as Kili got out the shower, shaking like a wet dog and spraying considerably more water than he had seven months previously. His hair was down to his shoulders now, starting to lose the curl it had had. Fili looked him up and down, taking his time and enjoying the heat that lit up Kili’s hazel eyes. He brushed the water from his arms, and Fili caught sight of the two new additions. The tattoos had shown up one day when he got home from work, Kili acting completely ignorant and parading around in a sleeveless vest. He hadn’t told Fili what they were, letting Fili research them and find out the meanings himself. It had been quite the night when Fili had discovered that the kanji on his left shoulder meant ‘brothers’ and the kanji on his right meant ‘lovers’. Neither of them had been able to walk the next day.

‘Like what you see, big brother?’ Kili asked, his voice dropping a pitch into that husky tone that usually signalled more interesting activities were soon to follow.

‘Yes, very much.’ Fili replied. He stayed were he was, hands in pockets as Kili walked towards him. He got chest to chest with Fili, and placed one wet hand on his neck.

‘You going to act on it or just fuck me with your eyes all night?’ he asked, leaning in, breath ghosting over Fili’s lips. Fili snorted with laghter, and Kili gave him an exasperated look. ‘For fuck’s sake Fee, I’m trying to seduce you here.’

‘I’m sorry.’ Fili snickered. ‘It just the mental image of someone fucking someone else with their eyeballs..’

‘I said ‘eyes’!’ Kili snorted, grabbing a towel and stomping into the room, ‘You really know how to fucking wreck the mood.’ He was facing the bed, towelling his hair, when Fili tackled him from behind, knocking him forward and lying on top of him. ‘Fucking hell, get off me you wanker.’ Fili laughed and pinned him down. 

‘Nope.’ he said, ‘We are going to dry you off on the duvet and then I’m going to turn you over and blow you until you pass out.’ That stopped Kili’s struggles immediately. He lay flat under Fili, breath quickening.

‘Bastard.’ he muttered into the bed. ‘I hate you sometimes.’ 

‘No you don’t.’ Fili breathed in his ear, then licked it. 

‘Christ, you make me so fucking hard.’ Kili was squirming underneath him now. Fili chuckled then started kissing down the length of his spine. He got to the small of Kili’s back humming against the warm skin, hands stroking down Kili’s sides. Then he took hold of his backside and leaned in, tongue licking in a flat movement that made Kili howl.

‘Bloody hell, Fee.’ he keened, ‘Oh Christ…’ Fili lifted his head just enough to speak.

‘Shut up, Kee.’ he said, then dropped his head again, pushing Kili’s right leg up to get better access. He played Kili with his tongue until his brother was breathless and panting, thrusting involuntarily down into the bed.

‘Fee.’ Kili was begging now, the whine in his voice making heat flash through Fili’s chest. ‘Fuck me, please.’ The last word was drawn out and Fili pulled back.

‘I though you wanted me to blow you?’ he asked, voice teasing. Kili gave him a glare over his shoulder.

‘Fuck me.’ he snarled, and Fili stood up. He made a show of unbuckling his belt, pushing his jeans and briefs down just enough to get his cock out, but not removing any other clothing.

‘Lube.’ he said, and Kili stretched across to the bedside table, scrabbling in the draw and taking it our then chucking it at him. Fili caught it out the air and slicked himself up. The he came and placed one knee at the edge of the bed, using the residual lube on his fingers to stroke Kili, fingers slipping inside easily. Kili moaned and humped the bed shamelessly. Fili laughed and grabbed his hips, yanking Kili up enough for him to line up and push in, keeping the movement as languid as he could, knowing how excruciating Kili found it. He thrust slowly a few times, keeping his strokes smooth and easy.

‘Fee!’ the muffled bellow was beyond annoyed. ‘Stop fucking around.’ Then he yelped loudly, as Fili braced his knee against the bed and slammed into him. ‘God, yes..fuck!’ Fili laughed and drove into him relentlessly, bith of them panted hard and fast as he aimed for and, judging from the extremely loud flood of profanity coming from Kili’s mouth, hitting his prostate until Kili was clenching uncontrollably around him, the tight wet heat and slide and thrust triggering his orgasm and making his scream as he grabbed the duvet, almost ripping it. Fili held on for two more thrusts and then bucked hard against Kili as he came, holding him still as he let go inside his brother. Then he collapsed forward, making Kili let out a gasp of air.

‘Fucking get off!’ he groaned.

‘Just did.’ Fili snickered, unable to help himself. Kili groaned even louder and then started laughing.

‘You’re a fucking tosser.’ he said, voice a little stronger now. Fili pulled out, and braced himself so he could lift himself off. 

‘Give me five minutes and then I’ll show just how much of a tosser I can be.’ he said, but then stopped. Kili lifted his head as well and they both heard Fili’s phone ringing. Then not a second later, Kili’s started ringing as well. Fili looked at him.  
‘Yours is closer.’ Kili snorted and grabbed the phone, trying not to move too much to avoid the results of Fili’s efforts ending upon the duvet cover. He checked the number then answered. 

‘Beorn?’ he said, then listened. His eyes widened. ‘Fucking hell. Yeah we’ll be there.’ He shut off the phone and looked back at Fili. ‘Mom’s just gone into labour.’ 

***********

Their sister was born seven hours later.


	97. Gigolas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nothing to see here folks XD

Twenty-two months later

Gimli straightened his tie. It didn’t look right. Frustrated he yanked it loose and started again. This time the knot was lopsided. He yanked it loose again.

‘Crap!’ he said, looking at Fili and Kili who were grinning at him. ‘Don’t just fucking stand there! You’re groomsmen! Fucking groom!’ Fili came forward. He took the tie, a lustrous affair of topaz silk which brought out the colour of Gimli’s brown eyes, and wound it around his neck. As he twisted it into an effortless knot, he tried not to laugh at Gimli’s unimpressed face.

‘You’d thing you were about to be executed, not getting married.’ Kili said.

‘This is entirely your fault.’ Gimli replied. ‘You’re the ones that put the idea in my head.’

‘Well, Kee and I can’t get married, so we have to live vicariously through you.’ Fili said, smiling at Gimli. He finished knotting the tie and regarded his handiwork. ‘There. Perfect. Don’t fucking touch it.’ Gimli held up his hands.

‘I won’t.’ he turned and looked at himself in the mirror and felt the stomach churning combination of fuck yeah and oh God what have I done that he’d been having since he woke up. ‘I can’t believe I’m doing this.’

‘I can’t believe Legolas said yes.’ Kili said, and Gimli threw him the finger in the mirror. ‘After all you weren’t exactly orthodox.’

***********

They had been present for the proposal. It had been Kili’s bright idea to go on a double date. He had decided that he and Fili needed to quote ‘get out the house more’. So they had ended up going bowling. It had been fun, until Kili and Legolas had started getting really competitive. Fili and Gimli had sat back and watched them, looks of extreme amusement on their faces. Eventually they had simply sat out and kept score. It was close going, and Gimli was laughing as Legolas lost another game to Kili. Kili, of course, was at the insufferably smug stage of victory. 

‘That’s it.’ Legolas said, a petulant tone in his voice. ‘I am done.’

‘You can’t stop now.’ Kili protested, seeing the chance for further gloating suddenly slipping out of sight. Look, why don’t we sit one out and your boyfriend can see if he can beat my brother.’ He grinned at Legolas. It was like a red rag to a bull.  
‘Fine.’ he snapped, then turned and looked at Gimli expectantly. Gimli and Fili had been talking about rugby and had missed the little exchange completely. ‘Gimli?’ 

Gimli and Fili looked up at them.

‘What?’ Gimli asked and Legolas pointed at Fili. 

‘I will give you a blowjob every morning for the next week if you beat him in the next game.’ he said. 

‘Why didn’t you just say you’ll marry me? That would probably have been easier.’ Gimli laughed. He knew his boyfriend. It wasn’t the blowjob part of the occasion, but the morning part that would pose a problem. Legolas was usually comatose before nine in the morning. Getting him to do anything before then was a complete waste of time. That was all Gimli had meant. He hadn’t expected Legolas to spin around and stare at him in astonishment. 

‘Are you asking?’ he said, a strange look on his face. His light blue eyes were intense. Gimli was caught off guard.

‘Maybe.’ he said, more out of panic than anything else. By this time Fili and Kili had cottoned onto the fact that they were witnessing a potentially historic occasion. Their eyes were wide as they watched the suddenly very important conversation happening in front of them. ‘Why?’

‘Because you wouldn’t have to beat anyone at bowling to get me to say yes.’ Legolas said. Kili, who by now had edged over to his brother, grabbed Fili’s arm and squeezed. Hard. Fili was so caught up, he completely ignored the sudden cutting off of his circulation. They held their breath and looked at Gimli. His eyes were fixed firmly on Legolas. 

‘What would I have to do?’ he asked, and all the playfulness had gone out of his voice. Legolas’ eyes glittered.

‘Ask me.’ he said, his voice equally serious. 

‘Marry me.’ Gimli said, without missing a beat.

‘Yes.’ Legolas replied. They kept looking at each other until they were interrupted by a high pitched squeal that couldn’t have been described as manly if it’s life depended on it. They turned to see Kili had slapped his hand over his mouth. He removed it.

‘Sorry.’ he said.

***********

The news had thrown the Durin women into fits of wedding madness. Kili had always thought nothing could top Dis for the almost religious fervour with which she’d planned his wedding to Tauriel. He was wrong. If Dis was a tornado, then Nara was a Force Ten hurricane. And Gimli being her only child had only exacerbated matters. So here they were again, just as they had been twenty-two months before. Except this time it was the morning of the actual wedding and both parties thankfully showed no signs of running for the hills.

***********

Tauriel adjusted Legolas’ tie and stepped back to look at him, running a critical eye over his immaculate black suit. She smiled at him.

‘So, you nervous yet?’ she asked, her green eyes sparkling. Oh, she was loving this. 

‘He is looking a little green around the gills.’ Sig said from her perch on the edge of the bed. Both of them were wearing identical bias cut tubes of dark grey silk, to match his tie. 

‘If you two don’t pack it in, I’m going to find myself some new bridesmaids.’ Legolas said. He turned to the mirror. ‘Do I look okay?’

‘He’s going to fucking scream when he sees you.’ Tauriel said.

‘Christ, I hope not.’ Legolas laughed back at her.

***********

‘Rings.’ Gimli said. 

‘Check.’ Fili replied.

‘Right, let’s fucking go.’ Kili said.

***********

Nara and Dis had decided hats were the order of the day for an English summer wedding. Nara’s was tilted over one eye, Dis had opted for a veil. They were all seated in the front row of the seating set up in the formal gardens with their husbands beside them, and Thorin and Frerin on the outside edge. Gloin and Beorn both thought the size of the collected headwear could provide enough shade for several people, but they very wisely kept their ideas to themselves. Beorn had Naomi balanced in one arm. She was a perfect mixture of him and Dis, with blue eyes and nut brown curls. Her chubby hands clung to his lapel, and her head rested against his shoulder and she watched her mother with a face that was far too serious for an almost two year old. Dis has surprised everyone yet again by completely ignoring tradition. Her and Beorn had disappeared four months after Naomi was born, and then reappeared two weeks later with a tan and a wedding certificate. The rest of the Durins had rolled their eyes but not been very surprised. 

The assembled guests behind them were all seated and waiting for the two grooms to arrive. On the other side of the aisle Thranduil was sitting with Bard. That had been another story. There had, according to Legolas, much back and forthing between Somerset and Scotland going on until to his complete surprise, Thranduil having been as silent as the grave, Bard had turned up on their doorstep, with his two younger children in tow a year to the day after the last wedding debacle. Legolas’ was equally surprised at that the fact that Bard’s kids simply adored Thranduil. And just like that, Mirkwood had gone from being a rambling mansion that he and Thranduil rattled around in, to a home. Tauriel and Sig had returned after a year backpacking around Europe, and were now living there as well. 

The music started up and there was a general hush as the grooms walked in from both side, Gimli with Fili and Kili, Legolas with Tauriel and Sigrid. Then the minister came forward and the ceremony began.

It was brief and simple, both parties wanting to keep the ceremony to a minimum. The vows were exchanged and then there was a kiss that lasted probably longer than was strictly necessary. Then it was off to the marquee for the reception.

************

Ori and Dwalin watched various couples moving around the marquee, as the buffet was served and eaten.

‘Do you think we’ll ever do this?’ Ori asked and Dwalin almost jumped in surprise.

‘I didn’t think you’d want to be married to an old fart like me?’ he said, astonished at Ori’s question. It was not something he’d though his highly independent boyfriend would have wanted. But Ori’s brown eyes had a soft look in them he’d never seen before.

‘I think it might be very nice to be married to you.’ he said looking at Dwalin. The corners of his mouth quirked in a shy smile. 

There was very little Dwalin could do after a pronouncement like that, so he promptly got down on one knee.

‘Ori, my wee love.’ he said, as earnestly as possible. ‘Will you marry me?’

The shriek he got nearly deafened him, and then Ori threw himself off his chair onto Dwalin, knocking them both to the ground. 

‘YES! BLOODY HELL! YES! YES! YES!’ he shouted, making Dwalin wheeze as he hugged the daylights out of him.

Across the dance floor, Kili lowered Naomi from where he was holding her above his head while she giggled frantically. He shifted his baby sister onto one hip like a pro and looked at Fili. They regarded the pair rolling around on the floor, Dwalin’s deep bellowing laugh cutting right through the music. Fili raised an eyebrow.

‘Maybe something in the water?’ he said to Kili.


	98. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is it, the final chapter of Famous Last Words. I felt that all the storylines had wrapped themselves up nicely and wanted to go out on a sweet domestic note. So this is it, the final scene showing all the Durins. 
> 
> I want to say an enormous thank you to everyone who has taken the time to read this, leave comments and kudos and been so very kind to me as I fumbled my way through my very first FiKi. I love you all with the passion of a thousand suns. 
> 
> So without further ado, here it is...

Ten months after the wedding.

Dis guided the spoon to Naomi’s open mouth. Naomi fixed her mother with bright blue eyes and ate the apple sauce, then giggled and blew bubbles with her spit. Dis snickered at her daughter, then wiped her little mouth with her bib.

‘You are a messy pup.’ she said, then kissed the soft forehead. Beorn watched them from his side of the table. Dis fears had been unfounded, and she’d been an attentive and loving mother since Naomi was laid in her arms. There were times when she did waver, all her insecurity and fear coming to the fore, but Beorn was always ready to step up and relieve her of those fears. 

***********

Frerin dressed slowly, the pleasant ache in his muscles the reminder of the previous night. He and Thorin had yet to hit the downward slope of the physical side of their relationship, holding on and making up for lost time as best they could. And while Thorin had cut down on his working hours, handing over half of the control to Balin who was married to his job, he was still required to travel fairly extensively. He’ returned from Russia the night before which had been the event that prompted the activities that had made Frerin sleepy and pliant and now in need of a very large breakfast. 

He padded barefoot from their room and down the corridor. Erebor was pretty much empty, what with Dis having moved in with Beorn, and the boys taking up residence in the guest house. But he also knew that Thorin was in talks with the National Trust about opening Erebor up to the public, and that mysterious brochures for beach houses in Spain had started appearing on every available surface. It didn’t take a genius to see what his big brother was up to.

He found Thorin in the kitchen, laptop open in front of him as he scanned through his emails. His reading glasses were perched on his nose, a new addition that Frerin found just did things to him. He walked up behind Thorin, dropping a kiss onto the thick dark hair. 

‘Morning Thor.’ he murmured. Thorin gave back a noncommittal hum, and Frerin grinned, knowing better than to demand Thorin’s attention while he was working. He went and poured himself some coffee, added sugar and went to sit down at the table next to his brother. He pushed the chair back at and angle and placed his bare feet on the edge of Thorin’s chair. Thorin reached down, eyes never leaving the screen and pulled the nearest foot into his lap, simply holding it there. They sat like that for a while, until Thorin had scrolled through the last page of emails. Then he closed the laptop, and pulled on the leg attached to the foot in his lap until Frerin’s chair had dragged across the floor, making a very loud grating sound as it did so. Then he reached for him and Frerin got up out the chair, moving to sit at the edge of the table with his feet either side of Thorin, one resting on each muscular thigh. Thorin smiled up at him, hands running up Frerin’s calves.

‘What would you like to do today, little brother?’ he asked and Frerin smiled back.

‘You.’ he answered, then moved off the table to sit on Thorin’s lap and wind his fingers through his thick dark hair. Thorin reached up and started to take his glasses off, but Frerin stopped him. 

‘No.’ he said, ‘Leave them on.’

*************

Down in the guest house Kili watched through the kitchen window. It was the first Saturday in the month which meant two things. The first was that Fili was in the spare bedroom, which they’d since changed into a study, having his monthly session with Saul. It was quiet except for the dull murmuring of Fili’s voice through the closed door. It would be a good day after this, Fili’s brow smooth and free of any worries he might have had. Kili was now a lot more sensitive to his brothers’ moods and how to read them, charting Fili’s rises and falls effortlessly. It had been over a year since there had been an episode and Kili counted that as his finest victory.

It was also the day that they took on babysitting duty. Beorn and Dis always went out on the first Saturday, dropping their baby sister off with them as they went and had some quiet time. He was waiting for them now, checking periodically out the window to see if they had arrived. There was the sound of the door closing behind him, and then footsteps until he felt Fili’s strong arms around his waist and his body pressing up against his back. 

‘You good?’ he asked, and Fili hummed assent into the back of his neck. Kili twisted in his arms and kissed him, soft and slow.

‘I’m good.’ he replied. ‘Where are we going today?’ 

‘Bottom of the garden.’ Kili said, leaning into him, one hand coming up to interlace his fingers with Fili’s and the other stroking through the thick blond hair. ‘Do you remember?’

‘Of course, I do.’ Fili smiled against Kili’s neck. 

*************

Dis and Beorn climbed out the car, and Dis went to unstrap Naomi from her car seat in the back. The chubby toddler waved her fists at Dis in excitement. She knew who lived here, knew that she was going to be spending the day with her big brothers who she adored. Dis got her loose form the restraints and took Naomi out, lifting her into Beorn’s waiting arms.

‘I’m just going to pop up to the house and speak to Thorin about how his trip was and then we can go.’ she said and Beorn nodded, dipping his head to give her a quick kiss.

‘Of course.’ He said, reaching in for Naomi’s bag and kicking the door closed. ‘I’ll wait for you down at the boys’.’ He went down the path and Dis headed up to the house. She went around the side, not bothering with the front door. Once at the back, she went in through the kitchen garden gate and was about to go past the open kitchen window when she heard noises.

They were very interesting.

Dis bit her lip and stifled a giggle. She backtracked quietly, knowing her brothers did not need to be disturbed at that particular time. Then she retreated from the garden and headed for the guest house. 

She found her younger son and her daughter playing airplane in the living room. It was a firm favourite of Naomi’s (and she very strongly suspected of Kili’s as well).

Fili and Beorn were in the kitchen, chatting in Swedish, Fili’s seemingly natural aptitude for languages prompting him to learn that of his stepfather. They saw her and smiled.

‘Hey, Mom.’ Fili said, ‘I thought you were going to chat to Thorin.’

‘He’s busy with your uncle.’ Dis said, and one of Fili’s gold eyebrows went up. ‘Come on darling.’ she said to Beorn, sliding under one of his arms. ‘Lunch reservations at Bybrook don’t grow on trees.’ She went over to Kili, who had Naomi in his arms now and peppered her daughter’s face with kisses before planting one on her protesting son as well. ‘We’ll be back around five.’

‘Take your time.’ Kili said, swinging Naomi away from her, ‘We have a big day planned. Now bugger off and leave me with my sister.’ Dis smiled at the possessive note in his voice. It was hard to tell who was more enamoured with who. 

‘All right.’ Beorn came up behind her and took her hand.

‘Come on, let’s go.’ he said, chuckling at her resistance. Dis sighed and followed him, glancing back once before he finally dragged her out the door. Kili came over to Fili and Naomi held out her arms to her eldest brother, giggling. 

‘Fee.’ she said, cheeks dimpling in the same way as her eldest brother’s did.

Fili took her from Kili, shifting her to his hip and holding her easily in one arm. She wrapped her chubby arms around his neck and held on. 

‘You want to go out baby girl?’ he asked and she nodded vigorously.

‘Definitely the garden.’ Kili grinned.

***********

Frerin stretched on the terrace, the summer sun warm on his now bare chest. He’d left Thorin still lying on the kitchen table, glasses very much askew. He watched as his nephews and niece walked past the low wall that led from the terrace down until it disappeared into the grass. Naomi was on Kili’s shoulders, her legs hanging down either side of his neck. Fili was walking next to them, but when he saw Frerin he said something to Kili, who looked over and waved. Frerin waved back and then waited as Fili jogged over.

‘Hey, old man.’ he said when he got to him. ‘You having a good morning?’ His blue eyes sparkled mischievously.

‘How the fuck do you know?’ Frerin asked.

‘Mom heard you. She was coming to speak to Thorin about Russia.’ Fili’s grin was wide.

‘Crap. Don’t tell him will you?’ Frerin asked and Fili laughed, hand on Frerin’s bare shoulder.

‘I won’t if you won’t.’ he said and then turned as Kili called him. ‘We’re taking Naomi down to the south wall to show her the lizards. I’d ask you to come, but you’ve probably done that already.’ He snickered and dodged the swipe Frerin aimed at him. 

‘Brat.’ he said. ‘You better go, your kids are getting restless.’ Then he laughed as Fili threw both arms around him and hugged him hard. Then he whispered their words in Frerin’s ear, the words they had decided to say to each other every day since they’d got back to Erebor and the two dark haired men who held their hearts.

‘Are you happy?’ Fili asked, his voice a whisper.

‘Very.’ Frerin whispered back. ‘You?’

‘Very.’ Fili replied. Then he pulled back from Frerin. ‘I’ll see you later, old man.’ Frerin smiled.

‘See you later, Grasshopper.’ He watched as Fili jogged back to Kili and Naomi, looked on as Kili held out one hand and Fili took it. Then he followed them with his eyes until they disappeared over the meadow and into the woodland, before going back inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Damn, I'm going to miss this lot.


End file.
